Struggling
laineylee
Posts: 17
I am at a loss as to how to help my 17 yr old with her weight loss journey.
We work out together, we eat together (I pack her school lunch) we follow our calorie intake, we drink water, and still she does not lose weight, while I do.
I can not fathom it out. We thought maybe she has water weight and to drink more, but, that did not help. I do not know how its possible.
She is getting really frustrated and down and doesn't want to do it any more, but, she is unhealthy, and can not continue to carry around the excess weight on her 5ft 2 frame.'
Thoughts?
We work out together, we eat together (I pack her school lunch) we follow our calorie intake, we drink water, and still she does not lose weight, while I do.
I can not fathom it out. We thought maybe she has water weight and to drink more, but, that did not help. I do not know how its possible.
She is getting really frustrated and down and doesn't want to do it any more, but, she is unhealthy, and can not continue to carry around the excess weight on her 5ft 2 frame.'
Thoughts?
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Replies
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If you are doing all that and still no results you may want to check with a doctor (if you haven't already). My friend had the same problem and it turned out to be that she had a thyroid problem. Doctor had to put her on meds but now she is starting to loose weight. It takes a while longer than she like and she has to work a bit harder but it is working.0
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Could be something medical. Have her get a workup by a physician. Some likely culprits are thyroid problems and PCOS.0
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master cleanse0
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Stay the course & continue on with her. She is probably doing some kind of "sabotage" behavior either knowingly or in denial and it will be for her to conclude. Your frustration will only make things more challenging for you both. Just keep an upbeat, positive attitude and continue on modeling good behavior. What do you have to loose anyway (except weight...yay!).0
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Did the doctor suggest she 'diet'? Learning new eating habits is a wonderful thing BUT having Mom pack daughters lunch, Mom working out with daughter, keeping track of her water and weight.....this sounds more like Mom has daughter on a 'diet'. I can see how that would NOT work, I would not want to continue doing something like that with my Mom either.:frown: I'd feel very out of control and like someone didn't feel I was OK as I was. I realize that might not be your intention but kids see things differently.
It's awesome to make healthy choices for the household, encourage water over sodas in the house,enjoy family outings that include physical activities rather than sedentary. But at 17 dieting with Mom wouldn't be at the top of my list either. Perhaps step back and encourage by your actions in your eating and activities and when she's ready to join in she will. :flowerforyou:
We can want to help someone SO badly but until they are ready there's not a thing we can do for them other than be an example. We can't do it for them nor would we want to because it would never be their victory when they succeeded at their goals along the way.
We can only walk our own journey in life and she can walk hers when she's ready. Sounds like an awful lot of pressure for a 17 year old if the 'diet' mentality is all she's got surrounding her plus naturally that's also on at school as well with the pressure of trying to fit in..:ohwell:
Maybe have her pick a couple meals a week that can be healthified and that could be something she might get into? If she begins bits of this herself she just might feel more inclined to want to stick too it and begin to enjoy learning more about healthy nutrition.
Just some thoughts... :flowerforyou:0 -
:huh: you're seriously suggesting this for a 17 year old child????!!:noway:master cleanse0 -
This may or may not be appropriate, so please tell me to shove off if it's not.
My mother who loves me very much, also tried to help me with weight loss in my teens. I ate well when I was around her, but consumed jars of frosting when I was not. I don't know why, but when it felt like she was restricting my food intake, it became a power struggle. All I thought about was cookies.
