My Name is Kristin and I'm an Emotional Eater
SugaryLynx
Posts: 2,640 Member
(My auto correct is mean and wanted me to put "is an idiot", I loled)
Ahem. I spent 9 months honing my self control. I preach moderation for sustainability. It's ironic 9 months was what it took to lose the amount of weight I gained during my 9 month pregnancy. I was totally in control. And then, bulking happened. I was guided to reverse calories slowly, so I'd find a sweet spot of gaining slowly. It was going perfectly. Then, last week happened.
They tell you about a month's time is how long it takes to formulate a new habit. Here's the truth. It takes seconds to undo. The structure I built, my "80/20" philosophy on went right out the window. I went to visit my dad last Friday. The same dad who had joked I was his anorexic girl and ignored any moment when I tried to express to him my love for lifting or that I was completely healthy. In spite of those memories, it was an okay time. The kids had fun. He was distant but there. We went to the zoo, etc. I ate half boxes of donut holes... I felt completely out of control from stress.
We got home Monday morning. I thought "okay, I'm back to my element again. " I wanted to lift. That didn't happen by a combo of lack of spousal support, fatigue, and yard projects (we built a new patio and working on s raised flower bed). I love my husband with all my heart but lately we're becoming distant. He doesn't respect my new hobby of lifting ( Even after a year)or my desire to stay healthy. Instead, he made every effort to discourage me from getting back into my lifting routine after the vacation. Telling me he missed my boobs and love handles. Then, when Wednesday came and I finally had a break from projects to start my new cycle of All Pro, I asked him to come out and talk with me or lift, so that he wouldn't feel left out. He spent every second out there trying to distract me (I've never had to deal with this lifting in my garage but Holy f it's irritating).
That's when the guilt train started. I already felt bad, this week and all the projects I was eating whole bags of caramel turtles, peanut butter from the jar, etc. Then, my husband started in with "You don't like me and my fat anymore, huh? You're only into fit guys now. " This wasn't a new thing for him to say. Periodically, he insists I only like Ryan Reynolds-like guys, etc. Basically, it feels as though he's threatened by my change and wants me to relapse back.
It makes me want to binge. Something I hadn't done in a year. I'd already accepted this was my hobby. I never asked him to change. I've done all I can to show him my affections are unchanged but still he insists on breaking me down. I did complete my lifting Wednesday. And I will fight for my time to continue to do so. Lifting has become my outlet. if he doesn't understand that, well. ..I don't know.
Today, I get back my routine and control over my diet. I stumbled last week. It may take a month to build a new habit but it unravels in an instant. I'm strong enough to understand this is a mind game and always will be. Perhaps my life will never be perfect and the support I wish may never be so. I know what makes me happy and I will continue to live my life happy. I've fought this hard and I'll never give up on myself again.
Ahem. I spent 9 months honing my self control. I preach moderation for sustainability. It's ironic 9 months was what it took to lose the amount of weight I gained during my 9 month pregnancy. I was totally in control. And then, bulking happened. I was guided to reverse calories slowly, so I'd find a sweet spot of gaining slowly. It was going perfectly. Then, last week happened.
They tell you about a month's time is how long it takes to formulate a new habit. Here's the truth. It takes seconds to undo. The structure I built, my "80/20" philosophy on went right out the window. I went to visit my dad last Friday. The same dad who had joked I was his anorexic girl and ignored any moment when I tried to express to him my love for lifting or that I was completely healthy. In spite of those memories, it was an okay time. The kids had fun. He was distant but there. We went to the zoo, etc. I ate half boxes of donut holes... I felt completely out of control from stress.
We got home Monday morning. I thought "okay, I'm back to my element again. " I wanted to lift. That didn't happen by a combo of lack of spousal support, fatigue, and yard projects (we built a new patio and working on s raised flower bed). I love my husband with all my heart but lately we're becoming distant. He doesn't respect my new hobby of lifting ( Even after a year)or my desire to stay healthy. Instead, he made every effort to discourage me from getting back into my lifting routine after the vacation. Telling me he missed my boobs and love handles. Then, when Wednesday came and I finally had a break from projects to start my new cycle of All Pro, I asked him to come out and talk with me or lift, so that he wouldn't feel left out. He spent every second out there trying to distract me (I've never had to deal with this lifting in my garage but Holy f it's irritating).
That's when the guilt train started. I already felt bad, this week and all the projects I was eating whole bags of caramel turtles, peanut butter from the jar, etc. Then, my husband started in with "You don't like me and my fat anymore, huh? You're only into fit guys now. " This wasn't a new thing for him to say. Periodically, he insists I only like Ryan Reynolds-like guys, etc. Basically, it feels as though he's threatened by my change and wants me to relapse back.
