How do i break the insane obsession with food??

Options
Hi everybody. I'm a 54 year old guy who has been chronically overweight for 35 years. However, I have had a bizarre relationship with food since my earliest memories. I lost 80 pounds in OA when I was in my 20's but I gained it all back plus 20 about a year after that. My greatest weight loss since then has been about 35 pounds and it's come back on me three times. I have used MFP for three years and of course in the beginning I was enthused and had motivation but that ebbed after about three months and my 35 pounds came back..again.

In the meantime, my chronically overweight wife finally started making terrific progress and she's lost about 75 pounds. My oldest son has gone from a paunchy inactive adolescent to being an fitness and healthy eating machine but my 15 year old son and I have stayed mired in our lethargy and inactive lifestyles. I have been unable to have the motivation switch turned on.
I know that motivation only stays with me for very short periods of time. Usually it lasts less than a full day. So, after i lost my temporary motivation, I binge..or at least have no concern for overeating.

Yesterday I had a terrible binge day although most of my days are binge days. I don't hate myself for them. I just accept the fact that I have to overeat, that it's hopeless to try and I can't be successful. I hate being so fateful about my situation but I do know that I have chronically failed in the past.

I've been to enough 12 step meetings to recognize that acceptance is a huge step into recovery but I think I may have some insight that I haven't had before. Just this morning I decided to go for a brisk 3.5 mile walk. That is despite sore knees and a chronically sore ankle and it was warm muggy morning in Nashville. I finished with a good pace (3.5 mph) and felt great afterwards. So, it could be worse. I know eventually the weight is going to catch up with me and either greatly limit my lifestyle..or worse..kill me.

But while walking today it occurred to me that my relationship with food is so much different than my healthy friends. I recalled yesterday having anticipation of every meal. I ate a healthy breakfast. But I had some leftovers from earlier in the week. I anticipating eating the leftovers for a couple of days and then finally had them for lunch. Then as I was making a long 9 hour road trip I stopped for a favorite snack. As I was driving I was literally salivating for this particular snack and ended up eating at least 700 calories with this snack. Then in anticipation of dinner I planned 5 hours ahead of time where i was going to eat and ended up eating at least 2500 calories for dinner. Again, great anticipation of the meal was present in my mind.

I'm not normal. I know that most people don't anticipate meals that way. I accept that. The question is...how do i break this obsession and give myself the opportunity to live a healthy lifestyle and not die from a massive coronary before I'm 60?

I'd welcome anyone replying who has had similar food obsessions.

Motivation isn't doing it for me. Knowledge isn't doing it for me. I obsess over food. Is it possible to stop?

Thanks

Daryl
«13

Replies

  • sharyntg
    sharyntg Posts: 33
    Options
    I'm 42 and have been obsessed with food and diet since age 17. It's a never-ending civil war in my head and for me it is a way of controlling things in a world where bad things have repeatedly happened to me. It is great you are exploring what makes you tick and what makes you eat. Just remember we are all here for you and feel free to friend me or talk. Good luck.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    Options
    I honestly don't think it's always simply about motivation or knowledge. I knew what to do for years, and I felt motivated. I think you just simply do it. You do it one day, then another, then another. You fall down, you over eat, but instead of saying this is too hard I can't do it, you keep going. The key at least for me has been a couple things. First, that I don't have to give up any one the foods that I love. I just eat smaller amounts with my calories. This was incredibly liberating because the truth is I will always enjoy food. I will never be one for whom food is simply fuel. Second, so much of it is mental. I took a more casual approach this time, if I screwed up one day, oh well. Before, I would just simply give up, now I just realized it was only one day. The longer you do it, the easier it gets.
  • Cerakoala
    Cerakoala Posts: 2,547 Member
    Options
    "But I had some leftovers from earlier in the week. I anticipating eating the leftovers for a couple of days and then finally had them for lunch."