The only thing I know for sure is that weight loss is (usually) a math problem - calories in vs calories out. There are many exceptions (metabolism, thyroid, etc), but 90% of the time it seems to be pretty straight forward. So if she's not losing weight, maybe she could take on the job of tracking her own calories? Then perhaps she can find where the problems are. And maybe it would give her more "responsibility" and ownership in the process. Good luck!0 -
It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?0
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Im very young as well, only 15, and im not big but im past the weight i want to be. i also found it very hard to lose weight when i wasnt as dedicated but i now am seriously ready to lose it, so you might want to start with makeing sure she is really dedicated because she cant lose weight till she wants to. i also used to have a problem with my snacking i would come home and stuff myself but i found that if i eat a good lunch i wouldnt snack as much and if i did i always had a light and fit yougart or a 90 calroie chewy bar or even 100 calorie chees its. Portion sizes are also important at first it shcoked me how little you should actually eat but if you just stick with it your stomach will start shrinking to the size it normally should be and you wont have to eat as much to feel "full". and finally excersize, i do a 30 min cardio workout 5 times a week, all i basically do is walk 2 miles and it really helps. i would also do abdomen repetitions for 15 min a day like 3 sets of 20 crunches and things like that. it has only been 1 week and iv lost 3 lbs which isnt that much but my goal is to lose 20 and iv never lost weight in my life like this before or even tried. my mom has been a huge help with pushing me and helping me eat right so deffinatly stay with her because you honestly are a big help0
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No, she wants me to help her and has asked. No pressure. No bullying. She willingly asks for help and for motivation. She likes doing it together, she know I understand her pain at being over weight which leads to being unhealthy.
This isnt a 'diet" its a way of life for us, her brother, my 6 yr old, has severe food allergies, so we have all had to adjust to a diff way of eating anyway (he was diagnosed 5 yrs ago) she is free to eat what she wants when she wants, she is responsible for herself. The fridge and pantry are always open. if she CHOOSES to eat the food, she can, that is up to her to do for herself and make good choices, or not.
As for lunch packing, she was getting frustrated at not being able to find healthy options, the schools food is awful. So when I say "pack" I mean, I buy foods specifically for her, for lunch.
she DOES have PCOS and was taking metformin for it, but, she thought she knew better and didnt want to take it any more.
you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink.
she does not have thyroid problem.
i would not do master cleanse. Others have suggested hydroxy cut, for some that may be tha answer, for us, it is not. We dont want quick fixes, we want to be healthy, all of us.0 -
It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?
Yes, i agree, according to here though, we both have a base of 1200, and then it gets added to as we work out.0 -
This may or may not be appropriate, so please tell me to shove off if it's not. My mother who loves me very much, also tried to help me with weight loss in my teens. I ate well when I was around her, but consumed jars of frosting when I was not. I don't know why, but when it felt like she was restricting my food intake, it became a power struggle. All I thought about was cookies.
The only thing I know for sure is that weight loss is (usually) a math problem - calories in vs calories out. There are many exceptions (metabolism, thyroid, etc), but 90% of the time it seems to be pretty straight forward. So if she's not losing weight, maybe she could take on the job of tracking her own calories? Then perhaps she can find where the problems are. And maybe it would give her more "responsibility" and ownership in the process. Good luck!
she has her own MFP page, she tracks her own calories.0 -
It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?
Yes, i agree, according to here though, we both have a base of 1200, and then it gets added to as we work out.
Maybe a nutrionist would be the next step? They could probably offer some great advise on what to try next. Good luck!!0 -
Did the doctor suggest she 'diet'? Learning new eating habits is a wonderful thing BUT having Mom pack daughters lunch, Mom working out with daughter, keeping track of her water and weight.....this sounds more like Mom has daughter on a 'diet'. I can see how that would NOT work, I would not want to continue doing something like that with my Mom either.:frown: I'd feel very out of control and like someone didn't feel I was OK as I was. I realize that might not be your intention but kids see things differently.
It's awesome to make healthy choices for the household, encourage water over sodas in the house,enjoy family outings that include physical activities rather than sedentary. But at 17 dieting with Mom wouldn't be at the top of my list either. Perhaps step back and encourage by your actions in your eating and activities and when she's ready to join in she will. :flowerforyou:
We can want to help someone SO badly but until they are ready there's not a thing we can do for them other than be an example. We can't do it for them nor would we want to because it would never be their victory when they succeeded at their goals along the way.
We can only walk our own journey in life and she can walk hers when she's ready. Sounds like an awful lot of pressure for a 17 year old if the 'diet' mentality is all she's got surrounding her plus naturally that's also on at school as well with the pressure of trying to fit in..:ohwell:
Maybe have her pick a couple meals a week that can be healthified and that could be something she might get into? If she begins bits of this herself she just might feel more inclined to want to stick too it and begin to enjoy learning more about healthy nutrition.
Just some thoughts... :flowerforyou:
: ) -- I always like diff insights and appreciate people taking the time to read mine and then reply.
