Boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight

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bkirkpatrick1
bkirkpatrick1 Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
Hi,
So I'm 21. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. He is super fit, college football player, human health and performance major. I love working out and do it 3-5 time a week and have always watched what i've eaten since 6th grade. Well, I recently gained 10 pounds. I went from 140-150. *i'm 5'3.. I was devastated because that 20 pounds I wanted to lose turned into 30. I dk why I gain weight so quickly and why it is so hard for me to lose weight. We've checked thyroid and are going to go and check insulin resistance and other things...
Long story short, my boyfriend offered to buy me diet pills that his sister in law took, i said no. He got frustrated because i wouldnt take them and said that i had given up on losing weight (untrue). .. He then told me that I need to lose weight. I asked if he wanted me to lose weight for me or for him.. he said both. I told him the day i take diet pills is the day i gave up.. the conversation lasted 3 days..
I literally don't know what else to do though if i am watching what i eat and eating healthy and working out. I was the most hurt i've ever been hurt in my life.
,, if i was sitting at home eating chips all day, i wouldn't be as hurt.. but i am constantly trying to lose weight and nothing works. i dk what to do. i'm discouraged and need some advice.
(Just to add: I told him everything i feel and think and could possibly say.. so that's out of the way)
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Replies

  • Atrocity108
    Atrocity108 Posts: 328 Member
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    wow. Honestely, that is a really douche move on his part.

    Weight or not, he should be happy with you for you. We all get old and wrinkly in the end.

    Also, a 10 pound gain is nothing! If he is majoring in those subjects, this is something he should know. Hell, 30lbs isnt that much. if you have gained 50 within a short amount of time, then there would be an issue.
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
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    You could lose a ton of weight overnight by telling him to shove off.
  • scothron
    scothron Posts: 1
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    Just do you. You might need to step up to the next level to jump start weight loss, but if you eat well and exercise there's nothing else to be done. Your weight is your choice, not his. It doesn't matter how long you've been together, relationships should be about support.
  • bkirkpatrick1
    bkirkpatrick1 Posts: 5
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    thanks.. in his eyes he was trying to 'help" me... by buying be diet pills.. but that wasn't the case..
  • angiez93
    angiez93 Posts: 63
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    If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career. Granted I don't know if he meant supplements or what, but diet pills are usually a scam/bad idea.
    I digress. It's also difficult for me to lose weight and super easy to put it on! For some people it is just an incredibly slow process. Talk to a doctor and if nothing is wrong, just keep at it.
    As for your boyfriend, it's obvious that nobody on here can ever know the context or tone of how he told you to lose weight, but if it hurt your feelings that badly then you should definitely make him aware of that.

    Best of luck!!
  • bkirkpatrick1
    bkirkpatrick1 Posts: 5
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    thank you... :)..
  • Princess71117
    Princess71117 Posts: 91 Member
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    Honestly, I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you know he's trying to look out for your best interest, but that you'd appreciate more support and him recognizing how hard you're trying already. I would also tell him that he hurt your feelings (without accusing/backing him into a corner). If you've been with him for 6 years, and you plan on staying with him, you must be able to communicate freely/openly. If he doesn't back off, I would take a step back and revaluate my relationship. I don't know about you, but I want someone who loves me for me-no matter what size/shape/weight I am. Feel free to message me if you want more advice, or if you want to talk about it :) Goodluck!!
  • Shauna2626
    Shauna2626 Posts: 196 Member
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    Sounds like he needs to either support your weight loss efforts in a positive way, or keep his mouth shut. You gain 10 mere pounds, and he wants you to take diet pills? Sounds like he's the one with the problem. You're beautiful!
  • runningagainstmyself
    runningagainstmyself Posts: 616 Member
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    There is a difference between your partner telling you he is concerned about your health and attempting to coerce you into using a short-term option that will no doubt create long-term complications. What he did was a real DB move, and it sounds like you could lose a solid 160lb by dumping his *kitten* to the curb. Otherwise he really needs to rethink his approach to addressing his concerns. Because that is 100% NOT the way to do it.
  • bkirkpatrick1
    bkirkpatrick1 Posts: 5
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    thanks so much. yea... i didn't hold back and said everything/ told him EVERYTHING i thought and felt.. he still didn't think i should be hurt.
  • bkirkpatrick1
    bkirkpatrick1 Posts: 5
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    thanks EVERYONE!
  • shireeniebeanie
    shireeniebeanie Posts: 293 Member
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    Why is he so upset that you won't take diet pills? If that's true, he seems to care more about looks than about you.

