Coping skills
Jess__I__Can
Posts: 307 Member
I quit smoking about 2.5 years ago, right around the time my husband and I started dating. I became pregnant a little over 2 years ago, and I am now 40 pounds heavier than I was when my I met my husband.
Anyway, I know I used to use smoking as a coping mechanism. I am honestly not sure if I turned to food at that point, although I can tell you that lately, when I get super stressed out, I just want to eat, eat, eat (so far, I've been able to control it).
This morning everything came to a head, I broke down, and all I wanted was a damn cigarette. I didn't do it. After I convinced myself that was a bad idea, all I wanted to do was eat. So far, I haven't done that yet either. But I am sitting here, feeling... I don't know how to describe how I am feeling other than I want to feel better and different.
A psychologist told me about 10 years ago (I am 30) that I never developed coping skills. I guess I never learned them since then.
What do you do?
Anyway, I know I used to use smoking as a coping mechanism. I am honestly not sure if I turned to food at that point, although I can tell you that lately, when I get super stressed out, I just want to eat, eat, eat (so far, I've been able to control it).
This morning everything came to a head, I broke down, and all I wanted was a damn cigarette. I didn't do it. After I convinced myself that was a bad idea, all I wanted to do was eat. So far, I haven't done that yet either. But I am sitting here, feeling... I don't know how to describe how I am feeling other than I want to feel better and different.
A psychologist told me about 10 years ago (I am 30) that I never developed coping skills. I guess I never learned them since then.
What do you do?
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Replies
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Pick up really heavy things. Push myself until my brain is screaming. When this is happening, it only wants me to put the weights down. It will submit to no food (and 2.5 years ago - no cigarette)
I'm pretty sure you have some coping skills if you could quit smoking and not use food as an emotional crutch. I find talking to myself about my goals and why I want to be healthy will get me through these times - almost like chanting. Delaying for just a few minutes works, too. After a while it will get easier. It's about retraining your brain to go in another direction.
Self control is very hard. If is was easy - there would be a bunch of really perfect people walking around. :flowerforyou:0 -
I think I stress eat too... its an easy escape to go to a restaurant and totally blow it. I've been telling myself that next time it's just for coffee.0
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when I get to that point... I remodel a room in my house. nothing more therapeutic than demolition and painting. so far I have a new bathroom, new kitchen, new livingroom and dining room...my front foyer has been done and now working on the back hallway. LOL. win/win situation if you ask me.0
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When I quit smoking, I did a lot of cardio at first and didn't gain or lose. Then, over the years I gained about 30 pounds (and I was already about 20 too high). For three years, I've been a consistent exercise schedule - cardio, calisthenics and recently heavy lifting. I now cope by hitting the gym or jogging a couple of miles or just doing some quick calisthenics in my basement gym. Works wonders. By the way, I noticed your ticker shows you lost 9 pounds. You must have something figured out. :flowerforyou:0
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I know when I get stressed, I have to get my mind on other things. I clean and clean until I feel better. That way I have accomplished something that needed done and I feel better that I made progress in something that day. I also walk now. So far, walking has come to help a lot. It gets me out and active. I also find that keeping a personal journal. If you write those feelings down, you are getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. You are concentrating on writing. Sometimes I go through 2-3 sheets of paper to get it to make sure I am getting my thoughts out the way I want them. I then read what I wrote and sometimes it sounds even nuts to me which helps me change the attitude I am having a little quicker. It also helps me with problem solving and I ask myself it what I wrote on paper had been written by somebody else, what advice would I be giving them right now. That really makes you think.0
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This is what works for me:
Find things that you enjoy doing that will distract you from thinking about food. The idea is to refocus so your brain is not making food
seem more desirable than it is in reality. Ever notice that the more you think about (insert your favorite food) the more desirable it becomes? I believe it's just a head game.
Some things I do to refocus:
Play with the dog
Go for a walk
Read a book
Go swimming
Meditate
Call a friend
Spend time with family/friends
Clean
Wash the car
Take the dog for a drive and let her bark at everything in Petco/Petsmart (yeah I'm one of those)0 -
I quit smoking 10 years ago. It was difficult but I replaced smoking with walks outside and on my treadmill.
