still waiting on the confidence

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blackizbutiful
blackizbutiful Posts: 103 Member
in Motivation and Support
that comes with loosing weight. anyone have the above issue. after loosing all this weight I find myself still lacking the confidence that comes with that. still seeing and feeling the fat girl complex. even when clothes fit and I have the pics to show the confidence still isn't there

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  • bobbijodmb
    bobbijodmb Posts: 463 Member
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    I used to feel this way until I realized that confidence doesn't come from weightloss, it comes from in you. There were days that I actually felt more confident when I weighed more. Part of it is recognizing your strengths, things you like about yourself and really working on the inner you- not what you look like on the outside =) Good Luck
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
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    I have lost about half of my goal. At times I think I look good but then 5 minutes later in a different position I still see the fat old self. I did go to the pool and got a nice comment from a friend of mine and I must say I felt thinner than most of the other 40+ year old men who sport nice sized beer bellies.
  • 3293kitkat
    3293kitkat Posts: 22
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    30 pounds is a lot to lose, that is awesome! I think we all have a self-image issue when it comes to how we perceive ourselves... You have to wake up everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful no matter what, and believe it... I am 110% on the same page as you though... I was very heavy before, and lost near 80 pounds... then I gained some weight back, and I'm very unhappy, but that just gives me more motivation to do something about it, you got this!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I used to feel this way until I realized that confidence doesn't come from weightloss, it comes from in you. There were days that I actually felt more confident when I weighed more. Part of it is recognizing your strengths, things you like about yourself and really working on the inner you- not what you look like on the outside =) Good Luck

    This ^^
  • handyrunner
    handyrunner Posts: 32,662 Member
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    yea it can be hard to feel that...when youve gone for years being self conscious...you build up in your head what you think people are thinking...its hard to let go..

    I find i can just step back and look at where i am now and what I can do....the amazement of it helps get over the self consciouness.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    I know that for me, a lot of times when I look in the mirror, I still see the same reflection that I had 30+ pounds ago. Intellectually, I know this can't be right, because I have weight and measurements and how my clothes fit that are hard facts that prove that I have changed. Or, I see how I've lost some fat on my arms and can finally see some muscle definition, and then I focus on how much my belly jiggles and wiggles, and that good feeling I had quickly vanishes.

    I think we have trained our brains to view ourselves a certain way, and even when that changes, our brains take a while to catch up. Keep reminding yourself of all the progress you've made and how far you've come. Focus on how much better you feel. The confidence will come slowly but surely. :heart:
  • blackizbutiful
    blackizbutiful Posts: 103 Member
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    I'm reading the comments and tears are honestly in my eyes. I'm at the point of why even bother exercising if I'm going to feel this crappy. Im guessing its one of those days..but thanks for the words of encouragement
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I'm reading the comments and tears are honestly in my eyes. I'm at the point of why even bother exercising if I'm going to feel this crappy. Im guessing its one of those days..but thanks for the words of encouragement

    Why do you feel crappy? It's obviously something other than weight, because you are doing well in that department. Take some time and really think about what it is that makes you feel bad. Then work to change it. Don't expect it to change overnight, though. Keep working on it. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small.

    Talk to someone if you need to. A friend, trusted family member, clergy, a professional. It may take time and work, but you can gain self confidence.
  • blackizbutiful
    blackizbutiful Posts: 103 Member
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    yeah i know its more than the weight but I honestly I'm realizing I'm even more unhappy having lost so much weight.
  • fit_gal
    fit_gal Posts: 167
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    That happened to me a few years ago when I lost a lot of weight (I also took pics). I still felt fat. The feeling went eventually, but took a while.
  • KelleP
    KelleP Posts: 33 Member
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    Congrats on the weight loss! Have you tried putting up little affirmations to replace the negative thoughts?

    I love and accept myself unconditionally.
    I approve of myself and feel great about myself.
    I radiate love and respect and in return I get love and respect.
    I consciously release the past and live only in the present. That way I get to enjoy and experience life to the full.

    If all else fails that song "I'm Sexy and I Know It" usually brings a smile to my face or adjustment of attitude for me! LOL!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    yeah i know its more than the weight but I honestly I'm realizing I'm even more unhappy having lost so much weight.

    Why do you think that is? Loss of comfort from food? You expected to feel better and are disappointed that you don't? Why do you think you feel worse now, when clearly you have much to be proud of?
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    yeah i know its more than the weight but I honestly I'm realizing I'm even more unhappy having lost so much weight.

    not exactly.

    what I would say as someone else pointed out- you are realizing that your self esteem and the image you have of yourself is not actually tied to your weight- or you body. The mental/internal issues you have- you do not have b/c of the weight- the weight is or isn't- you're brain is still there.

    You're learning about who you really are- many MANY people project their issues on to their weight- and then realize exaxtly this- that the weight was just a scape goat.

