down downer day

pecksun8 · August 2008

I really hope this is just a precursor to the lovely time of the month club. But I am feeling so down today. Those little demons are rearing their ugly little heads and pulling out the last few remnants of hope in my body.
All I want to do is crawl under the bed and not come out until tomorrow or maybe the next day after that. I am losing focus on everything and those demons are skewing my perception of everything around me.
I haven't felt this isolated, lost, and worthless in a while. Why does it have to hit so hard some days, and why do I have to battle it? It's like my own Middle East war going on inside myself and no matter what I do I can't stop it.

I'm tired and I feel like I am going to cry for what, I don't know. I am going to let myself wallow this day away and only give myself this one day. One day to let myself torment myself and belittle myself then try like hell to get back to normal on Sunday.

Tired, lost and feeling old, very, very old.

pecksun8 · August 2008

I really hope this is just a precursor to the lovely time of the month club. But I am feeling so down today. Those little demons are rearing their ugly little heads and pulling out the last few remnants of hope in my body.
All I want to do is crawl under the bed and not come out until tomorrow or maybe the next day after that. I am losing focus on everything and those demons are skewing my perception of everything around me.
I haven't felt this isolated, lost, and worthless in a while. Why does it have to hit so hard some days, and why do I have to battle it? It's like my own Middle East war going on inside myself and no matter what I do I can't stop it.

I'm tired and I feel like I am going to cry for what, I don't know. I am going to let myself wallow this day away and only give myself this one day. One day to let myself torment myself and belittle myself then try like hell to get back to normal on Sunday.

Tired, lost and feeling old, very, very old.

jlwhelan1 · August 2008

I've been in that place similar where you are.

Where I cry inside as if my heart has been shredded.:brokenheart:
But I know that if I can just breathe, just get through moment by moment, that I will eventually emerge from the pool of sorrow.

(((hugs to you)))

You are not alone, even if you feel like it. Many others have been through.
If this continues another day or two you need to be smarter than I was and go see someone (doctor, counselor, etc.)

Now, another thing. You are not old. You are younger than I am and I feel young. Therefore, you are young just having a period of life where you feel things differently than they necessarily are. You will get through this and have peace and even joy soon. Life will be better, always with ups and downs, but hopefully fewer really deep downs.

Please email if there is anything I can do.

~~~

Go for a walk in someplace pretty - a park, botanical garden, a hike in the woods/mountains/near a lake, somewhere nearby and easy to get to for you. Take a snack, water, and a journal. Write your thoughts after you've walked awhile.

bodibykelli · August 2008

Well the weather isn't helping~where is the sun?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pecksun8 · August 2008

Thanks :ohwell:

bodibykelli · August 2008

Hey....I know you ramped up your workout schedule & I'm REALLY concerned about it. The one thing about wanting to lose a lot of weight (more than 10 or so pounds), you really have to be careful about your goals that you set for yourself~ including eating & exercising. This is a journey like no other that you'll face, and if you bite off more than you can chew, it is just one more way for you to feel like "I've failed again". I wish you all the luck....I know EXACTLY how you feel...tomorrow will be better (and hopefully, sunny) :flowerforyou:

pecksun8 · August 2008

Thanks to both of you again.

I have to say that I was active for the most of my life, it's just been the past four or five years that I have let myself go. And actually since I have ramped up my workout, I have been feeling like my old self. I have accepted that the only way I am going to lose this weight, again, is to change the way I eat, and not just for the duration of the diet. I also know that being active is what I need.

I think I have done a lot of thinking over the past few months about what I need to do to change my life, and unfortunately it has also pulled up a lot of baggage. But the good thing is, that the two are separate now, that everything I do now is for me, and things that have happened in the past are in the past and that all I can do is get over them and move on. I do know that I have to change the way I eat for the rest of my life and that I have to stay active, or I will never leave this fat suit I'm wearing.

I have learned that this is not about a race or a deadline, but a change in my life that I know is going to be very hard and upsetting, but it's not about failing any more, it's about changing my life and getting to where I want to go. No more failure when I miss a day or eat something I shouldn't, or don't go the distance when I work out, it's all about a better life.

I think I might just need to give myself one day of battery because at some point during the day, I am going to see just how stupid and ridiculous the things I am thinking about really are, and I will get my head cleared and have a chuckle and get back into things.

I just think that since I have been working very hard at this, that when a bad day does hit, it is going to be harder than ever, but if I keep working out and pushing myself, then it will be easier to fight back.

You guys really gave me something to think about and I really appreciate it. Thank you both for just listening and for your advice, it has already helped.:blushing:

I did take the dog for a long walk and it did start raining, but it felt good.

ladyhawk · August 2008

Not to downplay how you're feeling, but my whole week was just like that and it has continued to this morning. I told my husband I'm fed up with myself. But you know what?? We have a group of friends here we can talk to and it helps. I counted the calories I consumed yesterday and it was more than 4,000. That's how bad it was.

I know it will get better for both of us. We need to hang in there. As busy as I am I never had time to talk and I never fancied talking on the internet but this group has changed me and I actually look forward to reading the posts even if I don't post anything.

"GROUP HUG" :drinker:

pecksun8 · August 2008

Thanks for the posts and the e-mails! I decided to get my butt off the couch and go to the library to get a few more books on healthy eating. I have the exercise plan, and I have the calories, but now I need to adjust my diet for healthier calories, not just to make my numbers.

I didn't eat anything over my calories today. But I think I will skip my workout for today and do it tomorrow instead. I do think it might be pms related and it did hit hard this morning, but thanks to all who posted and or e-mailed me, it really helped to know that I am not the only one going through all this.

I am a little bit surprised that I didn't just start grabbing food today. Something is still working correctly up in my brain, either that or it's finally sticking!

Thanks

MontanaGirl · August 2008

(((hugs)))

Hey - sounds like you're making good decisions anyway!! Good for you. By the way - nothing wrong with a good cry once in awhile either!

We're here for you girlie! :flowerforyou:

down downer day

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