    This sounds like me 3 years ago. It may not be normal but its not uncommon. I would pack my breakfast lunch and dinner (i work super long hours) and all I could think about all day was when I could eat my next meal. Even today I catch myself doing that. However, though my thoughts may still be there my food choices have changed. That is the step you need to take :) If your whole family is on the healthy lifestyle train then it should be easier to limit access to bad foods. When i first started in order to break the addiction I had to not buy bad stuff or keep it in my house. I knew if it was there I would think about it until I ate it. I found as I limited my access to the foods I thought about the feelings slowly withered away. I don't sit in my chair all day thinking about that granny smith apple and peanut butter for snack lol :) Now 3 years later, do i have those thoughts still? Sure, occasionally but my life isn't consumed by them. :) I am here for any support you need. You can do this, you just have to find ways to work around your weaknesses! :)
  • allisless
    allisless Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    I totally understand how you feel. I constantly think about food and I even find myself thinking about my next meal while I'm eating sometimes. I don't have all the answers or the right ones but I try to make the healthiest choices when I pick out my meals. I try to load up on fresh fruits and vegetables at every meal then watch my portions on the higher calorie foods. I do treat myself so I don't feel deprived and binge. I think being consistent with healthy habits on a daily basis no matter how big or small the habit is will help control the behavior. What helped change my perception of food was when I started looking at the nutrition details in the app. When I would have a bad day it would show what little, if any, vitamins and minerals I was getting when I consumed crap. The more nutritious food I ate the better I started to feel and had less cravings. So I think looking at food as a way to nourish your body is a better way to obsess ;)
  • daubawauba
    daubawauba Posts: 20 Member
    Options
    Motivation doesn't last forever, it's what gets you started. What will bring you success is determination. The will to continue even after motivation leaves you. It's not easy but you can do it!

    I don't think you are unusual for anticipating meals. Today I decided to have chicken wings for dinner, and I was looking forward to it all day. You can anticipate and look forward to meals, you can enjoy those cravings, as long as you do so within the parameters of your goals. I ate healthy and allowed myself to get hungry because I knew I wanted those wings.

    One thing that has helped me is logging everything, even on days that I go way over my goals. This forces me to acknowledge what I did and hold myself accountable, which is good for motivating me to do better in the future. It fends off the "I give up, I can't do this" mindset, and turns it into "I had a bad day, but tomorrow I'll do better."

    You know from experience that eating well and exercising makes you feel better. Now you have to learn to "just do it" even when you don't feel up to it. Also, maybe you should look into some counceling or some books that will help you handle your relationship to food.
  • brghteyes135
    brghteyes135 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I too have had an obsession with food for as long as I can remember. It sucks! People who don't struggle with it don't understand either. I've heard "just stop eating like that" by so many people. Well, would those same people tell an anorexic person to just eat, an alcoholic to just stop drinking, and expect it to just be effective?? With that said, I have been successful with not binging on food now for 8 days, and it is hard. I think about it all the time, but I have decided to control my food, not let my food control me. It's hard, but I just keep saying no. Good luck to you
  • MicheleWE
    MicheleWE Posts: 179 Member
    Options
    I agree, it is more of a mental thing to me than anything else. I made the choice to get healthy and I didn't give myself any other option but to keep making that choice every day regardless of how I feel. I think about food all the time and yes, sometimes I have bad days where I fall hard. I just pick myself up, shake it off, and keep making those right decisions. Logging and exercise are not options for me, they are absolute musts! Now I treat this lifestyle just like brushing my teeth or taking a shower, it has to be done every day.
  • Palrn
    Palrn Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    I do understand. I disagree with some experts and for me it is all or nothing. I can not eat a small taste os something, especially if it is the house. So I try to be on the nothing long enough to get rid of it. I am really trying to give up wheat. Hard. I find protein helps. Protein as soon as possible in the morning sets a good start.
  • cootason
    cootason Posts: 59 Member
    Options
    Its a difficult challenge trying to overcome binge eating during my transformation (in progress) I have had to deal with birthday binge days visitors we haven't seen in a while and looking in my fridge to see more unhealthy options over the last few weeks I was back to drinking a couple of softdrinks a day noticing that I have decided to cut that habit out in hopes to get back on track. I eat oatmeal and eggs or a protein shake for my first meal and the second is usually a chicken and salad variant I still have a cheat meal or 2 a week for sanity purposes it can be really difficult when family and money make it really hard to adjust to a healthy lifestyle especially when your eating healthy and they continue to go to takeaway foods. in my case I have low willpower when it comes to food and give in when they hand me chips or junk food sometimes to try and fit in in my case its a vicious circle either I try to fit in and also make most of my meals healthy keeping everyone happy. You have made a great choice posting on the forums and getting in touch with other folks. what are your fav non healthy foods? sometimes chips and fishcakes do it for me. I do my best to allow for it. I went off Coke almost a year ago and Whenever I get a craving for coke I will have a coke zero instead. now I am take it or leave it.
  • wildskies
    wildskies Posts: 129 Member
    Options
    So much of your post sounds SO familiar. I've been on the weight loss/gain roller coaster my whole life. I'm back to trying to lose again and am absolutely determined to make the "lifestyle change" this time. But I have been before too. This time I did set myself a BIG reward if I can reach my goal weight so that's motivating me but it's early days yet and I accept that. I know the time will come when I want to give up, I just have to hope I'm strong enough this time that I won't.

