Dealing with non-dieting spouses
meyowtime
Posts: 42 Member
Anyone else in a position where you are very focused on getting healthy/losing weight and your spouse just isn't ready to take that same step for themselves?
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Yep. It ended our relationship. He thought he was "healthy" because he was skinny... Even though he ate fast food multiple times a day with me.
Now I'm with someone who shares my love for fitness.
It's amazing how heavily it weighs on a relationship without you even realizing it. 0 -
Yes! 6'3", 320 pounds of proof that he likes food.
He said he'd like to, but that he likes to eat and he just doesn't want to give up eating what he wants. Some people deny their eating habits, make up excuses or are always saying they "just started" trying to lose. Not him. "I like food."
I wish he'd lose because he's at the age where the heart attack that is sure to come could arrive anytime. But he simply doesn't want to deny himself the pleasure of eating what he wants. I know that if he survives a heart attack, he will change. I just hope he survives it!
I respect his honesty and his decision to eat whatever he wants, health risks be damned. But I worry.
It's no fun watching someone scarf down ribs when you're eating a no-fat turkey dog, sometimes. Not usually, but on occasion, it smells and looks so good that I'm jealous. 0 -
Anyone else in a position where you are very focused on getting healthy/losing weight and your spouse just isn't ready to take that same step for themselves?
At first yes, but now my husband has joined me on the band wagon. Just give it time. They will see the progress you are making and it will inspire them to become healthier. On the other hand, my mom and best friend are the enablers. Every time we get together they say, "Oh just give yourself a free day." I love them to death but it gets old having to put my foot down.0 -
Yes and no. He's definitely not focused on it, but since I prepare all our meals, he's lost weight without having to try. But he does pressure me for pizza, chinese, fast food, etc.0
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Hm well I am not married but I experience this with family members, too. Most of my family is supportive, which really, really helps, but then there are others who offer me candy and cookies and junk food they know I have a fondness for. Usually I can use it as a tool to test myself and remember that I'm stronger than cookies, or that if I really want one I CAN have one, but other times I just get kinda mad. It feels like they're tempting me to fail. Anyone else experience that?0
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When I decided to try an elimination diet, I knew that changing my eating patterns and foods was going to make an impact on my boyfriend, but I waited until a couple days before I was about to start to tell him. He was very resistant at first, because he saw it as a huge change, and did not see what we could possibly eat. It did not take long for him to start asking me ahead of time what I could and could not eat. It helped that I explained to him why I was doing this and what I was hoping to accomplish.
He still eats junk food, but not as much, actually. He turns his nose up at some things I make, but he gets to grill various meats and fish, and sometimes eats the sides I cook, but other times eats his own. He has asked if the rice cooker/veggie steamer was going to be going all the time now! But overall, he has adjusted well. He does have things in the kitchen, like a box of Entenmann's donuts or things like that, but I am not tempted. Especially since all the junk food he eats tends to have something in it that I discovered I can no longer eat after my elimination diet (like dairy and peanuts).
He is fortunate that he can eat whatever he wants and not gain more than like 10 pounds. On the other hand, continuing to eat junk food does have the potential to cause other health issues.0 -
Sounds like me & my husband. But he is an adult, responsible for his own health/welfare. He knows he needs to make better choices and right now is not in the mindset to do anything about it. Its not a distraction for me.0
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Sounds like me & my husband. But he is an adult, responsible for his own health/welfare. He knows he needs to make better choices and right now is not in the mindset to do anything about it. Its not a distraction for me.
bingo... he is a big boy... mine knows he will either eat whats in the house or what I cook or he can get something himself; however, I don't restrict myself from anything. I have had pizza the last 3 days LOL
If he wants junk food snacks, he has to go to the store and get it himself - seems to not happen as often lol0 -
I very much struggle with this. I love my husband dearly, but he eats terribly. He is tall and naturally thin (even muscular which is so unfair since he never works out, lol) and tends to lose weight easily because of his job. I will try eating cleaner or healthier, and he will usually entertain the idea for a day or two, and then goes back to his old habits.
Seriously, congrats to those who aren't distracted by it. I hope I can be on that level someday. But he constantly brings home pop or candy for me, or picks up fast food before I can get home from work to make something. He isn't trying to sabotage me, just trying to be thoughtful which is what makes it a little harder.
