Love Advice

Options
MaaKeMeThinn3r
MaaKeMeThinn3r Posts: 135 Member
in Chit-Chat
So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year now. And he's my first "real boyfriend" but he had 2 serious ones before and they both ended in the girls cheating on him. And now..he's with me and the entire time we've been dating he's been accusing me of cheating on him..no matter what I do I can't get him to believe that I am a faithful girlfriend..I hid nothing..I tell him everything and I hardly ever leave the house but he still thinks I'm unfaithful..now last July he stopped talking to me and I found out a week later he was with another girl and didn't feel the need to tell me because he said "I was the one losing feelings for him and he didn't wanna get hurt"....I'm not looking for sympathy and I really don't wanna be told to leave him because I reallly think we can make it work..But things have been getting worse these last couple of days..I just need help on what I can do to make him believe me,,
«1

Replies

  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Options
    So he's actually doing the cheating and accusing YOU of cheating? Dump his butt and run! You're gorgeous and can do waaaaay better than that!
  • xxghost
    xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
    Options
    He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.

    Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.

    Good luck.
  • PtheronJr
    PtheronJr Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    If there's one thing I learned, it's that people that are constantly worrying about their partner cheating or accusing them of cheating, are the ones who, without fail, will do the cheating. It's just a symptom of insecurity.
  • MaaKeMeThinn3r
    MaaKeMeThinn3r Posts: 135 Member
    Options
    He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.

    Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.

    Good luck.

    We've talked numerous times and he always says "I'll work on it" and nothing has changed...
  • xxghost
    xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
    Options
    He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.

    Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.

    Good luck.

    We've talked numerous times and he always says "I'll work on it" and nothing has changed...

    Yeah, that's worrisome. He has a lot of strikes against him - the being overprotective, the being out with another girl (and hiding it from you), the excuses - but I think the refusal to work on his issues is the biggest factor. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will lie to your face about wanting to work on the relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, and we've had many rough patches. But when we sit down and talk it out, and come to an agreement, we expect the other to actually put in the effort. If he isn't willing to meet you half-way, maybe you shouldn't keep pushing him to. Find someone who will. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's my best advice. :(
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Options
    If you insist on keeping him, you need to let him know that this is the one and only time he's ever going to step out on you without getting dumped. Then tell him that you will never do that to him, either, that if you don't want to be with him anymore, you'll just tell him so and be on your way. Tell him this is how adults handle relationships, and an adult relationship is the only kind you're interested in.

    He might be so insecure that he's going to keep acting up in order to drive you away rather than risk being cheated on again, though. In which case, it's hopeless unless he gets some serious insight into his mindset.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Options
    Don't take this the wrong way but your young and need not attach yourself to someone who accuses you of things like being unfaithful.

    If you want a happy life stay away from relationships that has the slightest scent of foul insecurities. IMHO relationships with drama are doomed for years of unhappiness and most likely failure. Then he has the balls to blame you for his unfaithfulness is just a game if he believes it or using it for an excuse.

    "Just break up" is the best advice you can possibly get right now...
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Options
    People only change is they want to. Until he does - this is your relationship. Is it making you happy? If not, you need to make a change. Try being without someone for a while and figure out what you really need in a relationship.

    Also, read all the responses in your other identical thread.
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
    Options
    How many posts do you need to make to get the answer you want to hear?
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
    Options
    There comes a point when you will have to realise that he is insecure and his issues with trust are ruining your relationship. You have done nothing wrong and if he's unable to change then it doesn't leave you much choice. It's a hard decision to break up but if his insecurities are making you unhappy then the best thing you can do for yourself is leave and find somebody who does trust, respect and love you.
  • ShannonS921
    ShannonS921 Posts: 194
    Options
    I was with a man a lot like this for a lot of years. It escalated into physical abuse over his unfounded and overblown accusations. I agree with a previous reply that his lack of willingness to make changes is the biggest red flag. If you are set on staying, I would suggest individual and couples counseling.

    Just my two cents. Good luck, no matter which path you choose.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
    Options
    he is disgusting and you need to dump him asap
  • QuiznatoddBidness
    QuiznatoddBidness Posts: 603 Member
    Options
    he is disgusting and you need to dump him asap

    yep. this ^^^

    I'm a dude, I know how dudes roll, you have a bad one without any doubt. Stop trying to fix him. This gets worse, not better. Dump him at the next safe stop and don't look back.
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
    Options
    It doesn't get better babe, and the longer you stay the worse it'll hurt when it happens again.
  • lollipoprincess
    lollipoprincess Posts: 117 Member
    Options
    I coulda sworn you posted this exact thing a week ago.
  • Drama_Free_Zone
    Drama_Free_Zone Posts: 149
    Options
    In my experience.. In absence of proof, if someone is accusing you of cheating it's because they have been cheating themselves and are attempting to find some way to alleviate their own guilt. It doesn't get better, it doesn't become less. Do what you will, but do it with the simple fact in mind that someone like that will always project their own faults, guilts and insecurities onto you and drag you down right into the muck with them.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Options
    I know what you're hoping to hear, but I regret to inform you that you are not going to hear it from me. Or, judging from the replies already posted, from anyone else.

    Relationships that have problems in the beginning, ALWAYS have problems, right up until the end. They do not ever get better. Relationships can devolve from something healthy and happy to unhealthy, but they almost never go from rocky start to happy ending. So if it's not good now, it will always be this way. End it now, before feelings get hurt worse. Good luck, it'll be hard, but worth it in the end when you find someone who doesn't act out like a spoiled brat.
  • trishtrish1
    trishtrish1 Posts: 71 Member
    Options
    You got some great advice - GET AWAY FROM THAT AS FAST AS YOU CAN. My take: That feels ick. As a married woman - things that feel ick - even if they "work on it" - doesn't go away, it just gets worse. Go find better.
  • roanokejoe49
    roanokejoe49 Posts: 820 Member
    Options
    Time to give him his walking papers, doll face. It's not worth the hassle.
  • logiatype
    logiatype Posts: 110 Member
    Options
    Some of us guys are not worth it.

Categories