Sad.

simplexserenity
simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
edited September 23 in Motivation and Support
I just thought I'd get this off my chest because it's definitely on my mind after today's workout and I really need different opinions.

I've been doing this Fitness Bootcamp in my small town that has become really popular. We work out three days a week for an hour and it combines a lot of circuit training...running, push ups, sit ups, drills, obstacle courses, suicides, etc...we do it all. I've been doing it consistently for the last three months and I feel my body changing. I've lost 80 pounds on my own, so I'm doing this program to lose the last 20 faster..we all know how hard it gets once you hit a plateau.

My problem/question/reason I'm sad is that I honestly feel like the instructor hates me. It's going to be hard to explain without actually being in our class but basically she puts me in the bottom group no matter what(when we run, she breaks us into groups of three..from fastest to slowest). For the last three months I've tried to work my way to the top..running faster, improving my mile time, beating people in the higher groups so that she'll FINALLY classify me as a front runner or someone who is approaching their goal. But nothing. Today she put me in the bottom..again..and I surpassed the goal she gave our group by an extra two miles, and CAUGHT UP to the second highest group while running. No congratulations..nothing. She didn't even acknowledge me when I got back from our run.

I try to be encouraging and I've made friends in the class who I enjoy running with..yet she puts me with other people. Do I sound crazy? Is it in my head? I don't know..but it's SO discouraging. I ran 5 miles tonight..which is something I could have never done three months ago and I should be happy right now, but I'm just sad.

If you have time and you actually read all of that..can you let me know your opinion? Thaaaank you!

Replies

  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
    Hmmm.... It definitely is a tricky situation, and it doesn't feel like you're misinterpreting it or overacting. It seems like she is not recognizing your goals and truly appreciate the progress that you've made. The only suggestion I can make is that you confront her about it and tell her how you feel. Don't make it accusatory to put her on the defensive, but let her know that you feel like you have been making a lot of progress the last few months, and you are ready to push yourself harder, and you want to know what it will take to move yourself up to the next level.

    How she reacts to that conversation will tell you a lot about if it's possible to have a better relationship with her. If it doesn't go the way you want it to, then you need to weigh what you get out of the class vs. how the instructor teaches you. If you find it beneficial to stay, just try to ignore her as much as possible and focus only on whats best for your progress. If you find it impossible to continue on in the class, at least you will have given it a try and I am sure there are plenty of other programs out there that will still challenge you with a nicer instructor.
  • rsonthelake
    rsonthelake Posts: 113 Member
    I couldn't of said it better.
  • alvin_grung
    alvin_grung Posts: 25 Member
    It's a pisser, alright, and you want encouragement, but you really have to ask yourself what you're in it for. The answer is likely contained in all the very positive accomplishments you've mentioned in your post. You are doing it for health and self-worth and companionship, all of which you are finding in your class.

    It's her problem, really. You've been solving yours for months.

    Enjoy the camaradarie and the other places you find encouragement and your fitness - and forget that one person who maybe wants to rain on your parade.
  • mrshoffman07
    mrshoffman07 Posts: 121
    Use it. Make her notice. Keep doing what you are doing. Enjoy that you might be bothering her with your growth. Kinda like someone saying you cant do it because your a girl. Have fun and go for it.
  • heidiscool
    heidiscool Posts: 36
    It sounds like her disdain is actually motivating you to do even more. Can you basically say "who cares whether she likes me or not?" and then continue to show her up? You are the client, it is not your job to make her like you but rather vice versa and it sounds like she is a really crappy salesperson. Judging from your accomplishment of fitness goals though she is a good trainer. Take joy in your success and your friends, and don't worry about making her like you, but rather enjoy pushing past the barriers she sets for you.
  • LJ0125
    LJ0125 Posts: 89
    It sounds to me like you are doing an AWESOME job!!! I hope to be able to run like that.

    Keep doing your best and let your friends encourage and support you.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
    That does sound odd.