I've been better the past few weeks. I ask him to bring me large waters and pretzels or pistachios now, and if he gets junk food I gave him a list of what I can eat at those places and that has really helped. Working around it can be hard, but with practice it gets easier!
Good luck!0 -
I suffer from this and at times I give in to tempatations but the reality is you love your partner not their food You need to have a nutrional plan and will power
My habits are also SLOWLY rubbing off0 -
my husband is skinny and not athletic .. he does his thing and i do mine .. we do stuff together but dont get in the way of each other's goals and interests. he doesnt say im proud of you or anything like that .. but i dont care .. im happy regardless and do not need him to be my 'ra ra' in order to do things i like to do. and to be honest i am happier getting kudos from my trainer who truly understand how hard it is to lose weight and appreciates my hard work0
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I do the cooking, but I am only in control of my own portions. She's an adult and makes her own choices.0
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My husband has no intention of dieting, and would prefer that I don't.
My three young children are at very low weights for their heights, so a restrictive diet for them is absolutely not on the table.
I either eat smaller portions of what everyone else is eating and maybe add a bunch of veggies, save calories for meals at home, or prepare something slightly different than what they are eating - maybe grilled chicken if they are eating fried chicken, etc.
You have to truly believe that you are doing this for you and that you are willing to do what it takes for you to get to your goals regardless of what others around you are doing.0 -
My husband is only 5'6" and under 150. He has a very active job that keeps him on his feet for 10 hours a day minimum, so I know he does not need to lose weight. Although he could eat healthier for sure. Luckily most of what he likes (soda, fast food, pizza) aren't particularly appealing to me. My problem has always been how much I eat, not what I eat. Although admittedly I have eaten more fast food in the past few months (hence my 10+ pound weight gain) since starting a full time job and not knowing how to eat healthy on my newly busy schedule. But I actually enjoy a lot of healthy foods, so I am trying to get back to that way of eating again and cutting fast food out.0
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I very much struggle with this. I love my husband dearly, but he eats terribly. He is tall and naturally thin (even muscular which is so unfair since he never works out, lol) and tends to lose weight easily because of his job. I will try eating cleaner or healthier, and he will usually entertain the idea for a day or two, and then goes back to his old habits.
Seriously, congrats to those who aren't distracted by it. I hope I can be on that level someday. But he constantly brings home pop or candy for me, or picks up fast food before I can get home from work to make something. He isn't trying to sabotage me, just trying to be thoughtful which is what makes it a little harder.
I've been better the past few weeks. I ask him to bring me large waters and pretzels or pistachios now, and if he gets junk food I gave him a list of what I can eat at those places and that has really helped. Working around it can be hard, but with practice it gets easier!
Good luck!
I really like your approach so you and your husband both get what you want, this is a great idea!0 -
My husband has bad eating habits when left to his own devices and fortunately he acknowledges this, so when we got together he said I could have complete control of the food in the house. So I do. I do all the shopping and cooking and prepare healthy meals 90% of the time. Sometimes I'm just too busy so it's frozen pizza for dinner...but at least I make a big salad to go with it!
That said, he still eats too much. Granted it's not unhealthy processed junk food, but too much healthy food is still too much food. He needs to lose about 30 lbs and he knows it, but he refuses to track his calories. He basically starves himself all day and then eats non stop from the moment he gets home from work until he goes to bed. I've tried to talk to him about this but he gets annoyed and says he doesn't need a food police. He sees me weighing and measuring everything I eat, and he's seen me lose 73 lbs. For the sake of a happy marriage, I refuse to nag. I hope he'll change his ways on his own. 0 -
My boyfriend and father of my 3 children is a great support but I weigh my food and he doesn't like it he says im obsessed and im not its just what I need to do to stay on track I deny myself unnecessary treats and he doesn't like it I love him and he has lost 11lbs because I portion our food yet he says he loses weight without measuring and weighing, he does because I do it for him!!!!0
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My guy has lost about 20 pounds over the last several months and works hard to keep his calories less than he burns. He's never been one to scarf down food, such as you describe with your honey,and I actually learned how to eat well from him.It's no fun watching someone scarf down ribs when you're eating a no-fat turkey dog, sometimes. Not usually, but on occasion, it smells and looks so good that I'm jealous.
