(rant) Done with the "you don't need to lose weight" types

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Replies

  • catb58
    catb58 Posts: 239 Member
    I hear this from a friend who has been on WW for a couple of years. For the past year, she has been either at a plateau or gaining. Of course, there's the chips and dip, non-existent counting of points (HUGE bowls of fruit with 2 bananas, piles of strawberries...for her salad), coffee that's 1/3 International Delight creamer and fresh baked cookies. When I mentioned bringing a zip bag of veggies next time I go to her house, she started telling me about this awesome bean dip that would work for veggies. I like my veggies just plain...I don't WANT her to make a dip for me and told her that. She said that if she's eating veggies, she has to have dip.

    She constantly tells me how "wonderful" I look as she's putting out food to graze on. So...I've not been to her house in a bit over 3 weeks. I've lost 18 pounds so far (lost 10 before I joined MFP). She found out this morning I've lost that much and she's already planning what to make for lunch the next time we get together. Although I hadn't been actively working on weight loss before last month, I've tried to watch my weight so it didn't increase (it made sense at the time!) and she continues to have our get togethers revolve around food.

    I'm not sure if she's a "you don't need to lose weight" type or just unconsciously sabotaging me. :frown:
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    I hear this from a friend who has been on WW for a couple of years. For the past year, she has been either at a plateau or gaining. Of course, there's the chips and dip, non-existent counting of points (HUGE bowls of fruit with 2 bananas, piles of strawberries...for her salad), coffee that's 1/3 International Delight creamer and fresh baked cookies. When I mentioned bringing a zip bag of veggies next time I go to her house, she started telling me about this awesome bean dip that would work for veggies. I like my veggies just plain...I don't WANT her to make a dip for me and told her that. She said that if she's eating veggies, she has to have dip.

    She constantly tells me how "wonderful" I look as she's putting out food to graze on. So...I've not been to her house in a bit over 3 weeks. I've lost 18 pounds so far (lost 10 before I joined MFP). She found out this morning I've lost that much and she's already planning what to make for lunch the next time we get together. Although I hadn't been actively working on weight loss before last month, I've tried to watch my weight so it didn't increase (it made sense at the time!) and she continues to have our get togethers revolve around food.

    I'm not sure if she's a "you don't need to lose weight" type or just unconsciously sabotaging me. :frown:

    I don't think that has anything to do with you. It sounds more like she's in denial about how much / how healthy she actually eats.
  • catb58
    catb58 Posts: 239 Member
    I hear this from a friend who has been on WW for a couple of years. For the past year, she has been either at a plateau or gaining. Of course, there's the chips and dip, non-existent counting of points (HUGE bowls of fruit with 2 bananas, piles of strawberries...for her salad), coffee that's 1/3 International Delight creamer and fresh baked cookies. When I mentioned bringing a zip bag of veggies next time I go to her house, she started telling me about this awesome bean dip that would work for veggies. I like my veggies just plain...I don't WANT her to make a dip for me and told her that. She said that if she's eating veggies, she has to have dip.

    She constantly tells me how "wonderful" I look as she's putting out food to graze on. So...I've not been to her house in a bit over 3 weeks. I've lost 18 pounds so far (lost 10 before I joined MFP). She found out this morning I've lost that much and she's already planning what to make for lunch the next time we get together. Although I hadn't been actively working on weight loss before last month, I've tried to watch my weight so it didn't increase (it made sense at the time!) and she continues to have our get togethers revolve around food.

    I'm not sure if she's a "you don't need to lose weight" type or just unconsciously sabotaging me. :frown:

    I don't think that has anything to do with you. It sounds more like she's in denial about how much / how healthy she actually eats.

    Oh good...sorta...that's SO much better than thinking she's trying to sabotage me!!!
  • pita7317
    pita7317 Posts: 1,437 Member
    I have a good friend who knows how important and motivated I am to lose weight.
    About 10 lbs ago, she starting commenting that I did not need to lose anymore.
    I just flat out told her, Yes I do.
    My goal was 140 and she keeps saying NO more than that ! I am 5'7.
    I have changed my goal to 138, but I am not telling her. Lol

    I posted this because she is 5'1 and weighs 102 !!!!
    So why would she be so insistent that I not go under 140 ? I don't get it.
    I tried to explain to her that if we compared height and weight between us I could weigh 114- 2 lbs for every inch over 5 ft.
    Just like her. Went in one ear and out the other.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    I've just learned that most people are bad at accepting change. I lost about 30 lbs which doesn't sound like that much, but I'm a small frame and at 5'0", it was significant. My best friend at the time wanted to basically set-up an intervention because she thought I was fitness obsessed and going to extremes. That was three years ago. We don't talk about fitness or health related things anymore.

