I'm new & here's my story

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Hi EVERYONE!!!
I'm glad that things like this exist for the help, support & camaraderie that it probably takes to successfully lose weight. I'm not sure if part of introducing myself is telling my story but I'm going to assume it is. My story is by no means short but I truly hope that you will read it fully.
I grew up a "normal" size, not big & not a stick, I was a healthy, active kid. I hit puberty, grew to 5'7" & ended up at about 115-120 lbs. I played several sports & was quite fit. I look at pictures from when I was 15-16 & think "Hot damn, I looked amazing!" Sadly it was at about that time I'd dropped out of high school & started down a path of addiction. I lost my mother when I was 5 so I was trying to fill a hole in my self w/any "good" feeling I could. Because of that behavior I got pregnant at 16. I got clean & gave birth to a beautiful little girl that was 8lbs, 8ozs. My pregnancy weight gain was 26 lbs & I was ALL belly; you couldn't tell I was pregnant if you saw me from behind. I was 17 by the time I gave birth & one of my first comments while the dr dried/wiped off my daughter & wrapped her up was "OH MY GOSH MY STOMACH IS FLAT AGAIN!" Within a month all of my pregnancy weight was gone...I was lucky! I stayed thin but fit like that until I was in a car accident. The details, other than it wasn't my fault, aren't important but I ended up laid up in bed on huge amounts of narcotic pain meds until they could operate. So I went from super sporty, active, always doing something, to doing NOTHING! My metabolism all but crapped out on me, pain meds (if you've never been on them) gave me the munchies for sweet, sugary crap & after my surgery I was still on pain meds & unable to be active. To make matters worse my back surgery was a giant fail & chronic pain has become a big factor in my life. I was steadily gaining weight & I was almost 200lbs when my brother, my only sibling, died from a drug overdose. The pain of that loss combined w/my already existing addiction issues led me to drinking heavily & using cocaine. At that point I was 250lbs! Because of the cocaine use I began losing weight very steadily. Sadly I met & began dating a guy whom I had NO CLUE was an iv drug user. Snorting cocaine became shooting cocaine & I lost 100lbs in 1yr! Let me be very clear...THIS IS NOT A FORM OF WEIGHT LOSS THAT I RECOMMEND NOR DOES IT WORK IN ANY POSITIVE MANNER!! I looked awful, truly awful. People thought I had cancer because of my sudden weight loss & my overall appearance :( I was so addicted I thought I looked great. I was wearing a size 2 instead of 22 which may sound good but I was slowly killing my self w/that crap. I was also putting my life in immediate jeopardy since I could've overdosed. After a couple yrs of being a junkie I realized I was in great need of help. I told all my family (basically just my dad & my uncle who lives a couple states away) & a family friend what I'd been doing & that I wanted to stop. I got help & haven't touched it in 2yrs. When I stopped I promised myself there was no way in hell I would ever go back to being fat. What I didn't know was this...apparently sugar has a similar effect on the brain as coke (you can look it up. I'm not wording right I don't think) so w/out the coke I was having these intense cravings for sugar. Almost like a substitute for the coke I was eating massive amounts of fruit snacks & candy & any thing that was loaded w/sugar. I may as well have just poured sugar in my mouth. I was clean but my metabolism crapped out again since it went from working nonstop, due to the drugs, to not working at all when I stopped using drugs. I didn't want to go anywhere afterwards for fear I'd run into a drug friend which meant I continued to sit in my house & do nothing. Plus I still had a bad back. Within no time I was up to 250lbs again & maybe more, I quit checking. As time has gone by things have improved slightly like my metabolism is "re-calibrating" itself, my sugar cravings are like they were before I used drugs, I'm somewhat active (meaning I don't spend every waking moment in my bed) but nowhere close to what I should be. The drugs messed w/my heart & left me w/a rapid heart rate even while sitting still...no, unfortunately it doesn't help burn calories! The heart rate issue limits my exercise but not much. I've just gotten used to doing nothing & have become very lazy. Food improvements are hard for me because I'm one of those insanely picky eaters. There are other factors I just can't think of right now that are keeping me from really trying to lose weight but given what my body type had always been I've been told that if I put the effort into it losing weight wouldn't be super hard. I mean it wouldn't be a situation where I'd work & work but never lose any weight. That makes my laziness all the more insane & probably infuriating to some of you reading this.
I'm now in NA (narcotics anonymous) & that's helping also...I'm learning to live again! That may sound strange to those unfamiliar w/addiction but I forgot how to live, in a sense, while I was using because my life was all about drugs. As I get further into NA the more active I'm becoming. I've gone from my biggest of 260lbs, down to my current 235lbs! That's huge to some people but any progress is good progress to me. I'm praying it continues & that I can begin to overcome my laziness.
I'm grateful you all are here & may be able to help me & motivate me. If you've read all of this I truly thank you. I look forward to making some friends & some more changes in my life.
Thanks!
I don't know if it matters but I'm 31, 5'7" & I fluctuate currently between 230-235lbs

