Not Attractive to him/her anymore....
Guns_N_Buns
Posts: 1,899 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, I'm an avid listener of Johnjay & Rich and in their recent Battle of the Roses clip, a married woman wanted to see if he was cheating on her since he became a total jerk after dropping 60+ pounds.
I won't give too much away, because I encourage you to listen to it yourself.
Go to http://johnjayandrich.iheart.com/media/podcast-johnjay-and-rich-on-demand-jjrpodcasts/war-of-the-roses-azpt-june-24862383/
What are your thoughts on this guy? The wife? Any personal experiences that you can relate to?
I won't give too much away, because I encourage you to listen to it yourself.
Go to http://johnjayandrich.iheart.com/media/podcast-johnjay-and-rich-on-demand-jjrpodcasts/war-of-the-roses-azpt-june-24862383/
What are your thoughts on this guy? The wife? Any personal experiences that you can relate to?
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Replies
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OMG! I heard this one yesterday.
Part of me felt really bad for her because of what a **** he was about it...she obviously said she felt "good" with her body and how it is currently, but at the same time..I think since her husband was making a lifestyle change, it may have been beneficial for her to join him in that. I cant say that I have any personal experiences that have even come close to this, but I can say with losing weight, I have gained much more confidence than I used to have and I'm sure that has a lot to do with this War of the Roses situation.
I don't know, I think the way he talked to her on air was totally crappy though.. that's just my two cents.0 -
I agree with you. He was a total D-bag with the way he addressed it, but I can empathize with his anger/frustration that she is not wanting to make any effort to partake in getting fit. It's one thing to love your body the way it is, but I think in this case, she's using that as a cop out.
I think he has been over the marriage for a long time now and his resentment is shining bright. He should have sat and talked with her, given her an ultimatum and then sought divorce, but blasting her on air like that was a little excessive.0 -
The Kane shows does these all the times.
They crack me up.
On this one would, this one was pretty damn cruel.
Usually they are cheaters... but he laid into her!
Damn.0 -
What an *kitten*! My wife has had some fears resulting from my transformation and her ex having had an affair on her. We have been married for nearly 10 years now. She is overweight but that isn't an issue for me... I love her unconditionally and I'm totally dedicated and faithful to her. I have tried to encourage her to go with me to the gym, even if she doesn't work out (she could just walk on the treadmill or do whatever), to see what I do and how I do it. I'm all business and bust my butt (I don't think the gym is a social club) and I don't have a trainer. I continue to reassure her and let her know she is the only one for me (my ex also cheated on me, so I know the devastation)!
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I can sort of relate. My previous relationship was strained by my partners bad health habits. Dated for over a year, and the woman I was with gained about 40ish lbs. Meanwhile, I was leaning out and getting ripped because I finally had money to start eating right (I had just graduated college).
The lifestyle choices were very different, it honestly added some separation between us. I would ask her to go to the gym with me, or cook healthy things, but it never caught on. She would stay at home and watch TV series while I went to the gym, or would cook stuff like lasagna or other really high calorie foods for dinner that I couldn't afford to eat. I would have to politely decline, and she would get very sad/upset. I would then have to cook my own dinner separately.
Pretty soon, I started not finding her physically attractive, and intamacy became next to impossible.
She was a nice person, but I couldn't take her bad habits and had to leave about 16 months in.
Its hard to be with somebody that has no self-respect or drive when you yourself have buckets of it.0 -
Fat and gross and old. Wow. That's a rotten thing to say about your wife.
I hate that she blindsides him, though. I'd be furious and start swinging, too.
Dang. This whole thing sucks.0 -
Its hard to be with somebody that has no self-respect or drive when you yourself have buckets of it.
This ^^ Very true.0 -
So this is semi related to this -- and I might get some flack for this, but I've had discussions with my bf about people who completely "let themselves go" after being in relationship for a while. (Keep in mind what I'm about to say does not include extenuating circumstances, like having babies or health issues, etc.)
