Binge eating when I am alone

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I have been using MFP for over a year and have lost about 25lbs. For the first ten months, it was actually easy to make the changes, stick to my caloric goal, and eat healthy, clean, balanced meals. I've been so happy with the changes that I even decided to study nutrition in school. Lately I've been having a problem with binge eating. I literally only eat a lot of food when I am alone (which I'm sure is not unusual). But it feels like I'm two different people. When I'm having a busy day or when I'm around people I eat VERY healthfully and make good choices, mostly I think because the people in my life expect me to after my weight loss. Over the past few months, I've been binge eating at least once or twice a week. It's always when I'm home alone where no once can see me. I'll snack for hours: spoonfuls of peanut butter, cereal, quesadillas, sandwiches, yogurt, any sweets, really anything in the house. Logically, I know that I shouldn't be consuming excess calories and I know the harmful effects of refined sugar and flour, but I feel like I can't help myself. I eat till I'm full and keep going. I don't know what to do about it, and I'm not even necessarily looking for an answer here, I just needed to get it out in the open.

Replies

  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
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    Wish I could offer something helpful but I'm afraid I do something similar at the moment.
    Best wishes.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    It sounds like you're being hard on yourself and eating foods because you think that's what people expect of you, not for yourself anymore. If you deprive yourself, it can lead to a binge. If you tell yourself you can't have something, you're only going to want it more! Just have what you want and stay in a calorie deficit. Stop worrying about what other people expect from you and just do you.
  • superblahok
    superblahok Posts: 7 Member
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    This is something I struggle with constantly. Sometimes I go through really healthy phases where I don't have any junk in the house so I get it out of my system, and other times I will go to the grocery store like I'm in a trance and walk out with all this junk, eat it all and then wake up from the trance and be like "What just happened?" I'm currently in a non-binge phase, but I'm always worried I'll get back there. I don't have any advice, unfortunately, but I definitely feel your pain.
  • dme1977
    dme1977 Posts: 537 Member
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    same here.. I think a lot of it FOR ME is that I was so restrictive with my calories ( not necessarily the foods) that I just wanna eat and eat and eat sometimes for NO REASON... just to taste..chew...crunch... savor...
    Lately mine has been sitting down with an whole can of honey roasted peanuts and end up eating like 1000 calories of them... (that's on top of my calories for the day ... ) then I want something sweet..so I head for the ice cream... then I feel like crap afterwards.
  • NonDebutante3dot0
    NonDebutante3dot0 Posts: 42 Member
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    After dealing with a binge eating disorder for many years, I feel you. I tend to binge when I don't eat enough calories (for example, low-calorie diets are a trigger, so I prefer to lose weight more slowly with a more modest reduction in calories ("Eat More 2 Weigh Less" has been a helpful group for me). But I've binged for lots of other reasons: boredom, stress, sexual frustration, self-soothing, and to keep painful, unconscious feelings at bay. I don't binge alone, per se. I did many years ago, but it made me feel very ashamed and weird about ever eating around other people unless the food was excruciatingly healthy LOL, which made eating a rather unnatural act. :- I
  • dhakee
    dhakee Posts: 1 Member
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    I have this same problem as well! For now, I'm trying to keep all "junk food" out of my apartment, so that when I do feel the urge to binge, I just end up eating like 12 apples. Still, it does not leave me feeling satisfied. With me, it is usually when I'm bored that I can't stop eating. I've heard it suggested that chewing gum, and trying to stay out of the house are helpful for this problem. Also, I feel that if you are making good choices 90% of the time, and occasionally have a bad eating day, it is not something to beat yourself up about too much. You''ve been doing great! Let me know if you find something that works!
  • Millahnasmom
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    I haven't ever been a binge eater. I'm just the person who eats small portions of horrible food multiple times a day. I would wake up and have 2 cooked for breakfast on any non particular day, or just have a slice of pizza for a snack. Now I am going to start eating food for what my body needs to run effectively instead of just grabbing whatever sounds good and will make my stomach stop growling. Lol. I have exercised every day for the past week and it hasn't done anything to my appetite yet. Maybe you can find a way to put your focus and attention on doing something physical instead of wasting time mindlessly eating? Maybe taking all of any meal type of good an portioning it, then freezing it so you can't grab more and more without re-cooking it. Then only having fresh fruits and vegetables as the only available "binge" food. I love popcorn and find it a good food for a snack when I'm not starving but just want something to tantalize my taste buds and chew on, per say.

