Jealousy is a curse

EJWoolcock
EJWoolcock Posts: 60
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone

Having fallen off the wagon and putting back on some weight at the end of last year, I am now back in full swing and getting back on track. I had a successful week last week and was really happy with my weight loss, however the response I got from my supposedly supportive friend was "well, bully for you!". I know this came out of jealousy as this person needs to lose a lot of weight themselves, but I still found the comment really quite hurtful. How do people cope with little or no support from their closest family and friends? I thought that being successful might inspire my friends to give a healthy lifestyle a go instead of trying all the fad diets (they've tried every single one between them I reckon). I'm using this as my motivation this week just to spite them!

Replies

  • monis01
    monis01 Posts: 46 Member
    Just let their jealousy and comments slide off like your weight has! :wink: I know easier said then done..... However, you need to be in it for YOU. Good luck with your goal!!! :bigsmile:
  • Jaedynmoon
    Jaedynmoon Posts: 280 Member
    It's really hard. I actually lost a friend after high school (2003) that we had been friends since 2nd grade. I was over weight my entire life and after high school I started eating healthy and working out and went from 250 to 140. She was larger than I was at my start weight and when I started losing weight she started telling people I was anorexic...although all our mutual friends knew that wasn't the case as they saw how hard I was working. You just have to decide whether or not you want that negativity in your life or if they are going to change. Good luck you and I hope things work out. Keep up the great work!
  • YogaRunner
    YogaRunner Posts: 652 Member
    I'm so sorry you experienced that. Definitely use it for fuel to motivate yourself and more importantly, in whatever ways you can, surround yourself with people who are involved in fitness and healthy living. You can do that here on MFP, but also find groups to belong to so you can meet people in person. One of the best things I ever did was join Team In Training and trained for my first half marathon. I met people of all different fitness levels and abilities focused on living a healthy life. Now, some of them are my dearest friends. They would never make a comment like your friend did.
    Risa
  • ThoughtsOfBelle
    ThoughtsOfBelle Posts: 34 Member
    It's funny how competitive people can get! And as you said, it's more hurtful because it's coming from jealousy - instead of feeling inspired, she's now feeling belittled? All you can do is feel amazing about your progress, and make sure when you speak about what you are doing, you do it in an open way, and not in way that she can see as "bragging" (not that you would be, but if she is already jealous of your success, any mention of may be taken as such).

    I always try to do the "iceberg" approach - when someone says something negative when I'm feeling positive, i think about what may be going on in there "invisible 90%" that I'm not immediately aware of, and then try not to take their comments personally.

    At the end of the day, you've done an awesome thing - you feel great, and will continue to feel great! So just focus on that!
  • staceyb_2003
    staceyb_2003 Posts: 396 Member
    There's always at least one person in the world who will want something you have or are doing .... i find this site great for support so i come on here x
  • MariaAlexandra
    MariaAlexandra Posts: 126 Member
    Hey! i do TurboFire by creator Chalene Johnson. One of the advice that she said was, "if you cant get your friends to workout, get new friends!" And I can't agree more with that! If you're an alcoholic, you can't be with your alcoholic friends because you'll fall back on your bad habits that you want to lose, right? And if you try to change then obviously they won't be supportive, they are stuck at their comfort zone which you are trying hard to get out of!

    Jealousy is not a good thing, i agree, and I don't think she is being a good friend. I actually inspired my best friend to lose weight and she looks AMAZING! Not all friends are good for you. I would try talking to her and making sure that you two are on the same page. Tell her how that phrase made you feel, and if you feel that she isn't going to change her opinion, then slowly just cut the connection from her or else just pretend you guys are just acquaintances and meet friends that are into working out and eating healthy. Besides those new fitness friends can pass along some healthy tips as well :)

    Hope I helped!
  • bsshaw1
    bsshaw1 Posts: 44 Member
    I agree that that sucks if it was meant that way, but if I would have gotten that comment I would have taken it as positive.

    I'm in the United States, so maybe that makes it different to me.

    If it was "Bully for you" would that have been better than "Well, bully for you"?

    Don't let it get you down and use anything you need as motivation. That has worked well for me.

    Cheers!

    -Brad
  • ktc33
    ktc33 Posts: 249 Member
    Some people just can't be happy for others. Instead, they think of a way to turn a positive into a negative. Just use their jealousy and negativity to motivate you!
  • jrhodges20
    jrhodges20 Posts: 103 Member
    I feel the same way with my family. Unfortunately the women in my family are all overweight. And my mother and sister, who I am closest too lost a lot of weight at one point and then put it back on. I've talked to them about my weightloss and get the response of its not worth it or it won't work. Occasionally I get the well good for you, but I don't think they mean it. I've decided that I want to prove to them that I can do this, and it's simple as long as you can stay dedicated to it, they have to want change is what I've found. Use it as motivation, and maybe keep trying to talk your friend into doing this with you.
  • helloiloveukitty
    helloiloveukitty Posts: 448 Member
    A few friends (who all happen to be obese and morbidly obese) I had have like....really pulled away from me since Iost weight, I kept thinking it was me, maybe I was being obnoxious but really I think its that if those around them start changing they will have less of en excuse to not do so. So its really all bout how your change threatens how they feel about themselves.
  • loushep
    loushep Posts: 191
    A few friends (who all happen to be obese and morbidly obese) I had have like....really pulled away from me since Iost weight, I kept thinking it was me, maybe I was being obnoxious but really I think its that if those around them start changing they will have less of en excuse to not do so. So its really all bout how your change threatens how they feel about themselves.



    This is so true, well put :smile:
  • shanellereena
    shanellereena Posts: 28
    At the end of the day, you are getting in shape and changing your life for you and no one else. In my family almost everyone is overweight, and even though I am overweight, I am the smallest in my household. Any time I mention that I need to lose weight or get in shape, my mom and sister has nothing encouraging to say along with little comments. It's not a good feeling, but I don't let it stop me. You just have have a mind set that you are changing for you and only you like I have learned to have.
  • EJWoolcock
    EJWoolcock Posts: 60
    thanks everyone! I already used it as motivation today not to eat the chocolate cake! In the "old days" I would have used it as an excuse to eat the cake!
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