We both feel like when you get married to someone or when you've been in a long-term relationship with someone, it's not entirely fair to put on a lot of weight because then you're no longer, physically, the person that your partner got into this relationship with. While I understand that you're more comfortable, and while I agree that they should love you regardless, if my bf put on 50 pounds then he would no longer be the kind of guy that I'm into sexually/physically, and same goes for me. If I put on 50 pounds (barring pregnancy, etc.) I wouldn't be the same girl that he's been with for the past 7 years.
And I sort of feel like it's unfair for people to just expect that your partner will still want to have sex with you even though you're not longer attractive to them.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Plus, I think you have an obligation just to yourself to stay as healthy as possible so you can feel good and live a better life.0 -
She hadn't let herself go though. She was exactly who she was when they got married. She was moderately overweight and he was very overweight.
It may be one thing when your partner gains a ton of weight (said as someone who was dumped for 30lbs of baby weight while nursing my second baby in two years.. because I just wasn't pretty enough anymore)...
but he wanted her to actually change who she was when they got married. Not exactly fair.0 -
So this is semi related to this -- and I might get some flack for this, but I've had discussions with my bf about people who completely "let themselves go" after being in relationship for a while. (Keep in mind what I'm about to say does not include extenuating circumstances, like having babies or health issues, etc.)
We both feel like when you get married to someone or when you've been in a long-term relationship with someone, it's not entirely fair to put on a lot of weight because then you're no longer, physically, the person that your partner got into this relationship with. While I understand that you're more comfortable, and while I agree that they should love you regardless, if my bf put on 50 pounds then he would no longer be the kind of guy that I'm into sexually/physically, and same goes for me. If I put on 50 pounds (barring pregnancy, etc.) I wouldn't be the same girl that he's been with for the past 7 years.
And I sort of feel like it's unfair for people to just expect that your partner will still want to have sex with you even though you're not longer attractive to them.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Plus, I think you have an obligation just to yourself to stay as healthy as possible so you can feel good and live a better life.
I agree!
Love is choosing to do so each and every day. Each day we're going to grow and become different than we were when initially meeting our SO and it's up to us to decide whether we love that new person. In this case he got with her while she was fat, allegedly, but you can't blame the guy for wanting out; he has changed for the better and just can't choose to love her for the way she is anymore.0 -
I am so glad you posted this. Thank you for giving your example. When you hear things that make you lose hope in humanity and make you wish you lived in a different planet, the only way to turn back is to hear positive stories like yours instead. I wish you and your wife and long, happy life together!What an *kitten*! My wife has had some fears resulting from my transformation and her ex having had an affair on her. We have been married for nearly 10 years now. She is overweight but that isn't an issue for me... I love her unconditionally and I'm totally dedicated and faithful to her. I have tried to encourage her to go with me to the gym, even if she doesn't work out (she could just walk on the treadmill or do whatever), to see what I do and how I do it. I'm all business and bust my butt (I don't think the gym is a social club) and I don't have a trainer. I continue to reassure her and let her know she is the only one for me (my ex also cheated on me, so I know the devastation)!
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The way he addressed her was cruel, but I can see his point if his resentment has been building up over months. Obviously, being ambushed by his wife tipped him over the edge, but that is her fault for trying to be manipulative. Instead of asking if he was cheating after they found out who the other woman was, she automatically jumped down his throat. Hey, at least he wasn't.
Also, if someone constantly hints something towards you, it might be a good idea to take heed. If I was offered gum every time I talked to a friend, then perhaps I have bad breath.0 -
I agree!
Love is choosing to do so each and every day. Each day we're going to grow and become different than we were when initially meeting our SO and it's up to us to decide whether we love that new person. In this case he got with her while she was fat, allegedly, but you can't blame the guy for wanting out; he has changed for the better and just can't choose to love her for the way she is anymore.
I am going to disagree with changing for the better. It sounds like he became an *kitten* and selfish moron. He went from making a vow to love and cherish her through better or worse... to, well, I can do sooooo much better now that I have lost a few lbs, so I take it back! This isn't an example of a bait and switch or a invalidation of the social contract.0 -
I'm listening to it right now, and I can't remove my hand from my mouth at what this husband is saying. Outrageous. If the wife looks the same as the day they were married, he has no right to make demands that she change now.0
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I agree!
