Welcome Back

Hi everyone. I am not new here, I have been on and off of this site for about 3 years or so.
Maybe I'm being rude and self centered, but I'm welcoming myself back. And telling my story.

This year has brought a lot of changes. Career changes, and plenty of emotional ones! I was pregnant early in the year (February), then 12 weeks later had a miscarriage. The baby was my reason to eat healthy. All the hormones and emotions that came with it really did take hold. And I did have a lot of support, I had women coming out of the woodwork to talk with me. My husband was very emotional too, but also very comforting, talking about how miscarriage is just your body's way of taking care of an unhealthy pregnancy. I felt emotional more stable with all of this support, but I lost all motivation to eat well.

I have always had a difficult time with my weight. It's hard for me to lose, but it finds me very easily!
I was heavy as a child. I have ALWAYS enjoyed my food. It's not that I don't like healthy food, its that I like ALL THE FOOD! Given the choice, some days I have cucumber salad or fruit for a snack and some days I will have ice cream or chocolate! The big problem that I have is that I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm not hungry. I eat when I am bored, or sad... especially if nobody else is around. I think it fills my need to be around people, which is not a good reason to eat.

So anyhow, I have been successful at losing weight here in the past. In the past I have logged everything to the letter. Even coffee creamer, mustard and other tiny calorie condiments. I have given myself strict workout routines. I have these past 3 years gone from super motivated to lose weight, to "I don't care," and letting myself go. I have learned many things from the previous journeys I have taken. I have learned that there are a lot of ways to lose weight, but the basic principals remain the same. Eat less calories than you burn. Eat healthy. There are lots of "diets". Low carb, Paleo, Mediterranean, even things like weight watchers and Jenny Craig. All of these have their place. If this is what motivates, you, use it. I have tried a few things... and what I've learned is, eat LESS processed food. Eat MORE fruits, veggies and plant based foods. Nearly every diet agrees on that. The other thing I have learned is to move. Get exercise, whatever type you choose is fine as long as you're doing it.

So a couple of friends of mine were talking about how they needed to lose weight. I directed them here, saying that this is a great tool. They have yet to join, but that is okay. I am a person who is motivated by other people. Usually if somebody else says that they want to do something, that will give me motivation to do it also. Others, and external reasons have always been my motivation in the past.

My external motivation has been, oh, my sister lost weight, she looks good. I put on my cute go-to outfit and its tight, and I look in the mirror and say, wow, that looks awful. Or a friend will challenge me to lose weight/ eat healthy for a certain period of time.

This time seems to be different. These 2 friends indirectly motivated me. Their saying they wanted to lose weight made something click. I want to do it too. I am logging my food, but I don't feel like I owe it to anyone to log every single little thing. Oh no, I ate 2 servings of carrots... better log that second serving. This time this is just a tool. I want to use it and lose weight. I have a goal. But it's my goal, if you want to know about it, I'll tell you, but I'm not giving myself a deadline. I'm not beating myself up if I finish and close my diary every single day, or if I'm a few calories over. I am listening to my body, trying to eat more healthy things. (by the way, I know that if I eat more fruit I crave less chocolate). However if I want a chocolate, I can have one damn it! (just not the whole fricken candy bar.) I am doing this slowly, I am exercising, any way I choose. Which again, I haven't been in tip top shape this year, so it will be slow. I'm okay with that.

I guess I am glad this time. Now as I am approaching 30, I have come to accept certain things about myself, and I am enjoying that. I am doing this organically so to speak. From the inside out. I am not really doing it for any external reason. This time I am doing it because I want to do it.