As you lose weight do people respond to you differently?

eepeoples
eepeoples Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
I've lost roughly 45 lbs over the last year and half, going slowly and in fits and starts. Along the way I've done some light strength training, added some muscle, changed my shape. To my surprise I've found that not all the reactions I've noticed from other people are positive. Some people have become standoffish, or at least a lot less friendly/chatty than they used to be. WTF is up with that? I've been monitoring it for a while because I wanted to be sure it wasn't my imagination. I wondered if my ego was changing and affecting the way I came across to people. I'm not an egotistical guy and I don't brag on myself so I don't THINK that's it. So I just kept track of things, tested people and I've determined that my impressions are actually pretty accurate.

I'm not talking about people I don't know. Reactions from them are definitely more positive than they ever were before. I'm talking about people I know. Not close friends but folks like coworkers and other acquaintances you see semi-regularly. They've changed. It's something to behold. I'm just wondering if any else has noticed something like this. I have a couple of theories about this but I wanted hear your input first. Thanks!

Replies

  • TAMayorga
    TAMayorga Posts: 341 Member
    I have also lost about 45 pounds since joining MFP. And yes, I have noticed that people are responding to me differently. But in my case, it's more positive. I can't decide if it's the actual weight loss, or the increase in my self-esteem and subsequent increase in my own level of "out-goingness". Anyway, I'm sorry that people aren't appreciating the new you. Congrats on your loss! :flowerforyou:
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    Yes, I notice people treat me differently and I hate it, even though they are generally positive. It seems to be people I know in passing rather than friends. It's almost as though a small part of them perceives me as more "worthy" now that I'm physically smaller, which essentially implies I'm a better person, when of course, I'm exactly the same person I was, just with a different dress size. I don't get it and it throws me off balance. I've never treated other people differently based on physical appearance, so I've never understood it when others do, and my change in size doesn't change that.

    There are a few who behave as though they don't know what to say or do with me now I'm smaller, almost as though I've metamorphosed into a new person. I just ignore their discomfort and carry on like usual. They seem to chill out pretty quickly.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    They be jealous !!!!!

    Years ago I decided to lose weight & didn't tell anyone ...... by the time I'd lost 25# people began to notice ....... my hubby was very receptive :laugh:

    But one woman at my job got PISSED ...... she was mad that I hadn't told her, so that "we could lose weight together" ...... what a jerk ....... btw, I have a new & much better job now !

    Keep on truckin' !
  • KameHameHaaa
    KameHameHaaa Posts: 244 Member
    My sister has lost close to 100 lbs. We go to the gym together and laugh when the jealous broads make themselves known with staring and sneering. We spend a lot of time strength training with male friends and most the looks come from the chicks on the treadmill.
  • eepeoples
    eepeoples Posts: 7
    Thank you for your responses. Your responses fall in line with what I hear from other women I know who've lost a significant amount of weight. I tend to believe it's a little different with women than guys though. I call it "Al Roker Syndrome" or, alternatively, "Luther Vandross Syndrome". When both of those guys lost weight people were disappointed, didn't like the new look and felt less affinity for them because they liked the fat and jolly image they had. I think I'm getting some of that. Evidently, they always saw me as kinda like this guy...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z0k5flO_gE

    And then there's the thing were some guys, not all or even most, but some seem a little standoffish now. Some guys are just like that in general but if a person you already changes to that you can't help but notice and speculate as to the cause. Are there any guys experiencing this?
  • h7463
    h7463 Posts: 626 Member
    Hello there!
    Congrats to your success! In my experience, people who make comments are either impressed or jealous about a newly (or recycled) fit person's achievements. You can't buy 'fit'. It takes an open mind, patience, hard work, dedication, discipline....
    A lucky few will succeed, and the rest will have a tough time, coping with failure. The nice ones will admire you, and might take your experience into their next attempt to finally reach their own goals. The bad ones might still have the nagging voice of their significant other in their ears, that they have to start taking better care of their health, and they just take it out on you. 'Fat and jolly you' always gave them an excuse before. But not anymore! In the end, it's always THEIR problem, not yours!