    I've had a few encounters like that. When I was younger I would confront the person and flat out ask them if they had a problem with me. Usually caused me more grief then it was worth.

    Now I would say to ignore her and keep doing what you are doing. Feel good about the fact that you are improving yourself. If she can't say it....I will. Congratulations to you for doing so very well. Keep up the Great work, you are worth it!!!
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Dont let her sabotage your success....Im assuming the class isnt free ...which would mean you pay her to teach you and even if free its a service she provides you...I would send her a card everytime I lost 10lbs LOL saying "thank you for all your wonderful encouragement and support" who knows could be she has bad days or simply jealous of you for some reason or maybe just personalities clash...but the best thing to do is laugh at her effort to keep ya down! and push yourself to stick with it and get to your goal...I definately wouldnt leave there until i reached my goal ..i like being coy with people so the card idea is right up my alley I would leave her wondering...
  • simplexserenity
    simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
    Thank you guys. I know it sounds like I'm looking for kudos from her but it feels SO personal when she literally encourages everyone else. You're right, either way I'm there to bust my *kitten* and I'm gonna do it without her kudos or not. It does suck to have to give her money though haha.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Thank you guys. I know it sounds like I'm looking for kudos from her but it feels SO personal when she literally encourages everyone else. You're right, either way I'm there to bust my *kitten* and I'm gonna do it without her kudos or not. It does suck to have to give her money though haha.
    Your paying her because it works..so dont feel bad about it
  • simplexserenity
    simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
    I'm DEFINITELY not leaving until I'm done with my goal..I feel like I owe it to myself to walk out fully content and satisfied.

    Thank you for the encouragement! :)
  • simplexserenity
    simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
    I'm DEFINITELY not leaving until I'm done with my goal..I feel like I owe it to myself to walk out fully content and satisfied.

    Thank you for the encouragement! :)
  • determinedx3
    determinedx3 Posts: 26 Member
    Do NOT be sad! YOU are doing amazing! I can't say it any better than what everyone else has said. Keep kicking butt, Use it as fuel to reach your goal!

    You Are Awesome!:bigsmile:
  • ksv123
    ksv123 Posts: 82 Member
    Wow. I guess at this point in my life (48 years old) I have accepted who I am and am not nearly concerned about what others think as I used to. When I was your age, this situation would have bothered me tremendously. With age comes wisdom (hey, there is an upside to getting older!) and I have the confidence and serenity within myself to not worry about people and their misconceptions. It appears that, for whatever reasons, your personalities aren't meshing. You have the option to remove yourself from the situation (i.e., find another group to join) or continue attending with the attitude that you are there for the workout and the company of the friends that you have made - not praise from the instructor. You're a beautiful girl and it's quite possible jealousy is a factor - who knows.

    I used to attend an exercise class where the instructor was extremely good - and she would chat on a personal level with the majority of the participants in the class, but not with me. I never figured out what was going on but it didn't stop me from enjoying the class as well as the friends that I made from it . . . and who I still continue to see at the club working out.

    Hang in there and realize that others are recognizing your progress even though the instructor may not be acknowledging it. Besides, you need to do this for yourself, not others.
  • ksv123
    ksv123 Posts: 82 Member
    It's a pisser, alright, and you want encouragement, but you really have to ask yourself what you're in it for. The answer is likely contained in all the very positive accomplishments you've mentioned in your post. You are doing it for health and self-worth and companionship, all of which you are finding in your class.

    It's her problem, really. You've been solving yours for months.

    Enjoy the camaradarie and the other places you find encouragement and your fitness - and forget that one person who maybe wants to rain on your parade.


