Just need someone to talk to.
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Brooke4206
Posts: 140 Member
Here's my story. Just looking for someone to listen and maybe give some advice.
Back in Nov. of 2013 I looked in the mirror and realized I wasn't happy. That my first few months of college allowed me to put on the freshman 15. I was currently 5'5'' and 127 pounds. This may not seem like a lot, but back in june I weighed in at 114. I had fat on my bones that I wasn't used to. I would come back from college and my parents would say, "Your face looks swollen." I heard this over and over again. I will never forget it. Now because of it I look in the mirror everyday hating my face. Fearing my cheeks will gain fat during this process. I even want surgery to help slim them. I started to extreme diet and exercise. 3+ hours a day of cardio with less than 1000 calories a day. By Feb I had reached my goal of 114. It didn't stop there though. I wanted to get to 110. And then 108. And my lowest 107. I eventually upped my calories to 1500 and then to 1800. I eat the same foods every day because I fear other options. I lost my period throughout this entire process as well. It has been gone 9 months and I'm genuinely concerned about my fertility. I have tried eating more. I'll do well for a few days by eating 2000 + calories, binging even. Then I feel guilty or scared and eat less. The process repeats. Honestly, i just need some advice or to talk to someone who has been here. I am constantly thinking about food, either fearing it or craving it. I break down every other day or so because of it. I want to have kids some day, but I can't seem to get past this.
Edit: I forgot to mention I quit cardio all together two months ago. I strength train with a lifting program 5x a week.
Back in Nov. of 2013 I looked in the mirror and realized I wasn't happy. That my first few months of college allowed me to put on the freshman 15. I was currently 5'5'' and 127 pounds. This may not seem like a lot, but back in june I weighed in at 114. I had fat on my bones that I wasn't used to. I would come back from college and my parents would say, "Your face looks swollen." I heard this over and over again. I will never forget it. Now because of it I look in the mirror everyday hating my face. Fearing my cheeks will gain fat during this process. I even want surgery to help slim them. I started to extreme diet and exercise. 3+ hours a day of cardio with less than 1000 calories a day. By Feb I had reached my goal of 114. It didn't stop there though. I wanted to get to 110. And then 108. And my lowest 107. I eventually upped my calories to 1500 and then to 1800. I eat the same foods every day because I fear other options. I lost my period throughout this entire process as well. It has been gone 9 months and I'm genuinely concerned about my fertility. I have tried eating more. I'll do well for a few days by eating 2000 + calories, binging even. Then I feel guilty or scared and eat less. The process repeats. Honestly, i just need some advice or to talk to someone who has been here. I am constantly thinking about food, either fearing it or craving it. I break down every other day or so because of it. I want to have kids some day, but I can't seem to get past this.
Edit: I forgot to mention I quit cardio all together two months ago. I strength train with a lifting program 5x a week.
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Replies
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Hi Brooke - I know it sounds scary, but you really need to reach out to a professional to discuss these issues. Your school's health center should be able to help and will be able point you in the right direction. The most important step is realizing you have a problem and wanting to get better, so way to go. Talking to a counselor who has experience in eating disorders is the next step. I wish you all the best.0
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Here's my story. Just looking for someone to listen and maybe give some advice.
Back in Nov. of 2013 I looked in the mirror and realized I wasn't happy. That my first few months of college allowed me to put on the freshman 15. I was currently 5'5'' and 127 pounds. This may not seem like a lot, but back in june I weighed in at 114. I had fat on my bones that I wasn't used to. I started to extreme diet and exercise. 3+ hours a day of cardio with less than 1000 calories a day. By Feb I had reached my goal of 114. It didn't stop there though. I wanted to get to 110. And then 108. And my lowest 107. I eventually upped my calories to 1500 and then to 1800. I eat the same foods every day because I fear other options. I lost my period throughout this entire process as well. It has been gone 9 months and I'm genuinely concerned about my fertility. I have tried eating more. I'll do well for a few days by eating 2000 + calories, binging even. Then I feel guilty or scared and eat less. The process repeats. Honestly, i just need some advice or to talk to someone who has been here. I am constantly thinking about food, either fearing it or craving it. I break down every other day or so because of it. I want to have kids some day, but I can't seem to get past this.
I have been in this situation. You seem to have an eat disorder. I think you need to talk to a doctor. Try to eat more and enjoy the food.
