Struggling

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laineylee
laineylee Posts: 17
in Health and Weight Loss
I am at a loss as to how to help my 17 yr old with her weight loss journey.

We work out together, we eat together (I pack her school lunch) we follow our calorie intake, we drink water, and still she does not lose weight, while I do.

I can not fathom it out. We thought maybe she has water weight and to drink more, but, that did not help. I do not know how its possible.

She is getting really frustrated and down and doesn't want to do it any more, but, she is unhealthy, and can not continue to carry around the excess weight on her 5ft 2 frame.'

Thoughts?
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Replies

  • Raebug123
    Raebug123 Posts: 79 Member
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    If you are doing all that and still no results you may want to check with a doctor (if you haven't already). My friend had the same problem and it turned out to be that she had a thyroid problem. Doctor had to put her on meds but now she is starting to loose weight. It takes a while longer than she like and she has to work a bit harder but it is working.
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    Could be something medical. Have her get a workup by a physician. Some likely culprits are thyroid problems and PCOS.
  • mj310
    mj310 Posts: 2
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    master cleanse
  • dmolina12
    dmolina12 Posts: 12 Member
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    Stay the course & continue on with her. She is probably doing some kind of "sabotage" behavior either knowingly or in denial and it will be for her to conclude. Your frustration will only make things more challenging for you both. Just keep an upbeat, positive attitude and continue on modeling good behavior. What do you have to loose anyway (except weight...yay!).
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    Did the doctor suggest she 'diet'? Learning new eating habits is a wonderful thing BUT having Mom pack daughters lunch, Mom working out with daughter, keeping track of her water and weight.....this sounds more like Mom has daughter on a 'diet'. I can see how that would NOT work, I would not want to continue doing something like that with my Mom either.:frown: I'd feel very out of control and like someone didn't feel I was OK as I was. I realize that might not be your intention but kids see things differently.

    It's awesome to make healthy choices for the household, encourage water over sodas in the house,enjoy family outings that include physical activities rather than sedentary. But at 17 dieting with Mom wouldn't be at the top of my list either. Perhaps step back and encourage by your actions in your eating and activities and when she's ready to join in she will. :flowerforyou:

    We can want to help someone SO badly but until they are ready there's not a thing we can do for them other than be an example. We can't do it for them nor would we want to because it would never be their victory when they succeeded at their goals along the way.

    We can only walk our own journey in life and she can walk hers when she's ready. Sounds like an awful lot of pressure for a 17 year old if the 'diet' mentality is all she's got surrounding her plus naturally that's also on at school as well with the pressure of trying to fit in..:ohwell:

    Maybe have her pick a couple meals a week that can be healthified and that could be something she might get into? If she begins bits of this herself she just might feel more inclined to want to stick too it and begin to enjoy learning more about healthy nutrition.

    Just some thoughts... :flowerforyou:
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    master cleanse
    :huh: you're seriously suggesting this for a 17 year old child????!!:noway:
  • sophiajackson99
    sophiajackson99 Posts: 90
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    This may or may not be appropriate, so please tell me to shove off if it's not. ;) My mother who loves me very much, also tried to help me with weight loss in my teens. I ate well when I was around her, but consumed jars of frosting when I was not. I don't know why, but when it felt like she was restricting my food intake, it became a power struggle. All I thought about was cookies.