That said, why can't you have the ribs instead of that no-fat turkey dog? It's all about moderation and calorie restriction, not food type restriction.
Take a look at my diary. I haven't changed a thing since last year when I started eating less/moving more and changing my eating habits. However, changing my eating habits meant getting rid of the "substitutes" and low fat food and eating what I really love because I wanted my eating plan to be sustainable.
If you hand me that no fat turkey dog, I'll toss it to the dogs and prepare you four ounces of those ribs. :bigsmile:0 -
Sounds like me & my husband. But he is an adult, responsible for his own health/welfare. He knows he needs to make better choices and right now is not in the mindset to do anything about it. Its not a distraction for me.
Same here.0 -
My husband is 50 and fit, he's never had a weight problem. He doesn't "diet"; he eats "unhealthy, processed food" and the other stuff, too.
Turns out that his body and his choices are his, not mine. He has a mother and I ain't her.0 -
I was at this point with my boyfriend, I was doing my own thing and he was trying not to hinder me. He would occasionally do things like go grocery shopping and not pick up any fresh veggies (only canned ugh!) but he's getting better. The other day he said to me, "Something needs to change. My clothes don't fit anymore." He was worried that he would have to eat the same amount of calories as me (1380) but I assured him he would need much more than that since he has to stand for his job and is taller and heavier. I think that has put him in the "curious" camp. I try not to bring it up unless he does. I think he could get on board but obviously I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do.0
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I have for years. My husband is a type 1 diabetic that has never had a weight issue, as a matter of fact he lost 20 pounds in the past couple of years because his job was more active. I do deal with him needing things that have more carbs in them at times than I'd like, so I typically make him the carbs and either just eat a small portion or none and add more veggies to my plate. Having sweets in the house is sometimes an issue because we do have to have them on hand for him when he does need the sugar, but I try and get things that I'm meh about in the sweet world.
The only thing I'd love to see him do is drink more water, but at least he does get some intake of it in as long as its got some type of flavoring in it.0 -
I do the cooking so it's not that hard in our house. I'll be honest and admit I hid a few ingredients from him initially to avoid the "ick" response and then surprised him later by revealing he'd been eating healthier options the whole time without knowing it. Mostly though, I'm an all things in moderation kind of gal so we still have take out once a week and mostly eat the same way we always have, I just make some slight tweaks to lower calories (leaner meats, low fat dairy, less pasta, etc) and/or eat smaller portions.
Hubby's not on board with making any major health changes and that's just fine. As other said, he's a big boy and allowed to make his own decisions. Sure I'd rather he be a bit more active and make healthier choices but until he's ready, there's not a thing I can do about it. In the meantime, he fully supports me in my efforts to lose weight and exercise regularly, even prompting me now and then when I want to be lazy. I'll keep him for now.
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I have been fortunate where my boyfriend and I seem to gain together (too much fun), and then we jointly decide to diet and excercise more. I have a friend whose fiance eats so unhealthy. No veggies at all. Fried food, etc. And she has gained a lot of weight. I don't judge because I would have a hard time living with someone who is so indulgent.
Fortunately I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking at my house, so even my teenagers don't have much of choice when I'm dieting. :-)0 -
Looks like I'm the first husband to post in this thread
My wife and 4 daughters have been 100% supportive
of my efforts. My wife has always been a fantastic cook
and has been giving me ingredients and saving pear codes
for me to scan since I started this. We still have junk food
on the house but I can understand that and I deal with it.
My kids are very fit and for the most part eat healthy but they
are young and active and can consume a huge amount without
gaining. It's nice to have the support and not have to listen
to wisecracks about me weighing my food etc.
My wife and I are also enjoying a lot of bike rides together.
Support helps I only wish everyone else had the same support I have!0 -
Well, the first on page two, anyway.Looks like I'm the first husband to post in this thread0 -
Oops!
Reading comprehension fail on my part!0 -
mine has been out of the house the past 6 months , so that helps a lot
-but hes kind of Half azzed on board at best, he thinks its all about tons of exercise , though.. but since he has 180 lbs to lose ... anything he would change would help , he uses being " on the road" as a convienent excuse 0 -
Just kidding with you.Oops!
Reading comprehension fail on my part!
It's cool that you have that much support.0
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