Picking at the Bone of "Skinny" Judgment

The problem is that everyone wants to feel good about themselves, and as we all come in various shapes and sizes there is no universal way of doing this.

Lots of people do resort to trying to pull others down to make themselves feel better, it's not just, but it happens in life. I have two mechanism of dealing with this. Firstly I don't deliberately expose myself to it - for instance I've recently had a facebook clear out, now all those people who post daily photos of very overweight women with those silly captions (you know the ones - only dogs go for bones/no one likes to snuggle a stick/real men like curves etc) aren't featuring on my news feed so I don't have to look at that drivel every day. My second way of dealing with it is just to rise above it. There have been times I've wanted to respond with an equally inappropriate comment about the person who's commented, but I refuse point blank to be pulled down to that level. I have occasionally responded with a "is that comment a veiled way of asking me to make an equally inappropriate comment about your weight? Because if it is I'm happy to oblige." I will say that has never failed to shut the other person up, although I don't like resorting to it.

You have to remember that when people offer unsolicited advice, or make inappropriate comments, it's more of a reflection of them and their own set of issues/insecurities than is it about you. Try not to take it personally, although I appreciated when it's constantly rammed down your neck it gets tiresome.

As for perceived attractiveness, well we are all drawn to different qualities and put emphasis on different attributes. It's what makes the world go round. No one person can decide whether someone is attractive or not, it's all a matter of taste and perspective.

I admit it--I sometimes find myself being judgmental of super skinny girls. Mostly, it's models who have probably been photoshopped until their legs look like little more than skin-over-bone. Sometimes, though, it's girls I see out in the world. I see a very thin girl with the "thigh gap" that so many seem to want to have, and I think that it just looks unnatural.

And I know that that's wrong. I have no idea what their lives are like. Maybe they're just naturally willowy, and they eat like crazy without gaining, and I'm sitting over here munching on sour grapes because I wish to god I still had that freedom. Maybe they DO have an eating disorder, in which case I'm judging them harshly for having a legitimate disease. (And coming from someone who has an invisible illness, that's just terrible.) Maybe they've worked incredibly hard to try to live up to a beauty standard that is force-fed to them literally every. single. day. In which case, it isn't them I should be judging, it's the society that actively works to make women feel terrible about themselves so that someone can make a fortune off of our insecurities.

I also fat-judge. I see overweight people in the store, or in a restaurant, and I can't help it. I think to myself, "Maybe you shouldn't eat at McDonald's so much," or "That person is so fat they can barely get onto that bus," and I immediately think of them as binge-eaters, as lazy, as not caring about their health. And that isn't fair, either. Because I have no idea what their lives are like. Maybe that person in McDs is on a healthy diet-and-exercise regime, and they allow themselves one McDonald's meal on cheat day--Which is totally legit. Maybe that person has a medical condition and has battled their weight their entire lives. Maybe that person used to be anorexic, and is overcompensating. Maybe their whole world came crashing down around them, and the only thing they could count on was food. (I call this "eating my feelings.")

It isn't right. But it's human. We all make these spot-judgments on people based on their appearance. It can be weight, hairstyle, clothing, ethnicity, body modifications, whatever. I don't think any of us mean any harm, it's mostly societal conditioning, and I think a significant portion of the population is fighting against it actively in their own lives.

But it's also natural that we put others down to feel better about ourselves. It isn't right, but sometimes we can't help it. It just happens before we can stop it. I think people mistake "being an *kitten*" for "being self-righteous about your own ideal" There is absolutely nothing wrong in thinking that whatever your natural body type is is best FOR YOU. It is wrong to project that image of idealism onto anyone else.

I apologize for my body-shaming. I apologize to you, a thin woman who struggles to be healthy. I apologize to the bigger people, who are struggling to be healthy. And I apologize to myself, because I am also struggling to be healthy, and body-shame myself constantly.

I am actively trying to stop making these judgments. I may never succeed. I feel guilty when I fail, and apologize when I hurt someone. But I am trying.

I agree with this post.

I would not consider myself "skinny" at all, however the casual remarks by friends and coworkers about being scrawny, skinny--"do you even eat?" really bug me. Even on MFP, the "skinny-fat" comments are rampant by a select group of people.

I work very hard to stay lean and fit. Yes, I do a bunch of cardio. Yes, I do resistance training because I'm at an age where muscle density is an issue. I don't lift heavy. I *might* be skinny fat according to some folks definition. I have ab definition, long lean legs, and not bad biceps. My muscle mass is not being consumed by my body every time I cycle for an hour.

But wow, to hear the shaming in these forums you would think I had some kind of disorder.