Exercise addiction/fear of weight gain...HELP!

laurenbrook85
laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
edited December 18 in Health and Weight Loss
I have been a lurker on myfitnesspal for years and half-heartedly logged calories and exercise every so often…I am to the point now where I am just fed up with a cycle I’ve been in of exercise bulimia and the idea of having to earn my daily food to the point where I don’t even know how much I should be eating and how much I should be exercising.

While a lot of people struggle with not being motivated to exercise, I am the opposite. I struggle with exercise addiction and to be honest, I can’t tell you the last time I took a rest day. Typing that I realize how crazy it sounds but I really can’t think of one…the closest I’ve come is a day of hiking six miles and that being the ‘extent’ of my workout. I think it’s great to be dedicated to an active lifestyle and it’s necessary sometimes to push yourself to wake up early to get a workout in or schedule it like any other appt…over the years tho it’s become a point of pride for me (of pushing myself hardcore) and I’ve taken it to the extreme and it’s just not healthy anymore.

I’m exhausted. And it’s not like I’m thin from it! In fact, I feel like over the past six months I’ve started to get puffy. I’m about 5’5” and fluctuate between 133-138…I also have short limbs in comparison to my torso and so I feel like any muscle I put on makes me look bulky. I realize that’s because I have a layer of fat over the muscle but Lord knows all the cardio I do isn’t helping blast that fat. I KNOW I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT. But I feel chubby and embarrassed that people know I workout so much and I don’t even look like it.

I realize that most of fat loss is about what you EAT. I don’t eat horribly but I know I don’t eat like I really should. I eat too much sugar, salt and carbs and not enough vegetables….and I never know for sure if I’m eating too little for my expenditure OR if my body is so adjusted to all the exercise I do that I’m eating too much!

Bottom line, I want to change but I don’t know the best way to go about it—it just seems like there is an overwhelming amount of info out there and I don’t know where to even start. I’d like for cardio to become a tool and not the basis of my workouts. I’d like to start incorporating at least one day of REST a week…like just normal human activities and not feeling the need to sweat it up for at least an hour. The issue is that I am so terrified my body will freak out and I’ll gain like 15 pounds; I know sometimes the body has to heal itself from the metabolic damage done (I think I’ve damaged it…I imagine my cortisol levels have to be through the roof) and it requires gaining some weight as it readjusts. The problem is I am getting married October 2014 and I don’t want to blow up right before… but I want to try to adjust my ridiculous lifestyle before then too. I know I’ll be getting really busy and not have time to fit in crazy workouts.

I’m sorry, I know this is all over the place and LONG…I’ve tried to search through some of the old threads here on something along these lines and didn’t find anything exactly (though PLEASE point me in the right direction if this has already been discussed somewhere! Not trying to waste people’s time!). Has anyone dealt with exercise addiction like this and food guilt? I’ve got into such a horrible habit of feeling like I need to ‘earn’ my food. Do I need to try to totally cut back on exercise for a while or just somewhat? How do I know what exactly to eat/how much? I have no idea what my BMR might be at this time. I just feel like I’m floundering and I want to get out!!! My ultimate goal would be to get to 125 pounds and not be busting my butt every day when honestly it seems like all that does is slowly make me puff up instead of lose.

AND advice or insight would be helpful, even if it’s just pointing me to some other threads. Thank you!!!

Replies

  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    While it might be a good idea to have a chat with a professional in your area, you can take a look at these threads as a starting point. (There is a lot of information, it will take you awhile, but it is worth it.)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/833026-important-posts-to-read

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants?page=1#posts-16625920
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
    Switch 80% of your exercising to weight lifting. Start with Strong Lifts. It's a lot more fun (and easy) when building muscle is the goal instead of just losing fat (which happens too). You also get to eat more and burn more calories when lifting.
  • mymodernbabylon
    mymodernbabylon Posts: 1,038 Member
    As a therapist, I would suggest CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). It works with what you are dealing with and will help you to get to a better place with yourself. You need to change your thinking and your behaviours and how you feel will follow. I'd ask to also speak with a nutritionist who specialises in exercise bulimia.
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
    i'm agreeing with some kind of therapy before you hurt yourself. i used to obsessively weight lift 6 to 7 days a week, and eventually i tore a muscle and then got resistant pneumonia that took months to get rid of - dr said it was because i had exhausted myself, and he was probably right.
  • laurenbrook85
    laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
    This probably shows how dumb I am but I honestly never even have considered therapy…it’s always seemed like more of a matter of willpower. Like, I willed myself to be dedicated to working out so why can’t I will myself to cut back? I guess part of me has hoped there was like a program I could follow that would magically bring balance to my life! Again, dumb.

