Boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight
bkirkpatrick1
Posts: 5
Hi,
So I'm 21. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. He is super fit, college football player, human health and performance major. I love working out and do it 3-5 time a week and have always watched what i've eaten since 6th grade. Well, I recently gained 10 pounds. I went from 140-150. *i'm 5'3.. I was devastated because that 20 pounds I wanted to lose turned into 30. I dk why I gain weight so quickly and why it is so hard for me to lose weight. We've checked thyroid and are going to go and check insulin resistance and other things...
Long story short, my boyfriend offered to buy me diet pills that his sister in law took, i said no. He got frustrated because i wouldnt take them and said that i had given up on losing weight (untrue). .. He then told me that I need to lose weight. I asked if he wanted me to lose weight for me or for him.. he said both. I told him the day i take diet pills is the day i gave up.. the conversation lasted 3 days..
I literally don't know what else to do though if i am watching what i eat and eating healthy and working out. I was the most hurt i've ever been hurt in my life.
,, if i was sitting at home eating chips all day, i wouldn't be as hurt.. but i am constantly trying to lose weight and nothing works. i dk what to do. i'm discouraged and need some advice.
(Just to add: I told him everything i feel and think and could possibly say.. so that's out of the way)
So I'm 21. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. He is super fit, college football player, human health and performance major. I love working out and do it 3-5 time a week and have always watched what i've eaten since 6th grade. Well, I recently gained 10 pounds. I went from 140-150. *i'm 5'3.. I was devastated because that 20 pounds I wanted to lose turned into 30. I dk why I gain weight so quickly and why it is so hard for me to lose weight. We've checked thyroid and are going to go and check insulin resistance and other things...
Long story short, my boyfriend offered to buy me diet pills that his sister in law took, i said no. He got frustrated because i wouldnt take them and said that i had given up on losing weight (untrue). .. He then told me that I need to lose weight. I asked if he wanted me to lose weight for me or for him.. he said both. I told him the day i take diet pills is the day i gave up.. the conversation lasted 3 days..
I literally don't know what else to do though if i am watching what i eat and eating healthy and working out. I was the most hurt i've ever been hurt in my life.
,, if i was sitting at home eating chips all day, i wouldn't be as hurt.. but i am constantly trying to lose weight and nothing works. i dk what to do. i'm discouraged and need some advice.
(Just to add: I told him everything i feel and think and could possibly say.. so that's out of the way)
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Replies
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wow. Honestely, that is a really douche move on his part.
Weight or not, he should be happy with you for you. We all get old and wrinkly in the end.
Also, a 10 pound gain is nothing! If he is majoring in those subjects, this is something he should know. Hell, 30lbs isnt that much. if you have gained 50 within a short amount of time, then there would be an issue.0 -
You could lose a ton of weight overnight by telling him to shove off.0
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Just do you. You might need to step up to the next level to jump start weight loss, but if you eat well and exercise there's nothing else to be done. Your weight is your choice, not his. It doesn't matter how long you've been together, relationships should be about support.0
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thanks.. in his eyes he was trying to 'help" me... by buying be diet pills.. but that wasn't the case..0
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If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career. Granted I don't know if he meant supplements or what, but diet pills are usually a scam/bad idea.
I digress. It's also difficult for me to lose weight and super easy to put it on! For some people it is just an incredibly slow process. Talk to a doctor and if nothing is wrong, just keep at it.
As for your boyfriend, it's obvious that nobody on here can ever know the context or tone of how he told you to lose weight, but if it hurt your feelings that badly then you should definitely make him aware of that.
Best of luck!!0 -
thank you...
.. 0 -
Honestly, I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you know he's trying to look out for your best interest, but that you'd appreciate more support and him recognizing how hard you're trying already. I would also tell him that he hurt your feelings (without accusing/backing him into a corner). If you've been with him for 6 years, and you plan on staying with him, you must be able to communicate freely/openly. If he doesn't back off, I would take a step back and revaluate my relationship. I don't know about you, but I want someone who loves me for me-no matter what size/shape/weight I am. Feel free to message me if you want more advice, or if you want to talk about it Goodluck!! 0
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Sounds like he needs to either support your weight loss efforts in a positive way, or keep his mouth shut. You gain 10 mere pounds, and he wants you to take diet pills? Sounds like he's the one with the problem. You're beautiful!0
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There is a difference between your partner telling you he is concerned about your health and attempting to coerce you into using a short-term option that will no doubt create long-term complications. What he did was a real DB move, and it sounds like you could lose a solid 160lb by dumping his *kitten* to the curb. Otherwise he really needs to rethink his approach to addressing his concerns. Because that is 100% NOT the way to do it.0
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thanks so much. yea... i didn't hold back and said everything/ told him EVERYTHING i thought and felt.. he still didn't think i should be hurt.0
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thanks EVERYONE!0
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Why is he so upset that you won't take diet pills? If that's true, he seems to care more about looks than about you.
You may be too young to realize your true worth, but nobody has the right to treat you this way.0 -
You said he got angry when you said no to taking the pills. That's not "helping."0
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...and so it goes....0
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If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career. Granted I don't know if he meant supplements or what, but diet pills are usually a scam/bad idea.
I had the same reaction. If that was his suggestion for a "fix," he should be more diligent about hitting the books.0 -
My ex-husband did that to me, constantly critical of my looks and weight. I was fat because I was unhappy and obviously I was making him unhappy too looking the way I did so. I went on a diet, I dumped 180 lbs, plus I lost 40 lbs so there you go. I lost weight = 220 lbs!!! Unfortunately, I had a health problem in my lady area and I had to have surgery, now I am back to being close to as big as I was 14 years ago but I am working on it.
