Kinda Trying To Convince Myself It's Worth It
arabianhorselover
Posts: 1,488 Member
So I'm almost to the goal I originally set. It's been a lot of work and a lot of not eating all the stuff I want to eat. I've thought it was worth it, and I guess I still do. Yesterday I was trying on clothes at a store, and I got depressed. Yes I can wear smaller clothes now - and I look a lot better than I did - in clothes. However, I don't like the way I look without the clothes.
I assume a lot of you are experiencing this. When I look at my arms now, they look skinny- except for the flab on the backsides. I have lost many inches from my waist and hips, but my stomach is still fat and flabby. even though there has to be strong muscles underneath. I don't seem to have lost much of anything off the size of my legs, but where the fat is gone, there is empty space. We won't even talk about my chest, since it basically doesn't exist anymore except for these little empty bags.!
I have been working out all along. I know they say you can't put on muscle while losing weight - I can only hope I've maintained at least some of what I had. Hopefully I can put on some muscle to fill up some of this empty space,but it will never be enough.
I suppose my expectation were a little high, since I'm 53 and was overweight for 16 years. I was really hoping to be able to wear a pair of shorts this Summer, though, and not look awful in them. And forget about wearing sleeveless tops at the gym like I see other people do. I also have excess skin on my neck from losing there.
Can anyone relate? If I bend over, and look down my body, it is an awful sight to behold.
I assume a lot of you are experiencing this. When I look at my arms now, they look skinny- except for the flab on the backsides. I have lost many inches from my waist and hips, but my stomach is still fat and flabby. even though there has to be strong muscles underneath. I don't seem to have lost much of anything off the size of my legs, but where the fat is gone, there is empty space. We won't even talk about my chest, since it basically doesn't exist anymore except for these little empty bags.!
I have been working out all along. I know they say you can't put on muscle while losing weight - I can only hope I've maintained at least some of what I had. Hopefully I can put on some muscle to fill up some of this empty space,but it will never be enough.
I suppose my expectation were a little high, since I'm 53 and was overweight for 16 years. I was really hoping to be able to wear a pair of shorts this Summer, though, and not look awful in them. And forget about wearing sleeveless tops at the gym like I see other people do. I also have excess skin on my neck from losing there.
Can anyone relate? If I bend over, and look down my body, it is an awful sight to behold.
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Replies
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What kind of activities do you do? The number on the scale is just a number. It doesn't tell you your body's fat percentage, measurements do. I would recommend (if you don't already) lifting or lifting more and making sure you are eating a lot of protein. I have seen people show pictures of themselves when they lost a lot of weight where they just look "thinner" then they show a picture of their progress when they start lifting. They may gain weight on the scale, but look smaller and more "firm" because muscle is more dense than fat. The other side is genetics when it comes to loose skin and some people may have more than others. Either way, learning to love your body is important at any size.0
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I felt the same way when I got to my goal weight, yuck. I think I was doing too much cardio. So I've gained some weight back and am lifting weights more. I think that we can change our shape with weights. Don't give up!!!0
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Same thing here. And I've been doing strength training the whole time... I don't think it makes a difference when you were overweight or obese for 10 years like I was (and I have awful skin too, it never heals properly, so no real surprise there).
But I do look great in clothes, so there's that... for that alone it was worth it (and the fact that I can do much more without getting tired).0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
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I have been doing Stronglifts 5x5 basically the whole time I've been losing. I also walk most every day, and do extra work on my biceps, triceps and stomach.0
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So I'm almost to the goal I originally set. It's been a lot of work and a lot of not eating all the stuff I want to eat. I've thought it was worth it, and I guess I still do. Yesterday I was trying on clothes at a store, and I got depressed. Yes I can wear smaller clothes now - and I look a lot better than I did - in clothes. However, I don't like the way I look without the clothes.
I assume a lot of you are experiencing this. When I look at my arms now, they look skinny- except for the flab on the backsides. I have lost many inches from my waist and hips, but my stomach is still fat and flabby. even though there has to be strong muscles underneath. I don't seem to have lost much of anything off the size of my legs, but where the fat is gone, there is empty space. We won't even talk about my chest, since it basically doesn't exist anymore except for these little empty bags.!
