Dealing with a broken heart..

Options
I am going through a really tough time right now...kind of going through a break up after being "with" someone for nearly 3 years. I haven't hardly eaten anything all week and I know that is so extremely bad for my body but what can you do when you literally can't even think about eating something? I will go in to the kitchen because I know I have got to eat something...and I just end up standing there. Or I'll take a bite of something and then just want to spit it right back out because it feels like my throat is just closing in if I try to swallow it. It's like I'm just completely disgusted with food..and I know it's because of the depression but I was so in love with this man....I don't know how to get out of this funk. Any helpful advice, snap out of its, kind words...and motivation is deeply appreciated.

Replies

  • slightlydiminishing
    slightlydiminishing Posts: 20 Member
    Options
    The same type of thing happened to me last summer....but i did the opposite and ate EVERYTHING in sight. I gained weight super fast and didn't care at all. I would suggest getting out of the house. Gradually, things will become more normal and before you know it, you'll be thinking less and less about him. Whether it be going out with friends, going for a walk, or seeing a movie, things will become normal, i promise. Plus, think about how you already feel bad emotionally, and the lack of nutrition is only adding to that! Maybe try with something easy, like peanut butter or ice cream. Good luck! And feel free to ask me for any advice.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Options
    The first time I lost someone (and it really does feel like a loss) I couldn't eat much for months. But that is really bad for you. It just adds to the depression. At least try to take a multivitamin and eat small amounts of nutrient rich foods.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Options
    Hopefully you can find a way to move on soon. You didn't say why you split up, but things really do happen for a reason. A good way to get out of a funk is to find a way to make yourself feel better about you. I don't know what you do to exercise, but whatever your favorite is, do it more. I like to run to blow off steam. When I am frustrated I push myself to run further or faster. I like to lift. When I am angry, I push myself to lift heavier. I feel better that way. Some people like to shop. Some people like to paint. Whatever it is you enjoy, do it. Throw yourself into something that will take your mind off of the pain so that you can focus again on how to live life. Eventually it will get easier and some day you will find the person you are supposed to be with who will love you even more because you can deal with whatever hardships life throws at you.
  • hearthwood
    hearthwood Posts: 794 Member
    Options
    If it didn't work out, he was never right for you in the first place. I have been married for decades now, and I remember that kind of heartache, as I was usually the dumpee in my younger prior relationships. All I can tell you is that something much better is in store for you, you just need to keep your head up and be patient.

    When you least expect it, you will find the right person. Until then workout, stay with MFP and keep in good shape, and keep your spirits up.
  • laurie_renee
    laurie_renee Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    I ate everything in sight at first...I ate a dozen sugar cookies in 2 days..amongst a million other things. I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back...and I knew he didn't and was never going to. But i still allowed myself to let it happen and get further and further. He didn't love me because I am fat. And I know, I know...if he didn't love u for who u are then **** him. Yeah I know. But what he did do was he lead me on. But i let him..so it's just as much my fault as it is his. I don't really have friends..I just started a new job last week and it is SO overwhelming..I can't hardly focus because all my focus is on trying my best not to freakin bawl in front of my new coworkers..I have no money because I was out of work for 3 months..and its summertime in Texas and my a/c in my car isn't working. So I've stayed confined to my house and it's just..awful. I didn't get out of bed at all today..only to piss all the water I drank and eat the little food that I did manage to shove down. :(
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Options
    Try protein shakes, maybe with peanut butter or chocolate syrup added to boost calories? Make a big one every day and carry it around with you, and take a drink every time you remember that you should eat something. It's not ideal, but it's a lot better than eating nothing for days at a time.
  • mereditheve
    mereditheve Posts: 142 Member
    Options
    Hi, I know just how you feel. I have a difficult time feeling hungry if I'm sad also.

    Easier said than done, but try not to dwell on it. Look forward, not backward. And realize that you will remember the past more fondly than it really was.

    What you have right now is TODAY, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Make the most of it... time is the only thing that you can't save.
  • Edensienna
    Edensienna Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    It is a terrible feeling.. Time will ,Essen the pain. Turn your grief and pain into energy if you can. Walking outdoors with music on can help burn some stress and pass time. Try to stay busy. Watch movies you love and try to eat small amounts.

    I feel you, love can be so uplifting but devastating when it ends
  • Numberwang22
    Numberwang22 Posts: 213 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you had a lucky escape! Don't give the loser a seconds more thought!!
  • GothJuice
    GothJuice Posts: 66 Member
    Options
    Hey there, I went through a horrible break up after a two and a half year on and off relationship with a guy who repeatedly cheated, or attempted to cheat, with other women. I lost a lot of friends during the course of that relationship too so when I eventually got my poop together and left I felt quite alone.
    I spent a lot of time in the company of family members which was incredibly helpful and, if they live nearby, I completely recommend doing so! As for the eating, I am exactly the same, when I am really upset or stressed out eating is the hardest thing for me.

    Try eating small portions of fruit and vegetables, food that is mushy and easy to eat, so you don't really have to make an effort to eat. After my break-up I consumed, soups, smoothies and protein shakes, I found it easier to get stuff into my body that way. I'd also say take a good multivitamin in the mean time to make sure your body gets some of the key nutrients it needs.