    Well said!
  • tamiobrien
    tamiobrien Posts: 5
    Use it. Make her notice. Keep doing what you are doing. Enjoy that you might be bothering her with your growth. Kinda like someone saying you cant do it because your a girl. Have fun and go for it.
    Amen sister, use this situation to YOUR advantage. Remember, you can be sucessful in the bottom group, you don't need to be rated high by her. You can still compete with those in the faster group, even if you're not actually in that group. You have come so far and are so close, don't let this person rain on your parade!
  • Jartexas
    Jartexas Posts: 59 Member
    Sounds like she has issues. First rule of training people is to find ways to encourage them. You can just keep putting up with this or take it to the fitness director of the facility. If it's a Y ask to speak to the health and wellness director. you have worked to hard to allow this person to make you feel sad.
  • simplexserenity
    simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
    I totally agree with all of you and honestly I know how to deal with people who are just trying to rain on your parade, I usually don't give a damn..but when she puts us in different groups, the last group gets LESS of a workout and I'm not down for that. I'm there to work hard and if I know I can challenge myself, I'm going to do it..which is why I didn't listen to her today and went further. But do you see how I feel like it's more like sabotage? Thaaat's why I let it get to me. I should've mentioned that before lol..but either way, you're all right!
  • melissarforlife
    melissarforlife Posts: 47 Member
    Okay, first....WTG!!! 5 Flipping MILES!!! Dang! That is awesome! I think you need to talk to the person who is leading this. Seriously, you are doing really well! And if she is an idiot and isn't nice, I would show her!!! And talk to your friends in the group too. This is your time, your money and its for you! I would stand strong and do your best!

    Dang 5555555555555555555555 MIles!!!!!! You rock!
  • Scarletblue
    Scarletblue Posts: 255
    Nightowl1 said it perfectly!

    Your accomplishments are amazing and i'm sorry, anyone who does a great job at anything they set out to do deserves recognition whether it's asked for or not, and I feel that her being a fitness trainer and supposedly promoting healthy life styles she should be your biggest fan and pushing you further not trying to hold you back.
  • MobiusMan
    MobiusMan Posts: 385 Member
    Perhaps she's a great reader of people and sees something in you that she realizes is better reached from within vice having her push. Perhaps her lack of acknowledgment is her way to motivate you as an individual. Seems to be working.
  • ZumbaTriad
    ZumbaTriad Posts: 61 Member
    This reminds me of something that happened to me in the past ... and I walked away determined to help others to NEVER feel the same way.

    I eventually became certified to teach fitness classes myself and I now teach 5 very successful classes a week ... full of people that felt uncomfortable in other classes.

    What I'm getting at is hang in there until you get what you want out of it ... then consider finding a way to use your experience to help others that may be struggling.

    And CONGRATULATIONS on your progress! YOU ROCK!
  • nsueflorence
    nsueflorence Posts: 295 Member
    I am living with a similar situation in my life just under different conditions.

    And what I am going to say is maybe she is just a B****.

    Well or what everyone else said.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    Talk to her and if things do not improve then take your money elsewhere. There are probably more than one of those types of things in your town. I live in Livermore,CA and we have dozens of them. I understand breaking people down by running times, that is very common, but the breaking down the rest of group for other stuff seems odd.
  • maaalloryy
    maaalloryy Posts: 65
    You're not in the class for her. She can't hold you back. I would continue to push yourself as far as you can go, even if it's not where she puts you. And if she confronts you about it, tell her how you feel. You're there to get a good workout, and if you don't feel like you're being pushed enough in the lower group, do what's best for you!

    & AWESOME job! You've had amazing success! Keep it up :smile:
  • simplexserenity
    simplexserenity Posts: 116 Member
    I am living with a similar situation in my life just under different conditions.

    And what I am going to say is maybe she is just a B****.

    Well or what everyone else said.

    Haha this made me laugh!

    Thank you again everyone for all the support and amazing advice..we're all lucky to have each other!

    @ZumbaTriad: That's so awesome that you turned something negative into something so positive..I hope your class appreciates you!
    @MoblusMan: You just might be right.
  • Teebowen
    Teebowen Posts: 78 Member
    the sweetest revenge if you want to call it that is your ultimate success and you are well on your way! I hope all the encouragement helps... you are doing an awesome job... and who knows who you may insire in all of this... Keep up the excellent work!
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