I have been working out all along. I know they say you can't put on muscle while losing weight - I can only hope I've maintained at least some of what I had. Hopefully I can put on some muscle to fill up some of this empty space,but it will never be enough.
I suppose my expectation were a little high, since I'm 53 and was overweight for 16 years. I was really hoping to be able to wear a pair of shorts this Summer, though, and not look awful in them. And forget about wearing sleeveless tops at the gym like I see other people do. I also have excess skin on my neck from losing there.
Can anyone relate? If I bend over, and look down my body, it is an awful sight to behold.
You might want to work on positive affirmations. You seem to be an extremely intelligent women, I've read many of your comments.
1.) My husband scolded me straight away when I started to criticize myself. He said, I was being too critical on myself of every section of my body. He couldn't believe all the issues I was complaining about. He said loved me fat or skinny but mostly because now I was healthier.
2.) I try to remember what my mother told me when I said I to her as she stood there dressing, " I don't want children, it would ruin my body." She had many stretch marks and saggy skin. She loving told me, it is more important to love and have children so that you won't be alone, than the scars of having children. (I wonder how I hurt her by saying these things? and the courage she had to speak kindly to me.)
3.) I had my babies and I have saggy skin. My legs are still flabby and crape(y) I don't want to spend all my money for a nip and tuck. These are the scars that bare my motherhood and I'm proud of it. I'm now a healthier me, and hopefully free from fixing my health as I get older. I want my children to have children and be there for them.
4.) Yes, a little self pity is necessary and healthy but find the opposite words to train your mind to be happier. Some people can get lost in self pity and become very unhappy.
I hope not to be hurtful to you, because you are beautiful person and worked too hard to get here. I encourage you to find it in yourself to find a new thought process.0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
Brandolin, excellent way to look at things. I have had these same exact conversations with myself. I will never look like I did at 25, and that's ok. When I sit I have a pouch below my naval. It is NOT attractive but, I look at it as my "battle scar" from having my awesome kids. The pouch was there before I lost weight, but at least it is smaller now. OP, think of all of the good things the weight loss has provided in your life. For me, I have more energy, exercise isn't as horrible, I feel in control of my life, I am happier overall, I am off blood pressure meds, my husband cannot keep his hands off of me...(this is not always an advantage...lol) Seriously, be proud of how far you have come!0 -
Well, I just read over my post again, and it is a bit negative. I do tend to be VERY hard on myself. I have come a long way, but I still do it.
I do not intend to stop what I've been doing - I just couldn't stand to do that now. I am working with my doctor on trying to get off some medication, but don't know if I'll be able to. I was a lot more unhappy with the way I was living before, even if all this does take more time and effort.
Thank you all for your positive comments. I really appreciate it.
Lisa0 -
Well, I just read over my post again, and it is a bit negative. I do tend to be VERY hard on myself. I have come a long way, but I still do it.
I do not intend to stop what I've been doing - I just couldn't stand to do that now. I am working with my doctor on trying to get off some medication, but don't know if I'll be able to. I was a lot more unhappy with the way I was living before, even if all this does take more time and effort.
Thank you all for your positive comments. I really appreciate it.
Lisa
Being on this site is a such a good thing. I find myself in many of the same thoughts that many of the group have shared. Some comments, not so much. People with common interests I seem to be more attracted to. I'm not ready to post 1/2 naked pics of myself and my personality probably will never be that confident.:blushing: But I do love this site to just vent it out a bit when I am having a bad day. Who really knows who I am. So when I show up in your feed with some of the same issues. You can remind me of the same stuff I reminded you!
Keep going Lisa! 0 -
I really love this site, too. It has helped me so much. It has made counting calories - something I thought I would/could never do, easy. And, yes. It provides a lot of much-needed support.0
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^^This^^What kind of activities do you do? The number on the scale is just a number. It doesn't tell you your body's fat percentage, measurements do. I would recommend (if you don't already) lifting or lifting more and making sure you are eating a lot of protein. I have seen people show pictures of themselves when they lost a lot of weight where they just look "thinner" then they show a picture of their progress when they start lifting. They may gain weight on the scale, but look smaller and more "firm" because muscle is more dense than fat. The other side is genetics when it comes to loose skin and some people may have more than others. Either way, learning to love your body is important at any size.0 -
I do take measurements. I also try to eat a lot of protein. I certainly eat more of it than I ever did before.0
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I just want to say congratulations on your weight loss. I feel that is the hardest to accomplish, especially as we get older. That fat we all have took years to get there, and i would assume it will take a while for it to do what it is going to do before our bodies settle they way they are going to settle. I am a bit worried about saggy skin, but I think now anyway, that handling this saggy skin with a smaller body will be much easier than carrying all this fat around. I don't know what to suggest to firm it up, as I am brand new to this dieting/getting in shape thing myself, but wanted to wish you the best of luck and again tell you you are doing a great job and congrats on the ton of weight you lost.0
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I felt the same way when I got to my goal weight, yuck. I think I was doing too much cardio. So I've gained some weight back and am lifting weights more. I think that we can change our shape with weights. Don't give up!!!
Yup.
Lift heavy, and develop the muscle....
So when the fat is gone, you got something nice underneath0 -
First off, congrats for being close to goal.
Next, remember this: I've heard the body keeps shrunken fat cells around for a while--probably it made sense in ancient times when if you lost weight, it was because food was running low!--and it takes time for your body to believe it won't need them again. That's what causes some of the jiggle, despite being lighter and stronger than you were.
A few weeks ago I went through what you were...I was near my first goal weight and knew I was stronger and healthier, but parts of me (thighs and butt, my biggest areas) were squishier than before. Depressing.I reset my goal weight lower because I wasn't where I wanted to be.
Then suddenly in the last few days, I seem to have hit a magic number and the jiggle is down to an acceptable level. Not gone and it may never be, but the cottage cheese in my thighs is going away! And it can happen to you too.
Hang in there and keep doing everything you've been doing right. It may take losing a few more pounds and upping the exercise a bit, and we may never look like fitness models. (We're in our 50s. We're busy. And no one's paying us to work that hard at working out!) But we will get to a place we like what we see in the mirror. And meanwhile, pat yourself on the back for all the great things you've done for your health.0 -
I just want to say congratulations on your weight loss. I feel that is the hardest to accomplish, especially as we get older. That fat we all have took years to get there, and i would assume it will take a while for it to do what it is going to do before our bodies settle they way they are going to settle. I am a bit worried about saggy skin, but I think now anyway, that handling this saggy skin with a smaller body will be much easier than carrying all this fat around. I don't know what to suggest to firm it up, as I am brand new to this dieting/getting in shape thing myself, but wanted to wish you the best of luck and again tell you you are doing a great job and congrats on the ton of weight you lost.
Thank you very much. It is easier to move around now.0 -
First off, congrats for being close to goal.
Next, remember this: I've heard the body keeps shrunken fat cells around for a while--probably it made sense in ancient times when if you lost weight, it was because food was running low!--and it takes time for your body to believe it won't need them again. That's what causes some of the jiggle, despite being lighter and stronger than you were.
A few weeks ago I went through what you were...I was near my first goal weight and knew I was stronger and healthier, but parts of me (thighs and butt, my biggest areas) were squishier than before. Depressing.I reset my goal weight lower because I wasn't where I wanted to be.
Then suddenly in the last few days, I seem to have hit a magic number and the jiggle is down to an acceptable level. Not gone and it may never be, but the cottage cheese in my thighs is going away! And it can happen to you too.
Hang in there and keep doing everything you've been doing right. It may take losing a few more pounds and upping the exercise a bit, and we may never look like fitness models. (We're in our 50s. We're busy. And no one's paying us to work that hard at working out!) But we will get to a place we like what we see in the mirror. And meanwhile, pat yourself on the back for all the great things you've done for your health.
