Those skinny friends who say you don't need to lose weight
EmilyS892
Posts: 4
Quite a few times over the past few years, when I've mentioned to my friends that I needed to lose weight...they would tell me that I don't need to. But then they go one about how they need to lose weight...blah blah...and they are about half my size. I can't be the only one who experienced this, how do you respond to something like that?
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Replies
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I switch it up. I say "I'm not trying to lose weight, per se. I just want to be healthier. And it would be awesome if I had your support, but I'm really doing this for myself."0
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That used to drive me nuts!!!! I would cringe when friends would say,"oh I'm so fat I need to lose weight" but they where not nearly as large as I was. It drove me nuts! Lol. But I came to a point in my journey that stuff like that didn't affect me anymore, I would just ignore the topic when they brought it up, or say something like "I'm more concerned with overall health rather then just weight loss" then they stopped. I think some people are just fishing for compliments when they say stuff like that. They just want someone to say"oh you look great already".now, it doesn't bother me and I just shrug it off, but I do remember it driving me nuts. Lol0
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It really depends on the conversation.
"I'm so fat and gross." while swimsuit shopping is going to get a "Shut up. You look great." Because that's our conversation, and she really does look great.
"I'm unhappy and want to lose some weight." will get a "Want to go to a class with me at the gym?" Because I'm always happy to have a gym buddy, and I want my friends to be happy too.
Mostly it's none of my business, but I try to be as supportive as I can while still minding my own business.0 -
I think it's a mixture of trying to be kind and their own struggles around weight. Ou physicalr size is only part of the equation. Plus there is a lot of pressure by society to be really thin and they might feel anxious and respond to that. Many of my friends, to make me feel better, say I don't have to lose weight. I do, period. But I know they are just trying to be good friends. They don't see their dishonestly as something bad. I don't either. I just take care of my health and make sure I'm the one being honest with myself.0
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I'm sure they're being polite or just trying to be supportive. I think everyone, "skinny" or otherwise feels the pressure to be thinner, "more perfect", what have you. Thank the media and advertisements for that.
You can just say "thank you, I appreciate you saying that, but I want to do it to get healthier or be happier". Everyone is on their own journey, including your friends and it's not always about the size on your clothes. It's a perspective.0 -
I end the discussion. Generally I try not to talk about this too much. My only exception are friends who know a lot about exercising and can give me some helpful advice.
Personally I find the "second type" of people more annoying. The ones that tell me that I gained whereas I'd lost. And believe me that it's not the matter with the poor choice of clothing on that day.
It's very seldom but happens.0 -
I have three girls at work who all have virtually perfect figures but constantly say they need to lose weight!0
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I just want to be healthy. End of story (kind of...). And I think I'm going to start weeding out the friends who don't support me in my health gain...hehe...0
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I've also found that there's a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how we see others. I think we are much more critical of ourselves and more forgiving of others. They may honestly not see you as needing to lose weight, but then see themselves as needing to lose weight. I'm not saying this is the case, but I know that what I see in the mirror is not what other people see when they see me.0
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More then likely your skinny friends are attention *kitten*. I have dealt with people like this all my life, and now I don't talk to them anymore. I found it was always the ones who I thought were my friends who just turned out to be my frenemies! They didn't want me losing weight, so all attention would be on them. You will feel good once you turn the tables on them and ditch them as friends all together.0
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We really do see others body's different than we see our own. I see many overweight people and I think to myself "if I looked like that at that weight I wouldn't feel so bad being overweight". So they really might think you don't look as bad as you think.0
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I honestly don't know what the reasons are behind them saying that. Whatever it is, I wish they would just support me. I would support them. My idea of a friendship is you are both there for each other...0
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They probably are scared that you will become better then them and they want you to be worse to make themselves feel better, but if they were a true friend, they'd support you, and i agree that i want support to stay healthy and lose weight.0
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I think sometimes it's a knee-jerk reaction. Just today I caught myself responding to a coworker after she said "I'm fat" with "you're not fat!" even though she DOES have a little bit of pudge to lose. (Not much, but a little) I think I just didn't want to hurt her feelings.
I know it's important to be honest, but really, who wants to be the person who nods and says, "yeeeeah, you kinda do, I was noticing you're packing a few on." :noway: Granted, we're not close, or even friends outside of work. I just wanted to keep a smooth working relationship between us.
