Boyfriend problems

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saltycloud
saltycloud Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi there!

Last year I started MFP in spring, lost about 8kg from 75-67 and felt pretty good. It was easy as I enjoy being outsite, I was running, bicycling, swimming and just walking around. I don't like starving myself so I mostly lose weight by just not eating till I feel like I could explode but just until I am full. This, and sports. I felt really fit.
Then I moved in with my boyfriend for half a year and gained almost everything back. I can not do this when he is around! Most of the time we have a long distance relationship and right now we live apart and can see each other just every view weeks.

So there is the problem. I love food and so does my boyfriend, we cook delicious things and I end up eating a lot more than when I am alone. The other thing is, he has a heart condition and can not do as much sport as I like to.
So are there any tipps? I mean I am sure boyfriend vs weight loss is a problem for many of us. How do you handle it?

I am grateful for any advice :)
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Replies

  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Your boyfriend is not the problem, unless if he is holding a gun to your head forcing you to eat and not workout. Recognize that you are easily influenced by him and need to create boundaries with YOURSELF. Set out fair proportion sizes of food, dedicate an hour a day to workout, etc.
  • Ktanaqui
    Ktanaqui Posts: 35 Member
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    While I can't speak for what is safe or unsafe for your partner...
    My simplest suggestion is some light exercise. My partner has some medical issues that makes exercise difficult for him (and downright painful) but something as simple as walking the dog is usually helpful and safe enough for both of us. You could always factor in breaks too, during a walk, which could prove helpful to your partner.

    If my love can't keep up with what I want to do, I simply slow down and/or reach a compromise with him. Of course, we have a strong understanding with each other, so...
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    1) My wife likes to cook and bake, and does both very well. I got very large eating 3 servings of her meals and/or cakes.

    Solution: I stopped eating 3 servings, eat only one. We adjusted what she cooks now as well (quality and quantity). I cut out most of the cake eating, only nibbling occasionally.

    2) I like to go for long, reasonably paced walks, my wife prefers short, slow ones.

    Solution: My wife (occasionally) joins me for part of my walk ... I consider it my warm-up. When she reaches her limit, she heads back home, and I open my stride and head out for the rest of the walk.

    Result: I'm down 87+ lbs, and fitter than I've been in a long while.

    She's not forcing me to eat, and she's not blocking me from exercise. The only person stopping me before was ME.

    The only person stopping you now is YOU.

    Edits: Fixed typos.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Ummmm...you don't have to do everything he does? Or eat as much as he does?

    You are fully in control of your own choices. I know it can be easy to be influenced by the people around you, but ultimately you alone are responsible for yourself.
  • pinkyslippers
    pinkyslippers Posts: 188 Member
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    I agree with the others that it is a mindset thing. Second helpings are never as good as the first, anyway lol :flowerforyou:

    If I am in a 'blow it' kind of mood, and my husband brings lots of junk food home, I eat it. If I am feeling good and remembering why I want to do this, I don't eat it and it doesn't bother me. But it's all to do with me, not him. xoxo
  • Eleonora91
    Eleonora91 Posts: 688 Member
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    Honestly I used to have the exact same problem while I was living with my flatmate. She was a dear friend of mine and we both were overweight. We liked to eat and we used to have less control over what we were eating while we were together. The only thing that worked for me was speaking for myself: I started by telling and repeting her I had to watch my portions, I couldn't eat as much as I used to (this was both to reassure myself and to let her know what I was going through), I felt like she could understand me while I was confessing my thoughts about dieting and trying to improve my health. Then I would just decide what to eat before we would start cooking, pre-log my meals and stick to them as much as I could.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    personalresponsibility.jpg
  • mzbek24
    mzbek24 Posts: 436 Member
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    Pre-organise your meals, even if it means logging them ahead of time. Perhaps, pack, buy or have healthier food on hand when you're together so you can have some of the unhealthy fun things he does, but incorporate them into your plan if they fit. Perhaps walking together could be an idea? or getting up early and fitting in your exercise on your own, then you might have more wiggle room for calories and stress less.

    I know it can be challenging, my bf is trying to put on weight so he eats heaps of junk in front of me too haha...can be tempting, but as others said....no one can force you to eat anything. You've just got to be able to enjoy it within your limits. And if it doesn't fit in your limits-work out :P
    Be strong. Just think of your goal. Don't give up what you want most for what you want now :)
  • saltycloud
    saltycloud Posts: 30 Member
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    Thank you for your replies.

    As I said, most of the time we live far away from each other so when we are together we really spend every minute together. I don't want to "waste time" with sports without him. We like to go for a walk, as some of you suggested but he also has problems with his feet and they hurt when he walks too long so that isn't a perfect solution either. I think swimming would be a possibility but where we lived there was no swimming pool nearby.
    MNext thing, my mother always made healthy food so I am used to eating well.
    But my parents-in-law are quite the opposite. Threy only drink coke and the meals are rarely healthy. I guess when you ate bad your whole life it's hard to stop it.