    I appreciate the feedback. I’ll have to think about it. Therapy just seems so intense :-/
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    This probably shows how dumb I am but I honestly never even have considered therapy…it’s always seemed like more of a matter of willpower. Like, I willed myself to be dedicated to working out so why can’t I will myself to cut back? I guess part of me has hoped there was like a program I could follow that would magically bring balance to my life! Again, dumb.

    I appreciate the feedback. I’ll have to think about it. Therapy just seems so intense :-/

    You are not dumb. It is evident that you are ready for a change in your life, so start making some small changes. It is apparent that you are able to work extremely hard, so try to redirect that work ethic in the other direction. If you feel you cannot do it on your own, reach out for some additional help from others. (family/friends or possibly a professional) That does not make you a weak person, that makes you strong to be able to stand up for yourself and your health.
  • Keep_The_Laughter
    Keep_The_Laughter Posts: 183 Member
    This probably shows how dumb I am but I honestly never even have considered therapy…it’s always seemed like more of a matter of willpower. Like, I willed myself to be dedicated to working out so why can’t I will myself to cut back? I guess part of me has hoped there was like a program I could follow that would magically bring balance to my life! Again, dumb.

    I appreciate the feedback. I’ll have to think about it. Therapy just seems so intense :-/

    It takes courage to put yourself out here and say, "I'm not getting it right." Please be proud of yourself for taking the first steps to change.

    On another note, therapy may be intense, but it sounds like you feel that the cycle you are in is too intense. You are overexercising, planning a wedding and have legitimate concerns about your diet. These are all serious issues. Talking to a professional can help you challenge yourself to examine your priorities. It might not be easy, but if the pay off is getting support in creating habits that improve your well being and physical health please consider the positive potential. You are worth it.
  • nellyett
    nellyett Posts: 436 Member
    Switch 80% of your exercising to weight lifting. Start with Strong Lifts. It's a lot more fun (and easy) when building muscle is the goal instead of just losing fat (which happens too). You also get to eat more and burn more calories when lifting.

    ^^ This! I think that you will find that shifting to a heavy (and I mean progressive loading and heavy for you) weightlifting program will give you more of the results you are looking for and expecting.

    I've gone back to primarily weights with supplemental cardio and my body shape has changed ten fold. I put on some weight when I quit smoking last year, but heavy lifting has actually "healed" my mindset to the point of not worrying as much about the size of my jeans and shifting to more of how strong I am, how my arms and shoulders have a much nicer shape, how much easier it is to carry every single grocery bag in one trip (haha), how my cellulite has smoothed out, how my muffin top is almost diminished, etc. etc. AND I am almost 20 lbs heavier! Yes, I have some inches to work on reducing, but I've built a ton of muscle, I feel better overall, and I get to eat a lot! :)

    I still kickbox occasionally because it's fun, and I try to get a 5km run in once per week because I really love the mental clarity I seem to get from going out for a 'cruise'. However, my cardio consists of mostly sprint intervals, or walking. I just generally like to move and it's become so much more pleasurable now that I'm not killing myself overdoing the cardio.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,029 Member
    Remember that weight gain has more to do with calories IN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • laurenbrook85
    laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
    This probably shows how dumb I am but I honestly never even have considered therapy…it’s always seemed like more of a matter of willpower. Like, I willed myself to be dedicated to working out so why can’t I will myself to cut back? I guess part of me has hoped there was like a program I could follow that would magically bring balance to my life! Again, dumb.

    I appreciate the feedback. I’ll have to think about it. Therapy just seems so intense :-/

    You are not dumb. It is evident that you are ready for a change in your life, so start making some small changes. It is apparent that you are able to work extremely hard, so try to redirect that work ethic in the other direction. If you feel you cannot do it on your own, reach out for some additional help from others. (family/friends or possibly a professional) That does not make you a weak person, that makes you strong to be able to stand up for yourself and your health.


