How to be supprtive?

My lovely fiance has made acommitment to weight loss. He joined a family weight loss competition, and the pourse will be over $80. I really think he can win.

I asked him what he wants me to do, and he said he wants me to be encouraging.

Which is simple.

Except I really don't know how. I was raised by critical people, and I am pretty critical myself. I have a really hard time praising others, especially when there is more to be done.

I, myself, have lost over 100#, and know how much encouragement means, and he was really there for me. He deserves for me to get out of my comfort zone to encourage him.

But I don't know how! How do I encourage him without being critical OR patronizing? What should I do?

Opinions on men would be most helpul, since it's a man who needs encouraging,

Thanks!

You might be critical to those you care about, but hey, you're nice about it I really think you'll be supportive in your own way =]

Preaching to the choir!!! My family wasn't as supportive of efforts growing up either. They'd say, "I'm proud of you" in a way as if to say, "I would expect no less....." - as if "That's what I expect you to do."

Ugh. It never seemed very genuine to me. People (PARTICULARLY MEN) don't only want to know if they did great, but how they did great.....was there anything in particular that you noticed that was great? They really are like peacocks wanting to show off the plumage.

This is going to seem like a rabbit trail but hear me out...when my oldest daughter was little, for some reason she'd think we (my husband and I) were upset with her for some reason when we weren't. Don't know why or what gave her that idea, but that's how she thought. SO - every night at bedtime, I'd think of three things that were positive I could say about her. I'd tell her, "you know, I really appreciated it when you got me that box of tissues. That was a really big help! I really had to blow my nose, and couldn't have done it without your help!!" and "I really liked it when you helped me clean up the living room. It would have taken me a really long time without your help. You were awesome!!" It really did help ease her mind. She's pretty sensitive.

I've found that my husband is sort of the same way - I need to find things he does that are awesome. The more stuff I acknowledge, the more stuff he finds to do. It's hysterical.

Right now, he's just started up P90X on Saturday, and he's logged on MFP the last few days too. SO, I tell him he's awesome for logging his stuff, and will just ask how his day went. Since we're both on the wagon, then it's become a bit easier to have conversations. THey'll become easier for you guys too. Like the P90X stuff....I don't know how he does it - that would seriously kick my @ss. I tell him that. When you start noticing the definition, you promote that. Be genuine about it of course - don't just be blowing smoke.

When you guys are talking about stuff ask him if he has any tricks of the trade that he's found helpful - maybe it's something you want to do too.

You can each have your own paths and still be respectful of each other's efforts. We don't push each other to exercise at the same times. If it works out that we're at the gym at the same time, then great, if not, then that's okay too.

For what it's worth....

Men are simple. Treat him like a dog.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I know there was more to this post, but that part was so funny lol

Never leave out the O, that is the best part. :bigsmile:

Men are simple. Treat him like a dog. Give praise when he's successful, and when he doubts himself or falls off the wagon, tell him you believe in him, remind him of past successes.

Since you're a critical person, try hard not to be food & workout cop! lol...that will probably piss him off.
"Honey, you're on a diet, you don't need that brownie <pick up brownie off his plate and eat it> <

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don't do that! :-)

goodluck

Its funny. The OP asks for a mans perspective and its the only valid response so far. Nice job!! :drinker:

I would ask him to elaborate. He's asked you to be supportive, but that's so subjective. What's support to one person is meddling to another. Ask him exactly what "supportive" looks and feels like to him. Maybe he needs verbal encouragement. Maybe he needs you to help him plan and prep meals. Maybe he just needs someone to cheer him on from the sidelines. You don't really know what he wants until he tells you, though.

Never leave out the O, that is the best part. :bigsmile:

I was so hoping someone would point this out



\m/

First let me say congratulations on your weight loss and to your fiancé for making the commitment to lose weight. Think about how your fiancé supported you during your journey? What did he do to make you feel good about your accomplishments? Why not try doing those things for him? Even working out with him...that'll give you both something else to do together and help him reach toward his goal. No matter what I wish him the best! It's not easy but it's doable!

For me, the most encouraging thing would be somebody who can sort of fill in the energy void on days when I'm too tired or too cranky to get excited about eating healthy or doing something active. Just someone who I can count on to say, "Hey, let's go for a walk!" or "Hey, let's try out a new recipe tonight!" when I've curled up in a chair and died for the day. Nothing pushy, no arguing about it if I won't even do that, but just a consistent little voice of encouragement when my willpower has died for the day. No cheerleaders, no drill sergeants, no guilt trips..... just a little camaraderie would do it for me.

My lovely fiance has made acommitment to weight loss. He joined a family weight loss competition, and the pourse will be over $80. I really think he can win.

I asked him what he wants me to do, and he said he wants me to be encouraging.

Which is simple.

Except I really don't know how. I was raised by critical people, and I am pretty critical myself. I have a really hard time praising others, especially when there is more to be done.

I, myself, have lost over 100#, and know how much encouragement means, and he was really there for me. He deserves for me to get out of my comfort zone to encourage him.

But I don't know how! How do I encourage him without being critical OR patronizing? What should I do?

Opinions on men would be most helpul, since it's a man who needs encouraging,

Thanks!

Then cut the "more to be done" into increments.

Praise at the time that increment is achieved and it won't matter that there is "more to be done".

For instance if his goal is to walk/workout 5 times a week, rather than wait to see "if" he achieves the full 5 days (b/c there's a chance he won't ) ,,,praise him at the time of each workout.

Change YOUR mind about what his success is in a way that allows you to praise him more. Since you know that you are the one that was raised in a critical environment you need to change how you see things and what you measure as success.

So if you just hi five him or say "good workout" at each time instead of holding it for the big 5th day you might still get to encourage him along the way, maybe up to 3 or 4 times. This way when a non workout day happens his ego will be high enough it won't be such a blow, there isn't so much riding on that 5th day (that would have to be achieved under pressure, when tired, and etc).

"You're looking really great." I think that works for everyone.