    You may be too young to realize your true worth, but nobody has the right to treat you this way.
  • HellaCarriefornia
    HellaCarriefornia Posts: 102 Member
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    You said he got angry when you said no to taking the pills. That's not "helping."
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    ...and so it goes....
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
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    If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career. Granted I don't know if he meant supplements or what, but diet pills are usually a scam/bad idea.

    I had the same reaction. If that was his suggestion for a "fix," he should be more diligent about hitting the books.
  • patriciapowerswilliamson
    patriciapowerswilliamson Posts: 109
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    My ex-husband did that to me, constantly critical of my looks and weight. I was fat because I was unhappy and obviously I was making him unhappy too looking the way I did so. I went on a diet, I dumped 180 lbs, plus I lost 40 lbs so there you go. I lost weight = 220 lbs!!! Unfortunately, I had a health problem in my lady area and I had to have surgery, now I am back to being close to as big as I was 14 years ago but I am working on it.

    I find that when someone doesn't feel good about themselves, they make sure everyone else feels the same way too. You have to be happy with yourself. I have learned this the hard way.

    Hugs!
  • daniel9797
    daniel9797 Posts: 32 Member
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    You are still young. If he doesn't love you for you and only loves you for looks, then tell him shove it and go find you someone else sweetheart. Plenty of fish in the sea, as the saying goes. But, anyways, just do you. The thinner you are/less you have to lose, the longer it takes. Yes I have lost 4 pounds this week, but I have 150+ pounds to lose. Take it one day and pound at a time. Sorry for being blunt, but sometimes we need that. Good luck to you, and your relationship.
  • auntsammy88
    auntsammy88 Posts: 401 Member
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    1. If that is you in your profile pic you're gorgeous..seriously.
    2. Agreeing with the db theory on your boyfriend's comment, but you already know this. I also agree that he may want to study a lot harder.
    3. If you're eating healthy/ at a deficit and exercising and still aren't losing, perhaps speak to your doctor about getting your thyroid checked.
    4. Please don't lose weight for him or anyone else. Do it for yourself and only if you think you need to.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    Human health and performance major gets MAD when you won't take diet pills?

    Does he, like, go to class and stuff?

    Whether or not he actually pays attention in class, the fact that he still thinks you shouldn't be hurt is a sign of someone very, very young or very, very clueless. Someone who thinks he can argue someone else out of their feelings just doesn't get how human beings work. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of whether or how to tell someone they should lose weight ... but he's sitting here in the ruins of the aftermath, still upset that you're upset.

    He's not saying "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." He's not saying "Well, that sure escalated quickly. What I was trying to do was ..." He's just going no, nuh-uh, you shouldn't feel that way, and as long as he has that reaction to any other human's emotional upset -- whether or not the emotional upset is justified -- he is going to have a rocky road ahead of him with any girlfriend, work colleague,boss, child, or drinking buddy.

    I know this isn't giving you a snappy retort to somehow change his mind and his behavior. I think maybe only years and experience will do that.
  • la_te_ra_lus
    la_te_ra_lus Posts: 243 Member
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    A health major and his fix for the issue is diet pills... must be the concussions from football... seems he is more self conscious about what other people may think of his significant other..

    If you are gonna lose weight do it for yourself not for anyone else.. You should be happy in your own skin without someone constantly harping on "issues".

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