    Walking around some scenic nice areas can help with all the negative feelings. It sounds cheesy but going to the beach and standing in the ocean letting the waves wash over your feet and legs is also incredibly therapeutic, like the ocean is washing away my stress and problems.

    I wish you all the best, it will get easier I promise.
  • paulperryman
    paulperryman Posts: 839 Member
    Options
    Sadly depression hits everyone at some point, not alot you can do, sorry you are going through such misery only thing i can suggest is try to find something to get your mind off of it and then eat/drink something easy. GothJuice had some great suggestions.

    in the meantime get in amongst people so you aren't alone, there has to be someone that cares for you you can turn too.
    Some of us here are atleast very caring of anyone going through a rough time.

    if you can goto the gym or get in some exercise you have a chance to turn any anger into a stellar burn, i find if i've had a **** day at work and then goto the gym i put in considerably more effort and take it out on the machines.
  • Fatandfifty3
    Fatandfifty3 Posts: 419 Member
    Options
    A wise woman in a pub toilets once said to me
    " If a man makes you cry, he isn't worth crying about.'
    I've held to that. I'm currently getting painfully divorced from a cheating, lying manipulator and I've cried buckets and he really isn't worth it!
    Try taking soft stuff, soup, yoghurt etc. and be easy on yourself. You deserve better! So be kind :-)
    (((hug)))
  • Springfield1970
    Springfield1970 Posts: 1,945 Member
    Options
    Bad luck! But you can come out stronger!. I started a business and got left by my partner of 17 years for my friend all in the same week. I am a vocal coach, and did actually cry in front of clients!!

    Just cry it all out. Then start running! It is SUCH a healer.

    Good luck girl!
  • Fsunami
    Fsunami Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    Hi.

    I live in Allen, Texas so I can appreciate the no a/c problem. Have been there and it blows. I hope that clears up for you soon.

    A few practical things......

    1) Regardless of what happened, it IS a loss. Youre going through the stages of grieving, which is natural. Allow yourself the time to grieve, but try not to wallow in it. If you're not familiar with the 5 stages of grieving, take 5 seconds to Google it. It'll give you a roadmap for what you are going through.

    2) There ARE ways to cope:

    My wife and I found out a month before my son was born that he had a congenital heart defect that meant he would have to have open heart surgery within two weeks of being born. He had another one at 8 years old & is due for at least one more. I tell you this because of the things we learned on this life changing journey:

    a) Try not to go down "the rabbit hole" The farther down you get, the longer and harder it is to get out of it. You will eventually, but the digger you deep the hole, the bigger the shovel you need.

    b) Remember regardless of your circumstances, there is VALUE in every single day. Its hard to see right now, but there is. And there are people in your life that will help you - if you let them. Don't let this define you, or get you off track. You're human and will get off track a little because its a natural reaction, but use the strength inside you to overcome it.

    c) The most important thing we've learned in the darkest days?

    Sometimes you have to take life a day at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time. Occasionally, even seconds at a time. Whatever manageable chunk works for you. You owe NO ONE an explanation or justification for how you choose to handle it.

    You end up finding out whats really inside you when the chips are down and the rubber meets the road. Don't let someone's rejection of you shatter you, because it doesn't define WHO YOU ARE. Unless you let it. Just because some dumbass decided you weren't for him, it doesn't detract at all from all the things you offer to the world.

    As to the food? Try to take the emotion out of it. Your body is a machine that needs proper fuel & you want to maintain the commitment to yourself you've already shown. Think of yourself as a car, would you overfill the tank or let it run out of gas? No. Youd treat it properly because you need it to get around. Your body is the same.

    Please feel free to friend me if youd like. If not, take care of yourself.

    Fsunami:smile:
  • crystalbluewolf13
    crystalbluewolf13 Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    Sadly break ups do happen and they absolutely suck. But you DO get better. It might not be tomorrow, it might not be next week but you will get there lovely x Just take things a step at a time. I know i always either binged or a didn't eat anything and tbh that's ok. Yeah it's not healthy for your body or whatever but sometimes you just have to do it, if it carries on for ages then you need to talk to someone but i know when my mom died i didn't eat properly for weeks! Every time i tried i just felt sick to my stomach, but i started small even if it was a cookie. Keep your chin up and i hope things get better for you soon x
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Options
    Try to eat at least some peanut butter or any other nutrient dense food, and I second the multi-vitamin.

    Your body will survive the deprivation just fine. I have gone through several cycles like that, and eventually your body and mind will recover and normalize. Don't try to force yourself to eat, because it doesn't work. Try to stay hydrated with things like full fat milk or at least 2%. Fats are important right now because they are critical for fat soluble vitamins and calorie dense.
  • Beautiful_disaster40
    Options
    I'm in the same boat, I can go days where I don't even think about food let alone get hungry. It makes me feel worse and I recognize it but can't really seem to do anything about it but I have found I eventually do manage to eat, mostly fruit or smoothies or my go to comfort foods. I try not to beat myself up too badly though because I know it will pass and when I start to feel better my appetite comes back. I'm sorry you're feeling sad though, breakups are rough. Try to be kind to yourself during this time and do things when you can and pamper yourself. It feels like it won't pass but it will eventually. Big hugs hun