I find that when someone doesn't feel good about themselves, they make sure everyone else feels the same way too. You have to be happy with yourself. I have learned this the hard way.
Hugs!0 -
You are still young. If he doesn't love you for you and only loves you for looks, then tell him shove it and go find you someone else sweetheart. Plenty of fish in the sea, as the saying goes. But, anyways, just do you. The thinner you are/less you have to lose, the longer it takes. Yes I have lost 4 pounds this week, but I have 150+ pounds to lose. Take it one day and pound at a time. Sorry for being blunt, but sometimes we need that. Good luck to you, and your relationship.0
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1. If that is you in your profile pic you're gorgeous..seriously.
2. Agreeing with the db theory on your boyfriend's comment, but you already know this. I also agree that he may want to study a lot harder.
3. If you're eating healthy/ at a deficit and exercising and still aren't losing, perhaps speak to your doctor about getting your thyroid checked.
4. Please don't lose weight for him or anyone else. Do it for yourself and only if you think you need to.0 -
Human health and performance major gets MAD when you won't take diet pills?
Does he, like, go to class and stuff?
Whether or not he actually pays attention in class, the fact that he still thinks you shouldn't be hurt is a sign of someone very, very young or very, very clueless. Someone who thinks he can argue someone else out of their feelings just doesn't get how human beings work. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of whether or how to tell someone they should lose weight ... but he's sitting here in the ruins of the aftermath, still upset that you're upset.
He's not saying "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." He's not saying "Well, that sure escalated quickly. What I was trying to do was ..." He's just going no, nuh-uh, you shouldn't feel that way, and as long as he has that reaction to any other human's emotional upset -- whether or not the emotional upset is justified -- he is going to have a rocky road ahead of him with any girlfriend, work colleague,boss, child, or drinking buddy.
I know this isn't giving you a snappy retort to somehow change his mind and his behavior. I think maybe only years and experience will do that.0 -
A health major and his fix for the issue is diet pills... must be the concussions from football... seems he is more self conscious about what other people may think of his significant other..
If you are gonna lose weight do it for yourself not for anyone else.. You should be happy in your own skin without someone constantly harping on "issues".0 -
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You can lose tons of excess weight, by dumping his a**!0
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If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career.
My exact thought ... x 1,000,000.
Don't worry .. you are 21 and I am pretty certain that you really have little to really worry about. When you are much older and your body just does not burn fat like it used to .. then it could be an issue. But at your age ... just get out and move. That should resolve your issue. If that does not do it .. and you are eating well, then medical testing may be in order.
Your bf .. I am not here to judge, but that was not the right thing on his part even if he was trying to help. But honestly .. I am way older than him and I am still trying to figure out that difference between the sexes thing. I would just let that fly .. but tell him that you do not need his help on this one.0 -
Human health and performance major gets MAD when you won't take diet pills?
Does he, like, go to class and stuff?
Whether or not he actually pays attention in class, the fact that he still thinks you shouldn't be hurt is a sign of someone very, very young or very, very clueless. Someone who thinks he can argue someone else out of their feelings just doesn't get how human beings work. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of whether or how to tell someone they should lose weight ... but he's sitting here in the ruins of the aftermath, still upset that you're upset.
He's not saying "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." He's not saying "Well, that sure escalated quickly. What I was trying to do was ..." He's just going no, nuh-uh, you shouldn't feel that way, and as long as he has that reaction to any other human's emotional upset -- whether or not the emotional upset is justified -- he is going to have a rocky road ahead of him with any girlfriend, work colleague,boss, child, or drinking buddy.
I know this isn't giving you a snappy retort to somehow change his mind and his behavior. I think maybe only years and experience will do that.
I 1,000,000% agree with this.0 -
I'm going in another direction here... Have you ever had help running your numbers? How accurate and consistent are you with your food logging? do you weigh and measure everything carefully?
I would love to help you make sure you're eating the right amount of calories. It literally might be something small you're overlooking that's causing you to be unsuccessful with your weight loss. Why don't you open your diary and let some of us have a crack at it.
Oh and about the BF,
Edited because Siri sucks0 -
I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.
The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.
Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.0 -
I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.
The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.
Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.
Misquote. She's not sitting around eating chips all day. She said "if" she were sitting around eating chips all day... implying that she's not.
p.s. The boyfriend sounds like a shallow jerk. Maybe he's not, but he sure sounds like one here.0 -
Have him lose 150 lbs (you). You are beautiful. Don't let a man tell you what you need to do. Your happiness is first.0
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That means this should soon read "Ex-boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight".0
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I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.
The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.
Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.
If he wasn't an a-hole, he wouldn't be focusing on her weight, and he wouldn't be buying her diet pills (which not only are a waste of money, but are also incredibly unhealthy 95% of the time). He would encouraging her to love and respect herself, which he isn't doing by trying to convince her that she ~needs~ to lose weight. He would offering to help her make positive choices in her life, but loving her regardless because a healthy relationship isn't based upon somebody's weight, and it's more so upon their character/etc.
PS. Being naturally skinny isn't really a concept: people whom are skinny eat less than they burn, on a pretty frequent basis. Some people (due to factors like their upbringing) find this easier than others, but if anything evidence doesn't support the theory that people are naturally skinny simply because.0
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