How to deal with negative people around you??

kimi233
kimi233 Posts: 271 Member
edited September 23 in Motivation and Support
Hi all,

I would just like some feedback or to see if anyone else is going through this also. I have absolutely no support at home or from anyone around me. My entire Mom's family is pretty much overweight, including my Mom and my sister. I have tried, and tried to help them take the first step to getting HEALTHY... but I have never forced anything on them, I just try to offer help. Well, I've finally given up on that, and decided they will come to me when they want the help. My Mom was supportive at the beginning and proud that I was working so hard at this, but now that I've lost some weight, she keeps telling me I need to eat more that I'll look sick if I loose anymore. (which is funny, because I eat MORE now on this lifestyle than I ever have before) But her house is "Grandma's" house and is filled with candy, chocolate, cookies, chips.... basically all JUNK! So that alone is hard for me to resist (I won't even go into the rest of it right now about the kids eating it all) but whenever there is a chance for me to eat something bad she throws it in my face that I need to live still and just eat and not worry about it. So last night, my sister goes to another store in the mall and comes back to us with Mrs. Field's cookie cups, (basically a cookie cupcake with their oh so yummy frosting stuff on top) I tell her no I'm trying to get back on track and I know I'll eat a bad supper. So she throws a fit that I have to eat it, because she's not throwing away money, so I ate half of it, (and felt sick after it). And a week ago I was at a family birthday party, and some cousins (who are overweight) were passing out the cake and ice cream, I go up to get a piece for my son, and they say "What, you aren't going to have any?? You need to eat at least 5 pieces and get some fat on that body."

Really??? Why do people have to act like this?? I do not judge no one for being overweight, so why are they judging me for trying to get and stay healthy? And then my husband doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I've lost all of this weight!!! UGH!! Just frustrating and makes no sense that complete strangers give me more support than my family.

Thank goodness I have MFP!! I honestly could not have gotten this far with out all of you and your support and kind words! SO THANK YOU TO ALL WHO HAS HELPED ME AND WHO WILL HELP ME!!! Any suggestions on anything I should do differently will be appreciated!! Hope you all have a great and healthy day!!

Replies

  • BobbyDaniel
    BobbyDaniel Posts: 1,459 Member
    I think it is a matter of learning how to zone people out and ignoring them as much as possible. If I had a dollar for every time some well intentioned, sweet, little old lady in my church told me "You've lost enough weight"...I would be enjoying a very nice sushi lunch every day this week! I know they mean well, and I try to take it as a compliment, but I have to put that behind me because I know I need to lose more weight (healthy BMI is still 15 pounds away!).
    Another outlet is venting...like what you are doing here. Get it out for people who understand and be encouraged by those who thing you are doing a great job and support you. It would be nice to have that in real life, yes...but sadly people are people.
    Keep up the great work and keep the faith!
  • mmelaniewalters
    mmelaniewalters Posts: 94
    bless u , u sound totally fed up ... listen . family aside .. are u feeling better about yrself .. u should be .. and proud of yrself for having the willpower to do it despite the lack of support .. i suspect actually they are all a little bit envious of yr strength and determination .. and if u fail .. it kinds of gives them the excuse of "well it doesnt work , and whats the point "


    PROVE THEM ALL WRONG !!! GOOD LUCK :)
  • AggieCass09
    AggieCass09 Posts: 1,867 Member
    Bottom line, you gotta do this for yourself. You should be proud of your accomplishments, especially considering you don't have a support system at home. Personally, I think people who are negative about your weight loss are just upset that they don't have the willpower/determination/motivation/patience/whatever to do what you have (and are) done/doing. I'm proud of you! Whenever someone is negative, just smile and move on to the next thing. Do not cave in when people "force" you to eat things (I often say, "if you want me to eat THAT you are going to LITERALLY shove it down my throat" generally it is an effective deterrent). No food tastes as good as healthy feels. If you are strong and don't give in to these negative people's temptations they will grow tired of bothering you and you can continue being healthy.

