hello, Screw You Depression

I'm not an emotional eater, but I do suffer depression and anxiety. Quite the opposite, I tend to eat too little when I'm in my down moods because my stomach bothers me when I force myself to eat. Then, I get sick because I haven't eaten enough, and my stomach bothers me even more because it was already upset.

I take Fluoxetine, Wellbutrin, and Podiapn to help even out my moods. Watching my sleep, diet, and exercise habits are another way I manage my depression. This has been a life long battle, but it's hit me even harder in the last few years. I got to the point I could barely function, and scaled back some things in life so I could regroup. I sought the professional help I needed to begin healing. The road to recovery is an ongoing journey. There are good days, and there are bad days. I'm learning how to cope with the bad days.

There are a few support groups on here for mood disorders and other mental health issues. A number of us understand what it's like.

I'm just like you. I had a problem with emotional eating because of my depression and anxiety. For a couple years now, I've been this way, especially after the car broke down and we were stuck with only 1 car. I have a job I mainly do at home, so I didn't need one, but I was also trapped at the house all day with not much sunshine as well. Recently we bought a car and now my entire outlook has changed. What used to be a diet is now a lifestyle change and I've been successful so far, and will continue to be! I no longer eat because I'm upset/angry/down. I think that the trigger for emotional eating, was the depression part, and now that that is gone, its not a problem anymore. This probably isn't much help for you, but I wanted to share my story with you anyway.

Sometimes when I am hungry and shouldn't eat, I each a peach. One of my favorite fruits, only 45 calories and its filling until my next meal. Or sometimes I'll suck on some hard candy, but that is pretty rare. Exercise always helps me too, because then I can eat more that day!

Feel free to add me

I'll be honest - I haven't learned to completely avoid emotional eating. Changing the habits of a lifetime is hard, especially when there are mental health issues underlying them. I think one of the most important things I did though that has helped me lose the weight and keep it off for (so far) 18 months is to let go of "all or nothing" thinking, to let go of trying to be perfect. I accepted that I am still (for the time being) an emotional eater, maybe I will always be, and there's no need to beat myself up or hate myself for it. If I "slip up" and eat more than I intended to, or just eat anything when I didn't really intend to, when I wasn't really hungry... it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean I've failed, or I'm back to square one, or I've "fallen off the wagon" and need to start again on Monday; it doesn't mean I won' lose the weight. Making mistakes is ok, and what really matters as far as weight loss goes, is how you eat most of the time. If most of the time you're hitting your calorie goal, (and generally getting a well balanced, nutritious diet), then the odd day here or there that doesn't go to plan really doesn't matter. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you will only lose the weight if you stop being an emotional eater, that it's only possible to be a healthy weight if you have a perfectly healthy relationship with food. Yes, you do need to work on this stuff and make changes, but never think that it's all or nothing - that if you can't fix all this stuff overnight you can't lose weight.

Now, as for addressing the emotional eating, what you really need to do is look at why you do it. What feelings are you finding difficult to cope with, that eating food helps you to deal with. Or, more accurately, what feelings is food helping you not to feel? This may or may not seem obvious, but sometimes you really need to dig deep. I'm still learning a lot about emotional eating does for me, what needs it meets, in order to meet those needs in healthier ways. If therapy is an option for you, definitely consider that, otherwise, read as much as you can, journal, talk to friends, whatever you can to try and understand this process better.

I've had to find better ways to soothe my feelings (whether they're related to stress, sadness, fear, loneliness, shame, boredom, whatever...) I don't know about you, but drinking water isn't ever going to hit the spot. You need activities that will increase the feel better chemicals in your brain (serotonin, dopamine, endorphins). You also need to realise that for you, it's food. Nothing is going to give you that immediate "hit" that food does (just like for someone else it might be alcohol, or sex, or gambling). But, you can find things that help a lot, just in a more subtle way.