    I've always obsessed about food and in the last year it's gotten worse for me. I can't say that using MFP has made the obsessions stop, but so far I have been able to control them a bit better than in the past.

    I know from experience that I absolutely can't stick with a diet (lifestyle change, eating program, whatever you want to call it) seven days a week. If I try, I will end up binging. So I stick firmly to my MFP set calorie level 5-6 days a week and then on the weekend I have 1 free or 2 free but within reason days. I also do not usually eat back my exercise calories through the week, I save them to help offset my free day(s). I don't build up a huge amount of them though because honestly, I'm lazy. *laughs 2 weeks ago I had a bad craving for a certain pizza. I made myself wait a few days to see if I could get past it but when I started obsessing about it I went and got one. I ate half of it that day and half the next (I had healthy breakfast/lunch both days, only went over on dinner) and then went back to my MFP set intake level for the next 5 days. The pizza put me over by probably 600 calories each day but most of that was offset by my exercise calories that I hadn't eaten back through the week and I still showed a loss when I stepped on the scale.

    If waiting until my next free day isn't an option because I want it NOW, I will budget my calories to allow myself a small portion of whatever it is. To help with this I've done a lot of searching and come up with some very good, very low calorie alternatives to my regular meals. I make sure to eat the filler foods first because then I am less likely to overeat the item I'm obsessing about. Or I alternate, 3 or 4 bites of filler followed by 1 bite of my obsession food, then back to the filler. (That was a hard one for me, I've always been a one thing at a time eater. But learning to do that has helped.)

    A big thing for me is absolutely not allowing myself to get hungry. If I get hungry at all, I start obsessing. So I make sure to keep some filling, low calorie snacks around at all times. Popcorn, dried fruit (it's calorie dense but a little goes a very long way towards satisfying most of my cravings), salad with nothing but a little salt & pepper, etc.

    Someone else mentioned logging everything, even on the days you go over. I fully agree with this. Seeing that red bar when I go over is a reminder that I had my fun, now I need to work.

    I know I'm probably doing a hundred things wrong but all that matters is that what I am doing is working for ME and is something I feel I can keep doing long term so I'm not setting myself up to fail like I have in the past.