It makes me want to binge. Something I hadn't done in a year. I'd already accepted this was my hobby. I never asked him to change. I've done all I can to show him my affections are unchanged but still he insists on breaking me down. I did complete my lifting Wednesday. And I will fight for my time to continue to do so. Lifting has become my outlet. if he doesn't understand that, well. ..I don't know.
Today, I get back my routine and control over my diet. I stumbled last week. It may take a month to build a new habit but it unravels in an instant. I'm strong enough to understand this is a mind game and always will be. Perhaps my life will never be perfect and the support I wish may never be so. I know what makes me happy and I will continue to live my life happy. I've fought this hard and I'll never give up on myself again.
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Replies
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You have enormous strength. You are not letting such unraveling thwart you from your goals and the things you love and want to do.
I wish your body wasn't an emotional battlefield because of the men in your life. But you are not letting it hold you back, you are not giving up on yourself, you are fighting back when it drags you down. So much respect.0 -
Take it all back with the strength that has allowed you to be as awesome as you are. Thanks for sharing because for a lot of us that monkey on the back (bingeing) is always skulking around somewhere in our brains. :flowerforyou:0
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You've got this!!!!!
Maybe you and the hubby need to get away for a bit? reconnect more?
It sounds like he feels threatened by your progress while he has remained the same?
But regardless a vacation with the one you love couldn't hurt.
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Everyone has little slip-ups and set backs. But you're still here and still fighting for what you want, and that's the most important thing. I hope your husband will come around.
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I'm sorry you have had less than stellar support from family lately, but I'm glad you put this on the boards. Sometimes it's hard for people on here to realize that even at our fittest, we have moments where we struggle.
On a slightly related note, I've been taking time off from lifting to work in our yard as well. Some of that *kitten* is really hard work, especially in the heat we're starting to have. If you're like me though, when you skip just one workout, you feel like your entire body has gone squishy overnight. :laugh: I don't feel whole when I don't lift when I'm supposed to.0 -
Thank you for this post! Seeing that struggles still happen after being on the right path for so long is something we all need to be mindful of. I am sure you don't have to worry too much, because you already know what works for you and how to get back there...that's half the battle! I wish I had some advice about the familial support thing....I struggle with that only in the opposite direction. Every ounce I gain, I get subtle reminders from my husband 7 or 8 times day that "maybe I should hit the gym," and "well, you know I'm really just into fit women." Then again, he will turn around and bring home heaping boxes of takeout Thai food (my favorite) while telling me I have no willpower. I think, overall, your husband wants to be supportive of you, and probably even loves your new body, but is overcome with his own insecurity. As long as you are doing your best to reassure him, there's not much else you can do. Don't give up the lifting you love, just try to get him to see the joy it gives you. Keep it up, and know we're all here for you! 0
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You could check out over eaters anonymous. It's not just for people that want to loose weight like weight watchers or something like that. It is so you can gain insight into how you are feeling and how those around you make you feel and how to deal with it in a healthy way. It's free and hard to walk In the door for the first time but I'm sure you would be welcome with open arms.0
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You are strong, healthy, beautiful, sexy and awesome. It sucks that your husband! My bf likes to pull the "you aren't going to love me anymore" and likes to call himself fat. He lifts with me now but doesn't control his eating and has had me track his food and he's always over on calories and low on protein. I advise him but he doesn't want to change. I'm fine with it, I like him lifting with me because its fun and I have a spotter but its no necessary. He says the only reason he lifts with me is so I won't leave him. This is my hobby, my body and my "journey". He is welcome to come along but it has nothing to do with how I feel about him. Lifting is about my happiness. He just doesn't understand and feels self-conscious about it.0
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Love you guys♡ . I think I've accepted the fact that my husband's attitude may never change. Thank you all for the support. The overeating is something I'm working on. Our flaws are not or weakness, so as long as we always rise up to conquer them0
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I think to some degree its a struggle for each of us every day. Its why we are here to support each other, and help where we can. I can imagine your husband's lack of support doesn't help, but as a man and a husband, I don't get why he wouldn't. Might be time to call bull**** on him and have the conversation, so at least the real feelings about it are out on the table.....
Good luck and stick with it. One day at a time...0 -
You're my inspiration, you are further down your 'All pro' journey than me and you look ace. My hubby, isn't the most supportive either. He mostly takes the pi$$ or refuses to say whether I have made any progress.......I can only put this down to insecurity. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that pour water on my weightlifting fire. You've had a week off lifting, I've no doubt you will be back in a better place next week smashing that workout up x0
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You're my inspiration, you are further down your 'All pro' journey than me and you look ace. My hubby, isn't the most supportive either. He mostly takes the pi$$ or refuses to say whether I have made any progress.......I can only put this down to insecurity. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that pour water on my weightlifting fire. You've had a week off lifting, I've no doubt you will be back in a better place next week smashing that workout up x
Seriously, you're incredible. We all deserve to be treated well, especially at our weakest or times of trial but I think it's in these moments when we're alone in our endeavors that we grow the most.0
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