Had a high calorie lunch. (Trigger warning for ED)

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uglyclub
uglyclub Posts: 83 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm recovering from an eating disorder and I am trying to maintain my weight after gaining. I'm feeling so anxious right now, I think it would help if I typed it out here. (20 y/o female, 116-117 pounds, 163cm / 5"4? Around BMI 20).

I had 150 calories for breakfast today, so I planned on challenging myself and eating more for lunch to compensate for the lack of calories in breakfast. I went to a Japanese restaurant and ordered the breaded chicken curry with rice. It looked like a normal amount of food. Not too little/too much. But apparently my meal was around 1000-1200 calories according to Google. And I feel like crying. I could have eaten more of something else and it wouldn't have been that many calories.

Now I'm at about 1400 calories give or take (I had some snacks too) and it's not yet dinner time. I usually like having light breakfasts/lunches and heavy dinners because that's when I crave food the most but now I don't know what to do... I have to have a fruit and a hot chocolate along with my dinner, as it's part of my meal plan and that would be about 200 calories. So I'd be at 1600 calories minus dinner. I'm shaking, I don't know what to do about dinner. I don't know how many calories I am allowed to have. My meal plan isn't focused on calories anymore. But I just had to count... damn it.

I know, I know this probably sounds silly. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I'm panicking so much.

Replies

  • agrafina
    agrafina Posts: 128 Member
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    Breathe. To start with, just breathe. Don't be sorry, don't worry about being silly. Just breathe. You can get through this.

    As for dinner--eat your dinner. Stick to your plan. Don't worry about the calories. Lunch is done. You ate an appropriate amount of food, it may not have been the lightest, but this is a learning process. That is what you have to focus on. One high calorie meal won't doom you. Just remember that. Focusing on calories isn't what you need right now. It won't get you to where you want to be, which is recovered from your ED. You can do this. Just get through today.
  • uglyclub
    uglyclub Posts: 83 Member
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    Breathe. To start with, just breathe. Don't be sorry, don't worry about being silly. Just breathe. You can get through this.

    As for dinner--eat your dinner. Stick to your plan. Don't worry about the calories. Lunch is done. You ate an appropriate amount of food, it may not have been the lightest, but this is a learning process. That is what you have to focus on. One high calorie meal won't doom you. Just remember that. Focusing on calories isn't what you need right now. It won't get you to where you want to be, which is recovered from your ED. You can do this. Just get through today.

    Thank you so much for this. I am trying to stay calm. I really don't want to restrict my intake in any way because it's probably going to trigger me. should ignore what just happened and eat my dinner. I I'll probably go up to 2000+ calories today. Is that considered unhealthy though? What about tomorrow? Should I eat less than usual?

    I wish I knew how much I am allowed to eat. My meal plan is so... general. Because it's not focused on calories, I always freak out when I don't eat exactly what my dietitian recommended.

    Again, thank you for being so understanding.
  • Alice_in_VVonderland
    Alice_in_VVonderland Posts: 67 Member
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    I would say don't eat less than usual tomorrow, just go back to normal and use today as a lesson learned. Never look at today as a negative; simply look at today as a chance to do better tomorrow.

    It sounds like your diet is so unfocused on calories because focusing on them too much may have a negative impact. Just focus on eating healthy, nutrient-rich foods in moderate amounts.
  • Heidiwarwick
    Heidiwarwick Posts: 25 Member
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    Hi.
    I've no wise words but understand EXACTLY how you're feeling.
  • LucasEVille
    LucasEVille Posts: 567 Member
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    I'm recovering from an eating disorder

    Are you seeking professional help to recover from this?
    Advice from the internet is shady at best, even when people feel like they are saying the right things to help you.
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
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    Success is determined by what we do most of the time, not occasionally.

    In other words, one 'cheat' day is meaningless in the big picture. Take a breath, relax and remember that food is not an enemy.
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
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    Just move on. Eat dinner as planned, log it, and forget about it. You're not going to gain any weight - you'll probably be right at maintenance after dinner. Even if it's a little higher, you'd need to eat 3500 extra calories in order to gain one pound. Don't eat less tomorrow to make up for it. Just move on and relax.
  • runnergirl0419
    runnergirl0419 Posts: 17 Member
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    I am prone to these "guilty" feelings as well! If you overeat though, you need to remember it did not take you one healthy meal or one day to lose the weight. Gaining and losing weight is a long gradual process. One bad meal will not be substantial in a week! Just remember to be consistent for the most part.
  • uglyclub
    uglyclub Posts: 83 Member
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    I'm recovering from an eating disorder

    Are you seeking professional help to recover from this?
    Advice from the internet is shady at best, even when people feel like they are saying the right things to help you.

    I'm seeing a dietitian and a psychologist. Both don't specialize in eating disorders, unfortunately. I live in a country where they don't offer treatment for eating disorders. I've regained most of my weight through binging caused by extreme hunger and now I no longer experience extreme hunger, so I'm trying to eat according to my hunger cues. But I have no idea how a person my age/weight should be eating. That's why I rely a lot on the internet. Though I know information on the internet are heavily influenced by diet culture. So... man I'm lost.