It also could be a self-image thing. We are our own worst critics, so while I will probably ALWAYS find fault with my body in one aspect or another, friends and coworkers look perfectly fine to me. Because I don't pick other people apart like I am capable of doing to myself. Just a different perspective to look at the issue from.0 -
It's funny to me, but I don't think women in general like to compete with other women when it comes to looks, body, clothing, etc. So I see disuation as a great tactic.
That's just an observation I've made over the years in the gym in general.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Two solutions:
1. Don't have friends.
2. Don't talk to your friends about weight loss.0 -
It's default polite to deny that someone has a weight issue, especially if they do. Also, sometimes they mean it sincerely, even if they're wrong. Sometimes they can't see you as you really are, or haven't seen you without clothes (unneeded fat definitely shows up easier when naked).
Me, I have an unfortunate face. It's very gaunt. So well-meaning and clear-eyed people are certain I have lost all the weight I need to lose and then some. Lifting up my shirt and showing them my belly shuts them up.
Unless your doctor is telling you you're too thin, or you have some typical side effects of being underweight or undernourished (loss of period, hair loss, horrible fatigue which is often a sign of anemia, etc, in which case, stop reading this and go see your doctor right now) you're probably fine to continue on.0 -
I have the opposite problem... People who are larger than me telling me to shut up because I don't need to lose weight. So I guess I'm the annoying skinnier person? But just because my friend is obese doesn't mean I don't need to lose weight, and it annoys me when they blow me off when I bring up something that is an important goal in my life right now. So...0
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They're being nice. It's not nice to say, "Yeah, you could really stand to drop 20 pounds!"
They figure you won't actually do it, so when you fail, they already covered themselves by saying you didn't need to.
Wait until people start noticing before you start discussing your weight loss and workouts. Then you'll get real feedback.
Fat people are always talking about losing weight, but they almost never do, so nobody takes them seriously.0 -
Fat people are always talking about losing weight, but they almost never do, so nobody takes them seriously.
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My colleague was shocked when he saw me this year even though I had told him I was trying to lose weight. He said everyone says that but don't usually bother with going through with it0 -
My issue is more people who said they never remember me being that big. Or that I wasn't big in the first place. I find that quite amusing. Think people are being polite. Only my young cousin will say I was fat before but says I am not anymore.0
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When a friend was beating themselves up and insulting themselves (in the past) I would be speechless and tell them I didn't think they were fat. I didn't know a healthy way to respond to that. Now I respond a bit differently, depending on the context. I talk about fitness instead.0
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It's funny to me, but I don't think women in general like to compete with other women when it comes to looks, body, clothing, etc. So I see disuation as a great tactic.
That's just an observation I've made over the years in the gym in general.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I don't understand what you are saying.
We don't like to compete, so we dissuade?
Do you learn everything you know about women from watching the movie mean girls.0 -
I have a skinny friend constantly nagging about how fat she is and how fat her husband is and how fat people are that we see in public, and it really makes me wonder what she honestly thinks of me!0
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That's the kind of **** I hate. When you say you want to change something about yourself and instead of giving you encouragement they give you the whole "you're awesome the way you are" comments.
I never had to deal with it but I've seen people that have. It's frustrating. It's almost belittling, as if they're saying they agree but don't think you can. So you know what you gotta do? Do it anyways! Get in such good shape you make them all jealous.0 -
I kept my weightloss journey a secret that only my family and I knew about. Its still my little secret today because my friends always go on about how I don't need to lose weight and that isn't the kinda support that I need right now.
I also avoid talking about weight with them.
Next time they tell you how much weight they need to lose, don't be polite. Ask them what they really think of you since they believe they need to lose weight yet you're bigger than them.0 -
Weight loss and fitness are personal issues. We are always harder on ourselves than others. Just because a person sees a shift in their own body does not mean they are scrutinizing and thinking intently about other bodies. But, personally I would never call myself fat, and certainly not when talking to people. When people talk like that I don't feel very comfortable contributing to that conversation.0
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I just want to be healthy. End of story (kind of...). And I think I'm going to start weeding out the friends who don't support me in my health gain...hehe...
BANG, we have a winner in these words. ( I just want to be healthy. )
Who cares what they say or think or even if it`s b/s or genuine. DO your thing, and be the best version of you, for yourself.0 -
You don't have to explain anything you do, it's your life and you choose how to live it. I have no idea who you are so I certainly can't tell you how to... or if a friend is trying to dissuade you.0
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I would say just try to get to a weight that you're comfortable with and not even mention it.
If your friends are not happy with their weight, let that be their problem.
Focus on what makes you happy
One day, hopefully, someone will notice you achievement. If not, they're blind!0
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