On a diet my whole life (or so it feels)

Hey dirtrockersgi- I feel you!! I am 38 and have noticed a major difference in the last few years as well. Like you, weight and diets have been a big part of my life since it mattered (like, 12). Also like you, I am generally a healthy eater - love all the good stuff (veggies, fruits, etc..).. but don't get me wrong, I could eat cake and ice cream easily twice a day everyday.

i grew up in a circle of friends, including my younger sister, who were effortlessly thin, so i know that struggle as well. And i do consider a struggle, and at times, feel the weight of the seeming injustice of it.

SO what keeps me going is-

1- accepting that it will always be an effort for me; however
2- it is WORTH it and
3- i realized i have some positives that others may not have, so i find balance in that and forgive Fate her unfair hand (example- i found out all my skinny friends were jealous of my bigger breasts and cleavage lol i didn't realize that really small breasts just can't make cleavage - i did find out firsthand when i got down to a size 0 at one point years ago LOL))

What's your motivation?

I have to constantly remind myself of mine- health is a big part of it for me, having longevity and energy for my son, and seeing the changes in my face help too

Just so you are aware of why it's easier and easier to gain back with each yo-yo, and harder and harder to lose.

Unless you diet with a reasonable deficit, eat enough protein, and do some sort of total body strength training - you will lose muscle mass.

The worse any of those 3 are (big deficit, not enough protein, total cardio), the worse the muscle lost is.

That makes it easier to gain fat as your metabolism drops with less muscle, so all eating levels must be less than they otherwise could be.
When at the point of losing muscle mass, usually metabolism is slowing down even an additional amount, being suppressed.
Harder next time around because now you have to eat so little to lose, it's harder to adhere.

Just so you know that. Because many have gotten up to 50-60 years old and realize they've done that to themselves, and wish they hadn't wasted their life away with terrible relationship with food and body yo-yo dieting.

So just to encourage you - do NOT do it the same way you have in the past - unless you desire the same long term results and worse. By which I mean - here you are again from last time.

Use MFP correctly, log your food accurately by weighing it, log your exercise correctly, and it'll work out well.

Oh, reasonable weekly loss amount should be set to 1.5 lbs weekly, change to 1 lb weekly with 20 lbs to go. That's reasonable.
Double the grams of default protein given, keep the grams of fat given, lower the % of carbs to make that happen.
Log your exercise and correctly eat back those calories to keep a reasonable deficit, and make the majority of your exercise strength training - lifting or better yet circuit training. At home that means some heavier dumbbells probably, 2-5 lbs ain't going to cut it.

Everything you said I can actually relate too. I have nieces and friends that can eat like no tomorrow and not gain an ounce of fat and then there is me I eat a cookie and I gained 20 lbs.. Many times I also feel sad and I guess depress, because of my dramatic weight gain. It's been diet after diet for many years. I came to a conclusion that in order to lose weight and get healthy again I will need to change many things about me. I think we both can relate that changes is a struggle is a hard thing to do. So this is the reason I joined MFP to look for motivation and advice of how others did it. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this and I believe with a little discipline and motivation we can get to our goal weight..

heybales- thank you so much for the info.. over the years i have pretty much collected a gym in my basement...i am a walker though and i know i need to work on the weights... just looking for a good weight lifting plan. Also i have dropped my goal to 1 pound per week as you said... i just get a little eager to see results (which is probably why i fail most of the time.)

That's why measuring many spots can be encouraging too.

1 lb of fat lost, depending on where the body loses it - could show up as a great drop in volume in a couple of places.

So while it seems lbs are dropping slowly, inches that people actually see are melting away faster.

Circuit training has a great burn compared to straight lifting, though not as much as cardio (at least during the session, more later though).

3 times weekly, 3 to 4 circuit sets depending on time, 15-20 reps with 60 sec or less between lifts, 7 - 9 lifts.
Heavy enough weights that you can barely go over 20 reps. When you add 5 lbs as you progress, need to drop to 15 reps until you build back up.
Here is routine using dumbbells that you could get 7-9 out of, or go for all 10 if you have time. Keep in this order as it spreads the load out between upper and lower, push and pull.

squat narrow stance - glutes/quads
shoulder press - deltoids
calf raises (seated and standing alternate)
lat pull down, or pull-over, or wide-grip pullups as many as you can do - lats
deadlift - total body
bench press - pecs
plank to give out - stomach/core
bent-over row - upper back
straight-leg deadlift - hamstrings
lateral raise - side deltoids

For tips on how to do those with dumbbells - click on muscle, find dumbbell section and the lift.
http://www.exrx.net/Lists/WtFemale.html