Disappointed with skinny "friends" who don't want their fat

JennaK
JennaK Posts: 43 Member
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
This year I've decided I'm really really finally going to do it! I've changed my eating habits and hired a personal trainer.

I've been apprehensive about telling my best friend. In every other aspect she is very supportive. Problems with work, people, wedding (I'm getting married in 5.5 months! :)). Although, she's thin and fit and works out and eats right, when I tell her I'm doing the same, she seems almost angry.

We were having a conversation, and I mentioned I was going to lose weight, and she said "how are you going to do that?" (which is an odd response, in and of itself) and when I told her I got a trainer she went dead silent... what the hell is up with that!? I know she has her own issues with her weight even though she's totally fit, but like shouldn't you still support your friends???

Does anyone else have to deal with the bull?? How do you do it!?

Thanks for letting me vent! :)

Replies

  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
    Mybe jealousy??? She is used to being the "fit" one and MAYBE doesn't want someone else to do the same and steal the spotlight??? Sounds wierd but may be the issue...
  • ReadyMom
    ReadyMom Posts: 59
    That sucks! Sounds like she wants to be the skinniest one or something. Don't let it bug you just focus on YOU!
  • Tonix3
    Tonix3 Posts: 11 Member
    Don't let her drag you down. She could have something going on that is making her take it out on you. If she's a true friend, she'll be totally supportive to you soon enough. Good luck with your journey and congrats on your upcoming wedding!
  • nehtaeh
    nehtaeh Posts: 2,849 Member
    I don't know but everyone has their own issues. She is a great friend to you in every other area, maybe this is her issue. Maybe you can ask her about it. If she's already got issues with her self body image, this could just add to that. She might need you to be more of a friend to her in this case. Just my thoughts. If she really is just not wanting you to be hotter than her by getting fit, then don't let her comments get to you.
  • carrieann8080
    carrieann8080 Posts: 48
    Sounds like she likes being the "hot" one. I know people like that and I hate that because it is so shallow! I almost found myself getting that way a few times when I was struggling and a freind at work was still losing I was internally so jealous....I got over myself though! I don't know why us women get so competitive!!
  • chocolatnoir
    chocolatnoir Posts: 182 Member
    That is strange. You'd think she'd be excited and encouraging. Maybe you should talk to her about it!
  • Phoenyxtears
    Phoenyxtears Posts: 173
    Maybe she's hurt that you hired a trainer and didn't come to her for advice or...you know...to be workout pals or something. Why not just asking her?

    I do agree that you need friends to help you though it and to keep you from falling off.

    Whatever happens, happens, but we're all here for you and will support you.
  • Elokyn
    Elokyn Posts: 448 Member
    I've encountered that a lot...and 90% of the time it's people smaller than me and they're always like...well you don't need to or...ya I've heard that before. I don't think people realize how hurtful they can be. People thing just because I've been this way for a certain amount of time that I'm comfortable with it now and that couldnt be further from the truth. It's not always jealousy (although a lot of the times it is) Sometimes they just never realized you were uncomfortable with yourself. Show her that your serious and they'll start to understand!! :) Keep on Keepin on!!
  • craek
    craek Posts: 201 Member
    Don't let it drag you down. It won't help your progress if you concentrate on someone who isn't willing to be supportive and help you through the process. I'm sure, in the process, you will gain even better friends who want nothing more then to see you succeed and share their successes with you!
  • lovetowrite73
    lovetowrite73 Posts: 1,244 Member
    Who's to say. I think you should just talk to her about it and see what's going on. If she is a great friend, you guys should be able to talk it out. :) Good luck!
  • Connie48
    Connie48 Posts: 190 Member
    Have you asked her why she acts/says the things she does toward you and your goals? I think I"d be up front and tell her how you feel. Maybe she's just worried that she will lose you as a friend? Just because she is "fit" doesn't mean she has a lot of confidence.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
    My mother is like this. She always tells me that she weighs less than I do but it's very, very obvious that she doesn't. I told her we were vegetarians now and she laughed. It does really get me down some times like she isn't proud of me or doesn't want me to succeed but then I remember I'm doing this for me.

