Back to the beginning, but not to the past.

DLKadlecek
DLKadlecek Posts: 11
in Health and Weight Loss
Yep. I’ve been here before: fat, big self esteem issues. completly disgusted with myself, and emotionally struggling to the point of thinking of last resorts. Last time I lost weight, I specifically remember saying to a friend, “I will never, get big again. If I get above this weight, I know how to deal with it.” HA! How arrogant of me! But, I have always been a little big headed, but that’s a post for another time. I have gained 85lbs in the last two years for a grand total of 294lbs at 5'8". *Cringe*. Note not all of the 130lbs that I took off, but if I don’t do something about it now I will be back up to 336lbs and beyond.

I have to make a change. I have done this before, but this one has to be different. I need to be honest with myself, and with my therapist, and, truly, to the entire world. I need to be healthy, and change my habits but not my heart. I need to give up my insecurities and stop ignoring my motivations. Lastly, I need to stop fearing to speak my mind! If I begin to nurture these needs while I lose weight, maybe I will be able to finally reach my goal of 170lbs and keep it off by being able to handle emitional turmoil without turning to eating for support and comfort. Also, I’m sure writing and sharing about my experience with weight loss will help keep me accountable and just maybe help some other people struggling with the same crazy issues.

So, here’s the run down: I am on a six month wait list for weight management surgury. I am to the point where I physically feel uncomfortable because of my body. I can’t look in the mirror without cringing. As a matter of fact, I normally just ignore the mirror so I don’t have to look at myself. I am at my wits end and my feeble tries to change my suicide diet have not worked. I can’t wait six months or more to start changing. I have to start now!

Luckly, while I am waiting I am going to have support from both a weight loss specialist and a dietitian. I have done it before, and this time I will have help from doctors. I have nothing to lose, except for 126lbs, and maybe I won’t end up needing surgury after all.

My diet plan is 1200 caloies a day. That is divided between one supplemented meal around 200 calories, two 400 calorie meals, two snacks, a lot of protein and veggies, and not of much else. I will get more in depth with it when I become more familiar with the diet. I will post at least once a week to keep me accountable.

Well, I am excited about this! And completely terrified. I just told the whole world how fat I am. No holding back anymore!

¡Salud!

Replies

  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    Is the 1200 recommended by your doctors/dietician? Are you doing any physical activity, walking, etc.? Perhaps talk to them about how and when to incorporate more activity, and more nutrition to compensate when the time comes?
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    Do you want to be thin or do you want to be thin and healthy?

    First week is the hardest. Your stomach is all stretched out from all the eating and it has to get smaller. Once that happens, it's much easier.

    I started needing to lose the same amount you want to lose. :) Halfway there.

    It takes a long time. You have to be seriously committed and determined, so that you keep at it even when you don't see results.

    You may want to consider making a lifestyle change. Not just smaller portions, but healthier food. It's best to add it little by little - a few salads (real salad, not chicken or tuna, lol), then add som fruits, then veggies, grainy breads...slowly ease the new stuff in, replacing other things.

    When you eat all (or mostly) healthy food, it's really hard to overeat!! It just doesn't have the calories the crap does. If you do it slowly, you can create habits that will stick.

    That's all just food for thought. You must do what YOU think is best. You know you best and you have to live with you. :).

    I wish you all the luck in the world, whatever way you go about this!!! I'll watch for updates! :)
  • DLKadlecek
    DLKadlecek Posts: 11
    Thanks for the encouragement ladies. This was actually recommend by my Dietitian and I have made it past the fist week successfully! I lost 9lbs! And yes, Stacie, I am actually a exercise advocate just got placent for a few months. I worked out between power walking and bike last week a burned over 2100calories. I am trying to get my account all in order so the community can access it.
    I do have a question. Why won't it say I've lost 9lbs? It does on my news feed but not on my profile.
  • Mrsfluffypants
    Mrsfluffypants Posts: 37 Member
    Good luck to you! It sounds like you have a good plan and a lot of support. I, myself, am returning to MFP with my tail between my legs. I was here for quite some time and successfully lost more than 75 pounds. Once I stopped, I regained forty. Hopefully I can fix that, lose the 40 I gained, plus the 130 more I need to get to goal. Stay strong.
  • kristie874
    kristie874 Posts: 774 Member
    I did the same exact thing! It sucks balls, to put it simply! This time around seems to be more challenging and slower but I refuse to give up. I felt amazing in my smaller body! Clothes fit, the airplane seats didn't hurt, I didn't get stuck in my friend's kitchen chair... I refuse to give up! Add me if you'd like some extra support any time!
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    There is a way to change your starting weight in settings - but I'm not sure how. I figured it out from someone else telling me what to do - because I got started on my own in December, and joined MFP in February. My ticker was using the weight from when I started here in Feb.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    If you make actual lifestyle changes, so that when you're done, what you eat won't have to change at all, you won't gain it back. :)

    Everyone should do what works for them, though!!

    Changing your starting weight - go to the page with the box where you enter your weight. Look down for the tiny small print (it might be blue, might not) with two links, one says "Edit Previous Entries" - that's where you can enter your starting weight.

    I'd lost 40 pounds or so before I found this site and someone had to tell me, too. It sucks to not have that number be correct, lol. It's stupid, but it's like you want to see what you did. I get it!

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