That was one of my coping skills and another was deep breathing. This was extremely helpful as it resembled smoking but at the same time-it is very relaxing.
Find a quiet place and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and say to yourself-"relaxing my toes, relaxing the balls of my feet, relaxing my heels, relaxing my ankles....etc." just deep breathe and relax every part of your body-toes to head!
By the time you're done, you'll feel much better. It's like a mini nap or meditation.
If I wake up at night and can't get back to sleep-this puts me out like a light.
Other coping strategies:
Drink couple of glasses of cold water.
A cup of your favorite tea.
Reduce your caffeine intake.
Eat some pumpkin or sunflower seeds with shells- removing the shells helps with having something to do and oral satisfaction.
Chew sugar free gum.
Write your feelings in a journal.
Take your child for a walk or do an arts and crafts project together.
I hope this helps a bit.0 -
When I can run, I run. When I can't do that, walk. When I can't do that, I nap. When I can't do that, I break things and scream at people. Sometimes when I want to change how I feel and I can't, I just cry about it for 10 minutes or so. That doesn't help anything, but at least I allowed myself a brief pity party.
Don't know if any of that was helpful, but there it is. Stay strong. You can do this. :flowerforyou:0 -
Self control is very hard. If is was easy - there would be a bunch of really perfect people walking around. :flowerforyou:
This was actually very helpful. It never really occurred to me that everyone (not just everyone trying to actively improve their life) has the same struggle.0 -
Thank you to everyone who replied. It's been about 2.5 hours since I felt "bad," and I don't know what I did but I didn't eat or smoke and the time passed just fine. I tend to overreact A LOT. I know I do it but that doesn't change the fact that I do. I am really hard on myself when I mess up (not necessarily just with weight loss). Thanks again. I will refer back to this thread next time I am feeling helpless. :blushing:0
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When I am angry which I usually am if I'm upset, either with myself, someone else, the universe or all three, I clean. I dunno why but it's a great distraction, allows me to wallow in a kind of masochistic self pity (I don't like cleaning) and then when I'm done I feel accomplished and thus less upset.0
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Meditation oasis has a good and free series on meditation. There are also a few apps out there.
1. Go for a walk or run
2. Go for a drive. Nothing more therapeutic than driving around with loud music on
3. Journal. I used to do this, but got too paranoid that someone would read it. Oh wait, it was read several times.
4. Take a bath.
5. Do a meditation/relaxation exercise. It sounds a little hokey, but try to find a few 5-10 minute exercises to start you off. There is an app I really like called 'Relax and Rest'. Besides that sometimes I just put on spa music and do the relax each part of your body thing.0 -
I quit smoking about 2.5 years ago, right around the time my husband and I started dating. I became pregnant a little over 2 years ago, and I am now 40 pounds heavier than I was when my I met my husband.
Anyway, I know I used to use smoking as a coping mechanism. I am honestly not sure if I turned to food at that point, although I can tell you that lately, when I get super stressed out, I just want to eat, eat, eat (so far, I've been able to control it).
This morning everything came to a head, I broke down, and all I wanted was a damn cigarette. I didn't do it. After I convinced myself that was a bad idea, all I wanted to do was eat. So far, I haven't done that yet either. But I am sitting here, feeling... I don't know how to describe how I am feeling other than I want to feel better and different.
A psychologist told me about 10 years ago (I am 30) that I never developed coping skills. I guess I never learned them since then.
What do you do?
Talking when stress out is my best coping skill.0 -
When I am angry which I usually am if I'm upset, either with myself, someone else, the universe or all three, I clean. I dunno why but it's a great distraction, allows me to wallow in a kind of masochistic self pity (I don't like cleaning) and then when I'm done I feel accomplished and thus less upset.
LOL I might try this next time because I also hate cleaning.0 -
Meditation oasis has a good and free series on meditation. There are also a few apps out there.