    Do it for you! Good luck.
  • karau
    karau Posts: 7
    Sounds like you are doing very well!! Stay determined to stay fit and healthy - your body will appreiciate you and so will you. Sometimes when people are a little jealous they make comments to make themselves feel better! Stay strong - live happy, healthy and be supportive and just forget the rest! :)
    Happy healthy fitness my friend!!! :)
  • camille45
    camille45 Posts: 106 Member
    it may be uncomfortable for them because your success and motivation to do something different reminds them of their shortcomings. Im just guessing that maybe thats why they behave that way. It forces them to look at themselves. Deep down they know they need to change their behavior. Its a shame that many of us are so used to overeating that we often see it as normal. But stats dont lie and we all know the health challenges that increase due to being overweight. Just keep your head up and know that you will be better off if you stick to your goals. Its hard for all of us at times. If no body told you today, Im proud of you!
  • hollyspiess
    hollyspiess Posts: 9
    It is definitely disappointing to have people who aren't supportive around you. I dealt with the same thing you're dealing with not too long ago. I recently lost 20+ pounds and people were constantly making comments about my new size. I'm not even small, just average for my height now, whereas before I was overweight. All I can tell you is to keep your head high. You are doing your best to give yourself a healthy lifestyle. The comments will eventually die down and will come few and far between before you know it. It's also occurred to me that sometimes people may not know how to compliment you on your new look and end up being negative in the attempt to do so. So shrug off those comments and keep up the good work - being healthy feels good!
  • Minoesh
    Minoesh Posts: 105 Member
    HI Kimi, I say - keep doing what you're doing - I have read your profile and your motivation is right, you're doing this all for the right reasons and your kids will thank you for it one day. Just ignore the nay sayers and take encouragement from the positive comments you get. I understand a little of where you're coming from. although my family are generally supportive and my fiance is super supportive I have had a few people tell me recently that I don't need to lose any more weight and that I look great. While I know they are just trying to be nice, they don't understand how hard it is for me and I know that I still have a lot of fat on my body that needs to go - encouragement to keep going is what we all need, not people telling us to stop! So good luck and stay healthy! :happy:
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I had advice other than stick to your guns. You know you are doing this for you and to be healthy for your children. iI they try to push cookies and cake on you keep saying no thank you and hopefully they will eventually get the picture. You shold never feel obligated to eat a cookie b/c someone else bought it for you w/o asking you.

    As for you husband, hopefully you can tell him how you feel and let him know you appriceate his support. I'm sure he will step up.

    When people give me a hard time about how obsessed I am with MFP I just stop talking about it all together and continue to decline poor food choices. I think soemtiems people are jealous of my new found will power and that is why they snap back.

    Best of luck to you!
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
    Families! **sigh**

    Like the others have said, keep doing it for yourself. I completely understand that it would be awesome if your husband acknowledged how hot you are now. My husband doesn't even notice if I change my hair to a completely different color. It could be bozo red and the man wouldn't see it. But he WOULD notice if I was feeling sassier. :)

    My grandmother has lost the filter on what she says. She told my brother that she didn't like his hair cut. He replied "I'm sorry Grandma but you're not exactly my target audience." He handled it with humor. I thought that was perfect.

    Don't let them wear you down. Keep at it girl!
  • vandy29
    vandy29 Posts: 39 Member
    Are we related? My family has all kinds of health issues and continue to blame it on genetics. I have found that the only way I can lose weight is to become more or less vegeterian....which I have no problem doing because I am not real crazy about meat anyway....I do eat fish on occassion. My sister keeps insisting that I cannot get all the nutrients I need without eating meat...she is over weight but at least she runs....but still eats awfully....I don't go to family function because it grosses me out to see how much food they pile on their plates....but they drink unsweeten tea....really.....my immediate family is more supportive.....my husband buys lots of fruits and vegetables and we have something green at most meals...they are still eating meat....which is their choice....my son even asked if it is okay to put meat in some vegetables.....if I say no...he either doesn't do it or he make a special dish for me......

    As for your sister....if she tries to force you to eat things you don't want again...tell her no and mean it...or tell her to buy and gun and just shoot you....in the end it would have the same effect....she can kill you with a gun or with junkfood.....okay....that might be a little extreme
  • hpsnickers1
    hpsnickers1 Posts: 2,783 Member
    There is nothing I can say that someone hasn't already said to you on this post. All I can say is:

    A COOKIE CUPCAKE????!!! Makes my tummy hurt just trying to visualize it!
  • hpsnickers1
    hpsnickers1 Posts: 2,783 Member
    [quote}
    My grandmother has lost the filter on what she says. She told my brother that she didn't like his hair cut. He replied "I'm sorry Grandma but you're not exactly my target audience." He handled it with humor. I thought that was perfect.
    [/quote]

    LOVE IT!!!
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,571 Member
    You are not the only one who goes through this. It sucks to not have support from the people you love and who love you and are around you the most but you are proving that you are a strong woman and are doing this for yourself and your kids. I think several of the posters have hit the nail on the head that these people know deep down they need to make the changes you are making but don't have the willpower or determination to do so. It's so much easier to just give in saying it's too hard but when they see you being successful it forces them to accept that it CAN be done. Keep doing what you are doing, try to tune them out, show your kids a healthy attitude about food and stick to your guns. You're doing awesome and come back and vent whenever you need to, that's what we are here for.