As for the training, I would strongly recommend to stop the cardio and do more strength exercises.0 -
There is a group on here called THIN BUTTERFLIES that is for people dealing with eating disorders. Click the "groups" tab. I just saw it.0
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Hey Brooke, definitely keep your head up and remember that your value doesn't come from your looks or what you eat. What other people think of you is a reflection on them. A lot of foods have been chemically designed to keep us addicted to them...like sugar, caffeine, wheat, additives etc. These are all in our food. Maybe by eating more natural whole foods and cutting back on processed foods your cravings could balance a bit more. I do agree with the others who feel you should get a counselor - I recommend checking out the site psychologytoday.com, I found a psychotherapist on there I really liked. You should be able to find professionals who specialize in eating issues. Keep looking til you find one that fits you; it's worth it. You can overcome it by talking through it and physically working through it! And at this point it's about getting yourself to good health, not about what you look like.0
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There are people here battling eating disorders. You sound like somehow you got confused about food and amounts even though your initial weight gain seems to have been real and noticed by others, it now seems to have gotten beyond your understanding or comfort. Professional guidance is needed at some point and you may be there. Checking in with a therapist who deals with this kind of thing specifically, should reveal that to you.
Good luck, I hope you feel better soon. :flowerforyou:0 -
I applaud your strength for articulating your challenges so well. Reaching out to a professional will help you tremendously. Just know we all have challenges and demons we must face. The fact that you are not hiding your problems in the shadows means that you will one day successfully triumph or these difficulties.0
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Hey Brooke, definitely keep your head up and remember that your value doesn't come from your looks or what you eat. What other people think of you is a reflection on them. A lot of foods have been chemically designed to keep us addicted to them...like sugar, caffeine, wheat, additives etc. These are all in our food. Maybe by eating more natural whole foods and cutting back on processed foods your cravings could balance a bit more. I do agree with the others who feel you should get a counselor - I recommend checking out the site psychologytoday.com, I found a psychotherapist on there I really liked. You should be able to find professionals who specialize in eating issues. Keep looking til you find one that fits you; it's worth it. You can overcome it by talking through it and physically working through it! And at this point it's about getting yourself to good health, not about what you look like.
Foods haven't been 'designed' to make us addicted to them.
OP's body is hungry and trying to get well, she's going to need a lot more than 2000 calories a day to recover.
Yes she needs proper professional help, but sometimes hunger is just simply that. Hunger. It's good.0 -
I think you know yourself better then anyone else right? Ok so you know something you are doing isn't logical , so why are you doing it? Bottom line is a number on a scale wont fix all your problems(or almost any of them). I though it would for me but oh was I wrong. Just get the help you need, this will put you on track to fixing your problems the right way.0
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Yes, they have. Chemicals like MSG, caffeine, processed table sugar, dyes, trans fats, & a load of others addictive, and designed in the lab to be that way, and added to foods to be that way.0
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MSG- from one of the most abundant naturally occurring non-essential amino acids.
Caffeine-Caffeine is found in varying quantities in the seeds, leaves, and fruit of some plants
Table sugar-The production of table sugar has a long history. Some scholars claim Indians discovered how to crystallize sugar during the Gupta dynasty, around AD 350. From sugar cane, sugar beets, date palm, sorghum and the sugar maple. Extracted with hot water.
Hardly designed in the lab to be anything..0 -
Hi Brooke - I know it sounds scary, but you really need to reach out to a professional to discuss these issues. Your school's health center should be able to help and will be able point you in the right direction. The most important step is realizing you have a problem and wanting to get better, so way to go. Talking to a counselor who has experience in eating disorders is the next step. I wish you all the best.
^ this0 -
You should go see a doctor. It could be other things like anemia. I lost my period when I got anemia a while back. It was only for a few months but once I was put on an iron supplement, it came back. No harm done in my case though.0
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:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: You are a beautiful person inside and out. You deserve a much happier and better life than what is going on right now. Talking to a professional is the best way to get back to loving yourself and enjoying your life. Counselors at school or clergy can help. You sense that something is not what you know how it should be with your eating habits and emotions. You know that there is something wrong and it is okay to seek professional help. Do this for yourself. Live your life for you. Seek a professional to get the help you know that you need. Talking to your parents and family with this issue can also help. They Love You more than you may know.
God Bless You. :flowerforyou:0 -
HI Brooke,
i would certainly agree with those on here who advise that you seek proffessional help... i understand the mental thought processes you are going through, as i have been there (am still there) myself..
body image is just part of the therapy, my doc has put me on anti depressant meds, that help with the control aspect of the eating side...
as for food being addictive, yes it is, but some of us eat to live, others live to eat(me!!)
your family may not have realised they set you on this course, ppl can be a bit judgmental in commenting, when they should be mindful...
if you want to add me, add me, and we can chat further... talking therapies are good, as is hypnosis... but you have to stop beating yourself up... be your own best friend, and realise, that this is not so much about food, as control, and the help you need will be there for you..
big hugs, good luck, xxx:flowerforyou:0 -
Hi Brooke,
Like others have said, please reach out to professionals in your community. And whatever you do, please do not give out personal info on MFP or fall for scams. They run rampant around here...0 -
This feels like the story of my life.
