Excited and scared about the future

Chezzie84
Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
edited November 7 in Motivation and Support
Back in December, my partner and I started discussing starting a family so I joined MFP with a single goal in mind. Lose as much weight as I can before the decision to come off the pill is made.
So I have worked reasonably hard (I am not perfect nor will I ever be) but I have pretty much changed my eating habits dramatically and now exercise more than I ever have and I have lost 30lb.

For six months, the safety net has been in place in the form of a little yellow pill taken daily for 21 days out of 28.
Well my safety net has now been removed and I am going to be brutally honest... I am terrified.

I am ready to be a mom (well as ready as someone can ever be). But there are so many feelings going on inside me that I font know what to do.
I have 50ish pounds until I am a healthy weight, what happens if still being fat causes issues?
How can I eat healthily for my baby's needs yet not "eat for two" and gain more weight than I need to?

I know a lot of people will make comments about getting opinions from strangers on the Internet but sometimes impartial stranger advise is the best kind.

Replies

  • celinetmika
    celinetmika Posts: 70 Member
    First of all, congrats on the decision of having a child, and of getting healthy habits and losing 30 lbs (Nice job by the way!).
    It's normal to wonder about those things, but let me reassure you: being 50 lbs overweight will not necessarily cause you any health issues, and you will not necessarily gain 60 during your pregnancy!
    I was morbidly obese for both my pregnancies, and did not have any health issues, had two beautiful babies. Only around 20 lbs for each baby, lost it right away..
    And I had way more than 50lbs to lose to start with.

    Another thing is, you may get pregnant right away, or it will take a few months. In the meantime, keep working out, keep eating healthy, of course the healthier you will be when you get pregnant, the better it will be for you and baby.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Thank you =)
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.

    Why? Because if we are not married we will not be a loving happy family?
    I did not ask for approval, I do not need to reconsider anything. I am a grown women not a teenager.
  • sophrosynic
    sophrosynic Posts: 7
    I'm sure that if OP is confident in her life and her abilities to be a parent, that she will be making the right decision. A piece of paper that formalizes a relationship is not going to change that.

    Best of luck! I truly have no advice to give, but I know everything will go smoothly and wonderfully for you. :) Keep up your current habits and do the best you can. I'm sure you will have a wonderful family.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.

    Wow...very inappropriate, not to mention against forum rules.

    OP: I would suggest determining your pre-pregnancy TDEE (total daily energy expenditure). You can google some different calculators and take an average, but I find this one to be the most accurate:

    http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/

    Once you have this starting point (of course, talk to your doctor) for the first two semesters, you really don't need to increase your calories, For the third trimester, an extra 200 calories a day should suffice for baby. If you breastfeed, then you would look at an extra 500/day for baby.

    Are you giving yourself some time to adjust after taking the pill? You can stay with a safe deficit from your TDEE and continue to lose weight, but once you're pregnant, I would think about switching to maintenance calories and just focus on being healthy. Best of luck!!!
  • JessyLovesJCS
    JessyLovesJCS Posts: 169 Member
    Everyone is different. I was WAY over 50 pounds extra with my 3 kids. I had no issues with 2 of them, but my last I developed Gestational Diabetes. (Obviously I was older with him too and heavier...)

    My suggestion? Keep eating healthy and exercising. Even with the extra weight eating healthy foods and exercising is a huge plus going into pregnancy.

    And all the best! Being a Mom has been amazing for me! :)
  • Rachifloon
    Rachifloon Posts: 129 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.

    Why? Because if we are not married we will not be a loving happy family?
    I did not ask for approval, I do not need to reconsider anything. I am a grown women not a teenager.
    So keep your antiquated opinions to yourself and either answer my question or don't comment!!

    See, this post sounds exactly like a teenager.

    No, it doesn't. It sounds like someone who's a tad p*ssed off at having her decision to start a family dismissed because of some lack of paper instead of having advise on the questions she asked: Weight issues during pregnancy.

    How does legally binding a couple on paper produce better parents than an unwedded couple? It doesn't. If you don't want a child out of wedlock, grand. If you're in a loving relationship unwedded and you both are ready for a child, still grand. Don't push your views onto people, especially those that haven't asked your input about that particular subject.

    Edited to say, good luck with the future, OP. At 50lbs overweight I doubt you'll have any health issues at all but best to talk to your GP if you're majorly concerned. c:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,029 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.
    What would be the consequence if they aren't?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Congrats OP!

    There's nothing wrong with continuing trying to lose weight while trying to conceive, if that's what you want (at least that's what my doctor told me at one point). Obviously switch to maintenance calories when you do confirm you are pregnant.

    Also, OP is English. I'm not sure what the laws are there but in general there isn't anything special legally about having a child in or out of "wedlock". Most objections tend to be moral or religious, but legal? Meh. I've been married 10 years but really the piece of paper means little.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.

    AKA: Hi. I am close-minded and have an old-fashioned, idealized and unrealistic idea of what a family should be. Please ignore everything I say here on out.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    OP. I know people who have had children while still on working on their goals. I think if you keep close track of your nutritional intake you should be fine. As you said, a doctor would probably be able to answer the best, but if you and your partner are ready, I think you can get what you are looking for both for you and your future family.
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Also from the UK and really shocked that TWO people would be cheeky enough to mention marital status as a reason not to have a child. Is that a thing over there?

    Unmarried mother of 2 here.

    Good luck OP. I agree, I'd keep dieting down but hit maintainence if you conceive - don't worry about eating for two - I lost weight during my first pregnancy (constantly nauseous) and had a perfectly healthy 8lb 9 baby, your body knows what it's doing :)
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Marriage is a legal contract. One that has been weakened severely over many generations. At the same time, arrangements have been made in the legal systems of many societies to accommodate those who wish to have children without engaging in a formal marriage contract. Therefore, unless OP is getting pregnant on the sly, without her partner's knowledge and whole-hearted approval, it isn't likely to be an issue.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    It is the love and commitment that matters, not legal papers. Op, it is normal for a good parent to feel worries and apprehension, that is what makes you a very thoughtful parent that has carefully considered your decision. I can't really reply about the weight issues because I'm unfamiliar with that. But, people should reply to your concerns, not your legal status.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Thanks to all those that comment genuinely to help with my fears. I appreciate your advise and reassurance.
    Stupidly I didn't think it would cause a moral debate about married versus unmarried, should have known better really.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Partner? If you're not married then I'd seriously reconsider having a child together.

    WTF? Seriously?

    OP, your feelings are totally normal. Just keep doing what you're going. When you're pregnant, add some calories, or eat at maintenance, keep in mind you'll be followed by a doctor and he can help you with that. Even if you do gain weight (most do)... You know what to do to lose it afterwards.

    Best of luck!
  • Lia913
    Lia913 Posts: 2 Member
    I think you need to concentrate on getting ready to have a baby instead. Eat healthy food and don't skip workouts, but get the weight issues out of your mind. Try to imagine how wonderful it is to have kids (if that's what you really want, of course). And you can try role-playing games to visualise how it will be and become more confident.
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