    One other thing I'd like to say about those folks saying "you look too skinny". I have a good friend who lost about 15 lbs. a year ago. Truly, we all thought she looked too skinny and was looking unhealthy. However, now that I am used to her new thinner looks, she looks fine.
  • mzenzer
    mzenzer Posts: 503 Member
    I think it is a matter of learning how to zone people out and ignoring them as much as possible.

    This really is the best advice. I hate to say it but you really just need to steel yourself against them and remember that you are doing this for you not for the validation of others, and if what they were saying had any merit then they'd be doing better than you, which I imagine they are not. so that right their invalidates their opinion. I've always found it funny when people think I've lost too much weight, and they feel inclined to chime in about it, but when I was 40 pounds overweight with high cholesterol, borderline high blood pressure, and stuffing a big fat cheeseburger down my throat, these same people never said a damn thing.

    Now, when I decline that piece of king cake or donut in the office kitchen, I get the usual "..pft..you are too healthy!..." "Too healthy!?!?" I often say in response.."Are you serious?" Are you really saying that I am TOO HEALTHY?". "Do you not even hear how ridiculous that sounds?". Sounds a bit harsh I know but it shuts them the hell up.

    Bottom line, you ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING, don't let them get to you.
  • mzenzer
    mzenzer Posts: 503 Member

    One other thing I'd like to say about those folks saying "you look too skinny". I have a good friend who lost about 15 lbs. a year ago. Truly, we all thought she looked too skinny and was looking unhealthy. However, now that I am used to her new thinner looks, she looks fine.

    Yep, I think one of the problems we deal with are that first, people assume that to lose weight, or so much weight the person looks "too skinny", that it must have been done in an unhealthy manner, and second for some reason that is beyond me in this country people seem to associate a little "plumpness" with being healthy (which it can be but generally here it's not). In this case, for people I like anyway not the condescending know it alls who are overweight and unhealthy but want to straighten me out on health, I think a little education is in order. First I tell them how much I work out per week and then how many calories that burns, and second I will tell them how many calories I consume and what those calories are made. of. After that, when they mentally compare that to what they do, they don't bother me anymore with all that you are unhealthy looking crap.
  • samarie119
    samarie119 Posts: 8
    I know exactly what you mean. My mom recently lost a lot of weight and was getting lots of attention, but now that I'm going to the gym everyday and eating right she rolls her eyes when I talk about my new lifestyle. I'm excited and proud of myself for sticking to this and I don't even talk about it when she's around anymore. Most of my family is overweight too and when I say no when they offer food they're eating or when I bring my own, they act like I think I'm better than them or something. Tuesday I didnt feel well all day and I wasn't sure why. My dad said it was because I'm starving myself... I eat most my calories, but I burn a lot too... It's frustrating! Keep your head up and block them out. They're just jealous :)
  • kimi233
    kimi233 Posts: 271 Member
    Wow, I am completely speechless at all the kind words and support. If I was a "crying" girl, I think I would cry! LOL You guys have really really helped me more than you know!! ALL of you said the right things I needed to hear, and made me smile!! It feels so great to be able to get out my frustration to people who understand it, and help me get over it!! Because honestly this has been going on since the holidays,and I was getting in that bad mood and giving up a little bit. And I had found my motivation and dedication again, just to face the same ole same ole!! So thank you for picking me back up today, and not letting me get back to that bad place!! I WILL keep on going and not give up!! Thank you really is not enough, but it is all I have. So truly THANK YOU all for taking your time to make me feel better, it worked, and I'm very touched that you all would do that for me! You are all very special people, and deserve the best too! YOU GUYS ROCK!! :love:
  • KarenBorter
    KarenBorter Posts: 1,157 Member
    Kimi ... Unfortunately there are a few things going on here. Your family may not know how to DEAL with you losing the weight. They lack the self discipline that you do and honestly? You are making them look bad. What is important is not giving in to their negativity. I hear it all the time; "Karen, don't lose anymore weight, you look fine." The problem was, they were telling me that when I was 35lbs heavier too.

    Stick to your plan, pass on the cookies and cupcakes and if you go to their house for dinner serve yourself small portions and if they give you a plate DON'T FINISH IT. If they get mad and throw a fit, so be it ... they are looking like fools. When I read that (Mrs. Fields reaction) I just shook my head and thought to myself "is this a grown up behaving this way?"

    You are doing the healthy thing and the right thing FOR YOU and YOU are worth it.
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