I'm underweight at 41kg, 163cm tall, female, bmi <17, amenorrhea.
I'm worried my bones are brittle and I'm only 19. I'm always nursing an injury.
I'm addicted to exercise.
If I can't walk run or walk around I go CRAZY. Social situations involving food scare me.
I hope things get better for you. It doesn't help when people comment that I'm so skinny, too skinny, don't eat enough, look sick, tired... and when people say they wish they had this problem. Or when people, including professionals, tell you all you have to do id eat more or stop exercising. If it was that easy I would be doing that by now.
Feel free to message me. I'd like to hear how you are going.
btw I also eat the same foods every day because I'm scared of other things and scared that I'll be too full to eat my next meal. And I constantly think about food.0 -
Hello Brooke
My name is Dances with Wow..
The consensus is in you are on the fringe but still in control..You have reached out which is unlike most with a such disorder under foot..
being in College as freshman is scary.. no real support group... social skills may not be as out going as you would like them to be which makes the sensation of being all alone more powerful..
I met a girl named kelly..she was unbelievably smart..Dad is a leading physician at mayo clinic here in Scottsdale she had at her disposal all needs met.. no want for anything but still suffered from what you are experiencing..
I met her on lark and began providing small tidbits of advise here and there..What i did for her I can also do for you.. I cant guarntee your success but she came out of this amazing..
I have pictures to back it..
Im not sure if you are the brainy type, artistic type or the abstract conceptual type.. but what ever your strength..draw upon it.. Kelly kept a diary and yes I actually got to see it..a few years later.. as her strength was writing. through training and embracing fitness as her antidote as i think you are wanting to do.. she went on to the private college at the University of San diego where she graduated with an Economics degree and body that is out of the atmosphere amazing..
Not saying this is you but .. your potential is screaming to get out..To me thats what your disorder is Potential trapped inside potential so great.. it requires a unparalleled precision to move it into just the right trajectory..
If you are a brainy person..lets try figuring out how best to stabilize your hormones by calculating your protein number( Pn#) and using it for 24 hours..
It normally takes72 hours to settle an inbalance down..But basically with recharging your system with a percision amount of protein can bost your emotinal state..
If you would like the formula.. you can email me at [starthereinfo2013@ gmail.com]
also rehydrate your body with alkaline water 8.5 to 9.5.. Essentia is the one I use but most brands are very high quality...there is a formula for hydration as well.. but 2 bottles to start per day..should do the trick..as its pricey..
As far as the weight training...back peddle just a bit and get centered maybe yoga.. any thing that will get you inside your head and quieting the head noise..
Lastly do at least contact a person who can offer therapy.. your parent might be the first source but if not the college definitely does.
Feel free to ask me any and all your fitness questions..I super teach the entire spectrum of physical conditioning concepts so you wont fall into the abyss of becoming a slave to the process..
My Name is Dances w/Wow
and I can help you break the chains of despair and tap your life force
^ ignore this guy. he's nuts and he's trying to sell you something. the answer you seek has nothing to do with your "protein number" or the alkalinity of your water intake. that's all new-agey gobbledy-goop for gullible people.
seek help from an ED specialist. somewhere along the line you've turned to control over food as your coping mechanism for the things in life you don't feel like you have control over... a professional can help you get past this.0 -
Yes, please ignore Dances with wowzers up there.
Please seek help. This website even has a chat feature.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
:flowerforyou:0 -
Your parents are supposed to be your support people. Your support people make negative comments about your face. Did they give you any positive feedback during this time? Parents are human. Parents are not perfect but they expect their children to be perfect. No one is perfect. Did you graduated? If yes, congratulations. . You eat properly, exercise properly. You need a career goal. You need to daily tell yourself something positive. Look in the mirror and like that face. It's the one you were born with and the one you will die with. Maybe your parents were looking for you to open up when they made that comment. Or maybe they are not that deep. I mean really fat or not fat - don't you have a nice face? What were you parents really trying to say? Did you tell them how it affected you? Would they care? If they don't, well just care about yourself and be an asset to society.0
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being super slim is not an asset to society..its self serving at best at worse you will kill yourself in the name of bones..0
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