Pregnant-who really asks another person

Giddyduck
Giddyduck Posts: 212 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, I am here and plugging along. Been struggling a bit lately. I was in a wedding and had lots of cheats with preparation, etc. Today is my back on the wagon day.

Overall, my weight is okay. I have been up and down the same 3 pounds.

While at work this morning, I got asked if I was pregnant and the answer is absolutely not! I will say that I wear scrubs and it may be time for new ones (baggy) but seriously-pregnant. I had to fight tears then and I am fighting eating now.

I am trying to move on from it and take it as motivation to work harder although easier said than done.

Replies

  • Hippiemomof4
    Hippiemomof4 Posts: 10 Member
    If it helps I got asked three times in one week a couple of weeks ago..and I am with you...I never ask another person..even if it is painfully obvious until they mention that they are expecting..because on the odd chance that I am wrong..well lets just say I know how that feels and it isnt good. But I will say this..nothing got me to the gym faster than that assumption ! Just keep swimming!
  • sherambler
    sherambler Posts: 303 Member
    Ugh...I hate this. Mostly because I'm the one who ends up feeling guilty because I either have to correct the person which always embarrasses them or create a quick lie and then receive lots of false congratulations and praise (I only do this in places where I know I'll never run into this person again). I wear all my weight right in my mid-section so I understand why people assume that I'm pregnant, but who actually has the gall to ask? I was so mad at one lady, I just snapped and said, "Why would you ever ask another person something like that? It's a 50/50 shot that the person is either pregnant or fat. I'm a complete stranger so what difference is it to you?" She replied with, "oh, my daughter's pregnant and she gets so mad that people don't ask her about it. So I make it a point to ask everyone I see." That was when I realized this lady and her needy daughter were just two ridiculous people and I walked away.

    BTW, my therapist is pregnant and I waited four months for her to say anything because I wasn't going to assume.
  • Giddyduck
    Giddyduck Posts: 212 Member
    It is unusual for me since I feel like I carry my weight in my hind end. I am more hour glass versus apple shape. My waist is surprisingly small and yes, I felt horrible for having to correct the person.

    I cannot understand why I should feel bad for correcting someone but I did/do. I am thinking perhaps I need to get new clothes but I am not to goal and don't want to yet.
  • Awesomers
    Awesomers Posts: 144 Member
    On the flip side, when you're pregnant and super obese (I hit 297 near the end of my 2nd pregnancy), NO ONE comments on your pregnancy. I actually got a "oh, you're pregnant?!" comment. Ugh, people. lol
  • sheepysaccount
    sheepysaccount Posts: 608 Member
    I got asked once. Did I care? NO! Because THEY want to share a happy moment. And a pregnant woman would probably be happy to say yes. It's not the end of the world. Seriously. With some of the clothes I wear I can easily still pass as pregnant, but if someone asks again, I will smile and say now. If they are embarrassed, that's on them. Who the **** cares!
  • MaggieLoo79
    MaggieLoo79 Posts: 288 Member
    Oh my gosh! I so empathize. On mother's day, my husband took me to breakfast. I was wearing my spanx and the server still asked me if I was expecting. I was so embarrassed that I just told her yes. Then, on Saturday, a group of my friends went out to meet up with a couple who had moved away but was back visiting. I thought I looked so cute in a empire waist shirt. Then someone took a photo. One of my friend's husbands told me that I looked pregnant in the picture. He said it was the shirt, but...

    I'm trying so hard not to let it bother me, but it really does. I know I've put most of my weight on my stomach and my doctor says that's an indicator of stress. Still, I cancelled a beach trip with the girls. There is just no way I'm going to put a bathing suit on anytime soon. People can be so insensitive. :cry:
  • Tigre_Lily
    Tigre_Lily Posts: 26 Member
    I have been asked plenty of times at first it didn't bother me, but now it's got me moving. I bought a fitbit, started eating better, and got the motivation to get my butt out bed and walking in the morning.
    Hopefully I can get rid of my "prego" belly!
  • 1HappyRedhead
    1HappyRedhead Posts: 413 Member
    It's RUDE. I never say anything to anyone even if it's pretty obvious they're pregnant. IF they are, trust me, they will share it with you. And if they're not, well, you've just made a fool of yourself and made them feel horrible. People need to learn to keep their mouth shut for so many different reasons.
    "Common sense" and "common courtesy".... NOT common!! :explode:
  • aliwhalen
    aliwhalen Posts: 150 Member
    I was asked NINE times before I got pregnant with my first if I was pregnant, or when I was due. The worst part was that I was really thin, but I've always had diastasis and carried my weight in my belly. I would get so devastated when people would ask me. I always would spend a day coming up with a comeback, then time would pass, I'd forget and AGAIN would get taken aback when someone would ask me again. Once I had a woman ARGUE with me and insisted I was pregnant. I was nearly in tears in front of her shrieking that I was NOT pregnant!

    Then I did get pregnant, I was asked daily if I was due 'any day now' or having twins. I wasn't. Then I got pregnant with twins, but lost one early on. Still, the questions persisted - "Are you pregnant with twins?' I was so heartbroken. Sometimes I'd just say no, but other times I would tell them I was pregnant with twins but miscarried one.

    People have no idea how hurtful their words can be, even if it seems like an innocent question.
  • RaquellJefferson
    RaquellJefferson Posts: 5 Member
    I have had this twice at church. Each time I was wearing my nursery shirt (it is a big t shirt it is not flattering).