    Ignore it. Like you said, you know what you're doing. Other people will come around. It just takes them a helluva lot longer sometimes.
  • amaysngrace
    amaysngrace Posts: 742 Member
    Yep, I know the feeling....
  • klfoster88
    klfoster88 Posts: 65 Member
    I agree with your rant. When I started trying to lose everyone said I looked fine but looks can be deceiving. My fat % and BMI were over too. Now I'm down so I'm in the healthy range but I'm still at the end of it. I just gain weight very proportionately. I wear a size 4/6 and I also try to dress my fat and hide it but it is there and it was definitely there 15 lbs ago. Just do what makes you happy and healthy.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Or

    Maybe people are just trying to be polite by saying "you don't need to lose weight" instead of "Yeah lardo, you could stand to miss a few meals".

    Like water off a ducks back, let it slide.

    Jeez.

    Not when you're at the gym doing your cardio and a well meaning older woman interrupts you to discuss a possible eating disorder.

    Does this happen a lot? Or one time? Was it a stranger? Or was it someone you know and we are not getting the whole story. What are you even ranting about?

    They don't live your life, bottom line. Who cares what they think?

    If thats the bottom line why not be happy to let OP and others have their rant?
    Perspective? Ain't that why she came to rant?

    So she shouldnt care what other people think, but should listen to other people tell her what to and to not care about. Right. Got it :tongue:
    Im off to the gym forums are way to much of a distraction! :flowerforyou:
    Asking questions is not telling her what to do. Why your swooping in to white knight is amusing, though. Carry on mfp, carry on.
  • sunflowerhippi
    sunflowerhippi Posts: 1,099 Member
    I gained 50lbs and for the last 15 of it that i've lost I have had people telling me to stop. I am still overweight BMI. Yes I know I have high LBM and know what to wear to cover my bad spots but I think like many people have said "normal" is now to be overweight so a healthy person is looked at as being skinny.

    Also from the health perspective, i can relate. My doctor kept upping my meds and in the end after I lost the weight I cured the reason I was even on the meds in the first place. (migraines with no known cause)

    So keep you head up you will be fine, worry about doing you and what is best for your health.
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    I agree, being the sex symbol I am....its hard to hear that. Women can sometimes just be plain mean.
  • j4321k
    j4321k Posts: 1 Member
    I have exactly the same issue from my sister in law. It's so stupid because when I was growing up she always made snide remarks about my weight yet now that I'm actually making an effort to lose weight and get healthy, she's telling me I won't be pretty anymore with the weight off. She did the same thing when I got braces... Apparently my crooked teeth made me look prettier :S

    Regardless of what she says, I AM gonna continue to try to lose weight because I'd rather live a healthy life than be "pretty" anyway.

    Do whatever makes you happy, the only opinion that really matters is yours (:
  • Tomboly1
    Tomboly1 Posts: 42
    I know a lot of times I will have people at work comment that they need to loose weight when they are smaller than me. I usually try to pay them a compliment and tell them that they look just fine and I don't think they are overweight. I don't do this to discourage them but just to let them know that I think they look good. This thread gives me a different perspective that maybe I am impeding on their goals! I am usually happy to discuss health (diet and exercise) with them as well however. Maybe I will be more careful from now on and try not to dismiss those comments and let them enjoy making a weight loss plan!
  • mizzzc
    mizzzc Posts: 346 Member
    Agreed! Every one of my friends are like "You do not need to lose weight-- stop dieting"

    First of all I am not dieting---I am attempting to change my life style...Secondly, yes I do need to lose weight. LOL For me it is always the skinny ones that tell me that because they do not know what its like to go out with all your skinny friends and they all look gorgeous and I cant even wear a bikini or hot dress. I have to cover my saggy arms and tummy.

