Im still fat while I lose weight...

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hollybugger
hollybugger Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
Hi there. Im 28 and have been overweight all of my life. Id like to say it hasn't had any effect on my life, but it has and does every day in pretty dramatic ways. I have aprox 180 pounds to lose. Thats like an entire female pop group. I lost 75 pounds last year, followed shortly by my engagement breaking up and my niece passing away...and then by gaining 100 pounds back. Life seems to be an infinite struggle. How do you deal with your emotions and your feelings about yourself and life while still pushing forward with your goals? Im not exactly the bubbly its cool that Im fat type. Im more the why aren't I perfect and why aren't I perfect right now type. So being fat while trying to be not fat hinders me from trying to be not fat....Yeah. All suggestions and support are greatly appreciated.

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  • 1Cor1510
    1Cor1510 Posts: 413 Member
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    Take pictures (for comparison), take measurements, take it one day at a time. Honestly, some days my before and now (during) pictures are the only thing that keep me going.
  • xenu01
    xenu01 Posts: 117 Member
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    Well, the bad news is that losing weight is not the path to being perfect. It never will be. My body pretty much looks the same as it did before...just a little bit smaller.

    That said, let me share with you what got me started and what has sustained me:

    http://catvalente.livejournal.com/684469.html
    http://catvalente.livejournal.com/684587.html

    These are two posts from one of my favorite authors on her weight-loss journey.

    See, it really is a journey, as schlocky as that sounds. Not only do you lose weight (and sometimes gain weight back), but you also learn about what your body is capable of. And you learn to be at peace with yourself.

    We are all travelling through time, and as we travel, our bodies stop being strong and reliable, bit by bit. Even if you lose one million pounds and become the hottest person in the universe, you will eventually grow old. This is not to be depressing, but just to say that you will never be perfect and that maybe it might be ok to work towards learning to accept that while you slowly, gently and forgivingly embrace this weight-loss thing.
  • ItsJordanNicole
    ItsJordanNicole Posts: 110 Member
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    I think it's important that you reflect on your previous work out and remember that it can be done. You know that you can lose the weight because you have done it before. Some days will be harder than others but just think about your goal. Come here often to get motivation. Just don't give up on yourself.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    Don't give up. Just. Don't. If you give up, will you be any happier/healthier?

    That said, I've tried very hard to focus on the numbers/data rather than my emotions. I have a load of numbers I use to track progress - weight, measurements, dress size (although that's pretty spurious), and a load of numbers I use to get there - calories in, minutes walked. I have a calorie limit, plan my food around it and just get on with my day.

    I have also learned patience...
  • Artionis
    Artionis Posts: 105 Member
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    Looking for perfection is a lost cause when it comes to fitness and weight management. Perfectionists (and I am one) tend to gravitate in one of two directions: 1) I wasn't perfect, can't be perfect in this endeavor, so screw it, I quit or 2) damn it, I'll keep at this until I die or become perfect, which ever happens first.

    I was (emphasis on "was") the first type. Forget about seeking perfection, forget about looking perfect, forget about being perfect, just aim for doing pretty damn well. Do pretty damn well for a year or two and you'll be writing one of the success stories on that board. "Pretty damn well" means you will have occasional setbacks, or even a derailment. Then you refocus and get back on track.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Just start. The fat is going to be there regardless. So you can either focus on getting rid of it, or focus on the fact that it's not going to just fall off your body overnight. Use it as motivation and get started with a small caloric deficit. Don't deprive yourself of foods you love, but don't overdo it. Start moving around and being physically active. It'll start coming off fairly quickly in the beginning and maybe that will give you some extra motivation.

    Stop wallowing. It won't do anything but slow you down :)

    If you're dealing with mental anguish, I suggest you start going to counseling, or keeping a journal. Talk to someone. Get it out.

    Remember; your mental and physical health go hand in hand. Do not work on one while neglecting the other.
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
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    I can understand where you are coming from. I tend to look at the how far I have to go rather than how far I have come. For me it's hard to be working my butt off and eating healthy and still feeling fat. I would say, just keep at it. It's not going to change over night, it will take time. I have been on this journey for over a year now and I still have a ways to go. I take pictures, even though I hate how I look, as the weight drops I can see a big difference. Don't be discouraged and just give it your all.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
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    I've read from several fitness professionals that is better to focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like. Fat loss is such a slow process and can be very discouraging when you can't see the progress on a regular basis. If you focus instead on something like improving your endurance or increasing your strength, you will see the results of those things faster and the fat loss will happen as a pleasant side affect. Perhaps you could look into C25K and start running or begin a proven strength training program such as "New Rules of Lifting" (purchase the book) or "Strong Lifts 5x5" (free on the internet).