Love is choosing to do so each and every day. Each day we're going to grow and become different than we were when initially meeting our SO and it's up to us to decide whether we love that new person. In this case he got with her while she was fat, allegedly, but you can't blame the guy for wanting out; he has changed for the better and just can't choose to love her for the way she is anymore.
I am going to disagree with changing for the better. It sounds like he became an *kitten* and selfish moron. He went from making a vow to love and cherish her through better or worse... to, well, I can do sooooo much better now that I have lost a few lbs, so I take it back! This isn't an example of a bait and switch or a invalidation of the social contract.
There's no denying this guy is a jerk. But, his perception is all that matters. In his mind's eye, he's bettering himself and just doesn't find her attractive anymore. Should he be enslaved to live miserably because he made vows? Well, that's another matter of opinion. My opinion, No, he should do what makes him happy...as all people should.0 -
Allow me to provide a different perspective. This issue is at the core of my marriage. For the first 16-17 years we made babies and enjoyed sex like river otters. As my work grew more office-bound and time-consuming, I gained weight. By the time we were married 20 years, I got told I was too heavy, her favorite position was uncomfortable, and since there was no physical attraction any more, sex for her was hard to get exited about.
I was devastated. As one poster in this thread said, "I loved her unconditionally" and now I was being given conditions. Being a bone-headed male who is educated beyond his common sense, I had a brief affair to "prove" I was still attractive.
That didn't work out well. Got me diagnosed Bipolar Type II; manic behavior.
After 7 years of counseling, and MFP and gym work and going to OA meetings, I am still overweight, and we still have no intimacy. We have built a family that takes up our time, we garden together, go on occasional dates, and we still laugh at each others jokes (probably the one thing that keeps our marriage stable). I am still pissed that love is conditional. She has always been treated for ADHD and is post-menopausal so she has no libido that I can detect.
I think I maintain an unhealthy relationship to food because food (i.e., sugar) is my intimacy, my physical pleasure partner. Alcohol used to be another partner, but that stopped for good Oct. 13 2012. One of these days MFP will be the tool that digs me out of this rut. I keep logging and going to the gym thinking maybe I'll change today.....I don't want to be a rectal aperture.
Thanks for listening, I appreciate your time0 -
This thread fascinates me.0
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This is my BIGGEST fear!!!! I was 250 lbs when I met my husband, 275 when I married him. What happens if he doesn't love my body when I'm 150??0
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I can sort of relate. My previous relationship was strained by my partners bad health habits. Dated for over a year, and the woman I was with gained about 40ish lbs. Meanwhile, I was leaning out and getting ripped because I finally had money to start eating right (I had just graduated college).
The lifestyle choices were very different, it honestly added some separation between us. I would ask her to go to the gym with me, or cook healthy things, but it never caught on. She would stay at home and watch TV series while I went to the gym, or would cook stuff like lasagna or other really high calorie foods for dinner that I couldn't afford to eat. I would have to politely decline, and she would get very sad/upset. I would then have to cook my own dinner separately.
Pretty soon, I started not finding her physically attractive, and intamacy became next to impossible.
She was a nice person, but I couldn't take her bad habits and had to leave about 16 months in.
Its hard to be with somebody that has no self-respect or drive when you yourself have buckets of it.
I had an experience similar to this with my ex-husband. Add in his anger, resentment, and accusations against me and it was a pretty bad situation. It wasn't the only thing wrong with our marriage by any means, but it made things much harder.0 -
in to listen to later after work0
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In to listen to when I get home.0
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So this is semi related to this -- and I might get some flack for this, but I've had discussions with my bf about people who completely "let themselves go" after being in relationship for a while. (Keep in mind what I'm about to say does not include extenuating circumstances, like having babies or health issues, etc.)
We both feel like when you get married to someone or when you've been in a long-term relationship with someone, it's not entirely fair to put on a lot of weight because then you're no longer, physically, the person that your partner got into this relationship with. While I understand that you're more comfortable, and while I agree that they should love you regardless, if my bf put on 50 pounds then he would no longer be the kind of guy that I'm into sexually/physically, and same goes for me. If I put on 50 pounds (barring pregnancy, etc.) I wouldn't be the same girl that he's been with for the past 7 years.
And I sort of feel like it's unfair for people to just expect that your partner will still want to have sex with you even though you're not longer attractive to them.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Plus, I think you have an obligation just to yourself to stay as healthy as possible so you can feel good and live a better life.
My husband and I have similar feelings. BUT the solution is not to lose weight and start cheating and throwing out insults. The solution is to maintain healthy active lifestyles together. Support and encourage each other. Try to prevent the "letting oneself go" as much as possible. And if it does start to occur, again, sit down, communicate, support, offer suggestions. If I stopped being active and gained 30lbs I would expect my husband to say something, not "You are no longer attractive to me" but "I love you, you're beautiful, but what's up? How can I help?". Maybe if I changed nothing and 30lbs became 70lbs, yes, he'd probably say the first sentence and I really couldn't blame him.0 -
I recently left a marriage where I was the one that wanted to lose weight, get into better shape and start feeling a lot better about myself. My ex husband was the one that had no drive to go with me to the gym or running or anything. I was not happy with my physical appearance nor was I happy with my endurance when it came to playing with my kids and the teams I was coaching. When I would go to the gym, he would accuse me of cheating because he had very low self-esteem. I invited him and tried to get him to join me to no avail. He continued to tell me that I'm looking for someone in better shape than he was. A similar scenario occurred when I decided to go back to school and finish my 150 hours to sit for the CPA exam. He accused me then of looking for someone with a Bachelor's degree and better pay. Needless to say, I didn't have time to live that kind of life forever.0
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I think its hard to have a hard and fast rule about this. When you are in a relationship, you may change, the other person may change, physically or emotionally. Hopefully your changes are compatible, but they may not be. if one person became interested in their health and lost the weight and the other person continued to be unhealthy, I would understand that at some point the now fit person may start feeling differently about the other person. I take care of my health and always have. It would be hard for me to be with someone who does not care about their health. I agree relationships require continual effort and work, but at the same time you cant completely control how you feel.0
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What an *kitten*! My wife has had some fears resulting from my transformation and her ex having had an affair on her. We have been married for nearly 10 years now. She is overweight but that isn't an issue for me... I love her unconditionally and I'm totally dedicated and faithful to her. I have tried to encourage her to go with me to the gym, even if she doesn't work out (she could just walk on the treadmill or do whatever), to see what I do and how I do it. I'm all business and bust my butt (I don't think the gym is a social club) and I don't have a trainer. I continue to reassure her and let her know she is the only one for me (my ex also cheated on me, so I know the devastation)!
You can love someone and not be sexually attracted to them at all.0 -
"You can love someone and not be sexually attracted to them at all"
Yeah but being good friends is not the same as being a committed couple who occasionally plays well in bed.0 -
Poor girl. I can sorta see his frustration but these are issues to talk about (and NOT on a radio station where you completely destroy your wife's self-worth) instead of letting the issue eat away at you.0
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They're having marital issues and the wife baited him on the air. It seems to be a pretty ****ty situation all the way around. I love the idiots who enjoy airing their dirty laundry in public and then are surprised by the result. I'd have more sympathy for her if she had not ambushed him on a radio station.0
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He's an *kitten*, no doubt...but any wife who'd try to entrap her husband ON THE RADIO isn't worth a damn either. They deserve each other, honestly. As much of an *kitten* he is...its hard to fault him for responding so harshly to such an unforgivable breach of trust.0
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He's an *kitten*, no doubt...but any wife who'd try to entrap her husband ON THE RADIO isn't worth a damn either. They deserve each other, honestly. As much of an *kitten* he is...its hard to fault him for responding so harshly to such an unforgivable breach of trust.
I mostly agree with this. They both have serious issues.0
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