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its not exactly fitness related BUT...I need advice.

thatgirl17
thatgirl17 Posts: 21
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
I know this isn't exactly fitness related but it is to an extent when you're an emotional eater. I just want to know if there is any other ladies are out there that are with a guy that they know they probably shouldn't be with. Who makes you cry everyday, who lies, cheats and doesn't seem to care. It just seems thats what I am dealing with but any time I threaten to leave he cries or begs and it makes me feel so bad. I am so tired of trusting or waiting to see him change. Does anyone else feel or deal with this. My heart hurts and it just makes me want to sit down and eat a big tub of ice cream! :(

Replies

  • marisol7649
    marisol7649 Posts: 484 Member
    Oh I am so sorry to hear this.

    First of all do you guys have kids? I think that you should do what makes you happy. Life is too short to live in misery. You have to make a strong decision to do what is best for you. Maybe you could move out as a trial basis and see if that will help you guys, perhaps in the end you either might like being part or you build a stronger relationship.

    I'll say a prayer for you You do have the strenght to do what is best for you, sometimes it is scary.
    Good Luck
  • strivingfor130
    strivingfor130 Posts: 221 Member
    I know it is hard, but the best thing to do is leave him. If he isn't treating you right now, he probably isn't going to treat you right in the future. The crying and begging is just a manipulative tool used to keep you there because he knows you will stay if he does that. You are worth more than what he is putting you through and deserve someone that wipes away your tears instead of makes you cry and that respects you enough to be honest. It's tough to break that cycle because you believe he will change for the better, but in all honesty if he isn't willing to put in the work to change, he isn't going too. My ex lied to me constantly over the smallest things, and it was so emotionally draining. I'm a lot better without him, but I wish we had the chance to try counseling to see if we could figure out our own issues and see if he was willing to change. If you think this guy is willing to straighten up I'd give a shot at couples counseling, but if not, you need to forget him and focus on yourself and on healing from the relationship.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    There comes a point that you know what you need to do. I did live in a situation that wasn't healthy at all where my man was concerned. It wasn't good for me at all.

    I took some time and made an exit strategy and stuck with it. Then I got stronger and stronger on my own and with others that had been through what I'd been through.

    Then I got with a man that loved me like he loves himself. He's rarely mean and if he is I can tell it's b/c of an outside stressor and then we talk and talk.

    I wish you the best in your decisions. Life is too short to be unhappy. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. A healthy love. A love that isn't mean or rude or hurtful.

    Good luck.
  • plagirl227
    plagirl227 Posts: 134
    Get rid of him! No matter how much he cries and begs, you need to stand your ground. Your relationship is toxic and you do not need to keep someone in your life that's a liar and a cheat and makes you cry all the time. That's no way to live. You are worth way more than that. Eating tubs of ice cream is not the solution...
  • shreddingit
    shreddingit Posts: 1,133 Member
    your gonna let a guy ruined you!! omg please check deeply in you!
  • btrflyflutter
    btrflyflutter Posts: 68 Member
    Everyone can tell you all day long to dump him but you are not going to until your mentally ready to do it! I was there...married one and 14 years later when I was finally at my wits end I said enough of this....I'm miserable, had been miserable and insecure from day one of meeting him and I left with 2 kids. My advice is this....you feel that way now...it will never change, you will always feel this way around him....he does not enhance you in any way...he in fact makes you the worse you you can possibly be. Grab your balls...where ever you need to find them at and make a change. You will thank yourself.
  • thatgirl17
    thatgirl17 Posts: 21
    Oh I am so sorry to hear this.

    First of all do you guys have kids?