    You'll be amazed what changing your focus can do for your pride and self esteem. Regardless of what it looks like, your body is an amazing thing.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard."
  • Tabbitha1968
    Tabbitha1968 Posts: 41 Member
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    Whatever you do, dont give up. Ive been at this for over a year and one thing I know for sure (said like Oprah) is that in reality some days just suck. Quitting never makes it better, but a try does. Take it one day at a time, that's all you can do. If one day is bad, the next day don't dwell on it and dont punish yourself. You cant undo yesterday, act like it didnt happen and move on. I like you am still fat, while losing weight, I try not to dwell on it and choose to focus on moving forward, making each day better. Remember happiness is a choice that only you can choose for yourself. I hope this helps.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
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    I'm sorry for the difficult things that happened to you. I do understand the toll it can take on your mind and heart.

    My brother died when he was 18, and I let it wreck my life for years. It hurt so badly, and it was so sudden, that I became overwhelmed by the need to control and comfort. Over and over again, I used food to comfort me and purging behaviors as a way to control my life in a world that was chaotic.

    First, as others say: don't give up on yourself. You should show great tenderness to your hurting self. As you work on emotional self-care, physical self-care will be easier.

    There is lots of good info on MFP on diets/lifestyle changes, exercise, how to begin when you have a lot of weight to use, and just general support. Take advantage of it all.

    Here is what I'm still learning to do when my emotions are pressing down on me and all I want to do is escape with food. I pause. I say to myself, "If in 10 minutes I still want to eat, I will let myself. But let's just wait for those 10 minutes." And in those 10 minutes I breathe deeply. I ask myself if there's something underneath my urge to binge, something that is bothering me. Something that I'm grieving for. A memory that cuts deep. In that pause, I often discover what's going on. And it's not always hurtful things. Maybe I am over hungry, maybe my blood sugar is low, maybe I didn't eat enough during the day.

    Many good thoughts to you.
  • Zhryla
    Zhryla Posts: 20 Member
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    "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard."

    THIS! This is awesome. I told myself for so long that what was the point in starting when I had so far to go. I was always so afraid of failing. I'm only 3 months in and yeah I'm still very fat - but I feel better. My body feels better, I feel better about myself and proud that I just actually started and haven't stopped. I can't even imagine how good I'll feel this time next year. There isn't any magic quote or pill or poetry that will make someone start, for me it was just being so sick of how much I hated how I looked and felt. I still hate how I look, but I look better at least by a little and for now that's enough to keep me going.
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
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    When I started last year I too had a long way to go. A year later, 100+ pounds down, and yeah I still have a long way to go to "perfect." But DAMN don't I feel good now! People who've never been very obese just don't understand how disabling it can be to be big. To be cowed by a flight of stairs or other everyday physical activity. To be intimidated by a CHAIR with arms that you're afraid you won't fit into. For it to be a challenge to rise up out of that chair.

    But as you lose weight, you'll start feeling better FAST. You're still pretty young and that may not be your goal, but trust me, even at your age you might be surprised at how much better you feel just dropping 20 lbs (and then the next 20, and the next!). You'll have tons of energy. Your knees will hurt less. Everything hurts less. And the feeling of accomplishment is great too.

    Especially at the beginning, don't focus a lot on outcomes or the long-term goal. Focus on your behavior, things you can actually control. "Hey, I stuck to my calorie plan for a week / a month / etc.!" "Hey, I walked for 10 minutes longer today than I've been averaging up until now!" "Hey, I tried yoga / kickboxing / deadlifts / zumba today for the first time and it wasn't utterly dreadful!" And as you must monitor outcomes too, keep short-term goals in mind, and don't attach timelines to them. "I can lose 10 more pounds, and then I'll see how I'll feel about the next 10." (NOT: "I'll lose 10 lbs this month."). Set yourself up to be able to celebrate your successes. Give yourself plenty of small wins. It'll only encourage you to keep on the path.

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