    Thank you so much for your kind words! That is a good way to think of it...I think part of the problem too has been that working out hard has become so much of a point of pride for me and that cutting back on it is a sign of being too weak to handle it…and that’s just crazy and doing more harm than good.
  • laurenbrook85
    laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
    This probably shows how dumb I am but I honestly never even have considered therapy…it’s always seemed like more of a matter of willpower. Like, I willed myself to be dedicated to working out so why can’t I will myself to cut back? I guess part of me has hoped there was like a program I could follow that would magically bring balance to my life! Again, dumb.

    I appreciate the feedback. I’ll have to think about it. Therapy just seems so intense :-/

    It takes courage to put yourself out here and say, "I'm not getting it right." Please be proud of yourself for taking the first steps to change.

    On another note, therapy may be intense, but it sounds like you feel that the cycle you are in is too intense. You are overexercising, planning a wedding and have legitimate concerns about your diet. These are all serious issues. Talking to a professional can help you challenge yourself to examine your priorities. It might not be easy, but if the pay off is getting support in creating habits that improve your well being and physical health please consider the positive potential. You are worth it.


    Thank you :*) I really appreciate hearing that and you raise points I really have not thought about.
  • laurenbrook85
    laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
    Switch 80% of your exercising to weight lifting. Start with Strong Lifts. It's a lot more fun (and easy) when building muscle is the goal instead of just losing fat (which happens too). You also get to eat more and burn more calories when lifting.

    ^^ This! I think that you will find that shifting to a heavy (and I mean progressive loading and heavy for you) weightlifting program will give you more of the results you are looking for and expecting.

    I've gone back to primarily weights with supplemental cardio and my body shape has changed ten fold. I put on some weight when I quit smoking last year, but heavy lifting has actually "healed" my mindset to the point of not worrying as much about the size of my jeans and shifting to more of how strong I am, how my arms and shoulders have a much nicer shape, how much easier it is to carry every single grocery bag in one trip (haha), how my cellulite has smoothed out, how my muffin top is almost diminished, etc. etc. AND I am almost 20 lbs heavier! Yes, I have some inches to work on reducing, but I've built a ton of muscle, I feel better overall, and I get to eat a lot! :)

    I still kickbox occasionally because it's fun, and I try to get a 5km run in once per week because I really love the mental clarity I seem to get from going out for a 'cruise'. However, my cardio consists of mostly sprint intervals, or walking. I just generally like to move and it's become so much more pleasurable now that I'm not killing myself overdoing the cardio.




    This sounds awesome to me! I would love to get back to just enjoying cardio and not always feeling pressure to burn off everything I eat. And I really don’t hate my body—of course there are things I’d change (like longer legs LOL) but overall I think it’s starting to bug me how I hurt it because I do appreciate it and realize it does so much.

    I am going to have to look into weight lifting. I always avoid it at my gym except for a few machines that I can do in the corner because there are so many hard core lifters who are just so intimidating. Need to get over that. Did you get a trainer when you started lifting or use a program like Strong Lifts or New Rules of Lifting for Women?
  • laurenbrook85
    laurenbrook85 Posts: 8 Member
    Remember that weight gain has more to do with calories IN.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition



    Yeah, I am to the point where I think my adjustments are going to have to largely be from changing what I eat and not so much how I work out. That said, knowing how much I should be eating is what baffles me. It’s been over the past six months where I feel like I keep fluctuating at the top of my range instead of the lower end and I truly haven’t changed how I’ve worked out or what I’ve been eating. It makes me worried that either it’s something like adrenal fatigue or screwed up metabolism…so I worry that I need to reset that and in doing so I’ll start eating too much or too little.

    Basically, I am overthinking it. If there were a magical way to know just what to eat and how to work out I could do it. I could have the willpower to follow it, it’s just the not knowing that makes me throw my hands up. Sorry, Im’ not sure if this makes sense at all.
  • nellyett
    nellyett Posts: 436 Member
    Switch 80% of your exercising to weight lifting. Start with Strong Lifts. It's a lot more fun (and easy) when building muscle is the goal instead of just losing fat (which happens too). You also get to eat more and burn more calories when lifting.

    ^^ This! I think that you will find that shifting to a heavy (and I mean progressive loading and heavy for you) weightlifting program will give you more of the results you are looking for and expecting.

