100 lbs gone - advice required.

I would work on your self-esteem before getting together with a woman. Your self confidence is what will naturally attract females. You have to work on your self image just as hard as you have your physical health. That takes time, commitment, and work. I suggest picking up a few books about this...strengthen yourself first then try getting to know her. Low self-esteem is what will kill a relationship before it begins. There are just too many fears that jeopardize the relationship. Maybe just try and get to know her on a friendship level while focusing on healing yourself from the inside out. I wish you the best of luck!

I would work on your self-esteem before getting together with a woman. Your self confidence is what will naturally attract females. You have to work on your self image just as hard as you have your physical health. That takes time, commitment, and work. I suggest picking up a few books about this...strengthen yourself first then try getting to know her. Low self-esteem is what will kill a relationship before it begins. There are just too many fears that jeopardize the relationship. Maybe just try and get to know her on a friendship level while focusing on healing yourself from the inside out. I wish you the best of luck!

and this!

Fake it till you make it. In other words, you need to work on gaining confidence, but part of that will come from just taking that first step. If you don't fall flat on your face....success! That breeds More confidence. If you do fall, at least you had the guts to try, so try again. Keep it up!

Anyone can get someone, even anyone if u know their needs. Find a way 2 start a conversation. Compliment something: jewelry, makeup, shoes. That's a flirt that tells her u like her. Strike a convo 2 or 3x, then ask her out.

If shes not interested, or u botch it, move on, find a new crush. Hair of the dog...but good luck!

And buy her lobster, so, she has to put out. Ladies, commence thrashing me...

I hate lobster..

As a bisexual transgender I've been on both sides of the fence so to speak. Maybe genetic females will tell you something different, but the guys who I find attractive are the ones who show a genuine interest in me, are confident but not pushy, complimentary but not over-the-top, and don't spend all their time talking about themselves! Just my experience.

Now I'm smaller, considerably smaller. I still have around 50 pounds to lose. My question really is I've seen this girl who works in the same building as me (not the same company) and I'd like to get to know her but I just don't know how to make the first steps. I feel out of my depth and for many years I've felt like 'people like me' just don't have girlfriends. I really would like any advice you can give me.

Start martial arts. I would suggest one of those where you kick and screm (like Tae Kwon Do, Tang Soo Do, Karate Do etc.). At first it will seem akward, and you will shy out, you will not scream, you will hold kicks and punches. Then suddently your confidence will be boosted big time and you will feel like you can kick

Confidence comes with time and experience. You will build it as you gain experience in confidence building activities, like asking a girl out. The very best mindset to get to is that it is OK to get rejected. Honestly, that is the absolute worst thing that can happen to you when you put yourself out there, and it just isn't that bad. You get rejected. You feel bummed. You move on to the next best thing. Women do appreciate confidence, and nothing says confidence more than a man who can just come right out and say what he wants (nice and politely, of course). Say hi, ask her out, see what happens. If she isn't interested, so be it. There are plenty of women out there who will be, but you'll never meet any of them if you don't allow yourself the possibility of getting rejected and get over the fear that you might be.

Being a shy person who has been heavy a good part of my life, I can relate to this. Although I have had relationships and been married, being fat takes a toll on your psyche that is difficult to unlearn. It is hard to feel confident when society tells you that you are 'less than' due to your size.
Congratulations on losing the weight, that is a great accomplishment and a step toward growth in other areas. One piece of advice I can offer that came out of a realization one day: I got tired of over analyzing situations and decided to just have fun. It has allowed me a degree of freedom no matter what the outcome may be and I learned that most people are happy to meet you. Smiles really are returned and there are many people like me who won't put themselves out there but will happily talk with you if you approach them.
Best of luck to you, it sounds like you have a great start on your future

First off... Congratulations on the 100 lbs lost. I have been there and it is such an amazing feat! You must feel incredible. Well done.

I can't tell you what all women like or don't like. No one can as all women are different and special in their own way. These are only my thoughts as I drink my first cup of coffee of the morning.

I can tell you that you'll miss 100% of the time if you never take the shot. A few things which are largely human nature...

Most people like to feel important and feel listened to. Listening is such a critical skill and is so often neglected. Don't go on a date and talk exclusively about yourself... do talk about her. Ask questions. Find out her wants and likes.

Do find something fun to do that enables an easy flow in conversation. Sitting alone in a quiet restaurant with someone you don't know can be tricky if you aren't gregarious in nature. Doing an activity together can spur conversation quite easily.

Use her name and establish eye contact. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of a persons name on someone else's lips. Similarly eye contact establishes that you are listening to her. (just don't be creepy about it ) I try to find out 5 things about someone when I first meet them... Eye color and four others. That tells me I was attentive and listening.