    I also do a lot of whining to my very supportive husband. :)
  • emmerrs
    emmerrs Posts: 158 Member
    Sounds like she wants to be "better than you"
  • kristinlough
    kristinlough Posts: 828 Member
    I have a friend like that who doesn't eat right or work out, but instead stays thin with anorexia and ADD medication. She gets mad at me if I talk about eating carbs, because of course they're the work of the devil, etc.

    My suggestion is avoid that topic with her, do it on your own and with us, and hopefully she'll get used to you being just as thin and super super sexy. And if not, you're wonderful, and we all love you!
  • MillerLB83
    MillerLB83 Posts: 7
    Some people become threatened by the success of others, especially if the success might result in altering the roles that you play in each other's lives. Yes, a true friend should be supportive no matter what. Be careful letting her too close to your commitment to weght loss until she reaches a point where she can be supportive- you don't want her negativity (jealousy?) to undermine your goals.
  • Frozenmango
    Frozenmango Posts: 207 Member
    My 2 cents...It does seem like an odd reaction, but you'll never really know until you confront her about it. If she's a good friend that you want to keep, then just have a chat (privately) with her and ask her point blank if she has an issue with your weight loss goals. It could be that she has concerns (perhaps she's worried about your expectations - especially when you have a wedding on the horizon) or maybe it is less genuine than that...either way, you'll get the truth. Part of weight loss is cleansing, inside and out, and if the people you surround yourself with are 'poisonous' then they won't help in your efforts!

    Congrats on your wedding and be sure not to put too much pressure on yourself right now. I'm a wedding planner and I know how crazy things get, particularly in the last month before the wedding. Brides really struggle sometimes, so try and do your best not to overtax yourself! You wanna look and feel your best on that special day! All the best!
  • velix
    velix Posts: 437 Member
    while she may not be aware - or conscious of it - it might be (as stated above) that she is used to being the 'fit & thin' one. I don't think it's malicious - just insecurity creeping up perhaps. I will admit (and am a bit embarrassed about it) that I have a friend who I introduced to MFP and she has been doing amazing - the other day, I made a passing comment that her success was sparking competition in me to do better, and it came off the wrong way - I fully admit that in retrospect, it came from a place of insecurity and I was jealous that she was doing better than I was - so perhaps your friend is just feeling a bit off as well. I would come right out and talk to her about it - if you are best friends, it can only help to keep things in the open.

    Good Luck!
  • Elokyn
    Elokyn Posts: 448 Member
    Some people become threatened by the success of others, especially if the success might result in altering the roles that you play in each other's lives. Yes, a true friend should be supportive no matter what. Be careful letting her too close to your commitment to weght loss until she reaches a point where she can be supportive- you don't want her negativity (jealousy?) to undermine your goals.

    Just thought this deserved to be posted twice, good advice.
  • aveen_ly
    aveen_ly Posts: 4
    This happened to one of my friends and its because her friend was so insecure about herself that she needed to be around people bigger than her. My friend lost loads of weight and her friend didn't like her new confidence. She doesn't probably mean to to be horrible, insecurities can make the nicest people act in horrible ways. If you have a friendship worth keeping then just ignore what she says and carry on doing what you have to. Good luck with the weightloss! :)
  • geraldhenry
    geraldhenry Posts: 12
    Just focus on yourself. It's just a distraction.
  • lisarazz79
    lisarazz79 Posts: 13
    you could come at it as the better person and make it clear you are choosing to get healthy its not all about be skinny...some skinny ppl are very weak.bottom line everyone should be gearing toward being healthy. best of luck with everything....
  • JennaK
    JennaK Posts: 43 Member
    Thank you so much everyone for all your support!!

    I will definitely try talking to her about it again when I'm a little more stable in my routine and can handle whatever she says without getting derailed!! :)

    You guys are the best! <3
  • syedm3hdi
    syedm3hdi Posts: 10
    Well personally my friends are pretty much supportive, in a 'good on you way'. To be honest I dont really mention much about it to me friends. Its my individual goal and I simply know that I need to get on with it.

    As for the personal trainer. Excellent move. I have just started with my trainer, and damn it makes a difference. A Serious kick up the bum if I fall behind and makes sure I am up 6am for my daily exercise rituals.

    Anyways, keep it up and stay strong!
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