Weekend (or weeklong) trips with family potlucks

fruitinstead · May 2014

Hello!

I would love help with developing a strategy to maintain my weight while on vacation with my family.

Here are the problems: Everyone usually makes food (often casserole-type dishes) and often it is impossible to know what ingredients have gone into each dish unless you quiz the family member. So I have no idea on the calories or sugar amounts (and sugar tends to make me crave more food, thinking I am hungry when I am not). For instance, some people add sugar to salad dressings.

As I am one of the most slender people in my extended family, anything that brings attention to the fact that I watch my calories has in the past prompted comments about not needing to watch my weight, etc.. Even for food that is able to be counted, such as a simple fruit salad or meat without sauce, taking out a food scale or measuring cup would be seen as food-obsessed. Nevertheless, on this last weekend trip with some extended family members, I decided to pack my own breakfasts and lunches. Dinners I decided I could eat with everyone. This backfired. I was hungry seeing all their yummy food, even after eating my food, and they welcomed me to join in. Since I didn't know how many calories their food had, I ate not only my food, but extra food that they had as well. Plus I didn't know how many calories dinner had, so I really didn't know my calorie count. I haven't weighed in yet, but I am very sure I gained weight.

If I could get back on track for the next few weeks, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. But we are getting together with extended family (other family members) next weekend. I'm afraid I'm really going to get derailed, which will make exercise difficult, which will lead to a lot of weight gain. Considering doing massive aerobic exercise tomorrow (I do have time to do that - but it takes away time from my children and housework).

My family has very frequent parties and it almost always creates a need to diet afterward for days to weeks to get back to my maintenance weight. While I am dieting, I struggle with not being "hangry" with my immediate family - and I have children and a wonderful spouse, so it is really important to not get "hangry"! A part of me wants to give up due to how this affects others, but when I was heavier I struggled with even climbing stairs - so I don't want to go back there.

How do I handle these parties or week-long get-togethers? I try to bring healthy food - but I am not the only one cooking. There is the expectation that people will eat together what everyone else eats.

My food log isn't accurate right now, so I'm not even opening it. Any ideas? Would love help. Thank you!

aalbert_82 · May 2014

I can understand your concern about accurately tracking during these get togethers. I just returned from a two week visit with family (half the time with mine, half the time with my husband's). My family eats relatively light but live in the city, so I indulged in restaurant food I can't get where I live (remote Northern Canada). My in-laws live in the country, so no eating out, but their food is french cooking style, a lot of sauces etc. I decided before I left home that I would eat whatever I wanted/ what was served but do my best to track as accurate as I could. I was shocked when I returned home and had lost 3 lbs (after a few days eating normally to get rid of water weight since at home I eat mostly unprocessed foods).

I think the keys to my success were that I attempted to determine what was in the food and log as accurately as I could, knowing that I would not be 100% accurate but trying my best. I also asked a family member to walk with me for an hour each day, and did not eat back these calories.

If I was in your position I would:

1. Inquire about what was in the food as if I was interested in the recipe, not because I was trying to lose weight. This is likely to get an enthusiastic and detailed response about the exact ingredients. Then you could find a recipe online that matches this as close as possible and log it. You'll probably end up under and overestimating at times.

2. Bring a filling yet low calorie dish yourself. Fill up on this mostly, then take a little of each other dish you would like. This will minimize the damage a little at least.

3. See if you can convince a family member to be active with you each day ie. walk and talk. If you can;t get an adult to do this you can always run around with/play a game or sport with the kids.

4. Realize that your tracking is not going to be perfect. Do your very best, then let the pressure to be perfect go.

5. Recognize you might have put on some water weight from the change in diet, so don't be immediately discouraged when you see a higher number when weighing yourself at home. Drink lots of water, eat how you normally would for a few days and see how much you truly gained/lost.

While some might say who cares what your family thinks, who cares if they see you use your scale etc, I don't think one can discount the extra stress this puts on a person who just wants to enjoy a visit with their family. I guess you have to pick your battles while still prioritizing your own health and goals. If you can find a way to maintain, or even lose like I did, is it worth the unwanted attention that weighing and measuring would bring? Only you can answer that for yourself. Best of luck to you on your next visit with your family!

