Dieting and working out... ISOLATION!

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blairf83
blairf83 Posts: 33 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So... I'm doing well on my diet. Down more than 30 lbs in 6 months. I have a daily yoga habit that has my back, neck, and shoulder pain at an all time low for the past 10 years..... (chronic pain problem following having most of my spine fused).

I am finding that this is really isolating though.... I don't go to friend's get togethers in order to avoid food temtpation... My family always invites me out to dinner at the last moment, and I have to turn them down because I haven't planned such things into my meals earlier in the day, or I'm already en route to a class, or leaving a class and totally sweaty and gross

It's kind of a bummer.

How do you cope
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Replies

  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    If you are going out with friends, then plan ahead.....bank extra calories for your time out.

    Regarding the other stuff....it comes down to choices and what you want.
    You make time for what you prioritize.

    Since you do classes I understand that can be tough....but hey, what do you want in the end?

    I myself do weights, so I can do those anytime I am near a gym.
    So a lot more flexibility in my view
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,658 Member
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    I go and just eat less and drink water or unsweetened tea.

    The class thing just sounds like bad timing. There's not much that can be down about that.
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    First of all grats on the pain reduction, yoga has some pretty solid benefits++

    I have problems with this too sometimes, but ultimately I control what goes into my body so I've found ways to cope.

    Friend of mine invited me out to Applebees last yesterday to hang out before he went away on a big trip. Naturally I hadn't expected or planned for this but I decided to go anyway. I simply hung out with him at the bar and had 1 beer, while he ordered his dinner. I didn't have to eat at applebees to make hanging out with him acceptable. I also went ot the gym shortly after to make up the calories I spent on the beer.

    Doesn't always work out that way, sometimes I go out with friends on last minute invites and have the boneless wings and go over my calories for the day and don't have the chance to workout that day. It's ok, we're only human and it's ok to go over sometimes. I can either make up with it by exercising a little extra tomorrow or just move on.
  • mr_mitch
    mr_mitch Posts: 176 Member
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    I know its great losing weight and getting healthy... But what exactly is the point when it takes over your life.

    I would never let it get in the way of social or family occasions.

    Always go along... You can pick heathy options!
  • Nelly6170
    Nelly6170 Posts: 9 Member
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    You can still join them for meals out
    check the menu on line prior to leaving your house. Decide then what you will order. Order before anyone else so that you are not tempted to change your mind because of what others are ordering. If you can't check a menu beforehand, decide mentally what you will order. It can be as simple as making a small change ---- I still go to Portillos but I skip the fries (although I do steal a couple of them from my kids!) You can do it!
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    Family time can be tough but I usually make days that I know I'm going to go visit family (especially in-laws) cheat days..... Also, sometimes you have to let go of people that are negative influences and not supportive of your new healthy habits. BUT That doesn't mean you can't go out to eat. Most restaurants offer healthier options, and there are ways to healthy up most anything on the menu (aside from dessert). ;)
  • clambert1273
    clambert1273 Posts: 840 Member
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    First question to yourself - Do you want that lifestyle of always saying no and living in isoloation?

    I personally do not and will refuse to not do things because of food... Today I am going out twice... I will eat, enjoy it and move on...
  • meluhneekay
    meluhneekay Posts: 82
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    First off, congrats on your progress!

    Now, about not going to get togethers: perhaps you could prepare and bring a dish with you - something big enough for everyone, like you might do at a potluck.

    As for when your family invites you out last minute, that's a tough one, but honestly if that happened to me I would have no problem turning them down because hey, I have a life too, you know? But if you really do want to go, I'd consider working out your maintenance calories and eating up to that. One day eating at maintenance won't kill your progress, and the next day you can go back to your regular goal.

    Maybe you could suggest to your fam and/or friends that you have a regular dinner night together, say every Friday. If it's at a restaurant, you'll have time to go online to check out the menu and figure your dinner into you calorie goal. If it's a dinner at someone's home, you can do the already mentioned potluck thing, or just ask whoever is cooking what's on the menu.

    Losing weight doesn't have to mean living life as a hermit!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    You really have to figure out how to be healthy in the real world if you are going to be able to stick with this long term.

    The vast majority of restaurants have options that can fit into a healthy diet. We eat out a lot (too much, really, but that's a different discussion) and I just know what kind of things to order because they fit within my calorie allotment. Look at a few menus and figure out what kind of standards you can go for and then just make them your defaults so that you don't worry about calories so much. I pretty much just look at the menu to see if they have some sort of protein that isn't smothered in cheese (steak, pork chops, salmon, grilled shrimp, if all else fails chicken) and then pick my sides (there's always salad, often fruit, more places have sweet potatoes now.)

