My Mom Told Me I Look Anorexic

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denitahawkins
denitahawkins Posts: 36 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, I was feeling good today! I got on the scale, had a great weigh-in, I'm really starting to notice the physical changes and I felt confident! So I put on a dress and decided today I was going to be super fly! Well, I had one of my co-workers take a picture of me and I forwarded it to my mom. My mom and I are like sisters. Super close. Well, we have several states between us so we don't often see each other with the exception of Skype here and there. Well, I sent her the picture so she could see my progress and instead of getting encouragement, she says:

I miss the fat Denita. You look Anorexic. Let me inject you with some fat. JK Go girl.

I was like, HUH?! :indifferent: Who says that?! And what kind of encouragement is that?! Does the "JK Go girl" erase everything else that was said?! I was just kind of flabbergasted by the response. I wasn't hurt, I was just confused. When someone is clearly trying to show you success, why would you deflate it? My mom is usually the most positive, supportive, and caring person I know, and everyone I know loves her. So I wasn't expecting that response.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this type of unexpected, not-so-postive feedback during your weight loss journey?
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Replies

  • adge1475
    adge1475 Posts: 77 Member
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    Oh, I definitely relate. After I lost my first 50 pounds, one of my girl friends (who I hadn't seen in about 8 months) said "You...look like you've been through chemo. Why are you doing this?"
    Aside from being wildly offensive to anyone going through chemotherapy (!), it hurt my feelings in a big way. I'd completely changed my life to make myself healthier, and...well, it's like Greg Plitt says. "Many will love you for it ,most will hate you, because your success reminds them of their failure." That might not be the case at all with your mom, but I think a lot of the negative feedback comes from people who would love to make the changes you have (and congratulations, by the way!) but don't have the dedication to actually accomplish it.
    There's never a reason to pop anyone's bubble like that, and for the record, you look damn good :) keep it up!
  • kimdawnhayden
    kimdawnhayden Posts: 298 Member
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    I had friends and even family resent me when I was in great shape. They pressured me to eat what they were eating, because it was just one meal. But it's alway just one meal, or someone's this or that going on. I've gained it all back and so mad at myself. I've realized I have to look out for myself. Which means I can bring something healthy to a party and still enjoy my family and friends. If I want cake I'll wait until it' my birthday. Lol. I think people sometimes get uncomfortable with themselves, not you, and want you to be more like them so they don't have to take a good hard look at themselves and what they should be doing. Hang in there. Try to be positive and maybe you'll rub off on your mom. Hugs for you, I know it's hard.
  • denitahawkins
    denitahawkins Posts: 36 Member
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    You guys are right and I've noticed that other people's progress can make some people uncomfortable with their lack of progress. A lot of people say "You shouldn't lose any more weight" blah, blah, blah - but I was like, MY MOM?! Oh well. Sometimes life gives us uncomfortable reminders that no matter how much someone can "be there" for you, at the end of the day, you have to do it for yourself!
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    Sounds to me like she was just joking. (especially after the "JK Go Girl!" part)
  • numinousnymph
    numinousnymph Posts: 249 Member
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    i've lost 40 lbs, and both of my aunts have made comments saying that i'm thin enough and ask me "you're not still trying to lose weight are you?" it really annoys and frustrates me. i'm at a perfectly good weight for my height, my BMI is right in the middle of the healthy range, i'd have to lose 20 more lbs to be at the beginning of being underweight according to the BMI. the way my body frame is, i still have about 10 lbs to go to get to what i see as my ideal. it bothers me when people tell me "you're so skinny! you don't need to lose any more weight!" when it's kind of obvious i still have some excess fat in my stomach and thighs. i can understand how you'd be aggravated at her comment! but the "JK" part does seem that she wasn't being serious.
  • vha2
    vha2 Posts: 64 Member
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    These people are just jealous.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Your mom totally supports you. She as teasing - I totally think she is saying that she loved you when you were fat and she loves you now, and you're progress is super awesome.

    Really do. She is totally on your side, Girl. She loves you.