    The only thing I know for sure is that weight loss is (usually) a math problem - calories in vs calories out. There are many exceptions (metabolism, thyroid, etc), but 90% of the time it seems to be pretty straight forward. So if she's not losing weight, maybe she could take on the job of tracking her own calories? Then perhaps she can find where the problems are. And maybe it would give her more "responsibility" and ownership in the process. Good luck!
  • kaits108
    kaits108 Posts: 305 Member
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    It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?
  • conleygirl
    conleygirl Posts: 2
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    Im very young as well, only 15, and im not big but im past the weight i want to be. i also found it very hard to lose weight when i wasnt as dedicated but i now am seriously ready to lose it, so you might want to start with makeing sure she is really dedicated because she cant lose weight till she wants to. i also used to have a problem with my snacking i would come home and stuff myself but i found that if i eat a good lunch i wouldnt snack as much and if i did i always had a light and fit yougart or a 90 calroie chewy bar or even 100 calorie chees its. Portion sizes are also important at first it shcoked me how little you should actually eat but if you just stick with it your stomach will start shrinking to the size it normally should be and you wont have to eat as much to feel "full". and finally excersize, i do a 30 min cardio workout 5 times a week, all i basically do is walk 2 miles and it really helps. i would also do abdomen repetitions for 15 min a day like 3 sets of 20 crunches and things like that. it has only been 1 week and iv lost 3 lbs which isnt that much but my goal is to lose 20 and iv never lost weight in my life like this before or even tried. my mom has been a huge help with pushing me and helping me eat right so deffinatly stay with her because you honestly are a big help
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    No, she wants me to help her and has asked. No pressure. No bullying. She willingly asks for help and for motivation. She likes doing it together, she know I understand her pain at being over weight which leads to being unhealthy.

    This isnt a 'diet" its a way of life for us, her brother, my 6 yr old, has severe food allergies, so we have all had to adjust to a diff way of eating anyway (he was diagnosed 5 yrs ago) she is free to eat what she wants when she wants, she is responsible for herself. The fridge and pantry are always open. if she CHOOSES to eat the food, she can, that is up to her to do for herself and make good choices, or not.

    As for lunch packing, she was getting frustrated at not being able to find healthy options, the schools food is awful. So when I say "pack" I mean, I buy foods specifically for her, for lunch.

    she DOES have PCOS and was taking metformin for it, but, she thought she knew better and didnt want to take it any more.

    you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink.

    she does not have thyroid problem.

    i would not do master cleanse. Others have suggested hydroxy cut, for some that may be tha answer, for us, it is not. We dont want quick fixes, we want to be healthy, all of us.
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?

    Yes, i agree, according to here though, we both have a base of 1200, and then it gets added to as we work out.
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    This may or may not be appropriate, so please tell me to shove off if it's not. ;) My mother who loves me very much, also tried to help me with weight loss in my teens. I ate well when I was around her, but consumed jars of frosting when I was not. I don't know why, but when it felt like she was restricting my food intake, it became a power struggle. All I thought about was cookies.

    The only thing I know for sure is that weight loss is (usually) a math problem - calories in vs calories out. There are many exceptions (metabolism, thyroid, etc), but 90% of the time it seems to be pretty straight forward. So if she's not losing weight, maybe she could take on the job of tracking her own calories? Then perhaps she can find where the problems are. And maybe it would give her more "responsibility" and ownership in the process. Good luck!

    she has her own MFP page, she tracks her own calories.
  • kaits108
    kaits108 Posts: 305 Member
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    It could be that she requires different minimum calories than you do?

    Yes, i agree, according to here though, we both have a base of 1200, and then it gets added to as we work out.

    Maybe a nutrionist would be the next step? They could probably offer some great advise on what to try next. Good luck!!
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    Did the doctor suggest she 'diet'? Learning new eating habits is a wonderful thing BUT having Mom pack daughters lunch, Mom working out with daughter, keeping track of her water and weight.....this sounds more like Mom has daughter on a 'diet'. I can see how that would NOT work, I would not want to continue doing something like that with my Mom either.:frown: I'd feel very out of control and like someone didn't feel I was OK as I was. I realize that might not be your intention but kids see things differently.

    It's awesome to make healthy choices for the household, encourage water over sodas in the house,enjoy family outings that include physical activities rather than sedentary. But at 17 dieting with Mom wouldn't be at the top of my list either. Perhaps step back and encourage by your actions in your eating and activities and when she's ready to join in she will. :flowerforyou:

    We can want to help someone SO badly but until they are ready there's not a thing we can do for them other than be an example. We can't do it for them nor would we want to because it would never be their victory when they succeeded at their goals along the way.

    We can only walk our own journey in life and she can walk hers when she's ready. Sounds like an awful lot of pressure for a 17 year old if the 'diet' mentality is all she's got surrounding her plus naturally that's also on at school as well with the pressure of trying to fit in..:ohwell:

    Maybe have her pick a couple meals a week that can be healthified and that could be something she might get into? If she begins bits of this herself she just might feel more inclined to want to stick too it and begin to enjoy learning more about healthy nutrition.

