My 1st NSV: A bad day, into a good one

Hey Everyone,

So I haven't posted on here yet - I am pretty much a forum lurker. To give you a bit of background, I have been struggling with my weight my entire life. I signed up to MFP a few years ago, but alas, what I was doing at the time didn't work (a quick-fix diet, you could say) and it was just another one in a long laundry list of failed attempts at losing weight.

Over the past month I have been doing really great with my new plan to eat less, eat better, drink more water and move more. Inspired by so many people on here, I was waking up with determination and inner will power I have never had before when trying to change my life for the better. But yesterday was not one of those days...

I woke up, feeling good for the most part - but by mid afternoon I was depressed and could feel myself growing more sad, alone and consumed with thoughts about how hard the last month has been, and how I wasn't sure I was going to keep these changes up and make them into real life-style changes. I was having a really crappy, down day.

My mum was eating a pizza - I was eating a salad.
My sister calls me up to see if I want to go grab some McDonalds - I have to use all my power to say no.
I look at the scale and see a loss, but start questioning everything about what I was doing and if I could keep doing it.

It got the point where all I could do was cry - and I did for a solid hour. I was envious of my mother and sister for being able to eat whatever they wanted, frustrated with myself for not being stronger in the face of temptations and angry with myself for feeling weak. I could feel all the hard work and the foundations I had tried to develop in the past month beginning to shake and crumble. It would be SO easy to get up and go stuff my face with my favourite foods. SO easy to get up and throw it all in. I know some people advocate cheat days/cheat meals; but that isn't in my goals. In my mind I decided that I would go 90 days (to land exactly on my birthday) with all the healthy changes that I wanted (and NEEDED) to introduce into my life - and in that moment, in that hour - it was just all falling apart.

I could get up, drive to my local McDonalds and devour everything in sight - and come home feeling guilty and weak.
I could lay on my bed, and continue to cry - and keep feeling weak, sad and defeated.
But I did neither.

What I did do was:
1. Had a nice long hot shower and cried a bit more (showers always help me feel better when I feel like crap)
2. Came on my Fitnesspal to be inspired again and remind myself of what others have done - and what I know I can do.
3. So I wanted a treat? Something nice to eat? Then I picked something in my mind that I knew was healthy and that I loved and that I would make just for me - I bought an expensive (but healthy) bit of steak just for me, fitting it into my calories and knowing it would come with a guilt free feeling
4. Bought myself a new perfume for working so hard in the past month!

Last night I went to sleep with my belly happy and satisfied and guilt free. I went to sleep knowing that I had just experienced one of those challenging days when you try and change your life and everything seems overwhelming and impossible. I went to sleep knowing that I faced those emotions, feelings and temptations and I dealt with them in the best way I knew possible. Not the EASIEST way possible, but the way consistent with my goals and the new person I want to be. A person not driven by cravings or fleeting desires, but a person who is determined, disciplined and strong.

This post has turned into something much longer than I originally thought it would. But if you are out there and you are struggling today - that is okay. This... the whole -changing your life/style-... is one of the hardest things to do in life.

If today you slip - you can get up and keep going tomorrow.
If you feel yourself slipping - remind yourself that this isn't easy, but you CAN achieve whatever you set your mind too.
There will be ups and downs, lows and highs of doing this. Sometimes it is going to be *kitten* - and that's all part of it.