    Edit: you look beautiful!
  • Spreyton22K
    Spreyton22K Posts: 323 Member
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    Oh dear.....sorry that your Mum's comments have left you reeling. From what you have described you have a wonderful, loving relationship with her and this....well, her joke fell flat.

    I am sure she didn't mean the words literally......and I bet that if she knew how her response made you feel she would be terribly apologetic and remorseful. I have had many foot in mouth type situations over the years but in the end as humans we aren't perfect and Mum's cross lines that they perhaps should have remained behind.....we stuff up just like everyone else.

    Maybe have a bit of a heart to heart with her.....discussing or commenting on people's weight loss/change is ALWAYS a tricky area to navigate that's why many prefer to just say nothing - it's safer, for everyone.

    I totally understand too the pain caused by unsolicited comments - have had MANY derogatory comments tossed my way, especially lately as I am underweight due to ill health....I have been called Skeletor, Starvin' Marvin'......and just yesterday at the supermarket told me I has better hold on tight to my husband because it was windy outside and I'd probably blow away......I didn't know them from a bar of soap.....it was very distressing.

    I have a theory that people often decide that commenting on size is OK and justified if the person has lost weight, average weight, lighter than themselves or God forbid if you are underweight then you are FAIR GAME......they feel as tho they are doing you a favour and helping you. Maybe it's jealousy maybe it's genuine concern or maybe they are just being thoughtless idiots.

    I am sure you and your Mum will work this out. You look wonderful....healthy and very pretty.

    (Said in Mum overtones....nothing creepy) :wink:

    Congratulations and Best Wishes :flowerforyou:
  • MaaKeMeThinn3r
    MaaKeMeThinn3r Posts: 135 Member
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    My mom is just like that!! They mean well but don't know how to say it..just remember she is you mom and she wants nothing more then for you to be happpy! Keep up the work love!! Take comments like that like a grain of sand :flowerforyou:
  • krennie8
    krennie8 Posts: 301 Member
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    I think you need to be honest with your mom and tell her that her comment hurt you, whether she meant it or not.
  • Beaconkitty
    Beaconkitty Posts: 5 Member
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    :( i am sorry.
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    My Mom told me I should get breast implants and then I guess to soften it she said she would even at her age :noway:

    I think for those very close to us the support comes with some trepidation, they want us to be happy and healthy but may have some concern that the weight loss while exciting is not as life changing as we may think or they have some concern for us if we don't maintain it - not everyone but I think for quite a few!

    Sometimes those comments can hurt and even though it did not hurt your feelings it did confuse you a bit, I think a little from both sides (mom and weight loss survivor :smile: ) your mom was just trying to give you a little insight that she still needs time to adjust to the new you!!!

    Congratulations on the weight loss, and just do what you feel is best for you.
  • jbing07
    jbing07 Posts: 46 Member
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    Oh, I definitely relate. After I lost my first 50 pounds, one of my girl friends (who I hadn't seen in about 8 months) said "You...look like you've been through chemo. Why are you doing this?"
    Aside from being wildly offensive to anyone going through chemotherapy (!), it hurt my feelings in a big way. I'd completely changed my life to make myself healthier, and...well, it's like Greg Plitt says. "Many will love you for it ,most will hate you, because your success reminds them of their failure." That might not be the case at all with your mom, but I think a lot of the negative feedback comes from people who would love to make the changes you have (and congratulations, by the way!) but don't have the dedication to actually accomplish it.
    There's never a reason to pop anyone's bubble like that, and for the record, you look damn good :) keep it up!

    Well said!
  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
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    Your mom totally supports you. She as teasing - I totally think she is saying that she loved you when you were fat and she loves you now, and you're progress is super awesome.

    Really do. She is totally on your side, Girl. She loves you.

    Edit: you look beautiful!