    I think my friends are comfortable with the idea of having a chubby girl friend. Not that they are bad friends or anything but you cant help but feel better about yourself when you're standing beside someone else who cant fit into a size 14!
  • rowlandsw
    rowlandsw Posts: 1,166 Member
    For some reason, at least in America, we have 2 factions of idiots. The ones who have brainwashed society into thinking it's okay to be 76 lbs at 5'6 and the other ones who think that being even curvy (like our grandmothers and mothers were) but not heavy is some kind of weird taboo. We've gone so far as a group from knowing and teach what is and isn't healthy that even the doctors don't know what the hell is going on at times. I'd just say stick with what you're doing and if they have an issue with you being healthy just ignore them.
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
    People will always try and help you fail. I always find it's their problem not mine. Just let it slip. Your body, your life.
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
    I know a lot of times I will have people at work comment that they need to loose weight when they are smaller than me. I usually try to pay them a compliment and tell them that they look just fine and I don't think they are overweight. I don't do this to discourage them but just to let them know that I think they look good. This thread gives me a different perspective that maybe I am impeding on their goals! I am usually happy to discuss health (diet and exercise) with them as well however. Maybe I will be more careful from now on and try not to dismiss those comments and let them enjoy making a weight loss plan!

    When someone is complaining that they need to lose weight, but are not actively trying, they want you to tell them they look great (at least I do!). When they complain but are actively trying, I think that's the situation in this thread.
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
    Agreed! Every one of my friends are like "You do not need to lose weight-- stop dieting"

    First of all I am not dieting---I am attempting to change my life style...Secondly, yes I do need to lose weight. LOL For me it is always the skinny ones that tell me that because they do not know what its like to go out with all your skinny friends and they all look gorgeous and I cant even wear a bikini or hot dress. I have to cover my saggy arms and tummy.

    I think my friends are comfortable with the idea of having a chubby girl friend. Not that they are bad friends or anything but you cant help but feel better about yourself when you're standing beside someone else who cant fit into a size 14!

    Ditto on the "not a diet" thing- people don't seem to get what lifestyle change MEANS
  • Artionis
    Artionis Posts: 105 Member
    This kind of comment has been directed at me. I tend to reply with somewhat artificial sweetness, "Thank you so very much for your unsolicited medical opinion. I'll pass your comments along to my doctor and see what she has to say." That does tend to end the topic.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    I'm with you on this. My lowest weight in the past 5 years was 195 lbs, and I had people telling me that I was getting "too thin". Sometimes, it is more about them than about you.

    EXACTLY

    I'm 5'1 and 155lbs currently. Was 170 at my heaviest. That's BIG. Because I carry a lot in my thighs and bust and have a traditional hourglass figure, I was able to conceal a lot of it with 1950s style fit-and-flare dresses, so people are WORRIED that I'm losing weight or working out.

    I'm 5' and at my highest, was 160ish. While I also have an hourglass figure, I sure as hell didn't while carrying that much extra weight. I'm currently at 125 and wear a size 6 but still have 10-15#'s more to go...or not...I'll stop working on it when my middle & thighs stop jiggling :laugh:

    I agree that sometimes, it's about THEM, not you. I have relatives that can't stop asking me how much I weigh, & what size I wear, every time they see me. :sick:
  • Happy_Niss
    Happy_Niss Posts: 95 Member
    I have a similar experience from my own mother. She was massaging my shoulders and telling me that I have lost too much weight.
    I still have lots of fat on my body, I just have a thin neck and shoulders. It drives me crazy when people say "You're getting too skinny!" and it's always someone a bit bigger than me. My healthy weight is about 120-130 and I'm sitting at 140!
    Just because I'm no longer overweight doesn't mean I've lost too much!

    Isn't that just dumb!

    Hey Zurgan without being a creeper, what's your height? You look awesome in your profile pic and we are the same age, and I have the same goal as yours. Just curious....again, not trying to be creepy. lol

    I'm just a little under 5'4" and am still sitting at around 140 as far as I know. I'm very hard to creep out. :laugh:
  • nicolemtracy
    nicolemtracy Posts: 301 Member
    Something I read somewhere that totally made sense to me, is people like that, or who offer you cake and insist when you've already said no are people who don't want to see you succeed, because they themselves have failed and misery loves company. Don't let them get you down! We are here to cheer you on! You go girl!

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