a different type of NSV

i started my weight loss journey last may. i landed a new job that forced me to walk with my commute - nearly 2 miles/day. i was never really active before and once i realized that i was capable of moving and how much i enjoyed it, i began to make other healthy changes. one year later, i am down nearly 110 pounds. it is nuts.

i take the train into the city. the morning ride isn't bad - everyone is snoozing into their coffee cups or hidden behind the paper. the commute home is different. people are more electric. they are going home and leaving the city behind them. the mood is bright, most conversations feature laughter. initially i dreaded the ride home because i wanted everyone to ignore each other like we did in the morning. i could somewhat disappear in the morning - everyone was miserable. but on the way people were friendly and i was embarassed about my looks and i just wanted to hide. the car i always sit in had the same group of people. i imagined they didn't want to sit with me or invite me in their little cliques. i made it a point to read or keep my headphones secure so that i could remain removed.

as the pounds dropped, my confidence began to climb. i was offering a smile, even commenting on the weather. with the help of a few train delays, my personality began to tricke out and i made some very successful jokes. this girl, who i believed was the prettiest person on train became MY friend. for thirty-five minutes we talk about everything and anything. nothing is off limits because once we exit the train, we don't see each other. i told her about my weight loss and shared some of my before pictures and she was crazy with pride.

just yesterday, a woman i will nod to but never really speak with sat beside me. i could tell she wanted to say something but was nervous. and after careful deliberation, she leaned in. "have you lost a ton of weight? i saw you walking the other day and had to do a double take."

"hell yeah. almost 110 pounds."

"are you serious?"

i was nodding like a puppy on crack. my train bestie gushed, too.

"i have seen her before pictures. it is unreal."

a heavier girl looked up as her jaw dropped.

"for real?"

i pulled up an old picture on my phone and shared it. when the heavier girl saw the picture, her eyes teared up.

"oh, my god."

she went on to share that she is striking out with weight watchers. she is stuck, but most of all, she is miserable. i promised her that i was where she was and i understood everything she was feeling. but i promised her that anything is possibe. i offered my support or advice should she ever need it. as others listened in, i shared some of the tricks that had helped me stay committed this far.

at my stop, we all smiled and expressed how happy we were to have met each other. on my walk home i could not help but think back to the days where i dreaded that ride. i would never speak, let alone discuss my weight. i couldn't even have an honest conversation about my weight with myself. but i have found hope. i have found happiness and not sharing that doesn't seem very fair.

never hide yourself. you have no idea the impact you can make.