    I don't know if any of this will help at all but I hope so. Feel free to add me if you want. Maybe we can help each other through the obsession days.
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    Just stop. Look at yourself and just ask how could you let this get out of control. feel the heaviness you feel and think of a feather. Feel the fatigue. Its hell feeling that way! You must get so angry with your ways and be disgusted with your habits may possibly one or a part of how you can move on. You can pray about it. Jesus loves you and He can help you get through this together. Pray about it, there is no prayer too small for Him. I prayed about my bad nail biting habit. tried for years to stop-never could until i actually prayed over it and i have been a Christian all my life! You must have a sense of faith as small as a mustard seed and be thankful for your prayer to be answered when you do pray about it and it CAN happen.
    *Fasting can help-giving your digestive tract a break once a day WILL makes you feel better and have more time doing stuff other than sitting on a can for 2 hours because you slopped 2 combo meals in a day-shame on you-J/K I am not assuming but it will really help you. You'll feel confident also which is what every one wants to be!
    *You can put a mirror in your kitchen so when you catch yourself snacking you know how bizarre you REALLY look when you think your hungry.
    *You eat to live, not live to eat, mantra needs to kick in.
    *Imagine how many starving people in 3rd world countries would just love to have a THIRD of the gloriousness you/we all get to gorge on then feel CONTENT!!! dARNIT!lol (not that I'm saying you don't) just feel MORE content k?
    **Create a plan: 5 long term and 5 short term goals and give yourself a solid time limit on these goals and don't stop thinking about them EVER!UNTIL YOU REACHED THEM\be very realistic on goals---dont make them ambitious on purpose your confidence levels need to be strengthened!!!!
    *Create happy and healthy hobbies that you are natural for you! That may mean anything to you from reading (I suggest scripture for healing peace and discipline), board games, collecting antiques.
    * get out side and simply walk!!!!! if your embarrassed go to the park during quiet hours. And repeat this list as many times as it bloody takes-honostly. It could only do more good than harm by just reading what i typed. God bless ya, its not easy and nothing worth while is anyways and be honest with yourself-your goals-and your stomach vs. your eyes!
  • wildskies
    wildskies Posts: 129 Member
    Options
    One other things I've found that works for me but is probably very odd... Sometimes the preparation of food is as satisfying as actually eating it. If I spend the time fixing it, I'm usually quite satisfied to have only a very small portion of it (and not because I snack while preparing it, I broke that habit). May not work for others, but it does for me.
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    One other things I've found that works for me but is probably very odd... Sometimes the preparation of food is as satisfying as actually eating it. If I spend the time fixing it, I'm usually quite satisfied to have only a very small portion of it (and not because I snack while preparing it, I broke that habit). May not work for others, but it does for me.
    That is not odd at all and actually very true. Your food prepping is a part of the meal actually and the quality of the prepping is determining the quality of the food and how much you will eat. Poor quality will result in over eating to FEEL more satiated VS. good meal from a very proper and slow prepping leads to a better enjoyment and satisfaction and more satiation as well!
    In china the meal prep is almost more important then the meal itself!!!'Good on you for the excellent all forgotten tip. I utilize this so much its second nature and you reminded me of that so I thank you myself because i take that learnt lesson (from when I was a kid) for granted at times. Thanks for the reminder :)
  • MzFyreKitty
    Options
    My story was much like yours. I could lose even up to 80 or so pounds in HS and then it was yo-yo- up and down till I hit over 300 lbs. Finally, I decided that going on a "diet" wasn't working for me. I slowly started giving up foods that I knew would "set me off" into a horrible binge. They also seemed to make me more hungry than ever. I really DID NOT want to give up these foods for years:( I believed the crap about you can eat anything in moderation. I know that a lot of people can and do eat everything (My Mom, for instance... she's 5'7" and almost 80 and if she gets over 130 lbs she says she is FAT... I HATE HER lol).

    So finally, I gave up coca cola of any type (besides, the carbonation was hurting my stomach and bloating me), then I gave up sugar, white flower. I also gave up eating sweets that were "sugar free", ice cream, cake, candy, cookies, etc. TOTALLY. Chips of any type had long ago stopped appealing to me. I gave them up TOTALLY (they were the easiest, I don't know why). I am also a vegetarian, I rarely eat eggs (eggbeaters) and don't eat real dairy so almost Vegan (not to lose weight but because I don't want to eat animals). Notice that we never become addicted to things like carrots, celery, green beans, etc (esp the ones that are cooked without sugar being added by manufacturers). I do use Stevia for my decaf iced tea and coffee. I only use vegan cheeses. I feel better than I have probably felt since I was a teen. I have lost almost 130 lbs. I plan to lose another 20-25. I come on here to add up my calories. I don't want friends because when I have added people previously (a few years ago), they would try to sabotage my dietary choices, tell me that I was eating too much or too little or should eat this or that, etc. People on here didn't seem to help me and I figured that I was eating a very balanced diet, enough calories according to several Doctors that are friends of mine, etc. I don't eat a fad diet. I am not on the all protein or all carb diet, no paleo, no any Dr's name diet. I eat according to principles that I learned in taking nutrition courses at the University and a refresher course just recently on Coursera (gotta make sure that I don't forget things :) . Exercising isn't the way to do it tho, being more active in general. Go for walks around the lake with your children, play football in the back yard or participate in sports with your church or community leagues, join a "meet up" group for exercising with others, get a hiking/walking/running buddy, Limit time watching TV or just sitting around. Get out in the world. If you got to Church/Synagogue/Mosque then join in with people to be more active. Walking an hour a day will help but we all have to stop being "couch potatoes" and getting up and about.