PJPrimrose · May 2014

I may adopt some of these ideas! I have moved to the South. In an effort to see me eat, my amazing Southern friends have mastered the art of gluten free(celiac) potluck and homemade pies (God love them!). I couldn't figure out a way out of overeating without being rude to these fine people. These suggestions are just what I needed! Thank you!

fruitinstead · May 2014

aalbert_82 - thank you so much for your response and for the time you took to help me! I am grateful. I will try your ideas! Perhaps I can go biking with the kids this coming weekend, since it will be difficult to do my normal exercise. I'm supposed to bring a breakfast and a dinner - so I will know what is in those meals. But I could bring some low-calorie and filling food to supplement the other meals and snacks. It was encouraging to hear that you did a two-week trip with family and actually lost weight! That tells me this isn't hopeless when I don't know calories precisely. Thank you so much. And I appreciate your understanding that I want my family to feel comfortable.

PJPrimrose - best wishes to you, too! We're all in this together! I'm so thankful for a community of people who are striving toward health!

belanna5 · May 2014

My food log isn't accurate right now, so I'm not even opening it. Any ideas? Would love help. Thank you!

Hi, if your food log isn't accurate now, why are you stressed by two weeks during which you'll be not accurate with your logging?
If it's working for you, keep doing what you are doing now. When I have to spend a lot of time with my family and I know I'm going to eat more than usually, I try to be more active, long walks, swimming, even volunteer for cleaning duties...

ritan7471 · May 2014

I was just posting about a similar problem I have. Thanks very much for all the suggestions here as well. My problem is that my husband's mother and grandmother live right next door to each other and I try to spend time with both as they don't hang out together much. So my eating gets out of control there:

1.Breakfast with granny, right when my eyes open, so I can't sneak off and eat anywhere else
2.Go to MIL for a shower. tea and biscuits/bread and cheese, yogurt, whatever she can get me to eat.
3. lunch with MIL and FIL.
4. lunch 2 with granny who is waiting for me to finish off that Rieska, butter and cheese.
and so on. I swear I eat 8 times a day. Would be ok, but they don't understand why I don't want to eat so much!

salvyhead · May 2014

Hi - you pose a very good question that we all have had to wrestle.

This! <Do your very best, then let the pressure to be perfect go. > Great advice.

Here's my strategy, FWIW but it's for a single-day event:

First, don't worry too much. Most of these trips/parties/holidays are not pop-quiz surprises so you can prepare ahead of time. By that I mean bank some calories for the few days before the event and then you don't have to worry about going over. It's much less troublesome to maintain if you focus on your weekly net and not get hung up over an occasional day that goes over.

Second, as you do this longer, experience is the best teacher. I never know -exactly- what a particular picnic food is worth in calories but I guesstimate it and don't feel any guilt, remorse or anxiety.

God knows how many calories I consumed yesterday. I didn't even try to count them. Hot dogs, corn, cake! CAKE! Can't remember the last time I ate cake.

I could have pulled my hair out over each menu item but I refuse to do that. I just plugged in breakfast so I got credit for the day and then did 2500 quick-added calories and left it at that. I am days away from a full year of maintenance so I know without a doubt that yesterday's picnic isn't going to upset the apple cart.

The bottom line, one day of eating like you used to isn't going to blow the maintenance as long as you stay under your net for that week.

The problem of course is for folks who are prone to binging or falling off the wagon completely. This approach may not be the best in that case. However I am fortunate there - I can eat whatever the heck I want one day and go back to the maintenance regimen the next.

For a weeklong - I follow a modified version of this. Can't go nuts every day of course but I do relax quite a bit. Carbs will kill you in this situation so limit them as best you can. Focus on protein - skip the pasta salad and have another burger, that kind of thing. Have an egg for breakfast instead of a danish. Etc. Pack whatever snacks you need to stay on track based on your taste and cravings. Drink a lot of water to counteract the extra sodium. And if the weather's good, take a good long walk each day to decrease your net through exercise.