    I also wanted to ask for some information/help from you, op! I am starting out at 162, 5'5, and 26 years old. I have accumulated the extra 25ish pounds over the last 6 years and had 2 pregnancies in that time. My goal is 140. I wanted to know what changes you have made in your life to go from a similar starting weight to where you are now. It feels like this weight loss is going to be very difficult because It's only 22 pounds. Not 100 or something where I know I'll see a huge difference. I look forward to chatting with you!
  • incantarix
    incantarix Posts: 35
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    OP, I feel your pain. I have always been a binge eater. It's hard to say why any of us does it, but for me, it satisfies something inside of me, that I don't think anyone or anything could ever satisfy in the same way. I think this stems from food having been used as a soother and emotional bandaid for my entire life, starting from my childhood. When something is ingrained that deeply in you, even if you make big changes, that "thing" never goes away.

    I feel it still, but for the last 45 days at least, I have been able to hold it off. I've come close to saying *kitten* it, and eating half a jar of peanut butter, a gallon of icecream, a whole cake, or a ton of fast food. I have felt myself on the very verge between keeping control over myself, wild abandonment. Control has won over, but it's the struggle of my life, every time, and I don't suspect it will get any easier.

    I also know what you mean about doing it in private, because that's what binge eaters do. They (we) are ashamed, and know what they (we) are doing is not right, but the need for the satisfaction overrides everything else, and you just tune out the voice of reason, and fill yourself. For the first few moments, it feels good. Really good. Almost orgasmic good. You forget everything you've learned, and everything positive thing you've done for yourself. Then, when all is left is crumbs, wrappers, and dirty dishes, the self loathing that creeps in is almost unbearable. Why would I do this? Why would I throw away all of my hard work for some stupid food? Because after the binge is over, you can't even remember what that felt like, that unbridled, savage need to EAT.

    People who don't experience this can easily tell you to just not do it. They can tell you to have more willpower, and to drink water or chew gum (I always find that funny, and I know they are trying to help, but gum can never take the place of 20 chicken mcnuggets with frech fries and a milkshake).

    I think, for me, talking to people who experience what I experience when that happens, has been most helpful. Knowing I am not alone, and not thinking of binge eating in terms of one big thing I have to fix, but several, individual instances in which I just have to get through, has helped me to overcome it. Week by week, day by day, hour by hour, if that's how it has to be.

    And just as an aside, if I only had fruits and vegetables in my house, as any binge eater knows, we will get into a car at 3 am in pajamas to go and get something to shove into our faces.

    Please let me know if there is anyway I can help you, even if its just to have someone to help talk you through an episode :)
  • AllyBooMommyof2
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    Im a terrible binge eater, to the point of being sick... in fact I am doing it right now :'( tomorrow is a new day. Best wishes girlie.
  • AllyBooMommyof2
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    Wow, I need you as a friend lol. That sums it up so well.
    OP, I feel your pain. I have always been a binge eater. It's hard to say why any of us does it, but for me, it satisfies something inside of me, that I don't think anyone or anything could ever satisfy in the same way. I think this stems from food having been used as a soother and emotional bandaid for my entire life, starting from my childhood. When something is ingrained that deeply in you, even if you make big changes, that "thing" never goes away.

    I feel it still, but for the last 45 days at least, I have been able to hold it off. I've come close to saying *kitten* it, and eating half a jar of peanut butter, a gallon of icecream, a whole cake, or a ton of fast food. I have felt myself on the very verge between keeping control over myself, wild abandonment. Control has won over, but it's the struggle of my life, every time, and I don't suspect it will get any easier.

    I also know what you mean about doing it in private, because that's what binge eaters do. They (we) are ashamed, and know what they (we) are doing is not right, but the need for the satisfaction overrides everything else, and you just tune out the voice of reason, and fill yourself. For the first few moments, it feels good. Really good. Almost orgasmic good. You forget everything you've learned, and everything positive thing you've done for yourself. Then, when all is left is crumbs, wrappers, and dirty dishes, the self loathing that creeps in is almost unbearable. Why would I do this? Why would I throw away all of my hard work for some stupid food? Because after the binge is over, you can't even remember what that felt like, that unbridled, savage need to EAT.