    I've gone back to primarily weights with supplemental cardio and my body shape has changed ten fold. I put on some weight when I quit smoking last year, but heavy lifting has actually "healed" my mindset to the point of not worrying as much about the size of my jeans and shifting to more of how strong I am, how my arms and shoulders have a much nicer shape, how much easier it is to carry every single grocery bag in one trip (haha), how my cellulite has smoothed out, how my muffin top is almost diminished, etc. etc. AND I am almost 20 lbs heavier! Yes, I have some inches to work on reducing, but I've built a ton of muscle, I feel better overall, and I get to eat a lot! :)

    I still kickbox occasionally because it's fun, and I try to get a 5km run in once per week because I really love the mental clarity I seem to get from going out for a 'cruise'. However, my cardio consists of mostly sprint intervals, or walking. I just generally like to move and it's become so much more pleasurable now that I'm not killing myself overdoing the cardio.




    This sounds awesome to me! I would love to get back to just enjoying cardio and not always feeling pressure to burn off everything I eat. And I really don’t hate my body—of course there are things I’d change (like longer legs LOL) but overall I think it’s starting to bug me how I hurt it because I do appreciate it and realize it does so much.

    I am going to have to look into weight lifting. I always avoid it at my gym except for a few machines that I can do in the corner because there are so many hard core lifters who are just so intimidating. Need to get over that. Did you get a trainer when you started lifting or use a program like Strong Lifts or New Rules of Lifting for Women?

    Longer legs are on my wish list too...lol

    I've never had a trainer, but have always been in and out of the weight room over the years. I've only just recently gotten serious about lifting and made it my primary source of exercise over the last 8 months or so. I've heard good things about both programs, and believe that Stronglifts is the simpler of the two, and guides you through progression which is crucial! Some can get a little complex, but don't quote me on that. I personally didn't go with the Stronglifts program because it is a bit boring to me. I prefer a bigger mix.

    I've since switched things up to a 'push/pull' split for now, but I started with this schedule below:

    http://www.simplyshredded.com/the-ultimate-female-training-guide.html

    This is a really simple to understand overview and decent routine to get you started. I saw some pretty good results fairly quickly.

    You can also spend some time googling proper form for each exercise on the list. Proper form is a MUST!

    Keep to a SLIGHT deficit from your TDEE, and keep in mind that any weight gain is water being drawn into your muscles. Knowing your numbers will help keep you sane when the scale is being an a-hole. You will soon find that the number won't really matter as much as your BF % will, or your measurements.

    The 'guide to sexy-pants' link that someone provided has some extremely useful information as well. Don't shy away from foods you like, just fit them in. It really is simple. Not 'easy', but definitely simple! :)
  • katiewilsonxo
    katiewilsonxo Posts: 85 Member
    As you reduce cadio, you'll probably find that you lose a lot of puffyness because going overboard on working out can cause you to retain a lot of water. I was on a huge plateau for about a month because I was burning about 800-1200 cals from cardio every single day and as soon as I gave myself a lighter week, I dropped 3lbs seemingly overnight. I'm sure it's because my muscles were super inflamed and they finally had a chance to repair and my body was able to release excess fluids.

    I think that if you're getting the feeling that you need to "earn" your food, you should try to work through this with a professional or a close friend or family member but you won't gain weight as long as you do everything slowly. Try cutting the length of your workouts in half once or twice a week and work towards having one or two rest days a week as the end goal. Modify your diet to avoid weight gain if you feel that you're eating unhealthily because some of the bloat can be caused by going over on carbs or sodium. No need to throw yourself into "clean" eating but try to cut down on processed foods which may be making you feel puffy.
  • jsmommy1999
    jsmommy1999 Posts: 35 Member
    Wow I could have written this myself. I found myself in your position about this time last year and started reading about metabolic damage in the fall. The problem was I just couldn't give up the cardio - I was terrified I would pile on weight. I was doing 50 minutes of very high intensity cardio almost daily (I usually took Sundays off but not if I could help it) but eventually my periods stopped, I had terrible digestive problems, almost debilitating brain fog, and like you said I would gain weight if I ate anything. I was always retaining water. So it has taken me almost a year to surrender to the idea that I do have metabolic damage and I have to recover. For the past month I have been doing no intense cardio and lifting heavy 3 times a week (I had to hire a trainer and for the 3rd session I take a body pump class). The only thing that has kept me relatively sane is walking every night after dinner. I feel like it helps with the water retention. But I have to wear somewhat "dressy" clothes to keep myself from running! I think a therapist would be a great idea, but as it is not really in the budget for me at the moment I am going to work on finding a support group.