One thing that has helped enormously, both for the overeating and for depression in general, is exercise. For me, it's running, it could be any exercise though. Running keeps me on a much more even keel long term, and eat run gives me a good boost of feel good chemicals. I often go out for a run feeling a bit stressed or pissed off, and come back feeling lighter, more positive. Meditation also helps a lot. One of my "go to" strategies when I get the urge to eat in the evenings is to have a hot bath. Or, go for a walk. Or, journal. A lot of these things are cliché, and I never really thought something as simple as having a bath would help, but you really need to try stuff out and see what works for you. Just that half hour or hour spent relaxing in a different environment (hot water) listening to good music, really helps me let go a bit and I find the urge to eat tends to dissipate very quickly. When I'm having a stressful day at work, instead of looking forward to going home and eating xyz, now I picture getting home, getting changed, having a cup of tea and getting out the book I'm reading. Either that, or spending an hour on a hobby I really enjoy but don't get a lot of time for. I've made a little ritual so that I now habitually look forward to those activities, rather than immediately turning to food.

In addition to finding better ways to soothe your feelings, it's also important to learn to live with unpleasant emotions without having to squash them down, and really believe that you will survive, that you will cope. You don't have to grab something to eat, or give yourself a sugar rush every time you feel sad, or lonely, or upset. It is ok to just sit and feel that emotion. It will pass. Google the term "urge surfing" for some more ideas on this. I think for me, realising that I could feel bad and cope, and that the bad feelings would come and go just like happy feelings come and go... that was a bit of a turning point for me. I stopped worrying about the emotions themselves and needing food to cope. This takes some practice, but I had to learn that it's ok to feel sad, and it's ok to feel angry, and to learn what these feeling mean in my day to day life.

Learn to recognise what you're actually feeling and what you really need. Are you feeling lonely? Instead of eating, call a friend, or email, or get on a forum or whatever you do to feel more connected. Are you feeling angry? Again, is there someone you can talk to about that? Or maybe write down how you feel, write someone a letter you're never going to send etc. Are you bored? Instead of eating, have a list of things you want to do, and do one of them. Read that book you've been meaning to read, watch a film, get out and go for a walk. When you just instinctively reach for food at every negative emotion, you can't find out what it is you actually need in that moment.

And in the meantime, while you're working on making new habits and changing the way you deal with emotions etc, there are ways you can manipulate your eating habits to help you. Experiment a bit to find the meal frequency/size/timing that works best for you. For some people, it's eating little and often, never allowing themselves to feel physically hungry. For others, intermittent fasting is ideal because they eat maybe one or two large meals a day, meaning that they feel really satisfied by those meals. I personally like to consume most of my calories in my evening meal and after dinner snacks. I always have at least a couple of hundred calories left over after dinner, and they get "spent" on whatever I feel like. Chocolate is usually involved. In the early days, I "needed" to do this; it made me feel better to know that I had some chocolate to look forward to at the end of the day; that I would be able to cope with however I was feeling. This has changed a lot, and it's not so much about depending on that chocolate now, (like I said above, I've trained myself to look forward to other things) but I still get to eat the foods I enjoy eating.

Don't cut calories too low - not only will it be harder to keep up with it, it's more likely to make you feel tired and irritable, which feeds into emotional eating. Get enough fats. Keep fuller by eating a lot of protein and fibre. Keep well hydrated.

Sorry for the wall of text! But, finally, if you aren't already, get help for your depression. Whether that's medication, or therapy, or just self help. Manage that as best you can, and the other stuff will be easier. I'm not in any way suggesting it's "mind over matter" with depression, but make sure you're doing the things you need to do for your health. For me, regular exercise, a well balanced diet, (I need enough carbs and fats), getting enough sleep, meditation, maintaining a support system around me, having routines and minimising stress... all these things are really important for my mental state.

And you know what? There are still times for me when only a cookie (or cake, or buttered toast) will do. And that's ok. It's under control, and I'm a healthy weight, and my diet is extremely nutritious, and I'm active.... and I don't have a 100% perfectly healthy attitude towards food all the time. And that's ok. Progress is more important than perfection. :flowerforyou: