8 pounds to goal weight and SAHM problems

Options
dxs096000
dxs096000 Posts: 12
in Motivation and Support
I am almost 8 weeks postpartum, and currently 168 pounds at 5 foot 8. I started my pregnancy at 170, but due to severe HG lost 25 pounds in the first two trimesters. The last 12 weeks when I could eat again, after being in starvation mode for so long, I quickly packed on the pounds and ended the pregnancy at 198.

My goal weight is 160 and a lot higher than I would like, but if I ever get pregnant again I need 25 pounds to spare to not harm the baby.

Which brings me to my rant...

All my friends are single, no kids and think I should still be able to do everything I could do before baby. They also think I am fat and are always shoving it in my face and telling me about how everyone thinks they are so hot. My family also tells me to lose weight and I would be so much happier if I did. It's hard to try to find time to get in my 3 workouts a week with a new baby. I wish I could ignore these friends, but they are my husband's best friends and he really likes them. They are also super attractive and I am having insecurities about my body after baby.

I had to give up everything for my baby because of my pregnancy complication. My programming job, culinary school, freedom, me time, my body, workout time. I feel guilty about putting her in daycare and my parents give me crap about daycare. I just feel so useless that my biggest achievement for the day is changing 10 diapers and doing laundry.

Enough self pity. I just don't know what to do anymore. My husband also adamantly does not want me to go back to work.

Replies

  • forkofpower
    forkofpower Posts: 171 Member
    Options
    Hey, congratulations on the baby!

    Stop feeling guilty about anything -- your body, your choices, your emotions, etc. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You gained weight with a baby; lots of people do. It's not a moral failing. If your friends are making fun of you for being 'fat', then they're being pretty jerky about this. Lose weight for yourself, if you want, on your own time. Ignore what other people have to say, both about your body, and your decisions as a mother. I also want to assure you that day care is NOT the worst thing ever; it's so funny when I hear things like that, because I absolutely LOVED daycare, since all my friends were there. We all had a lot of fun exercise and socialization. I hated when I got taken out of daycare, since it was kind of boring to stay at home with my (loving, attentive) grandparents. Again, there is no reason to feel guilt. Ignore your parents, you're doing perfectly fine.

    Also, would you like to go back to work one day? I ask because it sounds from your post like you're a little frustrated with what you're doing right now, and what you 'gave up'. If so, why not think about going back to work/school (if you want to)? Motherhood does NOT mean you have to 'give up everything'--that's a really sad and limiting way to have to think about motherhood. Both of my parents worked and I turned out perfectly fine and happy. If my mom or dad had decided to stay at home, I'm sure I would have been perfectly fine and happy as well. It's a non-issue. If you want to work or something like that, then do it. If you want to be a SAHM, that's great as well!

    I think you should definitely talk to your husband some of your insecurities. If he's a good husband, he'll reassure you about your body, and maybe tell his friends to lay off a little.
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
    Options
    Your biggest accomplishment in life is your beautiful, healthy baby and that should be bigger than anything you had to give up. Eventually you will get your life back, your baby is only 8 weeks old, give it some time! You are already lower than your pre-pregnancy weight, that is amazing! Already close to your goal weight? That is a huge accomplishment, you should be proud. Don't worry about what other people are saying to you, people always say stupid *kitten*. Your parents give you crap about not putting your kid in daycare? Tell them to retire and watch the baby so you can go back to your career. They don't like that? Oh well. Just ignore them and focus on you. There are some great people on this website that would love to be your friend and keep you motivated. Take advantage of that support instead of your negative real life friends. Exercising is not everything, it's all about calories in and calories out. Calculate what your calorie intake should be based on your goals and log everything. Be realistic, get a scale to weigh your food if you have to. If do you want to get some exercise in, take the baby for a walk! Do a quick workout online (Fitness Blender, JM ripped in 30, etc) while the baby naps. You are doing great so far, good luck!
  • Barbellarella_
    Barbellarella_ Posts: 454 Member
    Options
    I'm sure these "friends" aren't actually saying to you that "You're fat, and they're so hot" right? Isn't there a possibility that you're adding into this a bit, because of you're own emotions?

    I see an underlying negative theme in your post. It almost sounds like you might have postpartum depression. Is this a possibility? If so, I would talk to your doctor.

    I'm sorry that you feel like you "Gave up everything for your baby" and you're not satisfied about your "useless achievements". Hopefully someday you'll realize the precious gift you've been given, and be able to be grateful for this child you brought into the world. :)

    Good luck!
  • mthr2
    mthr2 Posts: 158 Member
    Options
    Your friends are idiots.

    Now that that's out of the way, I had my first baby when I was 6 years older than you and I still found it extremely hard to give up my youthful freedom to sit around soaked in spit up all day.

    Your little sweetie is only 8 weeks old. This stage will go so fast. Soon you will feel more mobile. Before you know it, you will be begging that little person to let you hold her. Give yourself some space. It's OK.
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
    Options
    First off: Changing 10 diapers in the course of 1 day is ****ing great day. Just because there's no boss or coworkers patting you on the back doesn't mean it was a wasted day. There's a baby, right in front of you, who if he/she could, he/she would tell you all day long how great you're doing.

    Second off: Dump your old friends. Or wait for them to dump you. They don't and won't understand what you're going through and if you think you're struggling now, you just keep hanging on to them. Then you'll REALLY struggle. As far as hubs goes, he has a choice. His friends or his newborn child.

    Third off: Find a mommy group. There should be plenty of them in your area. Stay at home mom groups, any type of mom groups, just good old fashioned mom groups. They'll be your lifeline to sanity.

    Fourth off: Hubby needs to step up and take some baby time himself, while you have time away. A lady's night out with one of your mommy groups comes in handy. A REAL man watches over his children so his wife can have some personal time.

    *****
    I'm a stay at home dad of 3 girls, 12-9. I've been a SAHD since our youngest were born. It's been a nightmare at times, but mostly a great and endless joy. I accepted early on that nobody - NOBODY - was going to pat me on my back and tell me how great I'm doing. I also learned early on that I didn't have to struggle alone. We moved often, due to my wife's job, and everywhere we lived I joined a mommy group. Oh sure, there were some issues with the "guy" thing, but eventually, with enough stubbornness on my part, they let me in.

    I used to exercise on a treadmill at home with the newborn twins in their carseats, next to the treadmill, and our 2.5 year old playing contentedly by herself. The hum of the treadmill lulled the newborns to sleep. Sometimes when I couldn't do that, once wife came home I'd go out by myself. We also had a 3 seat baby jogger, and I'd put all 3 kids in that, too, when the weather was good.

    A good SAHM friend of mine does the gym thing 3-5 times a week, once hubby comes home. Truth is, I think the other nights she's got a glass of wine already poured before he can kiss her and say "I'm home".

    You can do this. You have to WANT to do it. And you have to have some kick *kitten* coping skills. And a good batch of mommy friends. Seriously, find a mommy group and join immediately. But it can be done. Hubby needs to help, too. He's a dad now, he should act like it.

    Good luck, and happy child raising.

Categories