    Good luck to you.
    Ann
  • matlab99
    matlab99 Posts: 7
    I have similar situation like you. Like today I really wanted to go for a run during work break but I left my running shoes home. I ended up buying a new pair at REI. But I have incorporated 30-40 minutes strength training to my daily workout. You probably are not going to loss weight in the beginning but in a long term your body will look great. I am 5'4'' and down from 140 to 115. The first 20 lbs were done by pure calories deficit in 3 months. Next 5 lbs were another 3 months workout. I still have 6 lbs to go. Good luck!
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    This mentality sounds familiar....just like me...maybe I am slighter easier on myself as I can take a day off but everything else is just like me...:embarassed:

    I want to get down to 125, too, for years...
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
    Another thing in my head is how jealour I am every time I see an already very thin person (weight less than me) reports she lost another 5 pounds by ...doing nothing...this drives me crazy and depresses me for days.
  • Alyssawinter1221
    Alyssawinter1221 Posts: 118
    This sounds exactly like me. I used to suffer from anorexia and have now transferred to exercise bulimia though I barely eat. Ironically I am studying to be an ED counselor, because I was better for so long and wanted to share my experience. All I can tell you is, I'm here for you if you need to talk. Take it slow. Make small goals. Shorter workouts. I'm going to get better again. And so will you. :) be proud you admitted your problem. You're strong!
  • midas1022
    midas1022 Posts: 151
    I am a man and have been in the same place you are in now. It is obvious that this has consumed you to the point that you can't go any further doing what your doing without some kind of results. I can assure you that it never ends. Even if you achieve your goals you will never be happy with yourself looking in the mirror. I joined several gyms including a 24hr gym so I would work out at night when I couldn't sleep. I got seriously injured. I snapped my Achilles Tendon and had a cast up to my hip for 6 months. I couldn't work out. My days were empty. I had nothing to obsess about because I couldn't work out. It was the most depressing and hardest things I have ever went through. Everything in my life collapsed because everything was centered around working out. Its all I thought about. My advice is to get some counseling. If not that then you have to start changing your habits. Start taking classes about diet and exercise. Spend your time learning about fitness instead of doing it. It will help you a tremendous amount because if you learn about nutrition, exercise, and fitness you will not be wondering why you cant lose the last few pound and you won't need to obsess over the things your doing because you will find out there are better ways. You can start helping others to achieve their goals and by doing this you will spend your time doing something that is very rewarding. You can save lives and save your own at the same time. Please feel free to friend me anytime and I will be happy to be supportive and help you through this. I know what your going through. good luck
  • Alyssawinter1221
    Alyssawinter1221 Posts: 118
    Oh yeah! What Midas said is true. I'm studying to be a trainer, mostly to pad my credentials for being an ED counselor, but also bc I love working out and helping others. Plus it's good side money for school :) maybe you can try that?
  • marianne06031985
    marianne06031985 Posts: 2 Member
    i was wondering....i know this post is years ago but i am in the same boat right now....im just too tired and i cant stop cause i fear of gaining
    my routine
    monday to thursday
    4k run as cardio
    2hours of lifting

    friday rest
    saturday-sunday
    12k run OR 8K run 2hours of lifting

    i want to remove my 4k run mondays-thursday will i get fat???
  • MichelleSilverleaf
    MichelleSilverleaf Posts: 2,027 Member
    marianne06031985 wrote: »
    i was wondering....i know this post is years ago but i am in the same boat right now....im just too tired and i cant stop cause i fear of gaining
    my routine
    monday to thursday
    4k run as cardio
    2hours of lifting

    friday rest
    saturday-sunday
    12k run OR 8K run 2hours of lifting

    i want to remove my 4k run mondays-thursday will i get fat???

    That's a lot of movement, don't blame you wanting to drop the 4k. But if you're worried about gaining I'm a big fan of data and facts. You could either use a TDEE calculator or set MFP to maintenance, weigh and track your food and eat about half of your exercise calories. Give it 4-6 weeks and gather some data, and see what your weight does. If it drops, eat more exercise calories. If you maintain, you're good. If you gain, eat a little less of your exercise calories. If you can gain fat you can lose it. And remember you will naturally fluctuate between a few pounds, but 4-6 weeks should give you a good enough trend to see if you gain, lose or maintain.
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