family give backlash and refuse to become healthy?

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Listeninguponyou
Listeninguponyou Posts: 507 Member
in Motivation and Support
I don't understand. Everyone in my family is obese or heavily overweight. No one has good exercise or eating habits in my direct family. My father has type 2 diabetes and both my parents suffer injuries and pain from weight. My father also has to take many pills a day to deal with problems like blood pressure. They have trouble doing everyday things, don't they want to live longer? My sister is a bit better than they are, but her eating habits are horrible too. Why am I the only one that wants to change this? I ask if they want to meet with me for walks or eat a nice lunch with me? They lash back that I'm still the same and I will and can't be healthy. Why can't they support me? Why don't they see what weight is doing to them? They are never happy and always angry. They can't enjoy outdoor events and tours like other people. They always complain about weight and health, yet do nothing. I just want what's best for them. Isn't this for the best?

Why am I the only one who is trying to change?

Sorry that this seems like a rant. I just don't understand.

Replies

  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    You can't force anyone to get healthy.
    Just keep taking care of you and who knows? Eventually you may inspire them
  • Listeninguponyou
    Listeninguponyou Posts: 507 Member
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    Does it really have to be that way? I guess your right. I will.
  • tarcotti
    tarcotti Posts: 205 Member
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    I already commented on your status. But I want to say it here for others to read with similar problems.

    I also don't understand how they can complain about their own health, and have lots of unhappiness, pain, and sickness and then ridicule you for trying to fix those kinds of problems in your own life. I'd understand if it was "hard" for them or if they were even just too lazy or not motivated or depressed. But they aren't, they are just being nasty to you, and you don't deserve that at all. Like I said, I'd try and surround myself with some more positive people to help you in your journey. I understand that they are family, and you can't get away from that. But if you have no one to cheer you on, then its going to be much harder. Hopefully you have some friends that won't drag you down and support you. Definitely make more friends here at MVP and hopefully you can find more support elsewhere. What has helped me so far is connecting MFP with facebook to be friends with people I know (or sort of know) in real life that are also doing the same thing as me!

    Obviously, you care about them and want them to be as happy and healthy you are or will be soon. Hopefully you will be an inspiration to them when talking to them about this fails. I wouldn't give up trying to talk to them about it, but that is just me. If I see someone making obviously bad decisions, you bet I will say something. But that is who I am. Not everyone is like that, I've seen posts like this before with the advice being, "Its none of your business what they do with their lives." But I couldn't disagree more. I would never let a friend or family member "drown" and not try to help, even if I step on a few toes in the process.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    Change is scary. Even though they complain, in their mind they're comfortable in their life and are uncomfortable with the thought of changing it even if its for the best.

    They have to come to the decision to lose weight and become healthier themselves. You can't do it for them. In the meantime keep doing what you're doing.
  • Dhemeyer
    Dhemeyer Posts: 157 Member
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    It can feel so frustrating, and hopeless, and helpless (among other things) when you can see someone needs help, but they won't take it or don't want it. And it can be so hurtful when the people who mean the most to us don't support us in our goals or celebrate us when we achieve something we are pleased with. But you are not alone! You are not alone in your struggle to want better for your family. Most of use would admit that as we have gotten healthier we have wanted to share that with others... and have become very disheartened when our help and influence goes unappreciated. For me it's my husband... I just can't seem to keep him on board with things. And you don't have to be alone in celebrating. We are here to celebrate with you, to support you, and encourage you... to even hear your advice for us. If you can't get what you need at home, let us be what you're family can't be... at least until your family can :) Don't hesitate to reach out and ask for what you need
  • konerusp
    konerusp Posts: 247 Member
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    Frankly,it has to come to them from their inside, as per the saying -"you can take the horse till the water but not make it drink water".I have my elders,they aren't obese but are a little overweight,yet they still like to skip meals and survive eating only icecream or only sweets some days,all have history of high cholesterol,blood pressure etc they are willing to go to the doc to take pills but not ready to give up icecream.My mom is that way too but not that bad as my other relatives.My mom made some changes, listens to me on and off,so she kind of is managing spiralling back and forth,but I felt no one in this world will listen unless they see results,so all I have to say is lead by example.Set a good example to them and you might succeed to get them on board some day.Im nearing my goal weight,hopefully I can move my family members to get on board with me.
  • Listeninguponyou
    Listeninguponyou Posts: 507 Member
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    I already commented on your status. But I want to say it here for others to read with similar problems.

    I also don't understand how they can complain about their own health, and have lots of unhappiness, pain, and sickness and then ridicule you for trying to fix those kinds of problems in your own life. I'd understand if it was "hard" for them or if they were even just too lazy or not motivated or depressed. But they aren't, they are just being nasty to you, and you don't deserve that at all. Like I said, I'd try and surround myself with some more positive people to help you in your journey. I understand that they are family, and you can't get away from that. But if you have no one to cheer you on, then its going to be much harder. Hopefully you have some friends that won't drag you down and support you. Definitely make more friends here at MVP and hopefully you can find more support elsewhere. What has helped me so far is connecting MFP with facebook to be friends with people I know (or sort of know) in real life that are also doing the same thing as me!

    Obviously, you care about them and want them to be as happy and healthy you are or will be soon. Hopefully you will be an inspiration to them when talking to them about this fails. I wouldn't give up trying to talk to them about it, but that is just me. If I see someone making obviously bad decisions, you bet I will say something. But that is who I am. Not everyone is like that, I've seen posts like this before with the advice being, "Its none of your business what they do with their lives." But I couldn't disagree more. I would never let a friend or family member "drown" and not try to help, even if I step on a few toes in the process.

    Thank you for understanding. I will try to make more MFP friends to encourage me and talk more to my other friends. I just hope that one day they will be healthy too. I hope you are right.
  • tarcotti
    tarcotti Posts: 205 Member
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    Thank you for understanding. I will try to make more MFP friends to encourage me and talk more to my other friends. I just hope that one day they will be healthy too. I hope you are right.

    I hope I am too. It kind of worked in my family, my dad did the weight loss thing first. He inspired the rest of us, even though before we already knew we needed to. He has helped me a lot.
  • LumberJacck
    LumberJacck Posts: 559 Member
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    My guess is they are addicted to food. Imagine a group of junkies, and you were the only person who wanted to go clean. You'd expect the same reaction.
  • Swiftlet66
    Swiftlet66 Posts: 729 Member
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    Wow. This is how my co-workers react to me. The other posters are right; you can't change them and their ways but you can continue doing what you're doing and it might catch onto them later on. For me, my family had slowly started incorporating more exercise and they're eating better since I became so adamant about living healthier. I know my co-workers are very adverse to change and they do actually joke about my lifestyle a lot but I keep doing what I'm doing and I notice that they are starting to change little things about their health here and there. They won't admit it though but they are. ;) So again, you live how you want to live and perhaps you'll unconsciously inspire them.

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