Good luck and keep us posted.

-Sal

nxd10 · May 2014

Sounds like my family.

I make the healthiest choice I can. There are usually some things that are more healthy than others.
Choose the casseroles with the fewest ingredients. They probably also have the fewest calories.
Lot as best you can. Things like chili and mac and cheese can best estimated on MFP. It won't be accurate, but it will be close.
There's always chicken or burgers or hot dogs. Skip the bread.
Contribute something to the family pot luck that YOU can eat. Others will eat it too. A vegetable platter with dip. Fruit salad. Hummus.
Ask for cold cuts and sandwiches. Sliced turkey or roast beef on a tortilla have like 150 calories and makes a great lunch.
Watch portion sizes. You can eat anything in small quantities.
Bring fruit and eat it.

Walk a lot and enjoy being together.

P.S. You may be surprised by the fact that if you don't say anything people will ask you what you're doing because at least some of them want to lose weight too. They may even follow your advice.

fruitinstead · May 2014

Thank you nxd10, Sal, and ritan7471! This all helps. That post, ritan7471, made me wryly smile in sympathy! I totally understand about the bread products and the family that likes you to eat! One family member used to make a tray of brownies every time I visited just because she knew I liked them so much. And yes, I would eat more than one - they are probably my favorite dessert. I get "in trouble" when I tell myself it is okay to have "just a little bit". A little bit tends to turn into a lot. Not always, though. I've had some successes in the past. At single meal events when I have "warned" the family ahead of time that I won't be eating much (so that I don't feel badly about not complimenting their cooking by having seconds, etc.) I have been able to have tiny pieces and not gain weight. But weekend or week-long events don't seem to work that way. Probably because for those single meal events I prepared all day ahead of time by having high quality protein, fiber, and vegetables.

I do count my blessings in that I am not gluten-free (my oldest daughter has a severe reaction). I bring food for my daughter to any family get-together.

Oh belanna5 - I do normally log my intake pretty accurately. I just didn't over the weekend even try. That may have been my problem. So I went from maintenance to 8.2 lbs over (but I know - and hope! - some of that is water weight)

I agree that protein is one of the keys. On Sunday I did request that I could make a protein shake (I had brought the protein powder), not only for me but for my children as breakfast was a (very yummy) white doughy bread with carmelized sugar and nuts on top. Why did I eat it? Well I almost didn't - I ate the protein first and was full - but then there was a tiny piece left and I knew from previous experience that the bread was very tasty. I figured I never eat like this at home, so it probably wouldn't hurt. And I started telling myself that the raised cortisol from feeling deprived of what other people were eating would maybe be worse for me than actually eating the sweet. Wow - it really does start in the mind, doesn't it?! So... if that was my only indulgence, I would probably have only gained water weight. I do tend to binge if I'm not calorie counting.

Ok - so my strategy for next weekend will be to log everything even if the estimate is off. And since I am over my maintenance weight now I can overestimate calories while keeping my intake under maintenance levels. Hitting maintenance calories right on is for me harder when you don't know the calories than just aiming to go under. I will also bring plenty of low-calorie protein snacks so I am not too hungry - but I do expect to be slightly hungry since my body somehow tells me I'm famished when I smell delicious "off-limits" treats. I won't try to worry about cortisol levels and stress of deprivation - as my cortisol levels from increased stress of weight gain are probably worse. I will skip the bread and pasta salad, if it is a separate item and not the main dish. I will bring sugar-free (xylitol sweetened) gum to keep my mouth busy. Thank you. I already have a reputation for being a "healthy eater" so maybe they won't be offended.... I won't even start to eat those sweets for which I don't know calories - not even a tiny bit. Healthy food really does taste good if that is all you eat! I know this from experience! This past weekend when I had my first apple crisp in what seems like forever, initially the sweet taste was too much. But I felt badly about not eating it since it was on my plate, so I kept eating.

In the meantime, increased aerobic exercise, water, and lower calories than maintenance to hopefully start to recover. I've seen the effects of not being careful about food intake both in myself and others, and it should be enough to stop me! But it isn't always.

Thank you everyone! If anyone has anything to add, I will be continuing to check this post. And I will report back after the weekend. This will help keep me accountable.

aalbert_82 · May 2014

@fruitinstead - You can do it! Thanks for writing your post. It got me thinking and I realized that in the past my error was thinking "I can't be perfectly accurate at a potluck so why bother trying. I'll just take a break from tracking for this event". I never considered that if I tracked as best I could I might maintain or even lose, so I just didn't bother. I think that led to more calories consumed, because tracking along the way gives you feedback and does effect your choices when eating away from home. Your plan sounds great

wnglng · May 2014

great posts all! I live in Hawaii and am part-Hawaiian and we have similar family values (think Southern comfort) regarding food and get-togethers. It seems as if every weekend, I'm doing the calorie battle too. All very helpful tips! Thank you.

frannieshack · May 2014

I can understand your concern about accurately tracking during these get togethers. I just returned from a two week visit with family (half the time with mine, half the time with my husband's). My family eats relatively light but live in the city, so I indulged in restaurant food I can't get where I live (remote Northern Canada). My in-laws live in the country, so no eating out, but their food is french cooking style, a lot of sauces etc. I decided before I left home that I would eat whatever I wanted/ what was served but do my best to track as accurate as I could. I was shocked when I returned home and had lost 3 lbs (after a few days eating normally to get rid of water weight since at home I eat mostly unprocessed foods).

I think the keys to my success were that I attempted to determine what was in the food and log as accurately as I could, knowing that I would not be 100% accurate but trying my best. I also asked a family member to walk with me for an hour each day, and did not eat back these calories.

If I was in your position I would:

1. Inquire about what was in the food as if I was interested in the recipe, not because I was trying to lose weight. This is likely to get an enthusiastic and detailed response about the exact ingredients. Then you could find a recipe online that matches this as close as possible and log it. You'll probably end up under and overestimating at times.

2. Bring a filling yet low calorie dish yourself. Fill up on this mostly, then take a little of each other dish you would like. This will minimize the damage a little at least.

3. See if you can convince a family member to be active with you each day ie. walk and talk. If you can;t get an adult to do this you can always run around with/play a game or sport with the kids.

4. Realize that your tracking is not going to be perfect. Do your very best, then let the pressure to be perfect go.

5. Recognize you might have put on some water weight from the change in diet, so don't be immediately discouraged when you see a higher number when weighing yourself at home. Drink lots of water, eat how you normally would for a few days and see how much you truly gained/lost.

While some might say who cares what your family thinks, who cares if they see you use your scale etc, I don't think one can discount the extra stress this puts on a person who just wants to enjoy a visit with their family. I guess you have to pick your battles while still prioritizing your own health and goals. If you can find a way to maintain, or even lose like I did, is it worth the unwanted attention that weighing and measuring would bring? Only you can answer that for yourself. Best of luck to you on your next visit with your family!

2. Do not depend on others for your primary food source.

fruitinstead · May 2014

Thank you aalbert_82, wnging, and frannieshack! I really appreciate your encouragement and tips!

My mom called today and one of the nights apparently we are going out for pizza. I think I will need to bring my own food for that dinner. Pizza is too tempting to have just a little bit. She also was asking me about the brownies she is thinking of making and asking me what would taste best (my family likes my cooking and I started baking really young). I decided to tell her that I don't plan to eat any sweets - just so she wouldn't make the brownies for me. She is still going to make them for other people. She said they also plan to go out for ice cream. She asked me to make gluten-free cookies but I asked if she wouldn't mind if I just bought some, since when I make cookies I am more likely to eat them. They are making cinnamon chip French toast. Hmm - frannieshack you are right, I may need to bring my own simple food for several meals! My plan is to focus on the people, not on the food I am not eating. And drink water and chew gum! Hopefully then I can navigate all these temptations!

Thank you all for cheering me on! Wishing you all well, too, at your family get-togethers!

nxd10 · May 2014

Almost all pizza joints serve salad. Enjoy some! And one piece won't hurt you.