    Keep up your good work!
  • celinetmika
    celinetmika Posts: 70 Member
    I have lost 115 lbs and yes, people are acting completely different now... I noticed it when I became fat, I became invisible, now that I am thinner, people notice me again. Most people have positive reactions to my weight loss though, they say it's awesome etc, and really their first question is always "how long did it take you?" (a question I HATE by the way).
    I think the only person that is not that positive about it is actually mu husband! lol He says I have changed, which is true. It does change a person... And here and there I get a few "jealous" stares from other women at the gym but it doesn't bother me really. I have worked for it, I didn't "steal" it.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    People talk to me now instead of ignoring me. The ILs and their friends get their jollies commenting on my weight loss. The thing I don't understand is when people tell me I'm an inspiration. How is me not shoveling food in my mouth and playing computer games 18 hours a day an inspiration?
  • nanlmille
    nanlmille Posts: 14 Member
    Forget that jolly fat guy! Revel in your higher energy level, fitting into airplane seats, not huffing and puffing when you go up steps, and all the other manifest benefits of your new, fitter self. Anyone who genuinely likes you will rejoice in your change of shape. Casual acquaintances are probably just jealous or disconcerted that you are not living up to the stereotype box they had placed you in.

    And not to open a can of worms, I think there is a racial dimension to it. Black folks are expected to be fat and jolly, fat and sassy, fat and whatever and when one turns into slim and fit, it can be a shock to some white folks. I just participated in a workplace "Biggest Loser" contest in which I (a white lady of 61) was competing against 3 African American women. I won by a mile and I am scratching my head trying to figure out why they did not try harder. Could it be because African Americans get mixed messages about the desirability of having some "curves" and heft? Speaking as a white lady, I hear only the message that being obese is AWFUL. So now I am happy to have left that category for the merely overweight! By the way, the woman administering our BL contest is black, slender, fit, active, and healthy, and an avid fan of MFP! Obviously there are some excellent role models in the black community.
  • eepeoples
    eepeoples Posts: 7
    Thanx, everybody!

    Nanlmille, that's very interesting. I think there is both a racial and gender dimension to the reactions I've gotten. I've noticed that the experiences of women here don't really match my experience at all. I haven't heard from enough guys on the topic to compare notes but my theory is that people like their jolly fat guy or, as in the case of Al Roker and Luther Vandross, they definitely like their black guys fat and jolly. I think Roker actually lost some of his popularity when he lost weight.

    If it's woman who are reacting to me it's because as a fat guy I probably seemed like a safe haven from any sexual tension or something. Securely in the friend zone, so to speak. Having the lost the weight and looking better might be changing the calculus on that. With guys it's a little different. I think that's more of a competitive thing. I was a "non-threat", non-competitor before. But I've lost weight and added some muscle and now they are little more standoffish. Again, not everybody. Maybe not even most. But enough for me to notice. I don't like it.

    As for the racial dynamic, I wasn't planning on getting into this but I do think there something to that. It's easier on a black guy if you don't come across as threatening in any way at all. There's a heightened reaction to any form of assertiveness when it comes from you as opposed to other people that you're constantly forced to manage. So being perceived as harmless and cuddly works to counteract that and that's always been my profile. As I get into better shape that might be changing. I'm still not in the least bit menacing. I don't have the face for that but, hey, neither did Trayvon Martin, right? But as I get more physically in shape you never know what crazy, paranoia might be working on people.

    None of this is meant to suggest that all the reactions I've gotten are negative. Far from it. I'm just talking about things I've noticed from some people who knew me before and have been on hand to see the transition. What I can say with certainty is that there definitely some individuals who were very friendly with me before who barely say two words to me now and only when forced to. Go figure.

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