    If you don't look at a restaurant meal as "this is the pinnacle of my restaurant dining experience and thus I must eat a giant entree that costs a million calories" it's way less stressful. I mean, you'd be there to spend time with friends, not to have a gourmet dining event, so stick with simple and you'll be fine.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    You have to make lifestyle sustainable changes. You have to be able to fit life in with losing weight. What that means, is you should not avoid going and enjoying hanging out with your friends or eating with them. You aren't going to avoid them for the rest of your life right? Are you just going to 'diet' until you reach your goal and then go back to hanging out and eating food?

    This is everything I have learned in a little over 2 years.


    Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
    -Wayne Dyer

    It's about moderation not deprivation. There are no good/bad foods, only bad eating habits. Do or do not, there is no try. You have to want it, you have to work for it, you have to realize that only you can do it.

    Read these:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1217573-so-you-want-to-start-running

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13

    TL:DR the link right above this one then ->http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/975025-in-place-of-a-road-map-short-n-sweet

    Excuses??? http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2014/06/02/the-no-excuses-play-like-a-champion-challenge/

    If you have 75+ lbs to lose 2 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 40-75 lbs to lose 1.5 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 25-40 lbs to lose 1 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 15 -25 lbs to lose 0.5 to 1.0 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have less than 15 lbs to lose 0.5 lbs/week is ideal

    Want to lift heavy things?
    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

    Stronglifts Summary
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary

    Stronglifts Womens Group
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4601-stronglifts-5x5-for-women

    I am 5'5", 37 yo and eat around 2000 calories a day. I lift heavy 3x a week.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    First question to yourself - Do you want that lifestyle of always saying no and living in isoloation?

    I personally do not and will refuse to not do things because of food... Today I am going out twice... I will eat, enjoy it and move on...

    You...I like you.
  • prism1968
    prism1968 Posts: 121 Member
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    First question to yourself - Do you want that lifestyle of always saying no and living in isoloation?

    I personally do not and will refuse to not do things because of food... Today I am going out twice... I will eat, enjoy it and move on...

    Yep, this... I know this is the only way I can do this for the rest of my life. I have lost all the weight before by total restriction and it wasn't fun, plus I missed too much 'real life'.
    I will end up being off-track 4 days out of 7 this week (yikes!), but will be on-track almost the whole month of July. This week just turned out to be full of traveling and visits and parties, etc... and I don't want a life that doesn't include those things :)

    Great ideas from folks about how to 'minimize the damage', though!
  • zillah73
    zillah73 Posts: 505 Member
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    I totally get what you're saying and have been in your shoes. It is especially tough with last-minute invitations and, for me, that happens less now than earlier in my journey. Friends and family have kind of learned that they can't spring things on me – they want me around, want to spend time with me, so they have gotten more accommodating. When friends invite me out, I try to recommend restaurants where I know it will be easier for me to make healthful decisions. When going out drinking or going to see live music, the club soda with lime is my best friend – looks like a cocktail, keeps me on track. That said, I do occasionally enjoy a real cocktail or an indulgent meal. One meal or a couple of drinks isn't going to undo all my hard work, even if it does make the next few days an uphill battle. It was very important for me to find a balance between my healthy lifestyle changes and not feeling left out. And, in the end, I would rather miss out on a few high-calorie meals and beverages than miss out on the great feeling improved health gives me.
  • spmcavoy1
    spmcavoy1 Posts: 60 Member
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    For dining out friends and family, can you plan to plan ahead?

    Like if you get a call "hey! Join us for dinner tonight!" Can you respond with "Essh, I can't go tonight, but let's do Thursday night at Italian Restaurant! It's on my calendar now!" This will allow you some time to do some research and menu/exercise compensation planning.


    For parties, offer to bring healthy snacks! You'll get the veg tray! The turkey meatballs! The chicken skewers! The quinoa salad! By making sure you have brought food you CAN eat, you'll be less likely to over eat. Also, just eat before you go! At parties, people rarely notice what you eat. Don't miss out on the fun!

    Are there any friends who want to go to yoga with you? Can you bring buddies occasionally? I have standing gym dates with a friend and it makes 5:30am seem much less harsh because she'll be there!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    You need to learn how to actually eat food and eat it in moderation and in proper portions. There's no reasons whatsoever that you need to avoid going to friends houses to eat and no reasons whatsoever that you can't go eat at a restaurant and still lose weight.