Replies

  • earthboundmisfit
    earthboundmisfit Posts: 192 Member
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    Welcome to MFP! You have been through a lot. Congrats on getting clean, that is awesome. As far as laziness, that's a tough one. Try taking small steps, like commit to walking 20 minutes a day for starters. Get your friends to exercise with you if possible, you can motivate each other to keep going. I'm a recovering alcoholic and used to get sugar cravings (alcohol acts like sugar in your body) and substitued one addiction for another. Now I steer clear of refined sugars, junk and processed foods. It was difficult at first but eventually I lost my cravings for sugar. Now I'm a vegan and feel great eating healthy foods. Best wishes to you...this is a great site, you will find lots of support here.
  • Irishmom516
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    Hi! My name is Kathy and while I have never had issues with drugs, I read your story and felt a need to write you. You have definately been through a lot but you have to be proud of the progress you have made in your life!! I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I was never as big as I was 3 years ago while in school but after four kids, major family issues, a car accident that really took it's toll on me, I am finally getting my life in order. I have taken off 83 lbs and am still going. I get frustrated that there are times I gain a few pounds back and then it comes off but I keep going. I agree with you that support from others is so helpful in this struggle to get healthy and stay healthy but you obviously are ready. Logging has helped me stay true to myself, as I have let several friends see my diary which definately keeps me from cheating. Knowing that I'm accountable to them as they support and encourage me means the world. You can do this!! Keep up the amazing work of staying clean and getting healthy!
  • jessicoria
    jessicoria Posts: 10 Member
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    Hi, I'm Jess. I read your story and just wanted to thank you for sharing. It is inspiring. I'm new to this myself but it is kind of fun to log in every day and have a food diary for accountability. I have about 100 pounds to lose myself and completely understand where you are coming from about laziness. I, too, got pretty lazy when I gained some weight and suddenly found myself almost agoraphobic - I never wanted to run into people I knew. It is important to remember that your true friends do not care how you look and will always be rooting for you no matter what. Sorry to get preachy! Anyway, congrats on getting clean and choosing to get healthy! I know you will find support here.
  • chmal
    chmal Posts: 3 Member
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    Good luck on your journey. We are all in this together so any support is always welcome. You've come this far, it's not easy but it is worth it.
  • Welcome, you been through alot, but i just wanted to say your not alone here, stay strong and motivated :) feel free to add me i would love a new friend.
  • FatAfterCoke
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    You couldn't be more right about the running into ppl you know. I hate the mere thought of that esp considering what I looked like in HS. I too was agoraphobic for a while but having a kid didn't allow that to last long. It's hard, life is hard. I'm learning that you get out of it what you put into it. If you're willing to do the work it'll show. I'm trying to slowly add this to my life because if I get overwhelmed I could end up back using drugs & then only God knows where from there. So I'm not pushing this aspect of my life too hard. I did/do though want to get my feet wet & see what's waiting for me as I get better. You're support is awesome & thanks for telling me some of your story as well :)