    We do have one kid together a 10 month old daughter, This is soo tough, I just always want to see the best in everyone and do not know how to work up the courage to leave him let alone ever afford it. :(....Thanks for the advice, it really helps to hear it. Not to mention I wonder how dissapointed my parents would be if I left the man I had a baby with. urgghh so sad.
  • kendf60
    kendf60 Posts: 234 Member
    Speaking as a father of a daughter near your age, please end this relationship. He will never treat you better than when you're dating. Set high standards of what you want in a relationship and move on as soon as a relationship does not meet those standards. I know it's hard but you can do it.
  • kendf60
    kendf60 Posts: 234 Member
    Speaking as a father of a daughter near your age, please end this relationship. He will never treat you better than when you're dating. Set high standards of what you want in a relationship and move on as soon as a relationship does not meet those standards. I know it's hard but you can do it.
  • btrflyflutter
    btrflyflutter Posts: 68 Member
    It's not your parents life.....and we all want a perfect family...mother, father and kids together. My kids and mother is what kept me in my marriage and miserable alot longer than I would have probably stayed....then it hit me....my kids are watching their mother in a bad relationship, unhappy and insecure. That was not the message I wanted to send my boys on how to have a marriage and treat a woman/man. Being apart proved to be better mentally on us all....kids especially. They are well rounded nice boys:)
  • nilisabel
    nilisabel Posts: 338
    yes, i totally understand the desire to just cave because you don't see a way out, or you need a break and aren't able to have one. Life can be so hard sometimes. But everyday is a new day and we get a chance every single day to do something different, and every small change counts. People can change and relationships can be transformed, and you know, nobody knows what is going on between two people but the two people in that relationship (and sometimes we're not even sure when we're in it right?). For me, I had to learn to love what's good for me. As you accomplish this journey in health and fitness, maybe you will be able to translate it over to other aspects of your life. It can be so hard, but you are so honest I think you will make the right decisions for yourself. You're a gem and you're in my prayers.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Oh I am so sorry to hear this.

    First of all do you guys have kids?

    We do have one kid together a 10 month old daughter, This is soo tough, I just always want to see the best in everyone and do not know how to work up the courage to leave him let alone ever afford it. :(....Thanks for the advice, it really helps to hear it. Not to mention I wonder how dissapointed my parents would be if I left the man I had a baby with. urgghh so sad.

    your daughter will learn by watching you what it is to be a woman. Would you want her to put up this type of treatment? She will someday if you teach her that's what women should accept...

    Leave for her, leave for yourself, just leave.
  • smilestb99
    smilestb99 Posts: 50
    While I can't tell you what to do, you are asking for help, and speaking from experience- when you stay, you're not thinking of yourself and you need to be. Whew, here goes- this is not something I share often, but I think you need to hear it.

    When I was 21, I thought I had found the most wonderful guy. He was 5 years older than me, good looking, funny- I was set! I ended up moving in with him and we got engaged and everyone thought we were so happy and the "greatest couple." Things changed, and rather quickly. He had the worst temper. I was the kind of person who refused to yell and would only have an adult conversation and when I didn't yell back, he'd get even more irrate. One time, he punched a whole through our bedroom door. I could've hand his job handed to him, because he was a corrections officer. That was the moment I knew I needed to get the heck out of there, but did I? Nope...then I always felt like he was cheating on me or that something was going on with the other female officers, but I could never prove it and me being the young naiive thing I was back then, just kept convincing myself that nothing was happening. The last 4 months we were together, he put me in tears every day. I finally realized when my weight had reached 241 (168 when I met him), that enough was enough. Before I had felt like a failure. We were to be married in 5 months and I felt like I was letting myself down...and he had a wonderful family- and like I said, everyone else thought we were just fine.

    Needless to say, I finally got the courage to leave him and went to live on my own. It was the best thing I had ever done for myself. That first night alone in my new apartment, I felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted. I found out two months later that he was engaged to another girl. I know I made the right choice for me, and from what I can tell you'd be making the right choice too. I hope you get the courage to leave him. There is always something better out there, even if you don't think there is, and it sounds like you need a better life for your little one.

    I was on my own for 3 years after that, and was so picky. I went on several 'first dates' but I always found something wrong with guys and felt they all weren't good enough for me. I later realized that I just wasn't ready. I wasn't where I needed to be. When I was ready, I found the love of my life without even looking...and now I am engaged to be married again, but this time I am so happy, and I know you can be too! Sorry for the long post, I hope that this helped in some way.:flowerforyou:
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