    What exactly do you think you're going to do when you get to maintenance? Living like a hermit is going to get pretty old, pretty quick. You need to be able to take a step back and look at your overall diet (noun) as a whole rather than being afraid of individual food items or afraid of over indulging here and there.

    Your weight control is going to largely be about what you are doing the vast majority of the time...how you're living most of the time. I pretty much rock my nutrition and my fitness the vast majority of the time...but this weekend I'm having a big BBQ for my kiddos birthday...there will be a lot of food...lots of beer, etc and I'm going to indulge and have lots of fun...and it's ok, because this is a special occasion and not how I live my life every single day.

    You need to be able to put things into some perspective or you're going to ultimately end up being miserable and probably just reverting back to old habits.
  • leadslinger17
    leadslinger17 Posts: 297 Member
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    Why not just pregame it? Eat your main meal at home and leave yourself some calories. If the reason you want to go out is to socialize (not the food itself), just eat at home first so you aren't tempted and then order a water and a side salad or something and hang out. Don't feel awful about treating yourself (having a beer, or a bit of an unhealthy appetizer or desert you like), just don't overdo it. You're there to be with friends, not overindulge.
  • annasensei
    annasensei Posts: 39
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    Those are already some amazing results! Congrats!

    It's good that you've realized this aspect of your weight loss journey. The worst thing that can ever happen is if you begin to resent your diet and exercise. Someone asked a good question: Is that the lifestyle you want? As you know, it's all about lifestyle changes rather than quick fixes. It sounds like you enjoy being with your family and friends, so never going out with them is simply unsustainable. You have to think about how are you going to integrate family and friends into your new lifestyle. Everyone else has mentioned great options when it comes to restaurants, so I'll simply agree with those. Good luck and congrats again!
  • kenyainez
    kenyainez Posts: 222 Member
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    I live.

    Trust, I can understand isolation and the desire to isolate yourself from others, but if you're a person whose social, active, and are close to your friends and family then gatherings will always occur. I can understand isolation for a short period of time if you have pertinent goals to attain such as a marathon or a fitness competition but otherwise that's just not a long term or realistic solution. There's always going to be something going on; ALWAYS! Dinner, parties, weddings, fun weekends, vactions, birthday celebrations, road trips, office parties, and so on; none of which care or are in consideration of your regimen. So what I do is I make sure I eat clean and train properly for the majority of the week and when one of those aforementioned instances occur, I have fun, but at the same time I don't overdo it by overeating or drinking a ton of soda. I grab a reasonable portion of food with a bottled water and leave it at that.

    I missed out on alot in life when I realized the mess I got myself into, and I made a promise to myself not to miss out on anything else. So long I practice self control I can get fit and have fun at the same time. Hope this helps. :0) \o/
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
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    You really have to figure out how to be healthy in the real world if you are going to be able to stick with this long term.

    This, absolutely. You need to figure out how to make this sustainable. A good place to start is to realize that you are eating at a deficit and it sounds like you've been doing that for quite a while. Eating at maintenance calories, or even over, every once in a while isn't going to undo all your hard work. It's actually a really good idea to boost your leptin levels every now and then, as well as give your head a rest from constantly dieting and restricting yourself. (I call it a refeed day, but you can call them cheat days, or meals.)

    Food is a part of life - it's not only how we nourish ourselves, but it's a big part of sharing our lives with our friends and family. Isolation is zero fun. Go out and enjoy yourself!
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    I feel the isolation, too. To me it's like when people say, "hey, I need some motivation here". It's not always that there's a rah rah rah party for you just because you got up to work out. Week in, week out on the grind, eating within your calorie range when possible, keeping your exercise schedule. All without a cheer squad validating you daily (in real life). I get it.

    As far as going out with people goes, I'm usually okay to do it about once or twice a week without notice. More of a long term plan, compared to "this will fit within my calories today". It may put me over for the day but perhaps I could still be under for the week. But hey, it is a lifestyle change. I can't accept every single invitation for drinks and bowling or whatever. The skinny folks who've got moderation down pat will have a drink or two and I'll inhale everything in sight. I would say perhaps you could suggest other activities your family and friends could do with you, that won't necessarily be centered around eating too much. Thinking about it now, I have gotten invitations for tennis, 5k training, etc. Those are opportunities to either make new friends, or spend time with existing ones. You could invite some of the others to a class with you or for a gentle walk. If you keep an open mind, you should be able to find activities that you can share with your peoples. But I definitely know how you feel!

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