Love Advice
MaaKeMeThinn3r
Posts: 135 Member
in Chit-Chat
So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year now. And he's my first "real boyfriend" but he had 2 serious ones before and they both ended in the girls cheating on him. And now..he's with me and the entire time we've been dating he's been accusing me of cheating on him..no matter what I do I can't get him to believe that I am a faithful girlfriend..I hid nothing..I tell him everything and I hardly ever leave the house but he still thinks I'm unfaithful..now last July he stopped talking to me and I found out a week later he was with another girl and didn't feel the need to tell me because he said "I was the one losing feelings for him and he didn't wanna get hurt"....I'm not looking for sympathy and I really don't wanna be told to leave him because I reallly think we can make it work..But things have been getting worse these last couple of days..I just need help on what I can do to make him believe me,,
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Replies
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So he's actually doing the cheating and accusing YOU of cheating? Dump his butt and run! You're gorgeous and can do waaaaay better than that!0
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He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.
Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.
Good luck.0 -
If there's one thing I learned, it's that people that are constantly worrying about their partner cheating or accusing them of cheating, are the ones who, without fail, will do the cheating. It's just a symptom of insecurity.0
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He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.
Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.
Good luck.
We've talked numerous times and he always says "I'll work on it" and nothing has changed...0 -
He sounds incredibly overprotective and overbearing. I know how much you want to make the relationship work (believe me, I've been there), but you may want to ask yourself WHY you want to be in the relationship so much. He could absolutely just be scared of losing you, or suffering from low self esteem, but it doesn't sound like he is being very fair to you. Relationships NEED trust, and it doesn't sound like he has any. That's not very healthy.
Relationships also need communication. Have you sat him down and told him point-blank that needs to cool his jets? Talking it out might make things better.
Good luck.
We've talked numerous times and he always says "I'll work on it" and nothing has changed...
Yeah, that's worrisome. He has a lot of strikes against him - the being overprotective, the being out with another girl (and hiding it from you), the excuses - but I think the refusal to work on his issues is the biggest factor. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will lie to your face about wanting to work on the relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, and we've had many rough patches. But when we sit down and talk it out, and come to an agreement, we expect the other to actually put in the effort. If he isn't willing to meet you half-way, maybe you shouldn't keep pushing him to. Find someone who will. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's my best advice.
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If you insist on keeping him, you need to let him know that this is the one and only time he's ever going to step out on you without getting dumped. Then tell him that you will never do that to him, either, that if you don't want to be with him anymore, you'll just tell him so and be on your way. Tell him this is how adults handle relationships, and an adult relationship is the only kind you're interested in.
He might be so insecure that he's going to keep acting up in order to drive you away rather than risk being cheated on again, though. In which case, it's hopeless unless he gets some serious insight into his mindset.0 -
Don't take this the wrong way but your young and need not attach yourself to someone who accuses you of things like being unfaithful.
If you want a happy life stay away from relationships that has the slightest scent of foul insecurities. IMHO relationships with drama are doomed for years of unhappiness and most likely failure. Then he has the balls to blame you for his unfaithfulness is just a game if he believes it or using it for an excuse.
"Just break up" is the best advice you can possibly get right now...0 -
People only change is they want to. Until he does - this is your relationship. Is it making you happy? If not, you need to make a change. Try being without someone for a while and figure out what you really need in a relationship.
Also, read all the responses in your other identical thread.0 -
How many posts do you need to make to get the answer you want to hear?0
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There comes a point when you will have to realise that he is insecure and his issues with trust are ruining your relationship. You have done nothing wrong and if he's unable to change then it doesn't leave you much choice. It's a hard decision to break up but if his insecurities are making you unhappy then the best thing you can do for yourself is leave and find somebody who does trust, respect and love you.0
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I was with a man a lot like this for a lot of years. It escalated into physical abuse over his unfounded and overblown accusations. I agree with a previous reply that his lack of willingness to make changes is the biggest red flag. If you are set on staying, I would suggest individual and couples counseling.
Just my two cents. Good luck, no matter which path you choose.0 -
he is disgusting and you need to dump him asap0
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he is disgusting and you need to dump him asap
yep. this ^^^
I'm a dude, I know how dudes roll, you have a bad one without any doubt. Stop trying to fix him. This gets worse, not better. Dump him at the next safe stop and don't look back.0 -
It doesn't get better babe, and the longer you stay the worse it'll hurt when it happens again.0
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I coulda sworn you posted this exact thing a week ago.0
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In my experience.. In absence of proof, if someone is accusing you of cheating it's because they have been cheating themselves and are attempting to find some way to alleviate their own guilt. It doesn't get better, it doesn't become less. Do what you will, but do it with the simple fact in mind that someone like that will always project their own faults, guilts and insecurities onto you and drag you down right into the muck with them.0
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I know what you're hoping to hear, but I regret to inform you that you are not going to hear it from me. Or, judging from the replies already posted, from anyone else.
Relationships that have problems in the beginning, ALWAYS have problems, right up until the end. They do not ever get better. Relationships can devolve from something healthy and happy to unhealthy, but they almost never go from rocky start to happy ending. So if it's not good now, it will always be this way. End it now, before feelings get hurt worse. Good luck, it'll be hard, but worth it in the end when you find someone who doesn't act out like a spoiled brat.0 -
You got some great advice - GET AWAY FROM THAT AS FAST AS YOU CAN. My take: That feels ick. As a married woman - things that feel ick - even if they "work on it" - doesn't go away, it just gets worse. Go find better.0
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Time to give him his walking papers, doll face. It's not worth the hassle.0
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Some of us guys are not worth it.0
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A year is a short time for a relationship and if things are already heading south, then you know what you need to do.0
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Run. And don't look back. That's not normal behavior. You can't fix it for him. It's not about you or your behavior. It's him.
You are young but my advice would be the same if you were not young. Run.0 -
Your first " serious boyfriend " is an insecure man-child.0
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Don't be surprised if he was the one who was actually cheating on his two previous girlfriends.
This isn't about you at all, its all about him. It will not matter to him how much you 'prove' you are not cheating he will not believe it and will continue to look for proof. And he is not likely to change in the short term. Doesn't bode well for you at all, time you seriously considered giving him his marching orders. You deserve better than this.0 -
Nice job trolling!0
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Don't try to make it work. Really, I've been that path myself. That guy is not going to do you any good. Some things can't be fixed.0
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