    It'll get better but you have to realize you have some internal stuff to sort out. I would definitely set up some tangible accomplishment goals- sign up for a five K- start weight training and enter a power lifting competition. something tangible that you CAN do and have a goal - train for it and do it.

    1.) Will give you something to focus on/train for and 2.) will give you confidence and a boost b/c you know you achieved something!!

    good luck honey!!! You're on the right path- it just takes time I promise.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    that comes with loosing weight. anyone have the above issue. after loosing all this weight I find myself still lacking the confidence that comes with that. still seeing and feeling the fat girl complex. even when clothes fit and I have the pics to show the confidence still isn't there

    There are plenty of confident overweight people, so that might be a clue that being in shape DOES NOT give you confidence. It gives you health.

    Confidence comes from the ability to have faith in yourself that you are as good as everyone else. Fitness, intelligence, humor, creativity, money, status, power, education...none of that will ever give you confidence.

    edit: Props on the weight loss!
  • blackizbutiful
    blackizbutiful Posts: 103 Member
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    I've done affirmations like crazy to myself they do get me through. I was raped when I was 8 years old obese all my life and I really thought loosing the weight would erase a lot of things. Yeah I did the counselling sessions but I really thought the emotions were wrapped up in the weight. Now its gone they're still there. Food was an addiction and a comfort I learned to realize when I started comfort eating when I got angry so I've been challenging myself to form a discipline with that area. Oh this is a lifetime struggle
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I've done affirmations like crazy to myself they do get me through. I was raped when I was 8 years old obese all my life and I really thought loosing the weight would erase a lot of things. Yeah I did the counselling sessions but I really thought the emotions were wrapped up in the weight. Now its gone they're still there. Food was an addiction and a comfort I learned to realize when I started comfort eating when I got angry so I've been challenging myself to form a discipline with that area. Oh this is a lifetime struggle

    I'm really sorry that happened and I wish I had something profound to say that would help. Unfortunately I don't. I would encourage you to go back to counseling or to some type of support group.

    Giving up and gaining the weight back is not going to help. It will just give you something else to feel bad about. You can't change what happened in the past, but you can change your future. You can be healthy. Do whatever you need to do to get there.

    Best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    I totally get how you are feeling! I still see myself at 86 pounds heavier and wonder why I didn't realize I was fat at the time (I knew I was overweight :smile: ) because I never felt like this. Some days are better than others but that self-loathing still creeps in every now and then. I really hope it will pass in time, but I really wonder who is totally happy with their body.

    I agree with JoRocka, try and find something that you can train for even if it is just for a month or so that will boost your self-confidence. I like participating in monthly challenges, these offer just enough accountability that if I fail I know I only let myself down unless it wasn't my fault :tongue: I am currently challenging myself to do 150 bicycle crunches every day and to keep up with my strength training schedule (something I struggle with). I will admit it felt darn good when some grabbed my side and commented on how solid it was - even with knowing that I have accomplished that, sometimes it is just hard to maintain that glow of pride.

    Hang in there - you are not alone!
  • KelleP
    KelleP Posts: 33 Member
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    I think you will find many MFP friends to lend you some confidence and support on your journey. Baby steps!
  • blackizbutiful
    blackizbutiful Posts: 103 Member
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    thanks for all the encouragement
  • SunShineBeastess
    SunShineBeastess Posts: 225 Member
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    yeah i know its more than the weight but I honestly I'm realizing I'm even more unhappy having lost so much weight.

    not exactly.

    what I would say as someone else pointed out- you are realizing that your self esteem and the image you have of yourself is not actually tied to your weight- or you body. The mental/internal issues you have- you do not have b/c of the weight- the weight is or isn't- you're brain is still there.

    You're learning about who you really are- many MANY people project their issues on to their weight- and then realize exaxtly this- that the weight was just a scape goat.

    It'll get better but you have to realize you have some internal stuff to sort out. I would definitely set up some tangible accomplishment goals- sign up for a five K- start weight training and enter a power lifting competition. something tangible that you CAN do and have a goal - train for it and do it.

    1.) Will give you something to focus on/train for and 2.) will give you confidence and a boost b/c you know you achieved something!!

    good luck honey!!! You're on the right path- it just takes time I promise.

    This ^^^^ is the perfect decription - I too have days that I just don't see the accomplishments, but I have some really great friends on here that listen to me say - I want more - faster - quicker...etc. and they continue to encourage and change my focus on what I have done not what I have to do. Also, totally agree with Jo, that before weight loss it was easy to blame everything on it...it was the pink elephant in the room. Now not so much, you are where I was in October last year when I had a realization of "it's not the weight thats making me unhappy" so much more.....made some changes and now the most common response I get is you look so much happier now.....so hang in there - look at your progress pics and take time to find who THE NEW YOU IS AND WHAT MAKES HER HAPPY! <3

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