it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

if your friends ignore you the entire night, sounds like you need more friends...... or maybe more confidence to just join in with them (quiet people can end up being unintentionally ignored, just because they don't say much or join in much).

Confidence doesn't come from what you look like... it comes from how you feel about yourself. I can pretty much guarantee you that all your beautiful friends look in the mirror and see all kinds of things about themselves that they don't like and want to change... try to see yourself as others see you, i.e. they don't notice these small flaws (just like you don't notice the things they fret about when they look in the mirror), they see the whole person that you are and probably see you as just as beautiful as you think they are. Your friends, in spite of these things they don't like about themselves, go out and have fun anyway. For the most part that sounds like what you need to do... (though in some cases, the company you keep is the issue, if you're not gelling with them at all and/or they're deliberately ignoring you even when you're being outgoing and sociable, then that's time to get new friends)

This....all of this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Congrats on the 20#! You are doing awesome.

Can I also just say I know how you feel. I had lost 50 lbs, fell off of taking care of myself, gained a bit back, started losing again and I have these moments. I had one a couple weeks ago with clothes that I have at home. It's incredibly upsetting and frustrating, but then I remind myself how far I have come. I find something that I'm comfortable with and move on.

I completely agree about the confidence thing. I will say what has helped me with my confidence (I've really noticed it over the last 2 weeks more than before) was starting Stronglifts 5x5. It's helping me reshape my body and lose weight, but who knew that lifting heavy would boost my self confidence. I'm starting to be a little more outgoing, I feel better about myself. I just deadlifted more than I weigh last week. That, that felt awesome.

She's also right, I guarantee there are things that your friends hate about themselves. My sister is like 5'10" and rail thing. I'm 5'5" and overweight. She doesn't like things about herself and I think she looks great. We all have this. We all go thru this.

Go out, have fun, be confident because you are really beautiful! No, I'm not just saying that because of this post either. I looked at your photos, you really are.

I wrote a blog on here the other day. It was my NSV. I've had weight and self esteem issues all of my life. I've always believed I was cute, but never pretty, never beautiful. The other day I was brushing my teeth and just saw myself in the mirror. I stopped for a second and I actually felt/believed I was pretty. It was a surreal moment. I had a lot of emotion that day because I've never felt/believed that before. I'm starting to though. One day I plan on feeling/believing I am beautiful. I was told that when I had that moment and the emotions that came with it (I was pretty tearful all day) it's because I was starting to let go of a false belief. That false belief being that I wasn't pretty.

So OP work on seeing yourself as others see you. Work on not just your outside, but your inside.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday.