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Stuck in a never-ending rut...

betweenthebirds
betweenthebirds Posts: 27 Member
in Motivation and Support
So. I don't know what's going on with me and I don't know how to fix it. I keep going through the same cycle over and over and I can't seem to break it no matter what I do. I just give up after 2-3 weeks of trying to lose weight and basically say screw it for another 2-3 weeks and eat like crap and not care. My motivation for working out has been so minimal for a long time now and thinking about how it used to make me happy makes me depressed. I feel like I'm going into another one of my depression phases (I know it's bad to self-diagnose, but I've decided that I'm likely mildly bipolar... I've been considering this diagnosis for several years now). None of this is related to my TOM, it happens anytime during the month; not just right around that week. I know one thing that's really sucking bad for me is that I don't have a workout partner. Prior to moving to the city I live in now 1.5 years ago I was able to go to the gym with my husband and it was nice to have that motivation. Since moving here, his job hours are so that I literally don't see him (other than while he's sleeping) from Monday through Friday... and he won't go to the gym by himself so there's no point in getting a membership even to go on weekends. To top that off, I don't have any other "workout buddies" here where I live now. I'm not really the social type but I don't enjoy working out alone. I'm in a rut and I'm left not caring right now and I hate it but I don't care that I hate it, but that makes it worse, blahblahblah. I need help in one way or another. :(

Things bothering me:
- I had such a passion for running which seemed to disappear about 4 months ago, but I WANT to get back into it. It was SO relaxing... but where I live now it's hard to be happy running in a city - I much prefer country-side running and that requires a 10-30 minute drive depending on where I go.
- I can't control my cravings. I can't control myself when I start eating something good. I just can't. I don't know why. It's such a horrible feeling.
- My motivation in general for working out is so bad.
- Work is exhausting me, which certainly doesn't help my motivation to work out (1-2 days a week I work 12-13 hour shifts).

Baseline story: I got married 2.5 years ago now. Prior to the wedding I lost 30 lbs, after the wedding I lost another 30. Since then I've gained back about 15 of it (probably about 5 lbs of that is muscle gain from lifting, though). Since moving to a new city about 1.5 years ago I've been struggling really bad, and its at its worst right now. I battled some severe depression shortly after moving for about 2 months before starting to come out of it. Since then my depression has waxed and waned.

I've never had a problem controlling my depression in the past and I certainly don't want to take any meds for it... so I'm looking for any suggestions or helpful tips to get myself motivated to stay on track and get back to losing weight to get to my ideal just 15 lbs less than I am now. Also looking for tips on how to control cravings. I feel like I get on track and do so well and then literally as soon as I take ONE bite of a cookie or something even remotely delicious it all goes out the window and back to square one.

Replies

  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    oh hun :flowerforyou:

    You sound like you have a lot going on right now. Maybe you need to see someone to talk about your depression - you won't necessarily need to go on medication.

    In terms of a workout buddy etc. Is there a local running group that you could look into? A spin class or a yoga class? Perhaps you could look into those as a way to get yourself out there and make new friends/workout buddies?
  • betweenthebirds
    betweenthebirds Posts: 27 Member
    I actually looked into a program today for running... there's a free info session coming up that I'm hoping I can head to to get some more information. Funds are tight but once I finally get to see my husband at some point tomorrow (hah!) I'll be discussing it with him to see if we can swing it to help me out.

    As far as seeing a therapist or something similar, I've considered it. I have nothing against therapists - I actually had seen one a while back while I was in high school for some issues, including some mild depression... it's just a matter of getting the motivation to tell myself that I SHOULD see someone. Admitting I need to, I suppose.

    Thanks for the suggestion, I'm definitely going to keep my eyes and ears open for other programs, too.
  • lalamoose64
    lalamoose64 Posts: 23 Member
    I found a nutritionist that specializes in fitness. She helps me sort thru all kinds of issues. Look for one in your area. I have been on prozac many years and it has helped my moods, pms and binge eating. It basically works by keeping your serotonin levels up by blocking the breakdown of your naturally occurring antidepressant. Your body may be eating up all your happy neurotransmitter.
  • seanlosingit
    seanlosingit Posts: 8 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. I've lost like 40 pounds last year and find myself slowly putting the weight back on. I have been cycling a lot too through trying to be good and then giving up and then trying again. What is so great is that you posted a blog on it and you are trying. It may not seem like much, but it is definitely a step in the right direction. I decided that the only way to break out of my cycle is to cause a disruption, change the routine so much that it forces me to change. Perhaps you need a disruption as well, something way outside of your regular routine. That may be a therapist in addition to joining a workout class, etc. I usually find that motivation comes when I just get so fed up with the way things are that I am forced to change, I just can't stand it anymore the way things are. That's what is motivating me to change right now.

    You have your MFP friends and we're here for you. Relax, and when you are ready, you will take the steps to make that change.
  • andreae13
    andreae13 Posts: 239 Member
    I think everyone goes through ups and downs in this journey, at least I certainly have. The important part is that you have not quit trying. Don't ever give up reaching your goals. My biggest piece of advice and one that I have just started back doing is to take this one meal/choice/day at a time. You really only have control over what's happening right now. Make this moment the best. Don't stress about the week ahead just focus on what you need to do to make today successful. My second item is you need to start being ok with working out on your own. It's always more fun/motivating to work out with a partner but you need to be able to motivate yourself as well and not have to depend on an outside source. Otherwise it's too easy to use the excuse that you have to skip a workout because your partner is. You are making this change for you...no one else. You are the only one that can do the work and make this happen, no one can want it for your or make you do it. At the end of the day it all comes down to how bad you want this.

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