My Motivation

MJZO · June 2014

Sorry for the longish story here, but I'm a writer so I have an excuse to use my words!

My motivation to lose weight comes from a broken heart.

My motivation to share this painful story is to help others avoid the trap I fell in.

At 39 years old I found the love of my life, moved to England from America and bought a ring. I am ashamed to say that I weighed almost 400 pounds. I never thought I would find love again until I met her and wasn't the man I once was. My girl cared greatly about my health and was worried. She tried to help me with portion control and healthy eating - but I was an emotional eater - I ate in bliss when I was content and happy - and she made me extremely happy (when I am depressed, I don't eat). When we cuddled she poked my belly and the flab on my arms. It was a subtle nudge from her, but it hurt me instead of motivating me.

As a man I wanted to be her knight in shining armor, her prince. She didn't need me to be The Rock, but I needed to 'care' enough about myself to do something. What I didn't realize was that she was pulling away. As she pulled away, I felt more insecure in my weight. Insecurity made me unromantic, killed my confidence and made me painfully introverted. When that happened, it was a big flashing sign that said 'this man doesn't care about us'. In my heart, I cared, I loved, I would do anything. Yet, I didn't. I stopped tending to our 'garden' and one month ago the love of my life left.

I don't say this for sympathy, but as a lesson of how serious my motivation is - I have lost my home, my community of new friends and church in England, and the girl I was going to marry and have children with. I wish that I would have been motivated to lose weight with the love and support of the people I no longer have. Now I share my story with strangers. A month ago my life changed because she had the courage to leave me. Each day since, I have struggled to find the courage to exercise/walk, eat and care about my health. I have discovered something that I didn't realize before - in order to love another, I had to love myself and my weight made that challenging. She hadn't quit on me, I quit on myself and if you can't do it for you, you won't do it for anyone else. It isn't being selfish, it is caring about yourself so you can care for others in a healthy, productive and positive way.

I remember being unable to walk down the street with her. Now I walk 2-4 miles every day. Three months ago I would happily tuck into four plates of takeaway. Now I monitor my calories and haven't had takeaway, fast food, hamburgers, etc since that tragic day. Before I could drink a six pack of coke. I haven't had anything carbonated in a month.

Please learn from me. If you have that special someone, do it for you so you can do it for them before you don't have the extra motivation of a lover, wife, friend or child around. They WILL support you and they WILL respect and love you for it. Just be honest and ask for help. I didn't and each day while I walk I ask for forgiveness.

Thank you for reading this and supporting me!

Matt

Glynneybug · June 2014

Thank you for sharing Matt. I think it is very brave of you to share you story and I appreciate your words. If you would like to add me, please feel free. Sending you love and light!!!
~Glynis

itsbasschick · June 2014

keep walking, and take care of yourself, please! i've been there from the other side, and it can be terrible. i'm sorry you lost the life you had built, but i hope you can use it to get healthier.

years ago, the guy i was with was having health issues - terrible lung pain and constant cough, higher and higher blood pressure (so high that i didn't know blood pressure even GOT that high). not only would he not do anything about them, but he was furious when i suggested he talk to his mother (a great woman, btw) for advice and support. he didn't want her to know he had these issues but he didn't mind worrying his friends, all of whom were scared for him.

i couldn't live with his terrible wracking cough, constant lung pain (which, for all i knew was contagious and my son and myself could be at risk), the bright red face and neck, the knowledge that he wasn't going to be around for the long haul and our lives revolving around terrible problems he wouldn't do anything about. my feelings changed after living with fear of all this and anger that he wouldn't stop drinking whole milk by the quart and eating tons of burgers when bp of over 300 on the top and over 120 on the bottom.

we did remain friends over the years, but sadly he passed away over a year ago at 59 from a heart attack brought on by blood pressure related complications - my husband, son, myself and his family miss him every day :-(

MJZO · June 2014

Thank you Glynis, that is very kind of you.

MJZO · June 2014

Thank you itsbasschick. I was selfish in my thinking and I realized it only afterwards. I didn't want someone telling me what I could and couldn't eat - even though deep down I knew she was right. I was too proud to ask for help and too scared to admit it in fear I would lose her. My actions trying to avoid losing her resulted in just that.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like a truly unfair position for you and your son. I did it to my girl and now I have two options - wait to die or fight to live.

nancybuss · June 2014

You've been through a lot, and its changed you a lot. Lots of VERY hard lessons.

You can do this!

Do it for YOU

MJZO · June 2014

Thank you Nancy! Yes, I need to answer to the man in the mirror at the end of the day.

DanaLynnMN · June 2014

Thank you for sharing your story Matt. No doubt there are others here that have gone through the same pain.
Your story and your motivation will inspire others...I'm sure of it.

You have found the key to success...making a change, and doing it for YOU!
You CAN do it....You CAN succeed!

Feel free to add me if you'd like.

MJZO · June 2014

Thanks, Dana. Great advice. Losing weight/getting healthy isn't something you do for others, but must be something you do for yourself.

Mishy · June 2014

Thanks for sharing your story. Keep on walking!

MJZO · June 2014

Hi Mishy. I got to read your poem before it was edited and it was very sweet. Thank you for sharing it.

Donut_Kitty · June 2014

Hello MJZO,

Your story kind of hit home for me. I became overweight (probably my biggest in my life) while in college years ago. Ever since then, it's been a struggle for me to drop the weight and learn to change my diet. When I was with my boyfriend, he would help me into eating right and exercising. He lost a lot of weight by doing the "Body for Life" method and it worked perfectly for him. After a few months of working at it, I realized this wasn't the method for me, but he kept forcing guilt on me for not working hard enough. Years later, I'm slowly shedding pounds (not as much as I was hoping for) and he's still pressuring me to keep up with his methods and no matter how many times I told him it wasn't working well for me, my words fell on deaf ears.

I had no motivation to lose weight. I knew I was heavy and needed to drop the pounds. I was very healthy, but even the nagging from the BF and my mother didn't inspire me. Last year, my BF ended our 15 year long relationship on a very bad note; making sure I knew he didn't find me attractive anymore and blah blah blah. Now that I'm single, I actually have so much motivation and that I'm wanting to succeed for myself. Maybe there's a little bit of revenge behind my motives or just knowing that I'm doing this for myself and NO ONE else. I realized you have to want to do it for yourself. After the breakup, I had to force myself to not go down the rabbit hole of depression and I immediately started exercising and changing my eating habits. There are times I fall of the wagon and snack on chocolate or chips, but I have to scold myself and keep on with the work. I lost around 11 lbs from just changing my diet and now doing cardio six days a week for 30-40 minutes.

Thank you for sharing your story. Hope things are getting better.

MJZO · June 2014

Hi Donut_Kitty! That is an incredible story and it is very brave of you to share that. I'm finding in this journey, albeit a short one so far, that everyone comes to decisions and cross roads in their lives at their own pace. Not every person is wired the same and not every person is ready to make major life changes at the same time. It hurts me to hear that over time you felt hurt from a loved one because of your weight.

It's challenging that we are always taught to love the person on the inside when we find the people we want to marry or share our lives with. We forget that we need to love ourselves first before we can get to that step - and it is seems selfish to do that - at least for me. But that is why weI are here, sharing our stories and working hard to be the best we can be.

Matt

My Motivation

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