    Just some thoughts... :flowerforyou:

    : ) -- I always like diff insights and appreciate people taking the time to read mine and then reply.

    Our Journey is, we started this last yr when the endo told her she had to lose weight, that it was extremly bad for her to carry around excess. We started in March and she lost 40+lb's and was thrilled. August through Nov I work, I open, set up, run and tear down a Spirit Halloween store in our town. It is a ton of work and I worked 7 days a week.

    My daughter got upset, because I wasn't around to help and motivate her, she put 15lb's back on.

    she NEEDS to be responsible for herself, I totally agree, but she does want it. I think MFP is a great tool for her, she said she feels in control of what she eats and can see it all laid out, I do not do it for her, and she is free to eat what she wants. Sometimes at dinner she will make her own thing because she doesnt want what i have made.

    I am not forcing her to do anything. I would love her even if she were 900lb's, it doesnt matter to me., What matters is she has asked for my help because the DR told her she has to do it, and, we all need support. if we didnt, we wouldnt all be here at MFP and chatting on msg baords.

    Lainey
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    Maybe its the metformin -- thats the only thing diff than last time???
  • DeeDeeLHF
    DeeDeeLHF Posts: 2,301 Member
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    I read your profile and saw your daughters. I have read through everything you have said here as well. Of course the PCOS isn't helping your daughter at all but is it possible that after both of you losing about 40# that now it is just harder to lose?

    I found that the behaviors (calories, food, exercise) that had me losing almost 30 pounds my first year had me losing 10 pounds the next year. Also, even though I am exercising just as hard I don't burn as many calories because I am lighter.

    Currently I am trying to increase my muscle mass to therefore increase my bmr.

    Just a thought.

    D
  • islandgirljane
    islandgirljane Posts: 15 Member
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    Good luck to you both. :happy: I agree with an earlier post maybe she needs something more structured and a nutritionist may be the next move. I like a lot of people on MFP actually know how to eat properly but we've fallen off the wagon. So it may be hard for your daughter who hasn't had as much experience with dieting. :smile:
  • laineylee
    laineylee Posts: 17
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    I read your profile and saw your daughters. I have read through everything you have said here as well. Of course the PCOS isn't helping your daughter at all but is it possible that after both of you losing about 40# that now it is just harder to lose?

    I found that the behaviors (calories, food, exercise) that had me losing almost 30 pounds my first year had me losing 10 pounds the next year. Also, even though I am exercising just as hard I don't burn as many calories because I am lighter.

    Currently I am trying to increase my muscle mass to therefore increase my bmr.

    Just a thought.

    D

    hmmmmm, maybe for me, but she has quite a bit to lose, since she is 5ft 2, so I am not sure if she has hit that kind of plateau yet?????
  • MommaSherryB
    MommaSherryB Posts: 79 Member
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    I can understand your situation. Unless there is an underlying health issue, weight loss is burning more calories than you take in. With that in mind....I would have a visit to a medical doctor for full checkup and a counselor. It could be possible that there is some issues that are leading to emotional eating.

    I would explain to her that everyone has different metabolism rates and caloric needs.

    Unless she is eating more than the obvious, it does seem odd that a teen would lose weight slower than a parent.

    My daughter is 18 1/2 and when we exercise together, any extra pounds come off quickly for her because her metabolic rate is much higher.

    As for myself, I have gained weight two separate times in my life because my metabolism was stuck. I was trying so hard to lose and resulted to intaking too few calories and my body got used to that and went into starvation mode. It can take months or even a year to get the body back on track.
  • 2kidzlater
    2kidzlater Posts: 134 Member
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    How about something for herself, to boost her confidance. My daughter (although) she's only 8 is taking Karate. It seems like the kids young and older love it. Find a studio that is supportive and has a sense of community. Each class they challange them and they get rewarded with the different level of belts. One of the main goals is to build confindance. I would also check with the Dr. as the others have mentioned. Good luck, I feel for you and your daughter. I just started reading a book called "The 4-hour body", it covers alot of ground and gives helpful tips and ideas. I'm sure your local library has it or can get it.

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