    I read some of the comments that asked why is it a big deal? The main reason this is taboo in my option has nothing to do with weight. You never know what someone is going through. What if I had been trying to get pregnant for years with no success?? What if I was pregnant and had a miscarriage and my tummy was just a tad pudgy still? What if I cant get pregnant at all?

    Just don't ask. You will find out 1. When they tell you or 2. When they start carrying around a car seat. Lets be honest, this is not something anyone can keep secret so you will be told/find out in due time.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    If I know you, I'll let you know (without asking) if I'm with child.

    If I don't know you, NUN-YO.
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
    My sister-in-law posted a picture of her with her 3mo/old. Someone congratulated her on her second pregnancy. I wanted to punch the person. Women have a bump for a while after delivery and it makes me angry that for an event like birth that happens all the freaking time, people still know so little about it.

    Also....empire waist needs to die. I have a thick strip of black fabric that I wrap around my empire waist dresses like a sort of belt to make the waist extend further down. It reduces the maternity look.
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
    I get asked all the time. I've started replying "Nope, just fat. Thanks!". It makes people feel awkward (and they should).
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
    I get asked if I'm pregnant every time I say, "I've been feeling sick this week" or "I'm craving some _______." But I'm asked by family who know very well I'm not pregnant, but they wish I was. My highest weight was 165, so no one's ever thought I was pregnant because of my weight, but I would never EVER ask a stranger if she was pregnant. I don't really care for babies, so even if a woman was quite obviously pregnant, you'll never catch me going, "awww, when are you due?" because I honestly don't care.
    I get asked all the time. I've started replying "Nope, just fat. Thanks!". It makes people feel awkward (and they should).

    Love it. :)
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    As one of my male co-workers says, "You don't ask unless you see the baby crowning." I think that's a good rule to live by.

    I got asked if I was pregnant about 2 months ago, and I was devastated for about 5 seconds before the guy explained himself. He said he noticed I was eating one of those big sour pickles in my cubicle, and wondered if I was having pregnancy cravings. It was a GIANT failed attempt at being funny, and I let him know that in no way shape or form, is it okay to ask a woman if she's pregnant.

    I have a sense of humor, but I am easily annoyed by people with no manners.
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
    As one of my male co-workers says, "You don't ask unless you see the baby crowning." I think that's a good rule to live by.
    I wouldn't bother a woman who is actively pushing a baby out! :laugh:
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I have had this twice at church. Each time I was wearing my nursery shirt (it is a big t shirt it is not flattering).

    I read some of the comments that asked why is it a big deal? The main reason this is taboo in my option has nothing to do with weight. You never know what someone is going through. What if I had been trying to get pregnant for years with no success?? What if I was pregnant and had a miscarriage and my tummy was just a tad pudgy still? What if I cant get pregnant at all?

    Just don't ask. You will find out 1. When they tell you or 2. When they start carrying around a car seat. Lets be honest, this is not something anyone can keep secret so you will be told/find out in due time.

    Exactly. This is also why I never ask someone when they're planning to have kids. Someone asked me when we're going to start having babies almost immediately after I got married. I told them I was infertile and thanks for reminding me of my insufficiency as a woman. It wasn't true, and I told them the truth almost as soon as I said it, but it sure taught them a lesson.
  • spirit095
    spirit095 Posts: 1,017 Member
    I've never been asked that before, but it could be that I look really young for my age. I would NEVER ask anybody that question. The only way that I should know is if they tell me. There are just some things you don't say to people.
  • spikrgrl503
    spikrgrl503 Posts: 247 Member
    Exactly. This is also why I never ask someone when they're planning to have kids. Someone asked me when we're going to start having babies almost immediately after I got married. I told them I was infertile and thanks for reminding me of my insufficiency as a woman. It wasn't true, and I told them the truth almost as soon as I said it, but it sure taught them a lesson.

    My husband's family gets on me for this ALL OF THE TIME. I'm 27, been married for four years, and am 1 year away from my Ph.D. They've been asking since the day we got married. They all married very young (18-20) and had kids immediately, so according to them my eggs are old and shriveled. Mentally I rotate between, "I can't have children" and "I know, it's so weird, we try like 4 times a day but just can't conceive. Better go try again! *leaves". It stops them for all of 27 seconds before they start up again. Family functions are fun.
  • l_ashley
    l_ashley Posts: 154 Member
    When I was in college, a nosy church lady asked my dad when my baby was due.

    My. F***ing. Dad.

    He was terrified that I was pregnant for a few weeks. I had to keep telling him that I was just fat.
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    I was asked NINE times before I got pregnant with my first if I was pregnant, or when I was due. The worst part was that I was really thin, but I've always had diastasis and carried my weight in my belly. I would get so devastated when people would ask me. I always would spend a day coming up with a comeback, then time would pass, I'd forget and AGAIN would get taken aback when someone would ask me again. Once I had a woman ARGUE with me and insisted I was pregnant. I was nearly in tears in front of her shrieking that I was NOT pregnant!

    Then I did get pregnant, I was asked daily if I was due 'any day now' or having twins. I wasn't. Then I got pregnant with twins, but lost one early on. Still, the questions persisted - "Are you pregnant with twins?' I was so heartbroken. Sometimes I'd just say no, but other times I would tell them I was pregnant with twins but miscarried one.

    People have no idea how hurtful their words can be, even if it seems like an innocent question.

    :( People can be so ignorant and cruel. I'm sorry you went through that!

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