Well, I hope that happens to me. I will probably be lowering my goal a little, since I do still have some fat; especially on my stomach.0 -
one day, a group of friends or co-workers are going to ask you to join them on a hike, or a cycling trip, or rock climbing or something. a few years ago they wouldn't even have asked, and if they had you would've said no. but this time they asked and you said yes. you'll worry if you'll be able to keep up, but you go any way. you'll reach the top of the mountain, or the end of the trail, or whatever, and you'll look around to the group you're with. you're not huffing and puffing with the worst of them. in fact, you've enjoyed yourself and have a great smile on your face.
then you'll know that it was worth it.0 -
one day, a group of friends or co-workers are going to ask you to join them on a hike, or a cycling trip, or rock climbing or something. a few years ago they wouldn't even have asked, and if they had you would've said no. but this time they asked and you said yes. you'll worry if you'll be able to keep up, but you go any way. you'll reach the top of the mountain, or the end of the trail, or whatever, and you'll look around to the group you're with. you're not huffing and puffing with the worst of them. in fact, you've enjoyed yourself and have a great smile on your face.
then you'll know that it was worth it.
This has been my experience.0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
I have been through this more than once as I lost over 100 lbs before, and am now re-losing it. What is in the above quote is also the conclusion I came to! Find out what clothes make you look your best, and remember that YOU don't like/dislike people based on how they look naked, so why do you think everyone else is doing it? You have accomplished something wonderful and you are so much better off for it. Concentrate on that!!!! 0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
^^^Great post!!!!
I'm 55 years old, have been working out since I've been 19 and have maintained a healthy weight for years. I still have jiggly legs and bat wings and let's not even get started on bathing suits. But you know what. I love my legs!!! They have carried me through countless workouts and many miles. I love my arms - I can do 'boy' pushups!!! And my abs!!!...rock hard under that layer of flab. I'll never look good naked (newsflash there's a lot of us who don't, I'm sure we out number the supermodels of the world).....but I am reaping the benefits of my efforts in good health and high energy!!!! I'll take that over a moment of looking good in a bathing suit. Because in the end, we ALL age, things sag and get wrinkly. It's just a fact of life. Embrace the imperfections and carrying on!!!!0 -
I'd like to add from a training point of view - LIFT WEIGHTS, STRENGTH TRAIN, EAT PROTEIN!0
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i lost 183 pounds and look great in clothes, but naked, i look like a *kitten*. everything hangs. my inner thighs and my stomach look like venetian blinds. when i run and don't have my headphones on, i can hear my arm skin applaud me along. depending on how much you've lost, there only so much snap back in your skin. and no amount of working out is going to tighten it up.
the thing is, the people who know me and know my accomplishment don't see that stuff (and if they do, they are respectful) and the ones who don't know me, don't matter.
i feel 100 times better in my nutsack body than i ever did in my filled out one!0 -
Good for you for going for a healthy weight in your 50's. I finally decided to get my act together at 77 and I'm doomed to have a lot of droopyness. It has started already and I've only lost 12 pounds so far in 45 days. My joints are already happier though.0
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one day, a group of friends or co-workers are going to ask you to join them on a hike, or a cycling trip, or rock climbing or something. a few years ago they wouldn't even have asked, and if they had you would've said no. but this time they asked and you said yes. you'll worry if you'll be able to keep up, but you go any way. you'll reach the top of the mountain, or the end of the trail, or whatever, and you'll look around to the group you're with. you're not huffing and puffing with the worst of them. in fact, you've enjoyed yourself and have a great smile on your face.
then you'll know that it was worth it.
Yes, that is true. My husband talked me into climbing a mountain in New Hampshire summer before last. I said NEVER again! I hope it would be easier now.0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
I have been through this more than once as I lost over 100 lbs before, and am now re-losing it. What is in the above quote is also the conclusion I came to! Find out what clothes make you look your best, and remember that YOU don't like/dislike people based on how they look naked, so why do you think everyone else is doing it? You have accomplished something wonderful and you are so much better off for it. Concentrate on that!!!!
This is true - Thank You!0 -
I can very much relate to this!
When I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2012 I experienced the same "disappointment" in my body...I could tell I was slim, but my "shape" was weird, disproportionate in places, too much skin here, flab on the back of the arms above the elbow there. There were many things working against me: the general low opinion I'd had of myself and my body for years, the reality that just because I lost lots of weight and ran 5k's didn't mean my body would just snap into a nice shape (esp bcuz I'm over 40), the anger that I'd worked so hard and "this was all I had to show for it", etc. etc.