    I know everyone has a different situation I just hoped for some tipps to get on the right track.
  • Pinkgoldturquoise
    Pinkgoldturquoise Posts: 24 Member
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    Umm I have a similar thing, my husband is uber fit and loves pasta. What I am trying to do is have a really small portion of the pasta and load up on salad.....

    Or if you are having meat, potatoes and salad in the evening, just skip the potatoes....
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Your boyfriend is not the problem, unless if he is holding a gun to your head forcing you to eat and not workout. Recognize that you are easily influenced by him and need to create boundaries with YOURSELF. Set out fair proportion sizes of food, dedicate an hour a day to workout, etc.

    This!
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    I know everyone has a different situation I just hoped for some tipps to get on the right track.

    In my situation, I'm presently working away from home M-F and with the family only Sat-Sun. I understand the time constraint.
    Regardless of the fact that I want to maximise our "together time", it's not a license for me to overeat.

    You said he has a heart condition. According to your profile, you're 22, and presumably he's of a similar age. All the more reason to work together on getting your joint food plans in order. Otherwise, sadly, your together time could be further limited.

    Best of luck to you both!

    PS - My "long walks" are only an hour, and I usually fit that in before anyone is up. If you want to get in some exercise, it can be done. You could do a work-out video in the home, saving even more time.
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    personalresponsibility.jpg

    Saving this one. Thanks!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    May I ask what his heart condition is? I have a heart murmur, so curious if there's anything I can suggest.
  • saltycloud
    saltycloud Posts: 30 Member
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    He has it since birth, I don't remember the exact name right now but it's kind of a hole in the heart which should not get bigger. He has to take medicine every day and have a long-term ECG every year or so.
    I'm sorry for my late reply I don't have good access to internet these days.
  • taeliesyn
    taeliesyn Posts: 1,116 Member
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    2) I like to go for long, reasonably paced walks, my wife prefers short, slow ones.

    Solution: My wife (occasionally) joins me for part of my walk ... I consider it my warm-up. When she reaches her limit, she heads back home, and I open my stride and head out for the rest of the walk.

    Result: I'm down 87+ lbs, and fitter than I've been in a long while.
    Firstly mega congrats on the weight loss.

    Secondly I might see if I can get my OH to do something similar with me and my runs. If I can get her to join my warmup walks (even if it's only some of them) then WHOOO HOOO
  • craignev
    craignev Posts: 1,247 Member
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    You say you have a long distance relationship and only see each other every few weeks. Doesn't that leave you with plenty of 'you' time to exercise and eat healthy? or am I reading it wrong?
  • powerpigeon
    powerpigeon Posts: 46
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    I did the relationship weight gain and I'm in a long distance relationship. If you're both into food, why not make it a journey you go on together? Find lots of new tasty sounding healthy recipes and learn to cook them together. Make it fun.
    Don't dish yourself up identical portions. My boyfriend can get away with eating more than I can, and I bet yours is the same.
    With the exercise and losing your time with him, if you're not seeing him very often, work out on days you don't see him and use the days you do as rest days.
  • blackgirlfit
    blackgirlfit Posts: 120 Member
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    before i got with my man I weight 25 lighter than what I do now.. but along the way in our relationship, i have dealt with some traumatic ****. A part of me felt like blaming him, but seriously, that doesn't make sense. It's just a coincidence.

    i believe women gain weight in relationship because we finally feel like a guy is with us for us.. so we sort of let our selves go. the nights in watching netflix over a large pizza.. the weekends staying in.. eating chinese. its not worth it. 5 lbs will become 30 will become 50.


    its good u notice now. i would suggest start doing active things with your boyfriend for dates. and if u guys do decide to stay in and hang out.. i would suggest to nibble on some fruits.. or if u wanna have some dark chocolate with fruit .

    try ur hardest not to eat with him. center ur meals all when ur at work, school, home. only eat when u know its a date so u have time to prepare ur meals around that.

    if its a spur of the moment thing, try ur hardest to pick the healthiest item on the menu.
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    2) I like to go for long, reasonably paced walks, my wife prefers short, slow ones.

    Solution: My wife (occasionally) joins me for part of my walk ... I consider it my warm-up. When she reaches her limit, she heads back home, and I open my stride and head out for the rest of the walk.

    Result: I'm down 87+ lbs, and fitter than I've been in a long while.
    Firstly mega congrats on the weight loss.

    Secondly I might see if I can get my OH to do something similar with me and my runs. If I can get her to join my warmup walks (even if it's only some of them) then WHOOO HOOO

    Thanks Taeliesyn,

    Do enjoy it when the missus joins me for part of the walk. The local park is a peaceful place for extended chats, so sometimes we get lost in coversation, and I slow my pace, she extends her distance, and it becomes a nice social event, yet still a light exercise session.

    Good luck with yours.

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