    I've tried copying what my friends eat, but they're all naturally tiny people, and I was overweight prior to my eating disorder.
  • uglyclub
    uglyclub Posts: 83 Member
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    guys... I'm... recovering from an eating disorder. I'm not trying to lose weight.
  • nomena
    nomena Posts: 165
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    I'll probably go up to 2000+ calories today. Is that considered unhealthy though? What about tomorrow? Should I eat less than usual?

    That's perfectly healthy, don't worry about it. Tomorrow you follow your plan like normal and that's that.
    I know it's easier said than done, but stay calm and carry on.

    *hugs*
  • LucasEVille
    LucasEVille Posts: 567 Member
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    I'm recovering from an eating disorder

    Are you seeking professional help to recover from this?
    Advice from the internet is shady at best, even when people feel like they are saying the right things to help you.

    I'm seeing a dietitian and a psychologist. Both don't specialize in eating disorders, unfortunately. I live in a country where they don't offer treatment for eating disorders. I've regained most of my weight through binging caused by extreme hunger and now I no longer experience extreme hunger, so I'm trying to eat according to my hunger cues. But I have no idea how a person my age/weight should be eating. That's why I rely a lot on the internet. Though I know information on the internet are heavily influenced by diet culture. So... man I'm lost.

    I've tried copying what my friends eat, but they're all naturally tiny people, and I was overweight prior to my eating disorder.

    Do you mind me asking what country you live in?

    There are many paths to assistance, not always through a set procedure from a medical point... I work within mental health and there are a great number of groups and charities who can help you when healthcare provision can't.
  • IanYuy
    IanYuy Posts: 3 Member
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    If your plan has nothing to do with calories and they obviously have an impact on you like this, then I think you really should stop looking at the calories of food you eat, period. Just follow what you're supposed to eat and don't worry what the calories are. That's how you got at this point in the first place, because you considered your breakfast's calories, thought you overdid it with lunch, and now worry about dinner. If you want healthy eating habits instead of losing weight, you should focus on just eating good food when hungry.

    But in the end, one day doesn't mean anything. Eat like normal today, eat like normal tomorrow. Just do yourself a favor and try to just focus on your plan and not the parts that don't matter.
  • JoeyFrappuccino
    JoeyFrappuccino Posts: 88 Member
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    Having an occasional higher-calorie day is not unhealthy at all. Nobody eats at or below maintenance every day of their lives. A little bit of lenience is a part of any healthy diet and realizing that you've eaten more than you thought at a restaurant happens to everyone. It sounds like you enjoyed the meal at the time which is what I would think would be more important during recovery than a minor splurge.
  • agrafina
    agrafina Posts: 128 Member
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    Breathe. To start with, just breathe. Don't be sorry, don't worry about being silly. Just breathe. You can get through this.

    As for dinner--eat your dinner. Stick to your plan. Don't worry about the calories. Lunch is done. You ate an appropriate amount of food, it may not have been the lightest, but this is a learning process. That is what you have to focus on. One high calorie meal won't doom you. Just remember that. Focusing on calories isn't what you need right now. It won't get you to where you want to be, which is recovered from your ED. You can do this. Just get through today.

    Thank you so much for this. I am trying to stay calm. I really don't want to restrict my intake in any way because it's probably going to trigger me. should ignore what just happened and eat my dinner. I I'll probably go up to 2000+ calories today. Is that considered unhealthy though? What about tomorrow? Should I eat less than usual?

    I wish I knew how much I am allowed to eat. My meal plan is so... general. Because it's not focused on calories, I always freak out when I don't eat exactly what my dietitian recommended.

    Again, thank you for being so understanding.

    Eat according to your hunger tomorrow. Don't restrict or eat lighter because you feel like you need to to make up for today. Eat to your hunger cues. And don't check calories. At this point I think you need to be focused on eating to your hunger.
  • Odinalove
    Odinalove Posts: 18
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    Now I'm at about 1400 calories give or take (I had some snacks too) and it's not yet dinner time. I usually like having light breakfasts/lunches and heavy dinners because that's when I crave food the most but now I don't know what to do... I have to have a fruit and a hot chocolate along with my dinner, as it's part of my meal plan and that would be about 200 calories. So I'd be at 1600 calories minus dinner. I'm shaking, I don't know what to do about dinner. I don't know how many calories I am allowed to have. My meal plan isn't focused on calories anymore. But I just had to count... damn it.

    I am no guru at all this, most of us here do a lot of trial and error,hmm, I panic over food too love, secretly we all do sometimes.

    The key is to remember its a learning process, you may make many other calorie mistakes as time rolls by but that will only make you human. Better still, don't count calories for a while, find healthy foods and eat them and try to get off the calorie monster for a while. as a recovering ED you probably already know a lot of estimates, I know i have every calorie at my fingertip and i'm not even in your situation. Focus more on an activity that makes you happy, it will take care of the excesses.

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