Boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight

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  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    You can lose tons of excess weight, by dumping his a**!
  • Kevalicious99
    Kevalicious99 Posts: 1,131 Member
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    If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career.

    My exact thought ... x 1,000,000.

    Don't worry .. you are 21 and I am pretty certain that you really have little to really worry about. When you are much older and your body just does not burn fat like it used to .. then it could be an issue. But at your age ... just get out and move. That should resolve your issue. If that does not do it .. and you are eating well, then medical testing may be in order.

    Your bf .. I am not here to judge, but that was not the right thing on his part even if he was trying to help. But honestly .. I am way older than him and I am still trying to figure out that difference between the sexes thing. I would just let that fly .. but tell him that you do not need his help on this one.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    Human health and performance major gets MAD when you won't take diet pills?

    Does he, like, go to class and stuff?

    Whether or not he actually pays attention in class, the fact that he still thinks you shouldn't be hurt is a sign of someone very, very young or very, very clueless. Someone who thinks he can argue someone else out of their feelings just doesn't get how human beings work. I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole of whether or how to tell someone they should lose weight ... but he's sitting here in the ruins of the aftermath, still upset that you're upset.

    He's not saying "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." He's not saying "Well, that sure escalated quickly. What I was trying to do was ..." He's just going no, nuh-uh, you shouldn't feel that way, and as long as he has that reaction to any other human's emotional upset -- whether or not the emotional upset is justified -- he is going to have a rocky road ahead of him with any girlfriend, work colleague,boss, child, or drinking buddy.

    I know this isn't giving you a snappy retort to somehow change his mind and his behavior. I think maybe only years and experience will do that.

    I 1,000,000% agree with this.
  • Barbellarella_
    Barbellarella_ Posts: 454 Member
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    I'm going in another direction here... Have you ever had help running your numbers? How accurate and consistent are you with your food logging? do you weigh and measure everything carefully?

    I would love to help you make sure you're eating the right amount of calories. It literally might be something small you're overlooking that's causing you to be unsuccessful with your weight loss. Why don't you open your diary and let some of us have a crack at it.


    Oh and about the BF, :angry:

    Edited because Siri sucks
  • torichantel2005
    torichantel2005 Posts: 42 Member
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    I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.

    The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.

    Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.
  • homesweeths
    homesweeths Posts: 792 Member
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    I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.

    The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.

    Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.

    Misquote. She's not sitting around eating chips all day. She said "if" she were sitting around eating chips all day... implying that she's not.

    p.s. The boyfriend sounds like a shallow jerk. Maybe he's not, but he sure sounds like one here.
  • marchellaz
    marchellaz Posts: 70 Member
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    Have him lose 150 lbs (you). You are beautiful. Don't let a man tell you what you need to do. Your happiness is first.
  • Biggirllittledreams
    Biggirllittledreams Posts: 306 Member
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    That means this should soon read "Ex-boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight".
  • Biggirllittledreams
    Biggirllittledreams Posts: 306 Member
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    I'm torn on this topic. Part of me says he's an *kitten*, but part of me wonders if he's not TRYING to be a good guy, but just going about it in a poor way.

    The other problem is (and I see no one else has broached this subject)... if you are upset by him doing this and you admit to sitting around eating chips all day... I wonder what your eating habits are the rest of the days? I really am not trying to be mean or critical, but I know how hard it is for me to stick to my 1500 or fewer calories everyday, how frustrated I get, how irritated I get that so many people are just naturally skinny and are out eating whatever they want with no problem, while I'm watching every measly calorie... Anyway, my point is, I have never, not once, since February, sat and gorged myself on chips. I would LOVE to, but I haven't. So I'm sitting here wondering how often you do that, even if you may not realize you're doing it.

    Again, not trying to be crappy or mean, just trying to be realistic, maybe point out something you hadn't thought of or are having a hard time admitting to. I know sometimes I need people to call me on what I'm doing, too.

    If he wasn't an a-hole, he wouldn't be focusing on her weight, and he wouldn't be buying her diet pills (which not only are a waste of money, but are also incredibly unhealthy 95% of the time). He would encouraging her to love and respect herself, which he isn't doing by trying to convince her that she ~needs~ to lose weight. He would offering to help her make positive choices in her life, but loving her regardless because a healthy relationship isn't based upon somebody's weight, and it's more so upon their character/etc.

    PS. Being naturally skinny isn't really a concept: people whom are skinny eat less than they burn, on a pretty frequent basis. Some people (due to factors like their upbringing) find this easier than others, but if anything evidence doesn't support the theory that people are naturally skinny simply because.
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
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    I told my husband once he needed to lose weight so idk. He still hasn't and Im ok with that even though I workout my butt off and look darn good for him. But he feels bad about it and I feel bad but idk. I feel are you strength training or pushing yourself enough with cardio? Your not sneaking ice-cream when know one watches like I do? Try gong to a cross fit gym or any gym and ask a female for advice. Otherwise idk what to say. It seems serious. I have been nearly 200 and lost it all with no help from my fitness pal, no gym, no trainer. Just simple truths put into play-eat right-sweat bullets-and repeat as much as I could. I also had determination and will power. There was no room for pizza at that time. Now I have it because Im on my feet more and more I can get away with richer foods….
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    If your boyfriend is a human health and performance major... and he suggests you take diet pills, then he may want to rethink his career. Granted I don't know if he meant supplements or what, but diet pills are usually a scam/bad idea.
    I digress. It's also difficult for me to lose weight and super easy to put it on! For some people it is just an incredibly slow process. Talk to a doctor and if nothing is wrong, just keep at it.
    As for your boyfriend, it's obvious that nobody on here can ever know the context or tone of how he told you to lose weight, but if it hurt your feelings that badly then you should definitely make him aware of that.