Don't be afraid to be yourself and be honest... your true self will come out eventually anyways. Nobody likes a fake.

Start by saying hello... Good Morning. How are you today? Try to notice her likes and dislikes, her hobbies and interests. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they dress and what they are carrying and try to find common ground for discussion.

I once met a girl simply by commenting on her concert tshirt. It was for a Chris Whitley concert back in the day... we had coffee later that night and dated for 6 months. Notice the little things. A nice compliment can go a long ways.

Don't be afraid to be nervous. Its human nature. Joke about it. Be honest about it. Some people find that endearing. Joking about it eases the tension. But remember it is normal.

Anyways... My coffee cup is almost empty and I've rambled on enough.

Good luck and again... Congrats!

I'd start with a Hi! and a smile. Make sure you are noticed by her by making quick eye contact. Every day that you run into her build up a few more words to say until you feel confident talking a real conversation. Also practice saying hello to other woman you don't have a crush on, use them for practice. In addition do things that build your confidence, wear clothing you feel good in, get a great haircut to build up your confidence. Good luck to you.

Congrats on the amazing weight loss!

This is going to sound superficial but I think that once you start to feel you look good, people will notice you and pay more attention to you. That has been my own experience. So, if I were you, I would make sure you are wearing good-fitting clothes - ones that truly do your new body justice. Make sure you have a good haircut and overall just FEEL good in your skin and clothes. That will help you to feel more confident I think.

I would keep it casual, say hi, make eye contact. You will know really soon if she's even remotely interested - if she says hi back, smiles, keeps eye contact etc. I would also try to be where she is and see her as often as possible (but not stalker-styles obvs).

Also maybe ask around to see if she's taken already so as to know ahead of time if she's even available.

I think all the other posters provided really great advice. For me (I'm a woman), as soon as I start to wear better clothes that fit my body, people immediately comment and talk to me and pay attention to me and in turn that makes me feel better and so on....

Congrats on the amazing weight loss!

This is going to sound superficial but I think that once you start to feel you look good, people will notice you and pay more attention to you. That has been my own experience. So, if I were you, I would make sure you are wearing good-fitting clothes - ones that truly do your new body justice. Make sure you have a good haircut and overall just FEEL good in your skin and clothes. That will help you to feel more confident I think.

I would keep it casual, say hi, make eye contact. You will know really soon if she's even remotely interested - if she says hi back, smiles, keeps eye contact etc.[\b] I would also try to be where she is and see her as often as possible (but not stalker-styles obvs).

Also maybe ask around to see if she's taken already so as to know ahead of time if she's even available.

I think all the other posters provided really great advice. For me (I'm a woman), as soon as I start to wear better clothes that fit my body, people immediately comment and talk to me and pay attention to me and in turn that makes me feel better and so on....

My advice would be not to read too much into the bolded bit. I do this with everyone I meet and so does every woman with any decent social skills I know. Means nothing other than that she's being polite.

Just say hello

^^^This

Just make the first step... start with a simple hello, how are you doing and go from there. Everyone deserves to have someone to love and be loved in return :bigsmile: And don't ever think you are not worth it. :flowerforyou:

Looking for potential dates is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... The stress alone will put you on blood pressure medication!

All I can really do is relate to you, I've been over 100 lbs over weight since 2007, prior to that I was still a big guy, and women were never responsive to me. My entire college and university days were spent talking to girls I found attractive, and then them more or less making it obvious they had no real interest in me after a couple of days.

I tried reading the self help books, and while those improved my mood and my self confidence, nothing really makes up for being undesirable physically, at least from my experience. You can be a smooth talker or nice and friendly and you might get a coffee date or two but usually, after they get done feeling sorry for you, they just stop responding, again this has just been my experience and my reasoning, for all I know I might just be a terrible person to talk to, at least I get along just fine with all my guy friends and don't seem to have any issues making new ones...

There was a time where I believed if I just focused on other things like having a house, a car, a nice job etc, that women would find those qualities worth over looking my physical qualities, but again, not much luck at all. The entire reason I joined my fitness pal and started getting really serious about losing the weight, was because I'm turning 30 in a few years and I don't want to be a freak...

Only advice I've seen that works is just get in the gym, eat right, lose the weight, get the swim suit body so to say and that does it. Assuming of course you have the other things in place, you should be ok after that. You'll have to assess yourself and be honest with yourself about your appearance.

I can tell you at least online dating is much worse, about 80% of the guys who are on the sites get very little response, most people recommend trying to build a friendship before a relationship and avoiding cold approaches.

Hopefully this epic wall of text helps.