1. Go for a walk or run
2. Go for a drive. Nothing more therapeutic than driving around with loud music on
3. Journal. I used to do this, but got too paranoid that someone would read it. Oh wait, it was read several times.
4. Take a bath.
5. Do a meditation/relaxation exercise. It sounds a little hokey, but try to find a few 5-10 minute exercises to start you off. There is an app I really like called 'Relax and Rest'. Besides that sometimes I just put on spa music and do the relax each part of your body thing.
A lot of my stress happens at work, so 1, 2, and 4 are kind of out for those times. I am looking into 5 right now.
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if smoking & eating when stressed means you never learned coping skills then i'd say 85% of Americans don't have any either.0
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Coming on here and posting about it is a good distraction You should pat yourself on the back for getting through that moment of cravings.
Lots of people posted lists of things that they do when they are stressed out. What they have done is replaced unhealthy habits with healthy ones. You can do it too! It takes time. It is a very slow process of teaching yourself to make a different decision than the one that is familiar and comfortable. Sometimes you stumble. You forgive yourself and start again. Eventually, doing the healthier thing becomes the habit.
It might help if you keep small emergency bag of distractions nearby. A picture of your kids, a stress ball to squeeze, a box of really strong mints or gum, some lotion that smells amazing. Try to pick items that make you feel good. Take the bag with you everywhere. When things feel out of control, go to the bag before eating or smoking.1 -
I never smoked, but I did bite my nails for about 20 years. You need to find a new habit, a healthy addiction. Hit the weights, get fitted for running shoes, get a bike, whatever. Find something that speaks to you, focus on doing it to the best of your ability, and make your life better.0
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Coming on here and posting about it is a good distraction You should pat yourself on the back for getting through that moment of cravings.
True story, I do use this site as a distraction!It might help if you keep small emergency bag of distractions nearby. A picture of your kids, a stress ball to squeeze, a box of really strong mints or gum, some lotion that smells amazing. Try to pick items that make you feel good. Take the bag with you everywhere. When things feel out of control, go to the bag before eating or smoking.
This is an amazing idea, I may just do this when I get home. Thanks!0 -
When you put it that way, I see how stupid that seems. For some reason, that has stuck in my head for a decade and I think now maybe I use it as an excuse. "I'm stressed out and I overreact because I don't have coping skills per a doctor."And you're thinking about what some dime-a-dozen "psychologist" told you when you were 20? Huh?
Um, how about nope? This has really been an eye opener for me.You're a mother, a wife, a non smoker and have joined this site for all the right reasons and you're succeeding.
Just wait out the way you're feeling now and it will pass, guaranteed.
This made me cry. What a weenie, lol. Thank you.0 -
I put on my kickboxing gear and go punch/kick the crap out of a punching bag.0
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Meditation oasis has a good and free series on meditation. There are also a few apps out there.
1. Go for a walk or run
2. Go for a drive. Nothing more therapeutic than driving around with loud music on
3. Journal. I used to do this, but got too paranoid that someone would read it. Oh wait, it was read several times.
4. Take a bath.
5. Do a meditation/relaxation exercise. It sounds a little hokey, but try to find a few 5-10 minute exercises to start you off. There is an app I really like called 'Relax and Rest'. Besides that sometimes I just put on spa music and do the relax each part of your body thing.
I use the Meditation Oasis apps. They are wonderful!0 -
DO NOT start smoking again! I quit a long time ago ad I can speak from experience, starting again is a waste of money and health. Find someone to go walking with or join a gym. Trainers can walk you through this bad situation and all your friends on MFP can also give you lots of support. We are there for you.0
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I have never smoked so I don't know what it feels like first hand but I know that the addiction can be hard to break, so I just wanna say how amazing you are for fighting the urge! You should be really, really proud of yourself!0
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Yes you do have coping skills. You are here aren't you? :flowerforyou:
Besides, I think I used every coping skill I had when my kids were young!
You will be ok. There are some really great suggestions here.0
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