    People who don't experience this can easily tell you to just not do it. They can tell you to have more willpower, and to drink water or chew gum (I always find that funny, and I know they are trying to help, but gum can never take the place of 20 chicken mcnuggets with frech fries and a milkshake).

    I think, for me, talking to people who experience what I experience when that happens, has been most helpful. Knowing I am not alone, and not thinking of binge eating in terms of one big thing I have to fix, but several, individual instances in which I just have to get through, has helped me to overcome it. Week by week, day by day, hour by hour, if that's how it has to be.

    And just as an aside, if I only had fruits and vegetables in my house, as any binge eater knows, we will get into a car at 3 am in pajamas to go and get something to shove into our faces.

    Please let me know if there is anyway I can help you, even if its just to have someone to help talk you through an episode :)
  • dt3312
    dt3312 Posts: 212 Member
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    A book that has helped me immensely overcome binge eating is Breaking Free From Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth. Maybe you will find it helpful too. It is very practical and easy to apply, yet at the same time, the book helps me understand why I was binge eating.
  • lightfaststrongfierce
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    I have the same problem too, and I think it's because my body's making up for when I was borderline anorexic and terribly skinny. It's gotten a bit better lately, though. Although I 'binged' yesterday night, it was a conscious one, i.e. I knew what I was doing and food wasn't the one controlling me.

    I think that's one of the first steps to stop binging. Know that YOU are in control of food. I try to keep binge-triggering foods out of the house, but since my family has many such foods, I tell myself that (a) I don't want to do anything to sabotage my goal for a healthier body, and (b) I wouldn't do anything that I feel ashamed of and that I wouldn't do if someone saw me. Binging is normally done alone because it brings out feelings of shame and guilt; imagine how horrible it would be if your friends and family saw you binging. I try to think of that image, of my guilt and shame and their horror, and it stops the tendency to binge.
  • rollerkoester
    rollerkoester Posts: 3 Member
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    Hey everyone, thanks for your kind comments and words of encouragement. It's so easy to point to physical problems and say, "you have to do x y and z to fix it." Emotional and mental problems are so much more complex. Either way, I really do appreciate just knowing that there are others out there who have dealt with/are dealing with the same issues. Yesterday was bad, but today I'm not going to restrict my calories or find some other way to punish myself. I've got my meals for the day all planned out, I'm gonna log to keep myself accountable, and I'm about to go on a run to get those good endorphins going. I know bingeing is going to be an ongoing struggle, but I'm going to try to stay focused on the positives. Thanks again all!
  • nursejessb
    nursejessb Posts: 16
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    I don't have any advice, just empathy. I've gone through a phase this past month of binging on 7-layer red velvet cake (the grocery store sells them as "single servings" that are big enough for 3 servings) and wine. I know why I'm doing it (emotional eating because of personal life crap) and I know it's moving me away from my fitness goals (hello again 10 lbs I lost back in March and April).
  • Swiftlet66
    Swiftlet66 Posts: 729 Member
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    Emotional eating... Been there so many times myself. My mom is a binge eater too so it runs in my family. She gets depressed and then she'll eat. As for me, anxiety sets me off. I get anxious and I go into a trance mode and eat without thinking. This hasn't happened lately though, especially since I switched to a whole foods paleo diet and started exercising for fun (with no particular goals in mind). And even if I do crave something, I go straight for fresh mangoes and banana smoothies and it's enough for me now. But anyways, don't restrict too much... If you have a bad day, eat regularly the next day. Don't try to "make up" for the day before by restricting even more because that'll just continue the binge eating-restricting cycle. Hope you feel better...
  • sem41278
    sem41278 Posts: 89 Member
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    Geneen Roth's books are great. I am a closet binge eater too. I do it in private because I'm ashamed of how much I can really eat if I allow myself. I ate large amounts when I'm trying to soothe myself from stress or bad feelings in general. I have a great buddy that is only a text away and just expressing a want to binge helps. Good luck!