    I also lift weights every other day to keep toned.

    I am also 54:)
  • kp1439
    kp1439 Posts: 343 Member
    Options
    one thing .... you got a lot to live for ... once you get that in your head you will be all set ... i promise you ....
  • hearthwood
    hearthwood Posts: 794 Member
    Options
    It sounds like you've centered your life around eating. Replace that with something else. Fill it with exercise, along with a new hobby that keeps your brain and hands busy, and away from food. It's just a change up leading to a healthier/happier you.
  • challian
    challian Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    I find when I'm busy I don't think about food that much. But when I'm sitting at home, with nothing to occupy me, then I'll eat all day!
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
    Options
    I understand the sense of failure you feel every time you try and don't succeed. I had come to the point where I just accepted that I would be obese and unable to walk for the rest of my life. My time had come and gone. Then my mom died of Diabetes. That was the kick I needed to try one last time. Actually I resolved to try UNTIL.

    I had to get rid of the all-or-nothing mentality. One screw up day didn't screw up my whole week. As long as I logged everything, I was still in the game. There was no time limit on getting healthy.

    I wanted to lose 75 pounds in a year. I lost 50. I have been maintaining for the past year, as life events have thrown off my losing plan for now. Did I fail? Hell no. I feel fantastic. SO much better than I did 2 years ago.

    Even if I never get the last 27 off, I have succeeded in bettering my health. For me. For my family.

    Take what you learned in OA. Sounds like you are stuck at step one, tho. You have admitted you are powerless over food. But that doesn't mean to throw up your hands because you can't do anything about it. YOU CAN. One day at a time. One meal at a time.

    If you have trigger foods that cause you to binge right now, then keep them away from you for awhile until you can control them again.
    If sugar and processed carbs are a problem for you, and they are for most OAers, then you may try looking at Paleo/Primal, South Beach, or the Whole 30 plans that are out there. These will help you break that sugar addiction.

    Start filling your body with higher quality proteins, healthy fats, veggies. You will begin to feel better.

    You CAN do this. You just have to convince yourself that it is possible. Checkout some success stories of the men on here that have proven it can be done, at any size, at any age. Ed Davenport is the first name that comes to mind. He lost over 300 pounds. Look up his profile.
  • darylspindler
    darylspindler Posts: 35 Member
    Options
    Wow, these are some great posts. I really appreciate all the feedback. I particularly like the suggestions about posting even on bad days. I have to admit that if I start out with a healthy breakfast but lose it at lunch and then of course dinner, I wouldn't log those days. I'm going back to log my binge day just to see how bad it was. I don't know who I think I'm fooling by not logging the binge days.

    Thanks everybody!!!
  • toutmonpossible
    toutmonpossible Posts: 1,580 Member
    Options
    You have to attack this problem in multiple ways:

    See a doctor to eliminate a physiological reason for your eating.

    See a therapist: Examine why you have a need to eat this way. Get support in building a structure that will help you eat more healthily and exercise more.

    Commit to healthy eating. It's one thing to know intellectually that you should lose weight. It's entirely another to act on the intention. Renew your commitment every day.

    Break the cycle: Go on a fast for 12 hours. Eat nothing and drink only water or black coffee or tea.

    Attend to practical things: Don't leave leftovers in the refrigerator. Cook only enough food for the meal. Don't bring treats into your home. If your family buys high-calorie food tell them to store it where you can't see it or to even lock it away if necessary.