    Best of luck!!
  • jstavix
    jstavix Posts: 407 Member
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    You are absolutely beautiful and I am sorry your boyfriend is making you think less of yourself at the moment. Diet pills are not the answer, they never are. It seems everyone has an opinion on what you should do. The only advice I will offer you is listen to your inner voice, we all have one. I hate when athletic people feel it's perfectly okay to put someone else down for their weight issues. The only time we should be looking down upon anyone else is when we are helping them up. I am curious, when you told him how you feel, what was his response? Did he apologize? I had a classmate named Bill in high school. He played basketball, football, ran track and he was so thin and thought so highly of himself and then we graduated and I didn't see him for 10 years. The next time I saw him he was 250 pounds. Once he wasn't an athlete anymore karma paid that boy a visit.

    This thread made me sad :*(
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
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    I thought I was doing well with watching what I eat but still I didn't lose... then I got an ultimatum from my doctor and it is now quite literally 'do or die'. That day (three weeks ago) I found this site and, by logging my food and doing 30 minutes on a stationary bike a day, I am losing 2 lbs/wk. If I, a 58 year-old woman with end-stage lung disease who lives tethered to an oxygen machine, can lose weight, I bet you can too if YOU want to. Not your boyfriend, not your mama, not your dog. You gotta want it.

    Best of luck and good health!
  • uggins311
    uggins311 Posts: 2,204 Member
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    He is an Idiot.... You're absolutely stunning. Just keep at it and you'll get there, even if it isn't his accepted pace. I can fluctuate 10 punds in a damn day, depending on what i have eaten and how lazy i got that day. Once again, HE IS A COMPLETE IDIOT.
  • uggins311
    uggins311 Posts: 2,204 Member
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    That means this should soon read "Ex-boyfriend of over 6 years said I need to lose weight".

    Exactly.
  • vcdfw
    vcdfw Posts: 49
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    That sucks! I know how it is when you try really hard and see little to no results, want a little empathy and instead get a hurtful or flippant response.

    Reading your post I think that was a really poor choice of words and actions on his part. That being said you've been with him for 6 years so he must have some redeeming qualities. Part of me wonders if he was trying to be Mr Fixit and instead of asking you how he could help in this situation he just went with a solution he's seen work for someone else, even though he should know, given his career field, it was a really bad option.

    I think I also read a response that indicated some help in the form of reading your food entries and maybe helping with making some suggestion there, if you're open to that it might help.

    Personally I think that if you been tracking your food, calorie/carb/protein/fat levels AND being more active than you were before and it hasn't worked that you should take those previous entries and cut out 250-500 calories a day for a week or do an additional exercise for 250-500 calories more a day for the entire week and see if you drop a pound or close to it. If that doesn't work I'd take all those journals and exercise logs to a dietician and see if they could help you further.

    Whatever you decide to do, you're a very pretty, well spoken young lady and you shouldn't give ANYONE permission to make you feel otherwise about yourself. Those that would intentionally aren't worthy of having their opinion matter and those that do so unintentionally wouldn't want you to :). Hope you have a much better evening.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    To start with I have to say that 1) That was absolutely ****ish of him and 2) He is gaslighting you. Tell him to back the hell up.

    Since your diary is closed it's difficult to make suggestions for help. What does your deficit look like? How about your nutrient intake? What kind of exercises are you doing?

    I think it's great that you refused his quick-fix bullsh it. I agree with what has been said and am wondering if he goes to and/or actually pays attention in his classes. Stick to your goals, keep a deficit and continue your workouts. Keep in mind that your health is more important than the way some as s wants you to look, even if you have been with him for 6 years. You're worth more than his childish opinions.

    If he can't get his shi t together and see the sexy woman we all see in your picture, he does not deserve you.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I can't say much without seeing his side... maybe he's really trying to help, but doesn't know how to say it. Either way, you're not losing weight because you're eating too much... it doesn't matter what you eat, if you eat too much, you will not lose weight.

    So, start tracking your food, weigh it to have an idea of what a serving size is... guaranteed you're underestimating what you eat.

    About the BF, as I said, hard to tell, if it's a deal breaker to him whether you lose weight or not though... kick him out. He's not worth it. And I agree with the others, suggesting diet pills considering his major is totally messed up.
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
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    What concerns me the most is that he wants you to take diet pills - those things can kill you. Look, if you were obese, and he was concerned about your health, and he tried to actually help you by trying new recipes, cooking together, and working out with you, that would be one thing (this is what my husband and I are doing - because we love each other). But diet pills? And getting frustrated at you because you won't take them? Whaaaatttt???

    Red flag, red flag, red flag!

    You're 21. You've been with the same guy since you were 15. Take it from someone who has been where you are - you will grow leaps and bounds in the next 10 years - you will not be the same person you are right now. And if you listen to this guy, and you do this for him (or any other thing that you don't agree with that he insists is "best" or that he wants), in 10 years, your 31 year old self will wish she could build a time machine, so she can go back in time and smack some sense into you.

    If you want to lose weight to feel better, to get fit, and to look better - for yourself - the I would suggest going to a nutritionist and maybe employing the help of a personal trainer.

    Personally, I want my husband to be healthy - but not because of his appearance, and I would never, in a million years, promote or encourage him to take diet pills, or even "supplements" to lose weight and get fit. I want my husband to be healthy because I love him, and I want him to live a long time with me. If your boyfriend has not expressed this idea but has only focused on your physical appearance, then you might want to reevaluate the partner you've chosen.

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