Our Journey is, we started this last yr when the endo told her she had to lose weight, that it was extremly bad for her to carry around excess. We started in March and she lost 40+lb's and was thrilled. August through Nov I work, I open, set up, run and tear down a Spirit Halloween store in our town. It is a ton of work and I worked 7 days a week.
My daughter got upset, because I wasn't around to help and motivate her, she put 15lb's back on.
she NEEDS to be responsible for herself, I totally agree, but she does want it. I think MFP is a great tool for her, she said she feels in control of what she eats and can see it all laid out, I do not do it for her, and she is free to eat what she wants. Sometimes at dinner she will make her own thing because she doesnt want what i have made.
I am not forcing her to do anything. I would love her even if she were 900lb's, it doesnt matter to me., What matters is she has asked for my help because the DR told her she has to do it, and, we all need support. if we didnt, we wouldnt all be here at MFP and chatting on msg baords.
Lainey0 -
Maybe its the metformin -- thats the only thing diff than last time???0
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I read your profile and saw your daughters. I have read through everything you have said here as well. Of course the PCOS isn't helping your daughter at all but is it possible that after both of you losing about 40# that now it is just harder to lose?
I found that the behaviors (calories, food, exercise) that had me losing almost 30 pounds my first year had me losing 10 pounds the next year. Also, even though I am exercising just as hard I don't burn as many calories because I am lighter.
Currently I am trying to increase my muscle mass to therefore increase my bmr.
Just a thought.
D0 -
Good luck to you both. :happy: I agree with an earlier post maybe she needs something more structured and a nutritionist may be the next move. I like a lot of people on MFP actually know how to eat properly but we've fallen off the wagon. So it may be hard for your daughter who hasn't had as much experience with dieting.
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I read your profile and saw your daughters. I have read through everything you have said here as well. Of course the PCOS isn't helping your daughter at all but is it possible that after both of you losing about 40# that now it is just harder to lose?
I found that the behaviors (calories, food, exercise) that had me losing almost 30 pounds my first year had me losing 10 pounds the next year. Also, even though I am exercising just as hard I don't burn as many calories because I am lighter.
Currently I am trying to increase my muscle mass to therefore increase my bmr.
Just a thought.
D
hmmmmm, maybe for me, but she has quite a bit to lose, since she is 5ft 2, so I am not sure if she has hit that kind of plateau yet?????0 -
I can understand your situation. Unless there is an underlying health issue, weight loss is burning more calories than you take in. With that in mind....I would have a visit to a medical doctor for full checkup and a counselor. It could be possible that there is some issues that are leading to emotional eating.
I would explain to her that everyone has different metabolism rates and caloric needs.
Unless she is eating more than the obvious, it does seem odd that a teen would lose weight slower than a parent.
My daughter is 18 1/2 and when we exercise together, any extra pounds come off quickly for her because her metabolic rate is much higher.
As for myself, I have gained weight two separate times in my life because my metabolism was stuck. I was trying so hard to lose and resulted to intaking too few calories and my body got used to that and went into starvation mode. It can take months or even a year to get the body back on track.0 -
How about something for herself, to boost her confidance. My daughter (although) she's only 8 is taking Karate. It seems like the kids young and older love it. Find a studio that is supportive and has a sense of community. Each class they challange them and they get rewarded with the different level of belts. One of the main goals is to build confindance. I would also check with the Dr. as the others have mentioned. Good luck, I feel for you and your daughter. I just started reading a book called "The 4-hour body", it covers alot of ground and gives helpful tips and ideas. I'm sure your local library has it or can get it.0
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I gained weight out of the blue and it turned out I had an underl active thyroid. There are sometimes some other syptoms like really dry skin, very sparce eyebrows and no half moons in the nailbead. I would add sleeping a lot but if she is anything like my sons were at that age sleeping is what teenagers do best LOL.