    Yeah, I agree with this. One of my mom's compliments on my weight loss was, "you've lost one of your chins!" lol
    Some people are just better with compliments than others. If it really bothers you, say something. Otherwise, just know she loves you and has an odd way of showing it.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    I haven't had anything that blunt, but I have had instructions from various people to please not lose any more weight, and to not let my arms get too big, and "you're not going to look like one of those, are you?", referring to a professional bodybuilder on tv. It's weird how people don't see how inappropriate it is to comment on your body. Honestly though, I think people just get used to seeing you at a certain size, so being healthy looks abnormally thin to them, especially in a world with so many overweight/obese people. People have a skewed perception of what's healthy. Add that to the fact that people who care about you may genuinely worry, especially if you're still getting smaller. Maybe on some level she is actually worried that you might develop an eating disorder. Calorie counting often looks obsessive to people who don't do it, as does regular exercise.

    Given that you two are so close, I hope that you can talk to her and be honest with her. It doesn't have to be a massive, deep heart-to-heart, but tell her that you're working hard to be healthier, and to look and feel better etc, and that it was actually quite hurtful to be called anorexic when you're feeling so much better about how you look. She probably didn't mean anything by it. People have called me "skinny" and "scrawny" as a compliment. Sometimes people don't think that implying that someone is too thin could actually be insulting or hurtful.
  • blobby10
    blobby10 Posts: 357 Member
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    Mums can be so cruel - last week, my mum told my husband that I needed some help because "there's obviously something wrong if shes going to the gym at 5am every day and doing all this fitness stuff". never mind that Ive been doing it for 2 years now and finally feeling happy with my body! I even loved a photograph of me which was taken last weekend - actually 8 photos! - and despite moaning constantly over the past 15 years that she hasn't got a decent photo of me, suddenly she doesn't want any of these because I'm not with husband and kids!!

    you just can't win sometimes :-) x
  • StevenH74
    StevenH74 Posts: 129
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    As you're so close to you mum, don't let it get to you. I bet all the positives still outweigh this one negative. She may not have meant any offense by it so just have a chat with her.

    I lost a lot of weight when I first moved here (China), on my first return visit after being away for about 8 months, my parents were shocked. They took my aside and seriuosly asked me if I was well. My friends said I looked great but once I had come back they said to each other that I looked ill.

    Change is hard to adjust to, give her another chance. I am sure it is still wonderful between you and her.

    All the best!
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
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    You look great! She's probably just used to seeing you at a certain weight so you look very thin TO HER. *HUGS*
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    you look great, and have done a fantastic job. Mum's are the ones that can upset you and I think she was just joking so let her know she upset you. She has been so used to the old you, the new you will take some getting used to. Not your fault but thats the way it is. Last month i bumped into my mum on the high road and she was giving me one of those long concerned mum looks. She called me the next day to ask me if I was ok. I told her all is fine I am not hungry and I eat very well.
  • cuapater
    cuapater Posts: 15
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    So, I was feeling good today! I got on the scale, had a great weigh-in, I'm really starting to notice the physical changes and I felt confident! So I put on a dress and decided today I was going to be super fly! Well, I had one of my co-workers take a picture of me and I forwarded it to my mom. My mom and I are like sisters. Super close. Well, we have several states between us so we don't often see each other with the exception of Skype here and there. Well, I sent her the picture so she could see my progress and instead of getting encouragement, she says:

    I miss the fat Denita. You look Anorexic. Let me inject you with some fat. JK Go girl.

    I was like, HUH?! :indifferent: Who says that?! And what kind of encouragement is that?! Does the "JK Go girl" erase everything else that was said?! I was just kind of flabbergasted by the response. I wasn't hurt, I was just confused. When someone is clearly trying to show you success, why would you deflate it? My mom is usually the most positive, supportive, and caring person I know, and everyone I know loves her. So I wasn't expecting that response.

    Has anyone else ever dealt with this type of unexpected, not-so-postive feedback during your weight loss journey?

    You know your body. Unless you are underweight, her comment about 'looking anorexic' is not really something to reflect on. If she does it again, I would be annoyed and question her about it. She probably feels a tad insecure or intimidated by your positive health changes and it just slipped out.

    I deal with no negative feedback because I challenge anyone who says anything. My mother once said I looked all boney when I started weight lifting; I did not take that well. I mean seriously... I was gaining (muscle) and she was being dumb. -_- I lift. So sue me.

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