As others have said - just log.

chrisdavey · May 2014

Just a question, does your family do anything while having these feasts? It sounds like it is ALL about the food and not about the actual get together. (unlike your mindset)

It's not for everyone, but skipping meals to bank big cals by dinner time is a winner for me when these things arise. Just don't tell anyone or they'll think you have an ED. :laugh:

Cycle4Life99 · May 2014

This isn't as difficult as it might seem. The key is portion control! There are usually three parts to a meal: drinks, appetizer, dessert. Pick 2 out of 3. If drinks and dessert are more important, don't fill up on appetizers. Something that works for me: I usually bring my own plate that is divided into three parts: protein, vegetables, and starch. Remember your protein should be about three to four ounces (about the size of a deck of cards or an iPhone 4S). You can buy this plate at a WalMart or Target and it's hard plastic and reusable. Then, you don't make a trip back to the food line for seconds. Limit yourself to 2-3 8 oz drinks and make the desert fit in either the starch or vegetable section on your plate. If you stick to this and eat slowly and really enjoy it, you'll be surprised at just how well this works.

I'm going on a cruise in July with the significant other and I fully plan on bringing my 3 section plate for breakfast and lunch which is usually done buffet style. For breakfast, some protein, fruit, maybe yogurt. It's amazing what you can do with this 3 sectioned plate: it's old school tech that works beautifully today. The only place I won't use it is at dinner so I'm not embarrassing my lovely lady.

ajff · May 2014

My parents live 4 miles from my inlaws. When we make the trip, it is a food-a-thon. Here's some of my tricks:

1. I know who makes the best. I save the calories for what is "worth it" (dad's grilling) versus what is plentiful and not worth the calories.

2. I play the game: breakfast at the in-laws? "I have to save room for lunch at mom and dad's". Then at lunch, "I ate a big breakfast at the in-law's". THAT game works like a charm!

3. Do whatever I can to drink no calories. Water or unsweetened tea. Ok, and my dad's homemade wine (see rule #1).

4. I am (and have always been) compulsive about NOT letting my food touch. No way to pile it on my plate if there must be a gap between the foods!

5. Go out with the kids and play. Go out and walk around the gardens.

6. Yes, I'm the one who brings carrots and hummus. Even if the inlaws think I've become a yuppy. Or a hippy. Or a food snob.

lafilledelarue · May 2014

Bring your own food. Pack it in a cooler. That's what I do.

Joseph236 · May 2014

Hey same is the situation with me
Last year i went for long vacations with my family and we over there we eat a loads of junk food. Gradually i begin to gain more weight and suddenly i begin to realize that i have drastically gain weight!From that day i could'nt balance my weight i am really tense and i dont know what to do

salvyhead · May 2014

Hey same is the situation with me
Last year i went for long vacations with my family and we over there we eat a loads of junk food. Gradually i begin to gain more weight and suddenly i begin to realize that i have drastically gain weight!From that day i could'nt balance my weight i am really tense and i dont know what to do

Well - the anxiety will only make things worse so try to relax. Take it one day at a time. Focus on things you can do right now - try not to obsess over the big picture. Increase your protein and decrease your carbs and you'll start to get a handle on things. Carbs are your biggest enemy - too many calories in too small a space. Go with lean meats, eggs, fruits and veggies for a while and see the difference.

I have maintained for a year and until I tipped the protein balance just recently, it was a constant struggle because I was hungry a lot and didn't feel all that well, especially after exercise. Then I looked at all my meals and snacks and targeted carbs. Reduced carb intake and increase protein - cut back on all carbs, throughout the day. I still have bread, pizza, pretzels, etc. but just very sparingly. (Most of my carbs come from beer which is my preferred source.)

No more hunger, joint pain gone, energy level up, no weight gain. In fact I've even lost a few lbs. Your mileage may vary of course but for me protein has been the key to the universe.

shrcpr · May 2014

Bring your own food. Pack it in a cooler. That's what I do.

Yep. I'm back in weight loss mode because I lost focus for a while but have spent most my adult life in maintenance. After 25+ years my in-laws have just accepted that I'm the weirdo that brings a cooler with her everywhere she goes.

Weekend (or weeklong) trips with family potlucks

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