Are you sure she is not eating other things while out of the house as sometimes pepole can lie even to themselves when it comes to weight loss. I have a friend who swears blind she eats nothing but fruit and salads and yet when we spent time with her and her husband one weekend they do nothing but eat the whole time and it was something like 3 chinese meals each in one sitting and that was just one meal, yet she still denies eating anything but fruit and salads. Some people think if you diet some of the time the rest does not count, for instance dieting all week and then overeating at the weekends and think they will not gain weight as they have been (good) all week. The other way prople fool themselves is by dieting at home and not counting (little snacks) they have outside the home and these are usually the ones that have most calories. I would definately get her to the Docs and have her checked out first before you do anything.0 -
She has been checked by the DR. Her thyroid is fine. Everything is fine, except she has PCOS.
maybe the PCOS is the root of it all and the metformin is the key. Maqybe she doesnt realise how much it DOES impact her.0 -
Make sure your daughter packs her own school lunches. I always thought they were healthy until I watched a documentary on how schools receive grant money. Basically, each meal needs to be at least 600 calories.... but there's no cap to it! Our school lunches are usually one color: beige, which to me is an indicator, that it's really not as healthy as it should be.
The documentary showed that school lunches can actually end up being 1,200+, especially if she mixes and matches unhealthy options.
Also, make sure she really wants to lose the weight, not just make mom happy. I have a loving relationship with my mom, but I know she pressured me at times to keep my weight off and I often dieted to please her more than I did it for myself.
Shannon0 -
My friends daughter has PCOS and it is definately harder to lose we ight than other people in fact weight gain is one of the symptoms and I think it is wonderful that she has lost so much already.
It is so depressing not to be able to lose weight as easily as other people due to a medical problem and she deserves a big cheer for losing so much already and if she can just stick with it she will lose more maybe she needs bigger treats than the rest of us for losing the pounds in such a difficult situation compared to the rest of us and I think she must be a very dedicated young lady. I hope they come up with a cure for PCOS as I know how it can affect the lives of so many women in so many ways.0 -
As someone who struggled with infertility, PLEASE encourage your daughter to take her metformin! Please. It was prescribed for a reason, and saying she "thought she knew better" is not an acceptable reason for yuor daughter to discontinue use. I am not a doctor, but if a doctor prescribes you a med, its usually because your body NEEDS it.
Also, please check both of your BMRs. 1200 calories may not be the right amount of calories for either of you. You should both be eating your BMR (check it using the Tools section).0 -
I also was diagnosed with PCOS as a teen. The thing that helped me most, which I discovered in my 30's, was to get off white sugar, white bread and candy of any kind. If she can get off all carbs that are not slow-burning, I think it will help her progress immensely. There are some great books about how sugar affects insulin levels, which in turn affect hormones which mess up menstruation. Someone just recommended the book "This is Why You're Fat" to me, which is about sugar and how it affects the body. I haven't read it yet, but she swore that it changed her life.
I would not recommend the Atkins approach for weight loss, but I can tell you that the summer that I tried it, I had regular cycles like clock-work. Never before in my life had that happened, so I know there is a connection between carbs and hormones.0 -
As someone who struggled with infertility, PLEASE encourage your daughter to take her metformin! Please. It was prescribed for a reason, and saying she "thought she knew better" is not an acceptable reason for yuor daughter to discontinue use. I am not a doctor, but if a doctor prescribes you a med, its usually because your body NEEDS it.
Also, please check both of your BMRs. 1200 calories may not be the right amount of calories for either of you. You should both be eating your BMR (check it using the Tools section).
The cals i should be eating and my daughter were calculated by using the tools section here. 1200 is before exercise
I have encouraged her to take it, I cant exactly force it down her throat. She either listens and accepts, or doesn't. Much like I cant force her to eat right, or to exercise. I can encourage, I can explain, I can talk till I am blue in my face, the rest is in her hands.0 -
I also was diagnosed with PCOS as a teen. The thing that helped me most, which I discovered in my 30's, was to get off white sugar, white bread and candy of any kind. If she can get off all carbs that are not slow-burning, I think it will help her progress immensely. There are some great books about how sugar affects insulin levels, which in turn affect hormones which mess up menstruation. Someone just recommended the book "This is Why You're Fat" to me, which is about sugar and how it affects the body. I haven't read it yet, but she swore that it changed her life.
I would not recommend the Atkins approach for weight loss, but I can tell you that the summer that I tried it, I had regular cycles like clock-work. Never before in my life had that happened, so I know there is a connection between carbs and hormones.
Thank you, will look in to this.0
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