I had to do several things to overcome this and not be swallowed up by despair:
1.) I had learn to love myself AS I AM and push away the voice that says, "look how gross you are". I refused to listen to that voice, period. I DID grieve my body, I went ahead and let myself feel the disappointment. BUT, I simultaneously praised myself constantly for the incredible task I'd just accomplished of losing 68 lbs and I told myself I look good compared to how I did when I was over 200 lbs, etc. I practiced lots and lots of positive affirmation for a job well done;
2.) I had to accept the reality that I had made poor choices for 10 long years which had slowly and systematically destroyed my body (and mind), that there would be permanent consequences for that (such as the "lovely" little triangle of loose skin above my navel which will not disappear w/out surgery), and that those consequences could be turned into reminders to never, ever abuse myself with food again. There was something very freeing about accepting my responsibility for my poor choices and actions.;
3.) I had to dedicate myself to continuing with my new healthy lifestyle whether or not it eliminated my arm wings, instead of despairing and falling back into eating and overeating because I was angry and disappointed. I had to learn to do the right thing for myself DESPITE the perceived hurdles and/or disappointments. Just because I was disappointed did NOT “earn” me a free pass to start abusing myself again.;
4.) I had to accept that my life is not an "either/or" scenario - i.e., "either I lose weight and look perfect, or, I eat whatever I want and just be fat" - it's a "yes/and/but" situation - i.e., "yes, I lost weight AND I'm not going to have a perfect body BUT I am healthy and happy and living a good life because I no longer binge and hide in the house with food and hate myself for it.
Basically, I had to learn to LIVE, be HAPPY, be CONTENT, and be LOVING toward myself EVEN IF I WASN'T PERFECT. It was a slow process of acceptance. It took a lot of purpose and proactivity. But it happened, eventually. And it will for you, too.
^^^Great post!!!!
I'm 55 years old, have been working out since I've been 19 and have maintained a healthy weight for years. I still have jiggly legs and bat wings and let's not even get started on bathing suits. But you know what. I love my legs!!! They have carried me through countless workouts and many miles. I love my arms - I can do 'boy' pushups!!! And my abs!!!...rock hard under that layer of flab. I'll never look good naked (newsflash there's a lot of us who don't, I'm sure we out number the supermodels of the world).....but I am reaping the benefits of my efforts in good health and high energy!!!! I'll take that over a moment of looking good in a bathing suit. Because in the end, we ALL age, things sag and get wrinkly. It's just a fact of life. Embrace the imperfections and carrying on!!!!
Everything you said is true. Part of my upset is because when I was young, and slim, I didn't wear that bikini because I thought I didn't look good enough. I should have so much more love for my body than I do, since it is still surprisingly healthy despite my poor diet and lack of exercise for so many years. It also gave me my three wonderful sons.0 -
i lost 183 pounds and look great in clothes, but naked, i look like a *kitten*. everything hangs. my inner thighs and my stomach look like venetian blinds. when i run and don't have my headphones on, i can hear my arm skin applaud me along. depending on how much you've lost, there only so much snap back in your skin. and no amount of working out is going to tighten it up.
the thing is, the people who know me and know my accomplishment don't see that stuff (and if they do, they are respectful) and the ones who don't know me, don't matter.
i feel 100 times better in my nutsack body than i ever did in my filled out one!
Thank you for this! It absolutely made my day!0 -
I'm 59 and I completely get what you're saying. I don't really know if the advice commonly given to lift heavy weights to improve body composition necessarily applies to older women or if it will help with loose skin. Maybe it does so it may be worth a try if you can do it. I wonder if there are personal trainers that have specific experience with what works for us. Another suggestion: maybe go to a day spa and get a massage and a skin treatment. Keeping your skin as soft and supple as you can would have to help a little, at least it will make you feel like a million bucks.
I'm seeing some of the same changes in my body as you have described. But I've changed in many other ways as well over the years. Like from the lyrics to that song (that I can't remember the name of) that always makes me cry, " when the years have done irreparable harm." My hair has gone gray, I have some wrinkles, I've acquired scars both physical and emotional from the life I've lived. But they are badges of honor and they all come with stories that describe how I became who I am. Same thing with the evidence of having lost weight. First, it shows that you have accomplished a feat that many others haven't. Second, it shows that you value yourself enough to take steps to improve your health and that you know that you are fabulous and YOU ARE WORTH IT!0 -
Thank you for this! It absolutely made my day!
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